


The Far Shore

by Isra



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: High School, M/M, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-09
Updated: 2014-04-08
Packaged: 2018-01-18 17:00:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 88,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1436005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isra/pseuds/Isra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The events in Chapter 1 are inspired by the story told in Good Morning Chia Lincoln #24: We Almost Died. It is set in February of senior year in high school.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The events in Chapter 1 are inspired by the story told in Good Morning Chia Lincoln #24: We Almost Died. It is set in February of senior year in high school.

The steering wheel shuddered in Link’s hands as the pickup truck jostled its way down the narrow dirt road, nearly bouncing his head into the roof. Rhett was beside him in the passenger seat talking about the upcoming basketball game, apparently oblivious to the rough ride. That night was the first playoff game and he was expressing his usual bravado about them certainly winning the state championships this year. Link was only half listening, eyes on the road, hands tight on the wheel. He had only had his license for a year or so and the old truck wasn’t exactly the easiest to control. 

The truck’s windows were down and an unseasonably warm breeze whipped through the cab and tugged at their t-shirts. It was the first warm day since winter had set in months ago. Yesterday it had been 45 degrees; today it was 70. When the two boys had met up in the school parking lot after the closing bell that day, Link could see in Rhett’s face the same thought he had: the river. While they went to the Cape Fear River practically every day in the spring and summer, it had been months since they had been able visit it and Link was missing it something fierce. He could tell Rhett felt the same way. With barely a word required, they had gotten into the pickup and headed toward the riverbank road they were now driving along.

“Where do you think we should go?” Link asked. The river was long and winding, with many branches and outcroppings along its banks. Some parts of it were very familiar after many years of swimming and exploring, but it was so vast that there seemed an infinite supply of unexplored territory. 

Rhett turned to him with an adventurous gleam in his eye. “Let’s do a part we haven’t done before.” 

Link felt some anxiety, knowing the area might be in bad shape after the winter they’d had, but he quashed the emotion. Rhett was always teasing him about being nervous and he didn’t want to hear it right now. “All right,” Link said gamely, teeth bared in a grin. 

The pickup jounced past their usual parking areas, the road getting narrower and more overgrown as they went. Finally, it looked like they couldn’t go any farther by truck, so they parked and started walking through the brush toward the riverbank. 

They were both in cargo shorts, T-shirts, and tennis shoes without socks. Link’s shoes immediately started sinking into the loose mud, each step pulling free with a sucking sound. The water that came over the tops of the shoes was an icy contrast to the warm air. Rhett was in front of him, taking long strides through the vegetation and gracefully avoiding the puddles that Link kept splashing into. 

The exertion of climbing through the brush combined with the excitement of exploration got Link’s blood flowing. By the time they reached the riverbank, he felt slightly overwarm and possibly sweaty. Rhett looked in fine shape as always, turning back over his shoulder to watch Link’s floundering approach with a grin. 

“This looks like a good spot, eh?” Rhett gestured across the river to what looked like the edge of an island. “Crossing should be pretty easy, and then we can check out that over there.” 

Link stepped up next to him and looked down at the water. It was murky and impossible to tell how deep it was or how fast it was moving. However, there were no visible rapids, which he took to be a good sign. The other bank was maybe 25 feet away. If it was like the other parts of the river it resembled, they could probably just walk across without getting water past their thighs. Link shrugged. “Looks good to me.” 

As in previous times, they took off their shirts and hung them on branches near the bank, disinclined to get them dirty with river water. Shorts, underwear, and shoes stayed on. When Link turned back from hanging up his shirt, he saw Rhett looking at him and felt suddenly self-conscious. Despite many years together, with sleepovers and camping trips too numerous to count, something about the ongoing processes of puberty made the idea of nudity in front of each other suddenly more awkward. Link’s eyes fell unbidden to the curls of blond hair on Rhett’s chest as they caught the sunlight, new since the last time he had seen his friend’s body. Link turned away before Rhett could see him blush, pinkness blooming on his own still-hairless collarbones. 

It was the desire to escape the burgeoning discomfort that made Link move to the bank and then step off it without a moment’s hesitation. He had long since learned that the more he anticipated plunging into the river, the worse it got... like most experiences in life, really. This time, as his foot sank down and down without encountering the expected riverbed, he barely had time to regret his rashness before the inky water closed over his head with a splash.

The shock of the cold was unlike anything he had felt before and it drove all conscious thought from his head. Purely on reflex, his feet kicked him back up to the surface as the frigid cold seized his lungs in a vise, locking up his diaphragm and making it nearly impossible to take a breath. A tiny part of his brain was conscious of the fact that Rhett had entered the river just behind him, before Link could choke out his fervent opinion that it was a terrible idea and they were both surely going to die. 

The thought of turning around and climbing back up the bank he had just stepped off seemed more difficult than swimming forward. Link could make out the island ahead of him and focused his body’s panicked flailing in its direction. As the blood drained from his extremities, everything seemed to slow down, including his own thoughts. He moved his arms in an agonized doggy-paddle, keeping them close to his body in an instinctual attempt to protect the tiny amount of heat left in his core. 

It felt as though he were trying to move through concrete that was slowly setting around him. After what seemed like an eternity of weak kicking and sluggish arm strokes, hyperventilating through clenched teeth and emitting a string of involuntary whimpering, Link felt the far shore under his knees. He dragged himself up it with cramped and screaming muscles, inch by inch onto the bank, just far enough to get his feet out of the water. 

He lay silent and shivering, waiting and hoping he would eventually regain the ability to think. He wiggled his fingers and toes to confirm they still worked. After at least ten minutes of near-paralysis, he cracked an eye open and saw Rhett lying on the bank ten feet from him. His best friend was facing him, eyes open and unfocused. Link forced his numb lips to move. “Rhett?” 

The boy didn’t respond. Link felt an irrational panic. He himself had almost died… what if Rhett had fared worse than he did? The panic gave him enough energy to drag himself on his hands and knees over to Rhett’s side. His friend’s lips were tinged blue. “Rhett!” He gave Rhett’s shoulder a shove, harder than he meant to.

“Uuugh.” Rhett blinked a few times and rolled over onto his back, wincing. Half of his face and chest were caked in mud from where he had lain. His shorts were sopping wet and clung to his thighs. He coughed. “Why did I follow you?” he slurred. 

Relief flooded through Link, warming him and taking the place of his waning adrenaline. “It was your idea in the first place to cross there,” Link pointed out. After a pause he added, “You’ve got something on your face. And everywhere else.” 

Rhett reached across himself with a weak hand and brushed ineffectually at the mud on his face. His eyes finally focused up at Link. “Hey, you do too.” 

Link put a hand to his face and felt the gritty wet sludge on his cheek and chin. He tried to scrub it off along with the gunk that had worked its way into his hair. “Gross,” he muttered.

Rhett heaved himself into a sitting position, resting his elbows on bent knees, long legs splayed out. “Don’t worry, you’re still pretty,” he muttered. 

Rhett had been teasing him about his looks for the past year or so, ever since Link had the temerity to try to grow facial hair. He suspected that Rhett, with his wispy blond chinstrap/goatee combination, was jealous of Link’s slightly better success with his darker van dyke. That, and the fact that Link had landed on a real hairstyle that was even somewhat stylish — slightly past his ears, parted just to the side — whereas Rhett was apparently sticking to the buzz cut for the time being. The extremely short cut was popular on the basketball court but it really didn’t suit his narrow features and protruding ears. For once Link was starting to feel like he could actually compete with his friend in the appearance arena, and Rhett evidently didn’t like it.

Link almost snapped at him, but held back. They had just suffered a near-death experience, after all. He remembered all too clearly the moment of pure terror when Rhett hadn’t responded right away. His mind shied away from imagining too far down that path. He wanted to get up and moving and avoid thinking about how close they had just come to inconceivable tragedy. 

He clambered awkwardly to his feet on legs that felt like overstretched rubber bands. He tried to squeeze some of the water out of his hair and wring it from the bottoms of his shorts. He briefly considered taking them off to wring them out more fully, but decided it wasn’t worth stripping down to wet underwear even for a minute or two. Eventually he determined he was as dry as he was likely to get. 

Rhett was looking more lively too. He had also gotten to his feet and wrung out the bottoms of his shorts. The small amount of hair on his head was already dry. When Link looked over, Rhett was carefully stretching the muscles in his arms and legs, facing away from Link looking out over the water. The pale winter sunlight caressed the smooth skin of his long, narrow back and shadowed the cleft of his spine.

Link looked away. “Ready to check this place out?” he asked. Rhett made an affirmative noise and together they moved away from the riverbank to explore the inside of the island. 

They pushed through the underbrush, shirtless, streaked with drying muck and river scum, mud squelching inside their shoes. Link tried hard to ignore the chafing of his damp clothes. As usual on these river expeditions, they had no particular purpose or destination in mind, merely to see things they had not seen before. It was enough to be outdoors on a warm day, breathing in the fresh air. 

As they recovered more fully from their ordeal, they started talking about the usual subjects — girls, basketball, and the future. They had sent in the last of their college applications a few weeks ago, to all of the same schools. They shared a confidence that they would get into the same ones, given their similar grades and SAT scores and the fact that they had worked on their applications together. The only thing that differentiated them was Rhett’s basketball skill, and it still remained to be seen whether he’d be awarded a scholarship by any of the schools that interested them. If so, that’s where he — and therefore Link — would go. 

Link realized that other people might find it odd that he would base his college decision on where Rhett went, but other people didn’t have the kind of friendship he and Rhett had. It was a bond that felt unbreakable, certainly stronger than Link could imagine having with his step-sister, and apparently more powerful than Rhett had with his brother. It seemed more like the almost supernatural connection that some twins had… which made sense, really. Growing up the same age, twins share every childhood experience together. He and Rhett had been doing the same since first grade. 

They talked about their plans to pursue engineering degrees and get jobs that made enough money for them to afford their hobbies. It didn’t seem too glamorous, but maybe once they were able to invest in some better guitars and amplifiers they could get a respectable band going. It was a fun conversation, because it reminded them both that they would always have the other one around to lean on. If they screwed up at school or had a hard time finding a job, at least they would be dealing with it together. Link found the concept profoundly reassuring. 

As for girls, they lamented the fact that they were both currently single. It seemed to bother Rhett more than Link, though. Link was already looking toward the future and the prospect of college women. Why start something up senior year and then be tied down when the time came to spread their wings? The only problem with being single right now, as far as Link was concerned, was that it made the question of prom dates more difficult. Fortunately, that issue was still a few months out. 

Ahead of him, Rhett gave an excited shout. “Link, look at this!” 

Link came up behind his friend and looked around his shoulder at the ground in front of them. Pressed into the mud were a sequence of curved triangular tracks in pairs. Rhett squatted down for a closer look. “It’s definitely a deer.” 

“On this little island?” Link laughed. “Weird.” 

“Uh huh. Maybe this is actually a peninsula or something.” 

“Or maybe the deer’s a better swimmer than we are.” 

Rhett twisted to look up at Link with wide eyes. “Let’s track it.” 

Link grinned back at him. “Yeah!” 

They spent the next hour or so in intense concentration, following the faint tracks carefully over the rough terrain and examining any potential clues. A number of times they thought they had lost the trail entirely until one or the other would let out a hoot of discovery and the slow pursuit began again. Link was caught up in the sense of adventure and didn’t give much thought to what would happen if they actually encountered a live deer. Something awesome, no doubt. Maybe they could wrestle it with their bare hands and ride it back across the river before returning to school as backwoods heroes. 

Perhaps fortunately for the boys, they never found the deer. Eventually the trail faded out near the riverbank and they couldn’t pick it up again. As they reached acceptance of this, Link became aware of the fact that the temperature had dropped significantly since they had arrived on the island. At some point a thin cloud cover had rolled in, and even though their shorts had long since dried, the steady breeze was uncomfortably chilly. 

Link looked up at the weak sun, gauging by its nearness to the horizon that it was at least five o’clock, possibly later. Rhett was still crouched by the bank, looking under the vegetation for any sign of the animal. “Uh, Rhett?” Link asked.

Rhett straightened up and turned to him. “Yeah Link?” 

“We should probably get going if you want to make your game.” 

Rhett looked up at the sun’s position and his eyes widened. “Oh crap, you’re right. I gotta get back, like, now.” 

The two of them peered across the water at the other bank. The river was wider here, frothing white and swirling around visible rocks. The far shore didn’t look to be anything like where they had come from. “It’d be suicide to cross here,” Link said.

Rhett grunted in agreement. “We need to find the place we crossed before, if not something better.” 

At first they tried to follow the riverbank, but they both kept slipping on the rough terrain at the water’s edge. Moving with increasing urgency, Rhett pushed back toward the interior, Link stumbling close behind. Following the twists and turns of the deer’s tracks through the island had disoriented them both, and they only had a vague sense of what direction to go to get back to where they started.

With each step, the sun got dimmer and the air got colder. After at least half an hour, when they stopped at a clearing to try to get their bearings, Link realized he was shivering. Rhett’s brow furrowed in frustration and confusion as he cast about for a sign of anything familiar. He folded his arms across his slim chest, lips pressed together, expression approaching outright panic as the playoff game tip-off loomed ever closer. Without a word, he crashed forward again into the brush, heedless of the branches that whipped against his bare skin. 

Link followed with a heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach. This was not going well at all.


	2. Chapter 2

Link followed close behind as Rhett shoved his way through a particularly dense bit of vegetation. A thin branch slipped off Rhett’s shoulder and whipped back before Link could get a hand up, striking across the top of his cheek as he winced away. He cried out, momentarily blinded by the pain, as his momentum carried him forward into Rhett’s suddenly stationary back. He steadied himself against the taller boy and lifted a hand to his face, bringing it away with a small smear of blood. 

Rhett barely acknowledged Link’s distress. Link blinked the stars from his eyes and wiped his hand on his shorts as he looked to see why his friend had stopped abruptly. At their feet was a short drop to the rushing water of the river. They had reached the end of the island. 

They peered out across ten or twelve feet of rapids. The far shore didn’t look particularly familiar to Link, but anywhere on that bank was presumably closer to where they were trying to go than where they were now. However, he felt a strong disinclination to get back into the icy water. Now that dusk was approaching, the air temperature was probably in the low 60s. The water was certainly no warmer than it had been a few hours ago when it had practically flash-frozen the flesh from their bones. 

Link looked up to see Rhett’s lips set in a grim line, jaw clenched. Link recognized the expression as one Rhett wore when psyching himself up for something big. “Rhett…” Link started, then paused when his friend turned to him with narrowed eyes.

“We have to cross here. If we look for another place, there’s no way I’m gonna make the game.” 

Link thought it was unlikely he’d make the game anyway, but he wasn’t about to argue with Rhett’s steely demeanor. They’d swum rapids before, though never in conditions like this, with the light fading and the water near freezing. Still, it was only three yards, and there were places where large rocks stuck out of the water that would give them a bit of a rest if they needed it — how bad could it be? 

Rhett stepped into the water, drawing a deep shuddering gasp as he sank in over his knees. He was a couple of short strides into the rapids when Link took his first step in. He suppressed a strong urge to shriek as the water swirled around his thighs, stabbing the muscles with knives of ice. By the time they were in the middle of the river, the water was at Rhett’s hips and lapping at Link’s ribs. Link couldn’t feel his legs or where he was putting his feet, he just focused on moving himself forward inch by inch.

A few feet ahead of him, Rhett climbed onto a large, slanted rock that stuck about half a foot above the water. He crouched, keeping his body low and his long arms spread for balance. As Link watched, waiting for his turn to climb up, Rhett’s foot slipped on the slick surface, arms flailing. It looked for a moment as if he were going to right himself, but then his other leg buckled and he suddenly lost all purchase on the rock. With barely time to shout in alarm, he fell off the far side, striking a glancing blow to the back of his head as he went under the water.

Link forced his numb legs forward, half-falling, half swimming in an attempt to reach his friend. His outstretched arm managed to brush the tips of Rhett’s fingers before the other boy was swept downstream, his head first above the waves, then below. He yelled Rhett’s name.

Adrenaline surged through Link’s tired limbs, lending them a burst of strength as he dove forward, not feeling the cold now. They had heard enough cautionary tales to know the rocks of the river could be deadly sharp if a person encountered them carelessly. Whether from the cold or some more acute injury, Rhett did not appear to be moving with much volition. As Link struggled toward him, the boy went under again, this time without a sound. 

The dark water churned, impenetrable. Link looked desperately around the place he had seen Rhett last, cursing the failing light and the water splashing in his eyes. After an eternity, he caught a glimpse of white skin a dozen feet further downstream, up against another large rock. He thrashed his way over to it and found Rhett face down in the water, motionless.

Link grabbed his shoulder and turned him over, his own feet slipping and scraping against the slick riverbed. His only thought was to get the two of them out of the water. He slung Rhett’s arm over his shoulder and hauled the boy behind him as he floundered toward the far shore, at times sinking up to his collarbones. The cold seized his lungs as it had before, but the strength of panic kept him moving. He heard himself pleading through numb lips, “Please, oh please.”

He finally reached the rocky bank and hauled himself onto it, dragging Rhett by his arm until the other boy was also out of the water and lying on his back in the mud. Link crouched over him, panting with shock and fear. Rhett was silent and unmoving, eyes closed.

Link leaned close to the boy’s pale face. Rhett’s parted lips were faintly blue, his expression slack. Link shook him, yelled his name. Nothing. He pressed his ear to Rhett’s cold chest, but heard nothing beyond the rush of his own terrified breathing. 

Link started to sob with raw panic. He didn’t know what to do. He screamed for help, but could tell by the way the noise of the river swallowed his voice that it was unlikely anyone could hear him. He didn’t know CPR, though he had seen it enough times in the movies to have a basic idea of how it was done. It had to be worth a try… anything instead of sitting here helpless. 

He sat up on his knees and put his hands on Rhett’s ribs, to each side of his sternum. The bones stood out clearly under the thin, cold skin. Link pushed tentatively downward, and there was practically no movement. His wet hands slid over the slack skin. It felt like pushing on a slippery rock.  Link moved his hands down to where the ribs curved and pushed again, this time feeling a little give. He tried this a few more times, attempting a slow rhythm. He sat back and watched his friend’s face, called his name. Nothing. 

Okay. Maybe the mouth-to-mouth part would work better. He shifted to kneel by Rhett’s head, tears rolling down his cheeks and dripping down onto the other boy’s face. He put a hand under Rhett’s neck and tilted his chin up, then opened his mouth with his thumb and forefinger on either side of his jaw. Here goes nothing, Link thought, as he bent and placed his mouth tentatively over Rhett’s. 

His first attempt was an utter failure, as the air Link exhaled immediately came back out between their lips and out of Rhett’s nose. The second time, he pinched Rhett’s nose shut and pressed their lips together firmly, making a better seal. He was rewarded with seeing the boy’s chest rise out of the corner of his eye. 

He sat back and watched for a few seconds, but it didn’t rise again on its own. Link choked back another sob and leaned forward, repeating the process once, twice, putting his mouth on Rhett’s and exhaling. As he bent down to do it a third time, he saw the boy’s eyes flick open wide. Link had just enough time to sit back on his heels before Rhett wrenched himself to the side, away from Link, and vomited a large quantity of river water onto the bank.

The contents of his stomach thoroughly expelled, he rolled onto his back, coughing weakly, muscles in his torso visibly spasming. Between coughs, he took deep, gulping breaths.

Link threw his arms around Rhett and hugged him, burying his face in the boy’s chest, sobbing with relief now. After a minute or so, Rhett’s arm came up and patted him awkwardly on the back. His voice was rough and weak. “It’s okay, buddy.” 

As the initial shock ebbed, Link suddenly felt incredibly self-conscious. He had never cried in front of Rhett before – sure, maybe a tear or two from a physical injury, but nothing emotional like this. For that matter, he had never pressed himself to Rhett’s chest before, or held him so tightly. He took a deep breath and sat up, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand and trying to quiet his sniffles. 

In the dim light of dusk, Link saw cuts and abrasions all over Rhett’s arms and legs and across his stomach. Some were bright red against his pale skin where they weren’t obscured by river mud, but nothing looked terribly serious. Link gradually became conscious of similar superficial injuries to his own body, despite having no memory of incurring them in the rush to get them both out of the rapids.

Rhett propped himself up on his elbows and stared out at the rushing water, his breathing returning to normal. He was silent for a minute before he coughed again and rasped, “Whoa.” 

Link nodded. “Yeah, that was…” he trailed off, unable to verbalize the emotions swirling through him, residual panic and shock mixed with overwhelming relief. 

Rhett rolled to his side, gathered his legs under him, and carefully got to his feet. One side of his shorts was torn up the outside seam almost to his hip, and the two halves of fabric flapped wetly against his thigh. He tested his arms and legs, seemingly satisfied with their functioning, then looked down at Link, who had been watching this process intently.

“C’mon,” Rhett said, reaching out a hand to help him up. “We can still make it.” 

Link was incredulous as he took Rhett’s hand and got to his feet. “Are you kidding? You’re still trying to make it to the _game_?” 

Rhett started walking inland, not waiting to see if Link would follow. “Of course,” he called back. “We’re gonna lose otherwise.” 

Link scrambled after him. “Rhett, that’s crazy. You almost _died_.” 

“Well, I didn’t die.” 

“Yeah, thanks to me.” It was starting to sting that Rhett hadn’t acknowledged Link’s role in the fact that he was still breathing. Not that Link necessarily wanted to talk about the particular method he had used to resuscitate his friend… but a bit of gratitude would have been nice. 

Rhett continued to forge ahead. “I don’t want to focus on the past, Link. Think about tonight and the fact that our cheerleading squad has a new halftime routine. Maybe one of them will have a soft spot for the best friend of their starting forward.” 

Link shook his head as he followed Rhett’s long strides through the brush. If the other boy wanted to laugh off what they had just been through, maybe that was for the best. If they kept moving, maybe Link could stop picturing Rhett’s head going under the water, or the patch of white skin bobbing against the rocks. His lips felt bruised from how hard he had pressed them into Rhett’s; he wondered if Rhett’s felt the same, and if so, if the other boy knew why.

He focused all of his concentration on picking his way over the rough terrain in the failing light.  Naturally, this meant that when Rhett stopped short again, Link crashed into his back, again. He grabbed at the waistband of Rhett’s shorts to keep himself from falling and looked to see why Rhett was standing still. 

In front of them, rather than the dirt road and the merciful haven of the pickup truck they had expected to find, was water. The river rushed by in front of them, black and menacing. This time the far shore was at least twenty feet away. Rhett swore and sank to his knees, head in his hands. “There’s no way,” he groaned. 

They hadn’t gotten turned around this time; the land they were on must be another island rather than the mainland. All the pain and effort of their previous crossing had essentially been for nothing. Link’s horror at the discovery of their predicament was mollified somewhat by the fact that Rhett didn’t seem inclined to go rushing into the water again. There was no way Link was going to allow that to happen, not in this cold, in the dark. He’d tackle Rhett to the ground if he had to.

The stiff breeze that blew across the island had taken on a decidedly icy edge. Now that they had stopped moving, and with freshly wet shorts and underwear, both boys were shivering. Link’s stomach also took the opportunity to point out that he had not eaten anything since lunch. 

Rhett sat on the bank, his head hanging down and shoulders slumped. “This is… the worst.” His voice hitched.

Behind him, Link shifted from one foot to the other. He knew Rhett would be embarrassed if Link acknowledged his display of emotion. “It’ll be okay, dude. Even if you miss tonight, there’ll be more games.” 

Rhett twisted to look at him over his shoulder with shining eyes. “But blowing off the first game… how is that gonna look to the recruiters?” 

Link spread his hands. “We’ll come up with an excuse. Say you have mono or something.” 

Rhett snorted. “I say that, they’ll bench me for the rest of the season. Plus, they’ll want to know who I kissed.” 

Link felt himself blush, grateful for the concealing shadows. But Rhett didn’t seem to notice the implication of what he had said. _Shut up_ , Link told himself. _Mouth-to-mouth isn’t a kiss. Not really_. “Well, some other excuse then,” he said lamely.

Rhett was tossing rocks into the water, their splashes inaudible under the sound of the rapids. “I guess if we don’t want to take an ice bath again, we’re stuck here until it warms back up tomorrow or someone comes and rescues us.” 

The possibility of rescue hadn’t even occurred to Link, but now it was obvious that Coach Gage would call Rhett’s folks when he didn’t show up for the game, and they would check with Link’s mom. It was only a matter of time before their parents came looking for them and the river was an obvious place to look. ”Ugggh,” he groaned. “My mom is gonna be so pissed.” 

“Yeah, we’re probably gonna be grounded until graduation,” Rhett agreed. 

Link was shivering continuously now. He hugged his arms to his chest, trying to stop the uncomfortable muscle twitches. “I really wish I had my shirt,” he grumbled. 

Rhett got to his feet. “We should probably move out of this wind. Find a comfortable place to wait.” Link nodded. 

They went a few yards into the small island and found an area sheltered by brush. There were long grasses covering the ground, providing a little padding over the rocks beneath. Link found a place where he wouldn’t get jabbed by too many rocks and sat down. Rhett flopped down next to him. 

They’d camped in colder weather before, though of course they’d had the right gear for it. This time they had nothing they needed. Link felt like he was sitting on a block of ice, and was suddenly incredibly tired. The sense of urgency that had sustained him through the last hour was replaced by a bone-deep weariness. He felt acutely aware of the scrapes and bruises the river had left all over his body and his cheek throbbed from the original branch whipping. He yawned. “I think I’m gonna take a nap,” he said.

Rhett’s voice was still rough from the river. “Do you think that’s a good idea?” 

“Probably not,” Link admitted, but lay down on the grass-covered rock anyway. He curled up on his side, knees to his chest, facing away from Rhett. Other than the side of him in contact with the ground, he did feel warmer this way.

He had started to doze off when he felt Rhett shift next to him, then lay down behind him. The boy put his chest against Link’s back and his knees bent to follow the backsides of Link’s legs. “Uh,” Link said.

Rhett’s voice was detached, almost businesslike. “I remembered from the survival guide. This is supposed to help us stay warm.” 

As Link considered this claim, he had to admit that the parts of him in contact with the other boy were starting to feel warmer. Rhett put his arm on top of Link’s, sheltering him with his body. “You’re shivering,” he murmured. His arm tightened, holding Link against him while Link’s muscles slowly relaxed. 

Link decided he was too tired and too grateful for the warmth to worry about the unbelievable awkwardness of their position. Rhett was right, this would keep them warmer. And the other boy was clearly just acting out of necessity. If he was okay with it, Link was okay with it. No doubt after they were rescued they would never talk about this again. 

There was something reassuring, too, in Rhett’s solid presence next to him after their earlier scare. Rhett was still here, and alive, and they would get through this together. 

Rhett’s chest rose and fell against him, and his breath was warm on Link’s shoulder. He seemed to be dozing off as well. _Hopefully that rescue will happen soon_ , Link thought, as he drifted further into sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Link awoke to pitch darkness. The thin cloud cover had continued past sundown and there was no moon; little starlight made it down to the sheltered area where they lay. At first he was disoriented, confused as to where he was and why. Memories of the day slowly came back to him along with physical awareness of the cold, hard ground. It felt as though he had slept for only an hour or two. 

Rhett’s arm was no longer around his shoulder, but had dropped so it now draped over his waist. The tips of Rhett’s fingers lightly brushed Link’s bare stomach with the motion of their breathing. His other arm was stretched out flat under Link’s head, his narrow bicep providing a lumpy pillow. Link’s own arms were clutched together against his chest, hands under his chin, huddled against the chill. His body ached with bruises and hunger. He was warm where Rhett was touching him and cold everywhere else, especially his arm and hip on the rock. 

He stared out at the darkness in front of him, waiting for his eyes to adjust, not expecting to see much when they did. His mind wandered in an attempt to pass the time. He thought about all of the hundreds, probably thousands, of times they had come to this river over the years. It was where he and Rhett had forged some of the strongest bonds of their friendship, spending hours in conversation without anyone else around. Where they had come up with their biggest pranks, distracted each other from romantic heartbreaks, and solidified their plans for a shared future. 

For all that the river had seemingly betrayed them that day, Link smiled at the memories. 

Rhett’s fingers curled slowly over Link’s stomach, like the half-involuntary movement of someone who was waking up. However, the other boy didn’t speak, and his breathing stayed regular. Link almost said something, but decided there was no point in waking up his friend if they were just passing the time until dawn or rescue. Rhett always had a harder time falling asleep than Link did, and was grumpier when woken up. Might as well let the big doofus sleep while he could, Link thought with a grin.

After a minute or two, Rhett’s hand opened, cupping the curve of Link’s belly more deliberately, it seemed. Link’s smile faltered in the darkness as Rhett’s thumb stroked slowly down alongside his navel once, then again. 

Link’s mind raced. Was Rhett dreaming? Did he think he was somewhere else — with someone else? Was it time to wake him up? Rhett’s hand on his stomach wasn’t an unpleasant sensation, if slightly ticklish. Link didn’t want to call attention to it and embarrass Rhett after all the boy had been through that day. Maybe if Link shifted a bit, as if in his sleep, he could wake up his friend without either of them having to explicitly acknowledge … this. 

Link tried that, rocking his shoulder slightly and moving his hip under Rhett’s arm as he settled more into the grass. The pace of Rhett’s breathing didn’t change and he didn’t move his hand. _Dangit._

Link became acutely aware of the fact that the waistband of his shorts was all stretched out from the day’s repeated dunkings in the river, adding to their already fashionable bagginess. In his current position on his side, they gaped loose and low around his hips with a good three or four inches to spare. 

As Link considered his remaining options, Rhett’s hand inched slightly lower, fingertips now on the waistband of Link’s white cotton briefs. Link froze, eyes open wide in the darkness. This was rapidly becoming an emergency situation. He breathed shallowly, thinking in circles. The rest of Rhett’s body gave every indication that he was still asleep, but his hand moved quite deliberately now. 

After a minute, it traveled further down, inside Link’s shorts but outside his underwear, fingertips tracing lightly over the thin fabric there. 

Link’s brain fractured into two extremely loud and desperate factions. Faction one yelled that he needed to put an end to this immediately, whatever it took. He’d already waited far too long and this was not anything he was prepared for and dear God _this was Rhett’s hand in his pants_. 

Faction two was far less coherent and consisted solely of conveying shockingly pleasurable bodily sensations. This faction was making a very persuasive argument that he should allow things to continue. 

The farthest Link had gotten with a girl up to this point had been some horizontal makeout sessions, where this sort of sensation was incidental. In comparison, the slow, deliberate movements of Rhett’s hand created an entire universe of ecstasy. It was nothing like Link’s experiences alone, with own familiar hand, either — despite being outside his underwear, this touch was electric, almost agonizing in its intensity. Before he could even register a conscious thought, his body had already responded eagerly. 

Rhett had still not made a sound. His other arm, beneath Link’s head, had not moved. Link tried to stay quiet as well, though his quickening breath made it difficult. He closed his eyes and gave himself over to the sensations, breathing through parted lips, the muscles of his thighs beginning to twitch involuntarily. He leaned back into Rhett’s chest as much as he dared, while at the same time trying to maintain the shared illusion that they were both asleep. 

It seemed entirely unreal, as if he were floating outside reality itself. The dwindling rational part of his brain demanded to know what this meant. Did he like boys now? Did Rhett? Did Rhett like _him_? What on earth was going to happen next? The questions became insubstantial under the inexorable tide of pleasure, until finally they slipped away entirely and all he wanted was more.

From outside of his dreamlike bubble came a faint shout, far away. It barely registered in Link’s tortured consciousness at first, but then it came again, louder. 

Rhett abruptly withdrew his hand and rolled away onto his back, taking his other arm out from under Link’s head at the same time. The sudden cessation of touch and the cold that took its place made Link gasp. For a few seconds he lay on his side, suppressing a soft moan of longing and loss, trying to clear his head and claw himself back to reality. Then he sat up, painfully. He looked over at Rhett, and his eyes had adjusted to the darkness enough that he could see the other boy stretching as if just waking up. Rhett’s body language did not betray anything amiss. 

The shouts came again, closer now, and Link recognized Rhett’s father’s voice. Rhett climbed to his feet, saying, “Sounds like the cavalry is here, Link!” His voice, to Link’s surprise, sounded the same as always. 

Link didn’t trust himself to speak. His arousal was slowly ebbing, replaced by confusion over how he was supposed to feel about Rhett now, excitement about being rescued, and anxiety over the punishment they would receive for being out here in the first place. He got to his feet and adjusted his clothing as Rhett shouted back, “Dad! We’re here!” He clapped a hand on Link’s back. “We’re saved, buddy!”

After a minute or so of call and response, they saw flashlights on the opposite bank, then eventually the search party itself. Rhett’s father and a few other dads from the basketball team peered over at them as Rhett shouted a brief explanation of their predicament. After a number of attempts, the men managed to toss the end of a rope over to them and they secured it on their side, to aid them in crossing the rapids. 

The flashlights reflected off the surface of the water and caught Rhett’s face as he turned to Link. His grin was guileless as ever as he grabbed the rope and stepped into the water. After he had made it to the other side and released the rope, it was Link’s turn. He didn’t relish the idea of getting back into the frigid water a third time that day even though the rope made it far safer to do so. However, he was grateful for the fact that navigating the rapids required all of his concentration, focusing the maelstrom of his thoughts on something he could actually deal with. Even better, the shock of the cold water washed away the lingering sense-memories of Rhett’s touch. 

He reached the other side without incident and two men hauled him out of the water. As he regained his footing on the bank, another man draped a blanket around his shivering shoulders. Link nodded his thanks and watched Rhett explaining their misadventures to his dad. The other boy also had a blanket wrapped around himself and he looked tall and bulky in the darkness. 

Rhett’s version of the story was mostly true, but he glossed over the details of the second river crossing, merely saying that it had been rough enough they didn’t think they should risk it a third time in the dark. He was clearly trying to spin it to sound like they had made responsible decisions, even if going out in the first place had been stupid. He concluded with, “And then we just hung out over there and waited for someone to come along.”

Yep, that’s what we did, thought Link. Hung out. Rhett’s expression was unreadable but he sounded sincere,  always such a good storyteller. Rhett’s dad sounded relieved to have found them. “You made the right choice, boys,” he said. “Those rapids are no joke.” After a pause, he told Rhett, “Clayton was kicking our butts by the time we left to find you kids.”

“Oh, man.” Rhett groaned. “How bad?” 

“We were down by seventeen after the first quarter.” 

“Dang,” Rhett groaned. 

“You probably would have made all the difference, son,” Rhett’s dad said. Link knew that knowledge would hurt his friend more than any punishment their moms might dole out. At least, since it was the first game, the Trojans weren’t out of the playoffs yet even if they lost tonight. 

In doleful silence, they followed the men out to the road where they had parked behind Link’s pickup. Link got into his truck and Rhett climbed into the passenger side, both of them still swathed in their blankets. Rhett’s father said he would drop off the other men at their homes and expected Rhett to be home by the time he got there. Rhett nodded. “Thanks, Dad,” he said sadly.   

The clock on the dash said it was only a little past nine o’clock. The search party must not have taken long to find them. The other car pulled out and started off down the road. After some minor trouble getting the pickup’s wheels dislodged from the mud into which they had settled, Link did the same. He drove slowly, with extra caution to navigate the heavily rutted dirt road in the darkness. Neither of them said anything for the five or so minutes it took to reach the main road. 

As Link checked both directions before pulling out onto the pavement, he saw that Rhett was looking at him with an unreadable expression. He thought the other boy might be about to speak, and felt anxious and eager for him to do so. But as they traveled down the road, Rhett didn’t say a word.

Eventually Link couldn’t stand the silence anymore. He glanced over and saw that Rhett was now looking at the road ahead of them, streetlights bathing his features at regular interval, but lending no insight into his state of mind. Link opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out. He coughed and tried again. “How are you, ah, feeling?” 

“It sucks that we’re gonna lose this game,” Rhett said, “We usually beat Clayton hands-down. But I think we should be able to handle Overhills next week, and have an okay standing heading into the semifinals…” he continued in a similar vein, talking about the team’s chances and the strategies he thought they should adopt for each opponent. He was especially concerned about the Triton Hawks, Harnett Central’s traditional rivals. 

Link was grateful for the neutral topic and asked the appropriate questions to keep Rhett rambling about it for nearly the entire drive. Their interaction felt as relaxed as it always did. Each time the conversation lulled, Link considered bringing up what happened on the island, but he couldn’t think of a way to do it that was sufficiently casual. He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to say or even how to interpret his own emotions. If he brought it up, was he saying he wanted it to happen again? _Did_ he want it to happen again? 

It was way too easy to imagine the terrible turns such a conversation could take, with Rhett either laughing it off as Link’s imagination, or even accusing him of initiating it himself. If Rhett didn’t want to talk about it, maybe Link didn’t either. Or at least, maybe he would be stubborn enough to not be the one to bring it up first. He quashed the memories that tried to surface, memories that made his stomach tingle with hints of nervous arousal. He resolved to act as normally as possible and simply wait and see.  

He pulled into the driveway at Rhett’s house and put the truck in park. They sat for a few moments while the engine loudly rumbled, then Rhett reached out and patted Link’s knee. His hand lingered as his eyes met Link’s in the semi-darkness, and his voice was deep. “Thanks for saving my life, brother.” 

He had already withdrawn his hand and opened his door by the time Link responded, “Anytime, Rhett.” He thought about how this might be his last chance to bring up what had happened, but Rhett was already climbing out of the cab and Link’s tongue felt paralyzed. Standing outside now, Rhett leaned down and gave Link one last grin. “See you tomorrow, Link.” 

“See ya, Rhett.” The other boy shut the door and walked up the path to his house. Link watched as he opened the door, went in, and shut it behind him without looking back. 

It only took a few minutes for Link to drive to his own house. He had just pulled into the driveway when the front door opened and his mother emerged, his stepfather Louis following close behind. She pulled him into a hug as soon as he got out of the truck. “I was so worried about you!” she said, her voice catching, and he felt a wave of guilt. He hadn’t really considered how she would feel once she got the word that he and Rhett hadn’t shown up for the game, but like any parent she had imagined the worst.

The guilt intensified when she held him at arms’ length and took in the fact that he was shirtless and wrapped in a blanket, covered in mud and scrapes. “What on earth happened?”

He told an abbreviated version of the story, adopting Rhett’s technique of downplaying their foolishness and glossing over the specifics of Rhett’s near-drowning. By the time he was done answering their questions and apologizing for worrying them, he had exchanged the blanket for a bathrobe and eaten an entire box’s worth of macaroni and cheese.

When the conversation wound down, he hugged his mom goodnight. She held him tightly for a few seconds, then patted him on the back. “I’m going to talk this over with Mr. and Mrs. McLaughlin tomorrow and we’ll determine an appropriate punishment for you two. For now, just assume you’re grounded indefinitely.” 

Link hung his head. It wasn’t worth arguing. “Okay, mom.” 

He trudged up the stairs to his bathroom, closed the door, and turned on the shower. As he waited for the water to heat up, he hung up his robe and peeled off his mud-caked shorts and underwear. He regarded himself in the mirror over the sink as tendrils of steam began to curl in the air. 

His arms had a number of scrapes along them, hidden among the brown smudges of dirt. A variety of bruises in varying sizes bloomed across his ribcage. He placed his hands on the counter and leaned over, peering into his own face from inches away. There was a small cut across his right cheek, which confused him until he remembered the first injury of the day, seemingly so long ago. His eyes were red-rimmed and squinty. His lips were a dark pink, the skin dry and cracked. His dark hair hung in lank curls around his ears. 

He stepped into the shower and stood under the water with a grateful sigh. He turned up the temperature as high as he could stand it, finally feeling warm again for the first time since the initial swim. The water pounded down on his shoulders and he watched it swirl around his feet, running from brown to clear as the mud rinsed away. After a few minutes, the heat convinced long-clenched muscles to finally relax. At the same time, the iron grip he had maintained on his emotions since their rescue faltered and tears sprang to his eyes. 

He saw in his mind’s eye Rhett again slipping off the rock, his head going under the water. He felt the raw panic of searching for him in the rapids, of dragging his lifeless body onto the shore. Even the pure, fierce relief of seeing Rhett breathe again was overwhelming to remember. He leaned against the wall of the shower, wracked with helpless sobs, grateful for the concealing noise of the water.

And then, afterwards… what had happened as they lay on the ground, huddled together for warmth. Link’s mind shied away from recalling the details, aided by the dreamlike quality of the experience. Even though things had seemed normal between him and Rhett afterward, he still felt confusing waves of desire and terror when he thought about it. Desire, because his body was doing its best to remember the sensations even as his conscious mind begged it to stop. Terror, because his friendship with Rhett was the most important thing in the world.

His tears finally spent, he quickly washed his hair, and soaped and rinsed his body. By the time that was done, he was so tired that his mind was having trouble thinking about much of anything with any level of coherence, and all of the day’s memories were becoming fuzzy. He turned off the water, toweled off, and went to his bedroom. He pulled on clean underwear and a t-shirt and crawled into bed. Not soon after his head hit the pillow, he was asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Link woke to the sound of his mother calling to him through his bedroom door. It took him a few seconds to remember where he was and realize he had slept through his alarm. He looked at the clock on the bedside table and saw he was going to be late for school if he didn’t get moving right away. “I’m up, I’m up,” he yelled. 

He sat up quickly and groaned as he was met with a crushing headache and incredibly stiff, aching muscles. He winced his way through getting dressed, pulling on jeans, an Alice in Chains t-shirt, and a grey plaid flannel overshirt, and stumbled down the stairs. He grabbed some poptarts and his car keys on his way through the kitchen and rushed out the door.

He pulled his truck into the student parking lot, taking one of the last available spots far from the entrance. He shut off the engine and yanked down the visor to give himself a once-over in the mirror. The previous day’s scrapes and bruises were still clear on his face and his eyes looked tired and strained. He took a comb from the glove compartment and ran it rather uselessly through his tangled hair, which was an unruly mass of curls after he had slept on it wet. 

He exhaled through pursed lips with a shake of his head. This was as good as he was going to get. He hooked his backpack over his shoulder and headed into the building.

He had already missed homeroom, so he went straight to first period — Calculus with Mrs. Grady — and sat in his seat just as the starting bell rang. A few other kids in the class looked at him when he entered the room, then did double-takes when they noticed the marks on his face. 

His friend Randy, in the seat next to him, leaned over and said, “Hey Link, I heard Cape Fear kicked your butt last night.” 

Link turned to him. The other boy had an amused expression. “How’d you hear that?” Link asked.

“Rhett told everyone in homeroom,” Randy explained.

So Rhett had made it to school on time just fine. “Did he?” Link asked. He was hoping for some insight into how Rhett was doing and how he had spun the story, but before Randy could answer, Mrs. Grady called for their attention. 

For the next forty-five minutes, Link failed to focus on definite integrals while he thought about Rhett, who was currently in English class on the other side of the school. Unless they ran into each other in the halls, which didn’t usually happen, they wouldn’t meet up until third period French. That was a long time for all sorts of stories to make their way around. 

Link slouched in his seat and stuck his legs into the aisle, eyes half-closed. He doodled in the margins of his notebook, tracing flowing lines that twined through each other like the curve of rapids around a rock. The minutes dragged on with merciless slowness until finally the bell rang to signal the end of class. Mrs. Grady shouted above the din of students packing up to remind them of their homework assignments, but her words barely registered in Link’s tired brain. 

Randy walked with him to the next class, English, which they also had together. Along the way, Link tried to get him to elaborate on the story Rhett had told, not wanting to contradict anything that he had said… unless it was necessary, of course.

“I can’t believe you got lost, you guys go there like every day,” Randy said.

“Well, we were at least a mile from where we normally go,” Link pointed out, “and it was our first time back this year.” 

“So why’d you go somewhere different?” 

“Rhett wanted something new, I guess.” Link didn’t hear Randy’s response because his brain latched onto his choice of words and responded wryly, _He wanted something new, all right_. Link felt his face heat up and ducked away from his friend, fiddling with the strap of his backpack on his shoulder.

Randy repeated himself. “Rhett said it was your idea.”

Link forced a laugh. “Did he? Well he’s probably throwing me under the bus so Coach Gage lets him play in tomorrow’s game.” 

Randy chuckled. “Yeah, well I’m pretty sure Coach would let him play if he did anything short of commit murder. We got creamed last night.” Randy was a second-string guard on the team. 

“You’re probably right,” Link agreed. 

They entered Mr. Hutchinson’s English class and Link found his customary seat by the door. This class was smaller and its seats were arranged in a circle to facilitate discussion, which had the unfortunate side effect of making it much more difficult for him to doze through it. 

He pulled out his worn, used copy of Dante’s Inferno. They had just started reading it this week and would be studying it through the end of April. Link had only read the introduction and the first part, about the vestibule of Hell, so far. The language was difficult at times but he enjoyed the violent, colorful imagery. It was enough to keep him engaged as Mr. Hutchinson led the discussion. He even chimed in a few times with witty observations, getting a laugh from most of the kids in the room. 

As the end of class approached, he felt a strange fluttering in his stomach that confused him at first. He was nervous… about what? Oh. He was going to see Rhett soon. 

He shook his head in disbelief at himself. He was nervous about seeing Rhett, his friend since first grade. The person he was the most comfortable with in the entire world. What a ridiculous thing. And yet, as the minutes ticked by, his heart sped up. His stomach felt tight. 

He jumped, startled, when the closing bell rang. He packed up and rushed out of the room before anyone could delay him in conversation. He walked briskly down the hall and took the stairs to the second-floor classroom two at a time, despite protests from his sore thigh muscles. When he arrived at the room, the only other person there was the teacher, Madame Collins. “Bonjour, Laurent,” she said in her high singsong voice. 

“Bonjour, Madame,” he replied as he took his seat in the back corner, farthest from the door. He slouched in his seat but kept one leg bent, bouncing on the ball of his foot with excess energy. His nervousness increased as other students filed in over the next few minutes with no sign of Rhett. He pulled out his homework and tried to look over it while his mind wandered. His heart was beating so fast he thought it might explode if Rhett didn’t appear… or when he did. 

The seat next to him was the only empty one left in the room when the starting bell rang. A second later, the door opened and Rhett walked in, wearing light colored jeans and a long-sleeved burgundy shirt with a black undershirt visible beneath its unbuttoned collar. He didn’t have any visible scrapes or bruises — they had mostly been on his arms and chest, Link recalled — and he looked, at Link’s quick glance, to be well-rested and cheerful. 

Rhett flashed a charming grin to the teacher as he strode across the front of the class in three steps, then to the back of the room to take his seat. He was still grinning when he turned to Link. “Heya, Link.” 

Link felt strangely self-conscious of the smile he returned. “Hey Rhett, how are you?”

“Oh, fine,” Rhett replied. He looked as if he was about to say more, but was cut off by Madame Collins starting the lesson. There would be no time to talk now.

Link focused on the paper in front of him while they reviewed the homework assignment. As usual he only got three quarters of it right, but he cared even less than usual about that fact. He was smiling to himself and realized, with some confusion, that it was because his mind was replaying how Rhett had grinned at him and said his name. In his peripheral vision, he saw Rhett’s legs splayed out in front of him — the only way for the boy to sit comfortably without squashing his knees. When Link shot a quick glance over at him, Rhett’s eyes were on his paper and his right elbow rested on his desk. He held a pen in his hand and tapped it slowly against his pink lips, which were pursed in concentration.   

Link realized his quick glance was lingering, and bit his lip and looked away. “Shut up,” he mumbled to himself. 

“Mmm?” Rhett said. Link turned back to see Rhett was looking at him with a raised eyebrow, pen still to his lips. He felt a flush creep up his cheeks. “Nothing,” Link said quickly, looking down. He sat up straighter in his chair and hunched over his desk, holding his forehead in his hand as he studied the paper in front of him intently. 

Madame Collins called for them to pair up for a conversational exercise. As always, Link and Rhett turned their desks toward each other. Rhett’s legs stretched out to one side of Link’s desk, close to where Link’s leg continued to jiggle nervously. They flipped to the workbook page about this week’s irregular verbs.  As the other groups started to chat about the exercise, there was enough noise in the room that they could talk somewhat freely. Rhett leaned forward onto his elbows and said with a conspiratory grin, “My butt is killing me.” 

Link chuckled. “From the fall in the river?” 

“Yeah, I’ve got a huge bruise here.” Rhett indicated the outside of his left hip and thigh. “And sleeping on that rock didn’t help.” 

“No, that was really… uncomfortable.” Link’s mouth stumbled over the words as he fought to keep his brain from latching onto that particular memory again. He flicked his eyes quickly over Rhett’s face, searching his expression for any indication that the boy had deliberately brought up their “sleeping” experience or any clue as to how Rhett was feeling about it, but couldn’t find anything. 

Link realized his gaze had stayed too long again when Rhett arched a brow. Link ducked his head to his workbook and quickly changed the subject. “Uh, how are you feeling about the game tomorrow?” 

Madame Collins called from a few aisles over. “Laurent et Rémi, en français, s’il vous plait.” 

Fortunately, Rhett was well-versed in basic French basketball terms, it being a popular topic of conversation for him year-round. He and Link conducted a stilted, hesitant conversation in terribly accented French wherein Rhett expressed his usual overconfidence in the Trojans’ ability to crush their opponents and in his own skills in general. Link found his eyes trailing Rhett’s lips as they curved around the foreign words with exaggerated care. Link kept asking open-ended questions, both because they were easy to remember how to say and because they kept Rhett talking. 

After ten minutes, the exercise ended and they moved their desks back. The rest of the class passed in a blur as Link fought to stay awake while various other students read passages from their workbook aloud. Eventually he gave up and let his head drop down to his chest, mouth falling open slightly as he dozed. 

He woke to Rhett’s hand on his shoulder and the other students packing up to leave. Rhett was standing close to him, the side of his thigh practically touching Link’s shoulder, and Link could smell his faint deodorant. “I can’t believe she let you sleep through the last twenty minutes,” Rhett said. “She must feel sorry for you on account of how you look like you got beaten up.” 

Link rubbed his eyes and scratched his chin groggily, embarrassed at the thought of Rhett seeing him sleep in such an undignified position. He reached for his backpack and Rhett’s hand gave his shoulder a squeeze before the other boy stepped away. “See you at lunch,” Rhett said, then walked out of the room.

Link’s remaining class before lunch, History, was an entirely uneventful lecture regarding the Great Depression. Afterward, he trudged over to the cafeteria and went through the line to get his moderately appetizing meal of a breaded chicken sandwich and an apple. When he got to the seating area, he saw Rhett already there, surrounded by his friends from the basketball team and a few girls from the cheerleading squad. 

Link knew the other teenagers and got along with them fine, but he didn’t particularly consider them friends. Rhett, however, was in his element, sitting up tall and loudly dominating the conversation. Link took an empty seat at the end of the table, quashing his disappointment. Was he ever going to get to talk to Rhett alone? 

Rhett was describing their river adventure, holding his audience’s attention with elaborate descriptions and sweeping gesticulations. The story sounded practiced, as if he had already told it and embellished it many times. He re-enacted the first crossing, when the cold froze their limbs and they had to claw their way up the bank, folding his gangly arms into a T-rex posture. When he began describing the second crossing through the rapids, Link felt his heart speeding up with the fearful memory. He focused on his sandwich, fighting back rising anxiety. 

Rhett stood up to act out slipping off the rock, then took a step over to stand behind Link’s chair. “And then this guy —“ his hands came down on Link’s shoulders and jostled him affectionately — “he pulled me out! Darn near saved my life.” 

Link grinned at the other teens, feeling himself blush. “You mean I most definitely saved your life,” he said. 

“I might’ve made it out on my own,” Rhett protested.

“You weren’t —“ Link started, then hesitated. _Breathing_ , he thought. But if that part of the story got out, they’d inevitably be teased about the mouth-to-mouth. “… looking too good,” he finished.

“Yeah, it’s a good thing you were there, buddy.” Rhett’s hands on his shoulders gave him another friendly jostle, then rested there for a few moments while he continued the story from after they were both safe on the other shore. Link felt the heavy warmth of Rhett’s hands through his two shirts. 

Standing behind Link as he was, no one could see Rhett’s thumbs slowly run up the sides of Link’s neck, kneading gently into the sore muscles. Link blinked as goosebumps sprang up in response, barely registering the sensation before Rhett had stepped away and gone back to his seat. Link closed his eyes and lifted his apple to his mouth, biting into it as he fought to keep his composure. 

Rhett related the dramatic reveal of when they discovered they were simply on another island, surrounded by rapids on all sides. He didn’t mention anything about how they passed the time until rescue, except for an evocative description of just how very, very cold they were in their wet clothes. He beamed at the appreciative laughter it drew from his audience. 

All too soon, the bell rang to end the lunch period. Link picked up his tray and lined up behind Rhett to bring it to the kitchen. “You gonna be at study hall today?” Link asked, striving to sound casual.

Rhett glanced back at him over his shoulder. “Nah, we’re having an extra practice so Coach can make sure I’m in good shape for tomorrow.” 

Link hid his disappointment. Study hall would have given them a decent chance to talk alone. “He’s forgiven you, then?” 

“Not exactly, but he knows he needs me if we’re gonna stay in this thing at all.” The playoffs this year were structured such that a team could advance with one loss, but a second would knock them out.

“Well, it must be nice to be wanted,” Link said without thinking, but Rhett didn’t appear to pick up on any extra meaning in the statement. The other boy slid his tray of dishes onto the conveyor belt and turned to Link. “Yeah, but the important thing is the recruiters. I hope they show up tomorrow night and see what I can do.”

Link smiled up at him as he put his own tray down. “I’m sure they will, and they’re gonna be impressed.” 

Rhett clapped him on the shoulder. “Thanks for believing in me, buddy.” 

They walked together through the cafeteria exit to the hallway where they would part ways, Link to study hall and Rhett to the gymnasium. “See ya, Link.” Rhett turned to go.

“Wait, Rhett…” Link said quickly. The other boy faced him with a raised brow. 

Link stumbled over his words again, knowing if he thought about it too much he’d never get them out. “We’re not gonna have study hall together today, and when we get home we’re probably gonna find out we’re grounded indefinitely …” Link swallowed, then rushed ahead. “Do you think we should… talk?” 

The crowd of students ebbed and flowed around them like a school of fish. The two boys stepped to the side out of the flow of traffic, against one of the many trophy cases that lined the walls near the cafeteria entrance. Rhett’s quizzical expression remained. “What about?”

Link felt his face heat up, but there was no turning back now. “Uhm. Last night?” He said it like a question, looking up at Rhett with wide eyes and a self-conscious smile. Rhett wasn’t going to make him spell it out, was he? Especially after that little stunt with his hands on Link’s neck? It must be on his mind too.

Rhett’s eyes cut from side to side, taking in the hordes of passing students. Link could see the muscles of his jaw clench briefly before he responded, “Didn’t we just spend the whole lunch talking about last night?” 

Link shifted the backpack on his shoulder and looked down at the yellow linoleum floor. “I guess, but…” he trailed off. _But I really want to talk to you, Rhett. I want you to tell me what is going on._

“I don’t think there’s anything more to say,” Rhett muttered. Link looked up to see his friend’s expression strangely flat, distant. The other boy glanced at the clock over the cafeteria door and shifted his weight impatiently. “Look, I’m gonna be late for practice. I’ll see you tomorrow, Link.” 

Rhett turned and walked down the hall, merging with the throng of students headed that way. It was easy for Link to follow him with his eyes as the tall boy towered over most of the crowd, but Rhett did not once look back before he rounded a corner and disappeared from view. Link remained in the same place while the crowd thinned around him, everyone going to the places they were supposed to be, until he was alone, still staring at the corner Rhett had turned without him.


	5. Chapter 5

Link’s expectations were confirmed when he got home from school that afternoon and his mother told him he was grounded for a week. After discussing it with Rhett’s mom, she said, they had decided that was an appropriate punishment. However, since it wouldn’t be fair to the team to keep Rhett home from the two basketball games that were scheduled for that week (one the following night and the next one on Tuesday, assuming the Trojans advanced to the semifinals), Link would be allowed to attend the games too. There would be no hanging out after school or going anywhere on the weekend, though. 

Link was still reeling from his last interaction with Rhett outside the cafeteria and this news only increased his frustration. He and Rhett weren’t going to be able to spend any time together outside of school, and judging by how today had gone, interacting in school was not going to be very helpful. Link just wanted things to go back to the way they were, when they could hang out for hours and talk about anything without a care in the world… without Link’s stupid brain trying to remind him about things that Rhett clearly wanted to forget. 

He shrugged, trying to act like it was no big deal. “Okay, Mom, that sounds fair.” 

Something in his tone must have concerned her, as she came over and put her hands on his shoulders, looking up into his face. “Everything okay, hon?”

Her worry threatened Link’s carefully held composure, and he looked away, studying the kitchen cabinets intently. “Yeah, I’m just tired. And I’ve got a lot of homework to do.” 

She looked him over for another moment before dropping her hands. “I guess you might as well get started on it, then,” she said. “I’ll call you down when it’s dinnertime.” 

Link nodded and trudged up the stairs to his bedroom, still carrying his backpack on his shoulder. He unpacked his books and sat down on his bed with them arrayed in a semicircle around him. For the next few hours, he slowly worked through his assignments. He was frequently distracted by intrusive thoughts, replaying his few conversations with Rhett from that day, until he realized he hadn’t absorbed anything from the last half hour of studying. 

Eventually his mother called him down for dinner, which he ate quickly before retreating back upstairs. He stared at his homework for a little while longer, still struggling to focus, before giving up and deciding he could finish the rest in study hall the next day.

He brushed his teeth, changed into an oversized t-shirt, and crawled into bed. Of course, now that he’d finally decided to sleep, his body wasn’t cooperating. Instead, he lay under the covers in the darkness, eyes open and staring at nothing. He imagined Rhett, lying in his own bed in the bedroom they had hung out in countless times, and wondered what his best friend was thinking right now.

For the thousandth time, Link replayed the scene on the island in his head: Rhett laying down behind him, warm chest and legs against Link’s backside. Rhett’s arms around him, his breath on Link’s shoulder. Rhett’s hand moving lower, and then... 

The memory brought equal parts arousal and confusion. Was it possible he had somehow dreamed it? After Rhett’s near drowning, his emotions had been pretty intense, and hypothermia could probably cause hallucinations… But then, he considered the way Rhett had touched his neck today, not to mention the boy’s strange reaction to Link wanting to talk. If nothing had happened, there’s no reason Rhett would have been weird about it. Right? 

For what felt like hours, Link turned over every possible theory in his brain, trying to find the answers. He imagined what would happen if he tried to talk to Rhett about it again; if he simply confronted him and refused to back down until he got some answers. Remembering the set of Rhett’s jaw as he had departed the cafeteria, Link could think of very few ways in which forcing the issue would end well for him. 

By the time he finally drifted off to sleep, somewhere in the wee hours of the morning, Link had resolved to act as if nothing had happened. If that’s how Rhett wanted to play it, Link would put the memories of the island out of his mind and focus on making the most out of his senior year. He just hoped his willpower was strong enough to manage it.

Despite not sleeping much, he woke up when his alarm went off and felt far less sore and headachey than he had the previous morning. He showered and dressed in a comfortable long-sleeved grey t-shirt and a blue plaid overshirt, and even had time to style his hair and eat breakfast before heading to the school. On the way there, he realized he was actually feeling pretty good. He was significantly less anxious now that he had decided how he was going to deal with the situation.

He walked into homeroom and sat down next to Randy. They greeted each other and Link pulled out the homework that was due today, to see what he could possibly finish up in the few minutes before the first bell. He focused on it and refused to let himself think about when Rhett was going to show up and what they would say to each other when he did. It turned out to be a moot question, however, as the bell rang before that happened. Link packed his things and headed to Calculus with a small sense of relief. Now he wouldn’t have to deal with his best friend until third period French, assuming Rhett showed up to school at all.

Calculus passed much like it had the previous day, except this time Link was awake enough to puzzle through some of the example formulas and generally get the same answers as the teacher put on the blackboard. In English, Mrs. Grady led the class in a discussion about the first Canto of Dante’s Inferno and Link turned in his one-page response to the reading assignment. As the class wound down, he realized he was feeling nervous in his stomach again in anticipation of French class. This time, however, he refused to acknowledge the source of his anxiety and threw himself wholeheartedly into the class discussion.

The bell rang and he took his time, stopping by his locker to drop off his books from the earlier two classes and pausing at the water fountain. By the time he got to the second floor room, more than half the students were already there, including Rhett, who was slouched in his customary seat with a workbook open in front of him. He was wearing jeans and a faded black Soundgarden t-shirt. 

Link walked over and dropped his bag by his chair with a thump. Rhett looked up and Link could see that his friend’s eyes were red-rimmed and tired. He felt a pang of worry for before he pushed it away. No overanalyzing things now, he told himself. He forced a quick, casual smile. “Hey, Rhett.” 

Rhett returned the smile. “Hey, Link. How’s it going?”

Link sat down in his chair and pulled out his own workbook. “Well, I’m grounded for a week. I assume you are too.” 

Rhett grunted affirmatively. “Mmhmm. But I can still play in the game tonight and next Tuesday.” 

“Tuesday’s assuming you win tonight, you mean,” Link pointed out.

“Oh, we will. Overhills has a terrible team this year.” 

Link chuckled. “Then I guess you guys might actually stand a chance.”  He added, “My mom is letting me go to the games too. She thought it wouldn’t be fair if you got to and I didn’t even though I’m not playing in them.” 

Rhett grinned. “Oh, good.” He sounded relieved. “It would be weird to not have you there.” 

Link returned the grin, and it felt genuine and comfortable. “Yeah, I’d hate to miss it.” 

Madame Collins called for class to start and the two of them pulled out their homework assignments for review. Link focused on it, smiling to himself now. Things seemed pretty normal between the two of them. He didn’t feel that weird fixation on Rhett’s every move that he had felt yesterday. Maybe he just needed a good night’s sleep to get some perspective.

After she collected the homework, the teacher announced they’d have an easy day today. She rolled the television cart out from the corner of the room and popped in the tape of the French-dubbed version of The Lion King, then turned off the lights as the opening credits rolled. Their only responsibility would be to note down at least ten new vocabulary words from the movie for discussion the next day.

Link stretched out in his seat and let his eyelids droop. He wasn’t quite sleepy, but the dim lighting certainly encouraged relaxation. He’d seen the movie enough times in English to follow the dubbed version without much trouble. After a few minutes, something made him glance over at Rhett, and he saw the other boy was looking at him, eyes shining in the darkness. 

When their eyes met, Rhett smiled self-consciously and quickly looked away. Link’s gaze lingered for a moment, watching the screen’s changing pastel lights bathe the planes of Rhett’s profile, before he, too, turned back to the movie. It was just a coincidence they happened to look at each other at the same time, Link thought. They’d always been in tune like that. 

The movie played until the bell rang, and everyone packed up to leave. “See you at lunch?” Link asked, and Rhett nodded. “See you there, Link.” 

Like yesterday, Link arrived at the cafeteria to find that Rhett was already sitting with a similar group of teens from the basketball team. This time, however, the available seat was next to Rhett. The conversation at the table focused, predictably, almost exclusively on that night’s game against the Overhills Jaguars. Rhett was especially excited by the prospect of setting the school record for three-pointers. If he kept sinking them the way he had been, he boasted, he had a decent chance of doing so that night or at the next game. 

Near the end of the lunch period, Rhett leaned across the table to take a pudding cup offered by another boy. As he sat back down, his leg casually brushed against the side of Link’s knee. A moment later, as he pulled the top off the pudding, he moved more deliberately to press his calf alongside Link’s, and left it there. At the same time, he continued talking excitedly with the other people at the table.

Link was in the middle of taking a bite of pizza and concentrated on carefully chewing and swallowing it.  His first instinct was to move his leg away and act as though the contact had been purely incidental, which maybe it was. However, a surge of stubbornness made him resist the impulse. He had been there first. If Rhett was going to be weird, Link wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of reacting. And he had to admit, even through both of their jeans, the touch of Rhett’s leg was warm and slightly electrifying.

He joined in the conversation at the table with renewed enthusiasm, determined to act completely normally. He kept the leg that was next to Rhett’s completely still. After a few minutes, Rhett shifted position again, a seemingly casual motion that happened to draw the side of his leg slowly up along Link’s knee, then back down. 

Link clenched his jaw with the effort of not reacting as the sensation tingled up his thigh to his spine. At this point, it was mostly the principle of the thing. If Rhett was trying to provoke him for his own amusement, to make a fool of him for some reason or another, Link wasn’t going to let that happen. He kept his leg motionless next to Rhett’s for the next few minutes until the closing bell rang, then sprang to his feet with a sense of relief. He felt physically tired from the effort of will he had just expended. 

Rhett followed him as they carried their trays to the kitchen. Link felt his friend’s eyes on the back of his head and fought to regain the casual feeling of their interactions that morning. “You missing study hall again?” he asked as they slid their trays onto the conveyor belt. 

“Yep,” Rhett replied. “More practice for tonight.” 

Link grinned up at him. “Isn’t he worried he’s gonna work you guys too hard?” 

Rhett shook his head. “I think it’s more for the morale than anything. We’ll probably spend most of the time talking about the game plan.”

They walked through the cafeteria and out into the hallway. This time, Link didn’t wait to part ways. “See you tonight, man.” 

Rhett appeared to hesitate for a second, his eyes fixed on Link’s with a searching expression. Then he ducked his head and said, “See you then.” 

Link turned and walked away without a backwards glance. He thought he felt Rhett’s gaze on him again, but he didn’t stop. Things were going to be normal between them even if it meant ignoring things like Rhett looking like he wanted to say something or the feeling of Rhett’s leg pressed alongside his own. Maybe the guy was just playing an elaborate, dumb joke. If so, Link refused to play along. 

He didn’t see Rhett for the rest of the day. The remainder of his classes passed by uneventfully, if unbearably boringly. He drove home and did his homework in front of the television, ate a quick dinner, then got back in his truck and returned to the school for the game.

He parked near the side entrance and walked into the gym, a cavernous space that contained two full basketball courts divided by bleachers.  The high ceilings were crisscrossed with metal rafters that echoed with the crack of basketballs and shouts from the crowd, and the polished wooden floors gleamed with a high gloss. Maroon and gold championship banners hung high on the walls, enumerating the many wins and records achieved by students in various sports over the past fifty years. 

Link found his customary seat on the first bleacher behind the home team bench. During the rare times that Rhett wasn’t on the court, this seat put Link close enough to him that they could talk if they wanted to. It also gave Link a decent vantage point to scope out the cheerleading squad. A few of the girls were already there, and they smiled at him when he sat down before turning back to their own conversation. 

The Trojans were already warming up on the court, jogging casually through various combinations of free throws, layups, and three-point shots while passing basketballs to each other in regular rhythm. They wore the home team uniforms, white with maroon letters outlined in gold, with a thick maroon stripe down each side. 

It was easy to locate Rhett, who moved confidently through the exercises with a calm, focused expression. Most of the time in everyday life, the boy’s long limbs were a hindrance, making him look out of proportion and awkwardly gangly. But on the basketball court, he had a smooth, easy grace that Link found a pleasure to watch. 

The team finished their warmup and returned to the bench in front of Link. When Rhett saw him, his eyes lit up. “Hey Link!” he exclaimed with a grin. There was already a slight flush to his face and a faint sheen of sweat at the notch of his neck. 

Link grinned back. “Hey Rhett.” 

The announcer introduced the two teams to the cheering crowd, then the game began. Like Rhett had predicted, the Jaguars weren’t in great shape this year, and the Trojans took an early lead that they were never in much risk of losing. Once they had a comfortable margin, Coach Gage swapped in many of the second-string players, putting Rhett on the bench more than he would normally be. 

It was a reasonable thing to do, but Rhett was clearly frustrated because it kept him from showing off for any potential recruiters in the crowd, and also reduced his opportunities for three-pointers. He sat on the bench with his elbows on his knees, focused on the game, fidgeting impatiently. 

Without his friend to watch on the court, Link didn’t care much about the game itself. Instead, he observed the sweat trickling down the back of Rhett’s neck. His eyes traced the curve of the boy’s shoulder blades under his uniform and followed the smooth muscles of his shoulders and upper arms. Link could suddenly feel those arms around him again, warm and strong. His lips parted slightly, unconsciously, and his tongue pressed against his bottom lip as his unruly mind imagined what Rhett’s skin would taste like now: the salt of his sweat overlying a more delicate, musky sweetness.

The closing buzzer pulled him harshly from his reverie. He quickly looked around the cheering crowd and was relieved to see no one seemed to have noticed his staring. Link stayed where he was while the two teams shook hands on the court and the fans dispersed.  Eventually Rhett came over with a grin on his face, and Link stood up and stepped off the bleachers to meet him on the floor. 

“We’re going to the semifinals, man!” Rhett shouted gleefully, and swept Link into a hug before Link could respond. Link closed his eyes as Rhett’s arms encircled his waist and embraced him tightly, lifting him onto his toes in his exuberance. Link put his arms around the other boy’s shoulders, both to return the hug and to keep himself from falling over.  

Rhett was not normally a hugger, and on the rare occasion he initiated a hug, it was over nearly before it began. This time, he didn’t end it quickly. His arms stayed firm around Link’s waist and he pressed his cheek into Link’s neck as the moment stretched on. Link felt the other boy’s thin beard brush the curve of his throat and his breath tickled his earlobe. His heart jumped in his chest as a sudden sharp blade of longing lanced through him.

Link had a wild thought of how easy it would be to turn his head, to trace his lips along Rhett’s cheek and pull the other boy down to him until their mouths met. In the darkness behind his closed eyelids, this seemed like the most natural thing in the world. But before he could move, Rhett gently released him, hands lingering briefly on Link’s hips before they dropped to his side. Link’s eyes opened to the harsh fluorescent lights of the gym and he swayed to regain his balance as reality intruded once again. 

Rhett was standing close and looking down at him with the same guileless grin, as if the hug had been nothing out of the ordinary. “I gotta go, I still need to do all my homework,” he said with a roll of his eyes at the injustice of it all. “See you tomorrow?”

 _But…_ Link thought, then stopped himself. _No, not when things are going so well_. Instead he nodded and smiled. “Yeah, Rhett, I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Rhett turned and jogged away to the locker room, a cheerful skip to his step. Link watched him go with a confused but happy expression that he continued to wear as he drove home, brushed his teeth, and climbed into bed. He didn’t want to analyze things tonight. For now, he just wanted to be happy. He drifted to sleep accompanied by memories of Rhett’s embrace, the scent of his sweat, and the way his eyes had gleamed as he looked down at Link from only inches away.


	6. Chapter 6

When he got ready for school the following morning, Link picked out a new long-sleeved polo shirt in a rich cobalt blue. He didn’t have much fashion sense, really, but even he knew how much the color brought out his eyes. He spent long enough fussing over his hair in the bathroom that his mother yelled up the stairs that he was going to be late. He glanced in passing at the bottle of cologne on the top of his bureau, which he generally reserved for special occasions, then laughed at himself and left it where it was. He grabbed his backpack and a granola bar and jumped in the truck.

He arrived at school and parked in the student lot. He was halfway to the door when he saw Rhett coming from another area of the lot, and the sight of him sent a flutter through Link’s stomach. _Keep it cool,_ he told himself as they veered toward each other to walk the rest of the way together. Rhett was dressed in dark jeans and a charcoal grey sweater and had his backpack slung over one shoulder. They smiled at each other as they automatically fell into the same pace, Rhett shortening his strides slightly to match his. 

“How’d the homework turn out?” Link asked.

Rhett shook his head. “Terribly. Can I copy your History answers in homeroom?” 

Link chuckled. “Sure, Rhett.” 

Rhett continued to bemoan the injustice of a star basketball player having to do homework as they walked through the halls, pausing a few times so other students could congratulate Rhett on the Trojans making it to the semifinals. He beamed at the attention, preening like a celebrity, and Link settled comfortably into the role of his shadow. It wasn’t always this way, but when it came to sports, it certainly was. Link was already done with his high school sporting career since the soccer season ended last November. It had been a fun thing to do with his time, but it was never a big part of his life like Rhett and basketball. 

When they got to homeroom, Link handed over his short answers to the questions about their reading assignment on the lead-up to World War I. Rhett read through them and paraphrased them into his own notebook with a practiced hand. This was a somewhat frequent occurrence, especially during basketball season, but Link had cribbed his fair share of homework from Rhett over the years too. They hadn’t been caught at it since sixth grade.

Rhett handed the paper back as the bell rang. “Thanks man,” he said with a smile. “See you in a while.” 

When Link got to Calculus and sat in his customary seat next to Randy, the other boy looked at him and grinned. “You’re awfully dressed up for a Friday,” he said. Randy himself was wearing a t-shirt with an unbuttoned flannel overshirt, which was pretty much the standard outfit for most of the boys at the school, and what Link wore nearly all of the time too. 

Link felt suddenly self-conscious. “Why, because my shirt has a collar?” 

“And your hair looks a little different… did you put _gel_ in it?” Randy was peering at him, incredulous.

Link bent over his backpack, taking his time getting out his textbook. “No, I just, like, brushed it, dude.” 

When he sat back up, the other boy had a teasing grin. “You trying to impress someone? It’s never too early to think about prom, you know.” 

Link rolled his eyes. As far as he was concerned, it was always too early to think about prom. He’d be fine with going stag if it came down to it, he thought. “No, Randy,” he protested. “I just put on the first clean shirt I could find. Honest.”

Randy raised a skeptical brow, but Mrs. Grady came to Link’s rescue by calling class to order. Link opened his notebook and concentrated on taking notes and avoiding Randy’s gaze for the rest of the class. He began idly wondering if Rhett had thought about the prom yet. From there it was an easy step to imagine Rhett in a tuxedo, with the fitted black jacket framing his broad shoulders and a high white collar and black bowtie flattering his slim neck. Link slumped further into his seat and put his hand to his forehead so Randy wouldn’t see him blush.  

Fortunately, both Calculus and English passed mercifully quickly. Toward the end of the latter, he fidgeted in his seat, growing increasingly impatient, and jumped up when the bell rang. Up the stairs and down the hall, he saw Rhett nearing the French classroom from the other side as he arrived himself, and together they took their seats at the back of the room. Madame Collins collected their homework and led a brief discussion on the section of The Lion King they had watched the previous day, then wheeled out the television and started the tape from where they had left off. 

This time, when Link looked over at Rhett and saw the other boy looking at him, Rhett didn’t look away. Instead, he held Link’s gaze and smiled. The changing lights from the screen made his eyes sparkle in the near-darkness. Link smiled back, and his stomach fluttered again. “This is my favorite part,” Rhett said softly.

Link was confused. “Wh… what?” 

Rhett nodded toward the screen. “Of the movie.” 

“Oh.” Link desperately searched for something witty to say and utterly failed. “Uh, mine too.” Looking into Rhett’s eyes, he had already forgotten what part of the movie they were watching. 

Rhett winked at him and turned back to the television. Link blinked a few times before he, too, turned back and tried to focus on the movie and resist the urge to look at Rhett again. The rest of the class passed quickly, with a brief lecture from Madame Collins at the end regarding their homework assignments for the weekend. The bell rang and they packed up their books, bidding each other farewell until lunch. 

When Link emerged from the lunch line with his fish sandwich and tater tots, he saw Rhett sitting at their customary table with some of their mutual friends. To Rhett’s left sat Tracy, another senior and member of the cheerleading squad who sometimes joined their lunch table. She was a petite girl with wavy brown hair and bangs, who was frequently at the top of the pyramid due to her small size. She was currently leaning toward Rhett with wide eyes as he spoke, and as Link got closer he could hear her giggling in response to something he had said. 

Link sat down in the empty seat on Rhett’s other side and greeted everyone at the table. Rhett acknowledged him with a quick “Hey Link!” before continuing his conversation with Tracy about last night’s game.

Link spent most of lunch watching the two of them talk and interjecting whenever he could. He liked Tracy well enough — they’d been in school together since she moved to Buies Creek at the beginning of sixth grade, and she’d always been nice to him — but he was starting to feel mildly annoyed by her presence here. He thoroughly chewed a bite of sandwich as he examined his emotions. Was this… jealousy? Of Rhett, or of Tracy? Rhett had never shown an interest in her before, but the way he was leaning toward her and working hard to make her laugh seemed excessive somehow. Distasteful. 

A few minutes before the end of the lunch period, Tracy saw a girl she wanted to talk to and got up from the table. “See you later, Rhett,” she said with a smile, barely nodding to the rest of the table as she picked up her tray and walked away. 

Rhett watched her go for a second or two, then turned to his lunch, nearly uneaten so far. He began to consume it hurriedly. “She’s nice,” he mumbled around a mouthful of tater tots. 

Link took a long drink of soda. “Yeah… she kind of talks a lot, though,” he muttered. 

Rhett looked at him briefly, eyebrow slightly raised, then turned back to his food without a word. A few seconds later, Link felt Rhett’s leg brush against his own, much like the day before. The contact was warm and comforting. This time, when Rhett didn’t move away, Link made the bold choice to move his leg slowly up alongside Rhett’s knee. Rhett kept his leg still, but when Link cut a quick glance over to the boy’s face, he thought he could see a slight flush on his cheeks. The sight of it combined with the feel of Rhett’s leg pressing back into his brushed away any lingering annoyance from his head. 

When they got up to return their trays to the kitchen, Rhett exclaimed, “Hey, I can finally go to study hall again!” 

Link laughed. “Coach Gage is giving you guys a break?” 

Rhett nodded. “A reward for winning last night. Only one practice today, the normal one after school. And then back to work on Monday so we can kick Triton’s butt on Tuesday.” 

The Triton Hawks, the next town over in Erwin, were the traditional rivals of Harnett Central. The two schools were generally evenly matched, but the Hawk’s record this so far this year was significantly better than the Trojans’. When they played next Tuesday, whoever won would advance further toward the state championships while the other team would be knocked out. The stakes were high, and Link didn’t feel good about Harnett Central’s odds. 

However, it is the job of the best friend to be eternally supportive. “You guys were so good last night,” he said as they walked out of the cafeteria. “I’m sure they won’t stand a chance. I just hope you get to play enough to break that record.” 

Rhett grinned at him. “I only need to sink three more three-pointers. That should be easy.” 

“And maybe there will be a scout in the audience when you do!” Link pointed out.

“Let’s hope so!” 

They walked down the hall and turned the corner into the study hall classroom. The supervisor, a substitute teacher Link recognized from other classes over the past few years, nodded at them and went back to reading the paperback book in his hands.

Instead of the chair-desks that were in most of the classrooms, the study hall had full-sized tables and separate chairs to make group work easier. The two boys took one of the empty tables in the back of the room by the window, sitting next to each other on the same side of it and facing the front of the classroom.

Rhett pulled out his copy of Dante’s Inferno. It looked brand new, which Link pointed out. “Have you not even cracked that open yet?”

“Nah, it’s been a busy couple of weeks,” Rhett admitted sheepishly. He was in Mr. Huchinson’s second English class, which meant he had it after study hall. 

“It’s not that bad, if you read it with the annotations. We got grilled on what happens in the second canto today, so you might want to get on that.”

Rhett pursed his lips in a comical pout as he slumped in his chair and opened the book to the beginning. Link took out his Calculus problem sets and started looking them over. They weren’t due until Monday, but he figured a head start wouldn’t hut. 

They studied in companionable silence for a little while, surrounded by the soft noises of other students shuffling papers and occasionally whispering to each other. After ten minutes or so, Rhett chuckled softly. When Link raised a brow at him, Rhett gestured to the passage he was reading in the book.

Link had to lean over close to him to see it, his shoulder pressed against Rhett’s arm as he bent forward. It seemed like Rhett was deliberately holding the book so that Link had to get closer to him than strictly necessary, but Link didn’t mind. Rhett was pointing at a place near the beginning of the second canto.

_Regard my manhood, if it be sufficient,_  
 _Ere to the arduous pass thou dost confide me._

Link had to read it over a few times because he could barely concentrate on the archaic language due to the feel of Rhett’s breath on the back of his neck. He looked up and saw Rhett was leaning toward him, his face quite close and their arms touching from shoulder to elbow. Link could smell the faint spice of his deodorant. Rhett’s charcoal sweater made his pale eyes seem more grey than blue in the thin sunlight coming from the window on Link’s other side. His eyes were currently regarding Link with a warm, mischievous sparkle. 

“Regard my manhood, Link,” he whispered. “Do you think it’s sufficient?” 

Link made a small strangled noise that was half gasp, half laughter. The teacher looked over and Link ducked his head in a quick apology before looking back at Rhett with his mouth agape. Rhett raised an eyebrow, clearly enjoying Link’s discomfort, waiting for him to respond. 

“I don’t know, Rhett,” he whispered back, holding the other boy’s gaze challengingly. “The path is quite… _arduous_.” He enunciated the last word and watched as Rhett’s eyes flicked down to track the movements of his lips. When Rhett looked back up, Link winked at him. Rhett’s eyes widened for a brief moment before he burst out laughing, bringing a hand to his mouth in a vain attempt to stifle the noise. He bent over the desk, emitting high-pitched, choked laughter. 

His mirth was contagious as always and Link started laughing too, also failing to do it quietly. The other students were starting to look at them and the teacher glared. 

After a minute or so, the boys regained their composure and sat back up. Rhett’s face was red, either from embarrassment or the effort of hiding the laughter, and Link guessed his own face was a similar hue. They grinned at each other, more giggles threatening to escape at any moment. 

Rhett cleared his throat and turned back to the book, focusing on it with a clear effort of will. Link looked down at his Calculus homework and failed to make any sense of it at all. Rhett was still sitting close enough for Link to catch his scent whenever he shifted, and then the other boy moved so their forearms were alongside each other on the table. Link turned his head slightly and saw Rhett was looking at him, a half smile on his lips. His blond eyelashes caught the sunlight and seemed impossibly long.

Link met his gaze and returned the small smile for a few moments, feeling a now-familiar nervous warmth in his abdomen. Then he mouthed the word “arduous” and they both cracked up again. The teacher stood up and appeared ready to come over and reprimand them when they were rescued by the closing bell. 

They packed up their books and exited the room. At the end of the hallway, it was time to part ways. “Oh,” Link said sadly, struck by a realization.

“Mmm?” Rhett asked.

“I just realized I won’t see you until Monday,” Link said, then blushed. “I mean, it’s gonna be a boring weekend, being grounded and all.” 

Rhett nodded. Link expected to be teased about implying he’d miss the guy, but Rhett didn’t take the bait. Instead he just said, “Yeah, it sucks.”

They stood at the crossroads in silence for a few seconds, looking at each other while other students passed them in every direction. Then Rhett stepped toward him and to the side, hooking his arm around Link’s waist and squeezing him in a side hug. “Have a good weekend, Link,” he said. 

Link looked up at him, standing so close. Rhett’s arm had settled comfortably into the curve between Link’s ribs and hip. Link knew he should be conscious of the other people in the hallway, but for a few precious seconds he didn’t care. He reached his arm up around Rhett’s shoulders and squeezed, meeting his eyes with a smile. “You too, Rhett.”

As he walked away toward the last class of the day, Link thought of the closing lines from Dante’s second canto. They had struck him when he first read it, and they were fresh in his mind after looking at Rhett’s book again. 

_"Now go, for one sole will is in us both,_  
 _Thou Leader, and thou Lord, and Master thou."_  
 _Thus said I to him; and when he had moved,_  
 _I entered on the deep and savage way._


	7. Chapter 7

Link spent most of the weekend bored and impatient for Monday to come more quickly. He slept late on Saturday and stumbled downstairs to find the rest of his family had already left for the afternoon. He took the plate of cold waffles and bacon his mother had left out for him and sat down on the couch to watch cartoons.

After a couple of hours of idleness, he dragged out his homework and slowly worked through it, dividing his attention between it and the television. When he finished, he rewarded himself with videogames until it was dinnertime and his family was home. After they ate, he settled back in front of the television and watched horrible movies being mocked on Mystery Science Theater 3000 until it was one o’clock in the morning.

He was wide awake when he crawled into bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. Naturally his mind wandered to Rhett, and he wondered how his friend was doing. It was so rare that they didn’t see each other on the weekends — pretty much only when one of their families went on vacation or when, like now, they were grounded. Frequently on Saturday nights one of them was sleeping over the other’s house, in a sleeping bag on the floor of the bedroom. They always talked late into the night.

If Rhett were here now, Link thought, would he still sleep on the floor? Or would he climb into bed next to Link, wearing the thin, light blue v-necked t-shirt and briefs he usually slept in, and put his arm around Link’s waist, and pull Link into his embrace… 

Link squirmed, disoriented by conflicting emotions. He didn’t want to lose the relaxed, easy dynamic he and Rhett had cultivated over the past twelve years if things became… something more than platonic. And yet, he could so easily conjure Rhett’s scent in the air, and picture the sweat rolling down the back of the boy’s neck. When he closed his eyes he could see the light grey-blue of Rhett’s eyes framed by graceful lashes regarding him with warmth and amusement and — yes — desire.

His imagination continued to tease him relentlessly with what-ifs until he was completely exhausted, at which point he finally drifted into a restless sleep. Once there, he dreamed:

_He’s walking with Rhett down the hallway at school. Rhett’s arm is around his shoulders and his fingers trace circles on Link’s upper arm. Link’s arm is around his waist and their bodies fit together perfectly, hips pressed together as they stride in unison. They’re talking about something silly and making each other laugh. Link feels utterly at ease, protected and safe. There is no doubt that this is where he is supposed to be, in Rhett’s arms._

_They reach their lockers, which are side by side, and stop, turning toward each other. Their eyes lock and the tenderness he sees in Rhett’s expression takes his breath away. As Link looks up at him and smiles, the other boy leans down and nuzzles his cheek. Link tilts his head, asking for a kiss, and Rhett teasingly nibbles along his jawline instead. He reaches up and runs his fingers through Link’s hair as his breath caresses his earlobe, and Link leans into him, pliant with desire. Rhett’s body feels warm and strong and vibrant._

_Rhett releases him and turns to take something out of his locker. Link turns to his own locker for a second and then he hears a thunderous noise. A wave of white water is rolling toward them, filling the hallway at a height over their heads, and there is no time to run. It crashes over him, seizing his lungs in an icy grip, tossing him like a ragdoll to the floor._

_The wave passes and the hallway is eerily silent except for Link’s gasps. He turns from where he lies crumpled against the lockers and sees that Rhett is also lying on the floor. His friend is shirtless, in shorts, and soaking wet. A puddle of water spreads out from underneath him. His eyes are closed, his skin chalk-white, his lips and eyelids blue._

_Link crawls to Rhett with a cry and presses his hands over the boy’s motionless chest, his skin slick and cold as ice. He pulls Rhett’s head into his lap and cradles it as he chokes with sobs. Darkness crowds around him and he knows without a doubt that Rhett is dead and it is his fault. He thinks about how he will have to tell Rhett’s parents and brother what he has done. He sees his future stretch out before him, every day from now until the end of his life empty without his best friend, and his despair and hopelessness are all-consuming._

The sobbing was what woke Link up. He sat up, gasping for air, staring wildly around the darkness of his bedroom as he very slowly came back to reality. His cheeks were damp and his hair was matted to his temples. He hugged his arms around his chest and rocked back and forth, overwhelmed by the vivid images of the dream. Despite the knowledge it had all been in his head, his tears didn’t subside for a long time. 

He didn’t understand. Why would his subconscious do something so cruel? Why show him how wonderful it could be with Rhett, then rip everything away from him and turn it into the worst moment imaginable? Was it trying to warn him about what might happen if he let himself act more openly on his desires? 

He eventually got his breathing under control and lay back down, curled into a fetal position. He was afraid to go to sleep for fear he would go right back into the dream. He tried to think of anything else to distract himself, but his thoughts always came back to Rhett, first holding him lovingly, then lying in front of him dead. After what felt like hours, he finally drifted into a heavy, dreamless sleep. 

He woke up very late on Sunday morning. His head hurt as if he had been hit with a baseball bat and his eyelids and cheeks were crusted with dried salt. He got out of bed and pulled on pajama pants, trudged to the bathroom, and took a long drink of water. In the mirror, his hair stuck up wildly in every direction. He ran the shower until the room began to fill with steam, then undressed and stepped into it. 

He stayed in the shower until the hot water began to run out, mostly standing under the stream staring off into space. He toweled off and got dressed. He spent the rest of the day lounging around the house, finishing the rest of his homework and watching television and generally trying to avoid thinking about the dream. His head felt fuzzy all day and he went to bed early.

When he saw Rhett in homeroom on Monday morning, sitting and chatting with a few other boys, Link felt an unexpected flood of relief. He had mostly pushed the dream out of his conscious mind by then, but seeing the other boy warm and breathing brought it all rushing back. He walked over and clapped Rhett on the back, reveling in his solid presence. “Hey, Rhett, long time no see!” 

Rhett grinned up at him. “Hey buddy, have a good weekend?” 

Link shook his head. “Nah, totally boring. You?”

“About the same.” 

There was a pause as Rhett looked into his face with a searching expression. “Everything okay?” he asked.

Link looked away, scratching at the hair on his chin. “Yeah, man. I just didn’t sleep well, I guess.”

Rhett dropped his hand alongside Link’s leg and cupped the top of his calf. Link jumped and jerked his leg away reflexively, and Rhett responded with a raised brow.

“It tickled,” Link muttered. But it hadn’t, not really. He suddenly felt reluctant to play along with Rhett’s little gestures of affection. He shifted the backpack on his shoulder and took another step away, confused by his own reaction. “I’ve gotta get to class early,” he said, and walked out of the room. 

He spent Calculus and English barely paying attention, trying to figure out what was going on in his head. For the hundredth time, he wished that things could go back to the way they had been before the night on the island. He didn’t want to be all weird and awkward around Rhett but he couldn’t shake the images from his dream. The more he thought about it, the stronger it felt like a warning. 

In French class, Link did his best to act normally, making small talk with Rhett about the television shows he had watched over the weekend. Rhett played along, but his eyes followed Link’s face, trying to make eye contact as Link avoided it. Madame Collins had the students pair up to discuss the Lion King and the two boys turned their desks to each other as usual. Link buried his face in his workbook, looking up vocabulary words and trying to come up with creative ways to talk about African wildlife. It was possibly the best French he’d ever spoken, despite Rhett not giving him much to work with.

When the bell rang, Link was grateful to escape to History, where he sunk himself into the details of major World War I battles. Afterward, he contrived to get to the cafeteria after Rhett had already sat down, and chose a seat a few chairs away from him. The rest of the seats filled in with the normal crowd, including Tracy, who sat next to Rhett again. 

Link took Dante out of his bag and opened it to the third canto, attempting to appear too busy to participate in the table conversation. He looked up a few times and saw that Rhett seemed less interested in talking to Tracy than he had been on Friday; he slouched in his chair and was actually eating his lunch, letting her do most of the talking. At one point Link looked up and saw that Rhett was looking at him, and Link looked quickly away.

As they got up to return their trays, Rhett fell into step behind him. “Are you sure you’re okay, Link?” he asked. 

Link felt a pang of guilt. It wasn’t Rhett’s fault he had featured so vividly in his dream, and the guy hadn’t done anything wrong in real life. Link turned to him and forced a smile. “Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry, I guess I’m more tired than I thought.” 

Rhett grinned, looking relieved. “Well, you’d better get some sleep tonight so you’re wide awake for our victory tomorrow night,” he said.

Link smiled back. “I’ll do my best.” 

As they walked out of the cafeteria, Rhett clapped him on the back, then rested his hand briefly on Link’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. It felt good, but Link resisted the urge to put an arm around him in response. “See you tomorrow, Rhett,” he said as he turned away. 

“See ya, Link.” 

An uneventful afternoon and evening led into another uneventful morning, and soon Link was back at school, thankfully having remembered no dreams from the night before. The energy in the hallways was buzzing due to the upcoming game. The basketball team and the cheerleading squad were all wearing their uniforms to class in an expression of school spirit for the semifinals. Many other students were wearing the school colors as well, including Link, who had a maroon T-shirt on under an unbuttoned tan and cream plaid overshirt. 

The basketball team’s away uniform was mostly maroon with gold piping around the neckline and armholes and a white stripe down each side. The dark reddish hue was exceptionally flattering on Rhett, giving his skin and dark blond hair a healthy glow. He wore a long-sleeved black shirt under his tank top for warmth, but below his shorts his lower legs were bare. The sleeves of the undershirt clung to the muscles of his upper arms in a way that somehow made them stand out more than if they’d been nude. Link wanted to touch those arms; he even found himself reaching out casually to do so during homeroom, but stopped himself. Fortunately, Rhett seemed sufficiently distracted by the excitement surrounding the game to be unconcerned by Link’s continued standoffishness. 

The day passed quickly and soon Link was home, doing his homework and eating a quick dinner before heading back out. He wore the same outfit he had worn to school with the addition of a dark brown leather bomber jacket to keep out the cold. The game that night was at Triton High School in Erwin, about half an hour away. Rhett would be taking the bus with the rest of the team while Link drove there alone in his truck. 

When he got to the unfamiliar school, it took him some time to find a spot that didn’t seem to be reserved for one reason or another. He ended up parking in one of the furthest spots from the entrance against the line of trees that abutted the parking lot. The Harnett Central bus was already parked close to the doors.

He entered the school and walked past the concession stand and into the gym. The building looked slightly newer than Harnett Central’s and the interior was somewhat larger, with banners in the school colors of blue and white flying in rows along the high walls. 

The bleachers on both sides were already half-full of spectators with more streaming in all the time. Link found a seat near the floor behind the Trojans’ bench. Randy joined him shortly after along with a few other friends from their lunch group. The cheerleaders were already working the crowd, getting them pumped up to cheer for the team. 

Link watched Rhett warm up on the court, allowing himself once again to admire his friend’s grace. Rhett looked like he was moving well, grinning and joking with his teammates. When the game started and the announcer introduced the teams, Link and his friends stood and cheered raucously for Rhett and the boy looked up and gave them a jaunty wave.

The Hawks won the tip-off and the game was on. It was hotly contested from the start, with possession changing hands frequently. Tension started high on both sides of the court and ratcheted higher as Harnett Central took the lead, lost it, and took it again. Rhett sunk two three-pointers in the second quarter, leaving him with only one more to break the school record. 

The score was tied in the third quarter when Rhett made a rare foray into the paint, driving in for a layup. One of the Triton guards, jumping up at the same time, collided with him in a desperate attempt to block the shot. Rhett landed poorly, rolling his ankle, and fell to the ground onto his back. Link was instantly on his feet, peering down at the court where Rhett lay. He held his breath, heart in his throat, as two teammates helped the boy to stand and take a few tentative steps. Rhett appeared to favor the ankle briefly, but as he walked it worked itself out, and Link heaved a sigh of relief and sat back down. Rhett took his free throws and sank both of them to the cheers of the crowd, after which Coach Gage substituted him out. 

Link stared at Rhett’s back as the boy sat on the bench, rolling his ankle to keep it limber, fidgeting impatiently as the lead continued to change hands between the two schools. Link could see the tension ripple through the muscles of his sweat-sheened shoulders. He kept catching the coach’s eye, gesturing that he should put him back in. 

The Hawks were up by two points at the start of the fourth quarter when Coach Gage substituted Rhett in. He hung around his favorite spot by the three-point line, not straying too far from it and staying open for a pass. Link’s seat was close enough that he could see the intent expression on his friend’s face, holding his upper lip between his teeth, concentrating harder than he ever seemed to off the court. He made a few shots that bounced off the rim, but the third shot landed and Link found himself on his feet again, cheering Rhett’s name. His friends stood and cheered with him, and Rhett performed a reasonably dignified victory dance in their direction as the Hawks threw the ball back in. 

Still standing, Link watched Rhett run toward the other end of the court with a mixture of pride and a surprising sense of possession. _My friend,_ he thought, as the fourth quarter clock ticked down. _Mine._


	8. Chapter 8

Rhett’s record-breaking shot put the Trojans in the lead with three and a half minutes left. The rest of the game was intense, with all the players running flat out, coaches yelling, and both sides of the crowd constantly cheering and chanting along with their cheerleaders. Link could see that Rhett was getting tired, but pushed himself to the limit, refusing to slow down. He made a number of impressive plays, including sinking another three-pointer, and Link cheered his name each time. The teams were tied going into the last thirty seconds, but the Hawks scored and then kept possession of the ball, despite a valiant effort by the Trojans to get it back, until they ran out the clock.

At the closing buzzer, the Triton side of the court exploded in cheers while Link’s side applauded more sedately. Harnett Central had gotten further in the championships this year than the past three, and losing to a team as good as Triton, especially in a game that was so close, wasn’t anything to be ashamed of. Link knew Rhett would be disappointed, though, and worried about him as he watched the boy shake the other players’ hands. His shoulders were slightly slumped and, to Link’s eyes, the smile he gave them seemed strained. 

The crowds began to disperse but Link sat where he was, waiting. Randy and the others said goodbye and went out to their cars. Eventually Rhett broke away from the crowd of teammates and came over to him, the expression on his face difficult to read. 

Link stood up and approached him. “You broke the record, man!” He exclaimed.

Rhett grinned. “Yeah, I did!” His face fell. “But then we lost.” 

Link nodded ruefully. “Yeah... it was a good game, though. You guys made a great showing.”

Rhett shifted from foot to foot, now looking strangely energized despite running around for the past two hours. Maybe the adrenaline was still working its way through him. His face was flushed and shone with sweat; it beaded on his cheeks and rolled down his neck. He pulled the collar of his uniform away from his chest, fluffing the sweat-soaked fabric. “I’m really hot,” he complained. “Can we go outside for some air?” 

“Sure,” Link said, donning his jacket. After they had taken a few steps toward the door, Rhett reached out and took Link’s wrist in his hand, leading him with a surprising urgency, in a gesture that seemed both childlike and intimate. Link let himself be led.

They got outside and Rhett gulped deep breaths of the chilly air. He turned to Link, eyes wide and shadowed in the yellow glow of the overhead parking lot lights, fingers still loosely encircling Link’s wrist. “Where’s your truck?” he asked. 

Link pointed far across the lot with his free hand, where his truck was now by itself in the semi-darkness. Rhett led him in that direction, forcing Link to take quick steps to keep up with his long strides. As they walked, Rhett explained, “I know we’re still technically grounded until tomorrow, but I thought we could get some time to talk or something until the bus leaves.” 

Link’s brain tripped over the idea of _or something_ and tangled his tongue as he tried to respond. “Yeah… yeah it really feels like we’ve been grounded for months.” The incident with the river seemed like a lifetime ago. 

When they reached Link’s truck, Rhett took him to the far side of it, the side that was facing the trees. He released Link’s wrist and stood facing him. Link’s back was to the side of the cab. The closest light was at least twenty feet away and the illumination that made it to them was broken into shadows by intervening trees. Still, Link could make out the steam rising off Rhett’s bare shoulders in the cold; it gave him a strange, ethereal quality. The pooled sweat glittered in the notch of his neck. 

Link smiled. He was relieved that Rhett didn’t seem too broken up about not advancing further in the championships. Normally this sort of loss would have had him moping for weeks, with Link trying to cheer him up, but he didn’t seem terribly affected by it now. Maybe breaking the three-point record had softened the blow. 

“That was really great, that save you made in the first quarter,” he said. Rhett had dove for the ball just as it was going out of bounds, and smoothly passed it to teammate Kincaid Jones for a layup.

Rhett looked confused for a moment. “What? Oh, yeah, I had already forgotten about that.” 

“And I couldn’t believe that guy knocking you down, how’s your ankle?”

Rhett balanced on his other foot and rolled the ankle in question. “Seems fine now.” 

“And you made your free throws,” Link continued, “It was too bad that you got benched after that, though I can understand Coach wanting to save you for the big push at the end, it was such a close game…” He continued to ramble about the details he remembered from the game, times he had stood up and cheered for Rhett or yelled in outrage at the referees. It slowly dawned on him that Rhett’s answers were uncharacteristically short, almost monosyllabic. Normally he’d be eager to talk about the game for hours afterward, bragging about his moves and dissecting every play for what he could learn from it. Not tonight. 

With the realization that he was starting to babble, Link trailed off awkwardly. Maybe Rhett was feeling worse about losing the championship than he’d let on. Maybe he thought Link’s observations were boring. Or… maybe he had something else on his mind. 

In the silence that followed, Rhett took a step closer to him so they were practically toe to toe. “As much as I would normally love to talk about basketball, Link… I don’t want to right now.” His voice was pitched low and quiet, his eyes fixed on Link’s. “Not when I finally have you to myself.” 

Link felt his heart quicken. Rhett’s words hung in the chilled air for a few seconds while his mind raced for a response. “Well now that you have me… what… what are you going to do with me?” He tried to make it sound playful, but his lips stumbled over the words and his face felt warm.

Rhett’s eyes were narrowed and he raised a single brow slightly. A slight curve to his lips completed the calculating expression. “Link…” he started, then hesitated. He briefly drew his lower lip between his teeth, then rubbed his hands over his upper arms with an exaggerated shiver. In a decisive movement, he reached up to the jacket’s zipper at Link’s throat and drew it smoothly all the way down. 

“Uh,” Link said, but didn’t get any farther before he felt Rhett’s hands on his waist, under his jacket but on top of his t-shirt. Link’s own hands remained down by his sides, fingers curling nervously.

“I’m cold, you’re warm,” Rhett offered as an explanation. His hands, however, felt quite warm. 

Link swallowed. “Well, we are good at warming each other up,” he said softly.

Rhett stepped even closer to him, pushing slightly until Link’s backside was against the truck. The cold metal through his jeans made him draw a quick breath.  “We are,” Rhett whispered.

Link couldn’t help himself; his eyes were drawn to Rhett’s mouth, inches from his own. The boy’s pink lips were parted slightly and his breath was visible in the air, curling into the space between the two of them. He could smell the salty musk of Rhett’s sweat. When he looked back up to Rhett’s eyes, there was no denying the desire in them. It made his knees feel weak and his heart flutter like a trapped bird. 

Link thought that he could turn away or say something funny to break the tension, but he didn’t. Instead, he tilted his face up toward Rhett ever so slightly. It was all the invitation Rhett needed to close the remaining space between them and meet Link’s lips in a kiss. 

Right away it was unlike the delicate kisses Link had experienced with girls; Rhett’s mouth pushed against his with a forcefulness that shocked him. He yielded to the pressure, leaning back as Rhett pressed him against the curve of the truck. Link ran his hands up the boy’s bare shoulders, feeling muscles like coiled steel springs. He brought one hand further, to cup the side of Rhett’s jaw and feel the neatly trimmed edge of his beard against his palm. He parted his lips, welcoming Rhett’s tongue into his mouth with a groan. 

The salt on Rhett’s lips mingled with the unique taste of him and kindled a passion that flared through Link’s chest and took his breath away. He pulled the other boy to him with a hand on the back of his neck and felt Rhett’s heart pounding against his chest through the sweat-soaked tank top. The edge of Rhett’s beard scraped against Link’s lower lip.

One of Rhett’s hands remained under Link’s jacket, grasping the curve of his ribcage. The other he brought up and ran through Link’s hair, the sensation sparking a brief memory of the dream. It was easy, though, for Link to push the thought out of his head given the realities of his present situation, especially the sound of the soft, hungry noises Rhett was making in the back of his throat. 

Link was starting to feel short of oxygen but Rhett pushed against him still, kissing him as if he were drowning and Link were his lifeline. He nudged Link’s feet apart with one of his own and put his leg between them, truly pinning him against the truck now. The raw, masculine weight of him tore a gasp from Link’s throat. 

Powerful emotions crashed through his head, vying for his scant attention. Relief that things were finally out in the open, that there could be no denying it now. Anxiety over what this meant for him, for his life, for their future together. But these emotions were fuzzy and indistinct under the wildfire of his need for Rhett’s body against his, for Rhett’s hands on his skin. He let out a soft moan as Rhett’s thigh moved insistently between his own. 

Gradually, the pressure began to feel somewhat painful. Rhett’s kiss pressed Link’s own lips against his teeth, the boy’s tongue still aggressively inside Link’s mouth. The cold metal of the truck was starting to dig into Link’s awkwardly arched back. Rhett’s fingers curled hard around the side of his neck, fingernails along his spine. 

Link tried to break off the kiss by leaning back slightly, but Rhett followed, hand moving up into his hair and holding him in place. Link put his hands on Rhett’s shoulders and pushed gently. It was as if he were trying to move a boulder; the other boy didn’t even appear to notice. Link felt a tiny spark of unease, almost unnoticeable under the avalanche of other sensations. He put his palms further down on Rhett’s chest and pushed more firmly, turning his face to the side and finally escaping the kiss. 

He panted for breath as Rhett’s teeth raked along his jawline. It took him several tries to remember how to speak, and his voice was rough. “Rhett…” 

“What is it, Link?” The boy’s hot breath and the deep timbre of his voice was enough to weaken Link’s knees all over again.  He tried to hold on to his resolve, even if it was just enough to keep him from diving right back into the kiss. He needed a few seconds to think, to take stock.

“I…” of course, now that he had acquired an ability to talk he didn’t know what to say. Rhett shifted slightly, taking his weight off of Link and putting both hands lightly on his waist again. He regarded Link with half-open eyes and pupils so dilated his irises looked black. His lips looked wet and swollen and bruised. 

Link grasped at Rhett’s shoulders, searching for words. “I just wanted to… to think for a minute. About what this is.” 

Rhett’s thumbs worked under his t-shirt and traced the skin over his hipbones, ticklish and coy. He leaned back in close to Link’s face, his lips brushing the other boy’s as he responded, “This… this is kissing, Link.” 

Link giggled, relieved at the slight reduction in tension even as Rhett’s thumbs were making him squirm. “Oh, thank you, Rhett. I hadn’t figured that out.” 

He leaned his head forward, resting his forehead on Rhett’s chest and closing his eyes. His heart was still pounding and he could hear Rhett’s beating in time. “I meant, you know… in a greater sense.” 

There was a pause, then he felt Rhett shrug his shoulders. “I dunno, man. I just wanted to.” 

Link swallowed, then plowed ahead. “And, is that… all? You just… want to?”

He felt Rhett’s muscles tense, then relax. The other boy brought a hand up to Link’s chin and gently lifted it to look into his eyes. “Yeah, Link. I haven’t really thought about it beyond that, to be honest.”  

Link’s skepticism of that claim was washed over by Rhett leaning down and kissing him again. It was less rough this time, but the sense of hunger still roiled just under the surface. The boy was clearly more interested in the nonverbal type of communication at the moment. His hand moved further up Link’s shirt, his palm flat against the side of his stomach and fingers tracing higher on his ribcage. Link shuddered, yielding to the kiss, bringing his arms around Rhett’s shoulders again. 

A few short honks of a horn sounded from across the parking lot. It took much longer than it should have for Link’s brain to figure out what the noise meant: the Trojans’ team bus. 

Rhett pulled away with obvious reluctance, his hand on Link’s hip being the last to go. They stood looking at each other from inches away with flushed faces and parted lips. Link thought that one of them should say something meaningful, something profound. Or at least something that would reassure them that the earth was still turning and the sun would rise the next day. 

Rhett wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as he looked at the bus and then back at Link. “I wish I didn’t have to go,” he said. 

The bus honked again. Link took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He tried to affect an air of normalcy, like he hadn’t just had his entire world turned upside-down. “Go,” he said. “It’s okay.” He smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Rhett smiled back. “Yeah, you will.” 

He gave Link a last, long look before turning and running to the bus. Link watched him go, illuminated and hidden in turn as he passed through the patches of light. Link remained where he was and leaned against the side of his truck for quite a while after the bus left, trying to think and mostly failing. He stayed there until there were no other cars in the parking lot, until the wind chilled his face and he could no longer feel his nose. He stared at the asphalt, gleaming yellow in the streetlights, and tasted Rhett’s tongue and felt Rhett’s hands on him, and the intensity of it made him shiver with fear and desire. 

He got into his truck and drove, headed to a home he wasn’t sure would be exactly the same as it was when he left it. This was it. It was out in the open now, at least between the two of them. There was no turning back. Not anymore.


	9. Chapter 9

When Link got home that night, his mother was waiting up for him. He was grateful that there was only a dim reading lamp illuminating the foyer, as he was not sure he wanted her to get a good look at him. He felt disheveled, mussed, possibly even bruised. And he didn’t trust his expression to convey only the information he was ready to convey, especially since he hadn’t decided what that was yet. Fortunately, she accepted his explanation that the game had run long and he had stayed to comfort Rhett after the Trojans’ loss. Equally fortunately, she didn’t appear to notice his stammer over the word “comfort.” 

He was soon in bed and quite unable to sleep. His mind raced, flitting from thought to thought without making progress on any of them. It wasn’t unpleasant, though, since underlying it all was a current of joy. Sure, things were no doubt going to be complicated. But he felt as if that night had opened the door to an entirely new world he hadn’t even known existed; a way of expressing his feelings for Rhett that he never even let himself acknowledge, let alone believed the other boy would accept from him. It proved what happened on the island hadn’t been all in Link’s head or just a freak of circumstance. It proved he hadn’t been hallucinating the furtive touches and flirtatious looks. It felt so good to be proven sane… or at least, not any more insane than usual. 

The next morning, Link bounded out of bed before his alarm, full of energy in spite of the insomnia. He pulled on jeans and a royal blue long-sleeved shirt and was soon on his way out the door. He paused only long enough to give his startled mother a hug, which prompted a chuckle. “Well aren’t you cheerful this morning!’ 

He grinned in response. “Only one more day of grounding!” 

She shook her head ruefully, calling after him as he went out the front door, “You’d think you’d been grounded for a year!’  

“It sure feels like it,” Link muttered to himself as he climbed into the truck. He pondered the granola bar on the dashboard then thought better of it. His stomach was jumpy, fluttering every time he let his mind wander back to the night before, which was often. The memories were so vivid it only took the barest hint of encouragement to tip into full-on flashbacks. Rhett pushing him against the truck. Rhett leaning down and kissing him harder than he’d ever been kissed before. Rhett’s hands spread along his sides and running through his hair.

Link put a hand to lips that still felt raw. He glanced in the rearview mirror and they looked fine, perhaps with slightly more color than usual, but that could be just because they contrasted with his dark facial hair in the thin morning light. He concluded with a smile that the soreness must be purely psychological and wondered if Rhett felt the same. 

He pulled into the nearly-empty school parking lot and took a spot close to the entrance. He stayed in the car and listened to the radio, tuned to WRDU’s classic rock, watching other cars pull in and students trudge into the building. Randy, walking in from his own car, spotted him and veered toward the truck, and Link shut off the radio and got out to meet him. The other boy gave him an appraising look. “Rough night, Link?”

“What do you mean?” Link turned away to fiddle with his backpack, suddenly paranoid that the amorous experience had left marks he hadn’t seen. 

“You look a little… dazed. That and you’re sitting in your truck instead of going into this fine institution of learning, even though judging by the spot you got you’ve been here for fifteen minutes.” 

“Well aren’t you the detective!” Link snorted, facing him again. Randy continued to regard him with a raised brow as Link continued, “Ah, I just didn’t sleep well I guess. Might be comin’ down with a cold.” 

Links scanned the parking lot and his heart skipped a beat as he saw Rhett had finally arrived. The boy was parking about fifty yards away. He turned back to Randy and said, “I’ve gotta go ask Rhett about some French homework. See you in homeroom?” 

Randy looked slightly dubious at Link’s excuse for brushing him off, but shrugged and headed inside with a, “See you there.” 

Link hiked his backpack higher on one shoulder and started walking toward Rhett, meeting him halfway. The other boy was wearing a black t-shirt with a blue flannel over it in a similar shade to Link’s. _It figures we would match today_ , Link thought. They stopped a few feet apart between two parked cars and regarded each other with tentative, slightly goofy smiles. 

“Good morning, Rhett.” Link was extra conscious of his lips and it made him over-enunciate. He was dimly aware of his heart pounding much faster than seemed warranted by his brisk walk. 

Rhett’s smile broke into a grin. “’Morning, Link!” He took a quick glance around the parking lot before stepping forward and squeezing Link in a hug. He lingered for a brief second, face pressed into Link’s hair, before releasing him. 

The hug was immediately soothing to Link’s racing heart. Things did not feel terrible and wrong. The sun had, in fact, risen this morning. He breathed deeply as they turned and walked into the school together, making small talk about homework and classes. As they walked, their shoulders occasionally brushed lightly together.

It turned out neither of them had done the homework that was due in French that day, so they focused on that during homeroom until the bell rang. When they reunited in third period, Link glanced over at Rhett often during Madame Collins’ homework review, letting his eyes linger on the hard edges of the boy’s profile and the graceful arc of his eyelashes. Occasionally Rhett met his gaze and gave him a little smile, and every time he did it felt like a reassuring caress. 

When they turned to face each other for the conversational exercise, they sat close enough that their knees touched between their desks. The electric contact meant Link could barely concentrate on the vocabulary he was supposed to have memorized by now, but he didn’t care. Rhett was close enough that he could smell him, all clean deodorant now rather than salty sweat, but it was still the same skin underneath. He focused on his workbook so he wouldn’t stare, and had the sense Rhett was doing the same. 

At the end of class, Rhett stood up to go and paused behind Link’s chair. His hand came down on Link’s shoulder, a casual pat to any observer, but his thumb traced up the side of Link’s neck to his hairline. Link shivered involuntarily and looked up to see the other boy’s mischievous smile. He impulsively grabbed Rhett’s departing hand and touched the back of it to his cheek, closing his eyes and luxuriating in the brief contact before letting it go. It felt dangerous, illicit, but good. He glanced around the room and was relieved to see no one appeared to be paying them any attention. 

At lunch, the usual group was at the table, with Tracy in her now-established seat on Rhett’s left. Link sat down on the other side of him with a plate full of pepperoni pizza. As soon as he sat down, Rhett moved to align his thigh alongside Link’s own and Link happily pressed back into it. It was warm, reassuring, and secretive at the same time. 

Most of the basketball players at the table were still stinging from the previous night’s loss, so the conversation centered on the inaccuracy of referee calls and general failings of character on the part of the Triton players. Rhett recounted the story of his fall, playing up the clumsiness of the boy who collided with him and making everyone at the table laugh. 

Link noticed that Tracy was trying rather hard to hold Rhett’s attention, laughing the longest at his jokes and even occasionally twirling her hair in his direction. Eventually Rhett turned and focused on talking to her, leaning toward her and flashing his winning grin, and she preened in response. Link again felt the confusing sense of jealousy as he watched the two of them interact and tried to distract himself with his pizza. 

He turned to Randy, sitting on his other side, and talked to him about their shared interest of mountain biking. The other boy launched into detailed specifications of the bike he had just gotten for his birthday, rambling about hydraulic disc brakes and preloaded suspensions, and Link was grateful to just nod and ask the occasional semi-intelligent question. During the entirety of their separate conversations, Rhett’s leg remained alongside his own.

Soon enough, the bell rang and the group dissipated. The two boys fell into step on their way to study hall. Link took a few seconds to screw up his courage and then he said, “Tracy seems really into you.” 

Rhett shot him a look. “You think?”

“Don’t you?”

The other boy shrugged. “I guess?”

“Well are you into her?” Link demanded.

Another shrug. “I don’t know, man.” He paused to open the door to the study hall, then continued. “I hadn’t really thought about it.” 

“You don’t think about much, do you,” Link grumbled under his breath.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Link said, pretty sure Rhett had heard him the first time.

They sat at their usual corner table and pulled out their books, both reading Dante this time. Link felt tense after their exchange and chewed the inside of his lip while wondering if he should say something more about it. His anxiety evaporated when Rhett dropped his hand between the two of them and placed it on Link’s knee under the table. He traced small circles with his thumb, just on the edge of tickling, while Link bit his lower lip and tried to keep still. He stole a look and saw the other boy focused on his book with the slightest hint of a smile playing on his lips.

They parted ways after study hall with another quick hug in the hallway, another brief press of Rhett’s face into Link’s hair. Link brushed thoughts of Tracy out of his head. 

The next three weeks followed a similar pattern, with fleeting glances and furtive expressions of affection interspersed throughout what was generally a very boring high school existence. They did homework and took quizzes and waited to hear if they had gotten into any of the colleges they’d applied to. Rhett continued to talk to Tracy at lunch while touching Link’s leg under the table.

It seemed the universe was conspiring to keep them from having any time together in private. Their friends tagged along on afterschool activities and their families occupied them on the weekends. While it was frustrating on the one hand, part of Link felt strangely grateful for the excuse to take things slowly. The more days that passed where things with Rhett felt comfortable and normal, the better he felt about their friendship being able to endure whatever this new dimension was. 

Or at least that’s what he told himself as he lay awake at night tormented by the memories of the kiss and his imagination of what it might be like to take things further. That’s what he tried to remind himself of as Rhett’s goodbye hugs lingered more each day, his fingers splayed across the small of Link’s back. They had all the time in the world. 

One Monday morning in early April, as the bell rang in homeroom and they packed up to go to first period, Rhett turned to him and casually said, “Hey, you wanna sleep over on Friday night?” 

“Sure,” Link said without hesitation. Rhett had already responded, “Great!” and walked out the door before it occurred to Link that this was likely to be a bit different from their countless sleepovers in the past. His stomach started to squirm in nervous anticipation. What would happen? What could happen, with Rhett’s family there? What was Rhett expecting? 

These questions kept him occupied throughout Calculus and English, occasionally prompting daydreams that were potentially embarrassing to pursue terribly far in public. By the time the boys reunited in French class, Link found himself rather worked up. He fidgeted in his seat and frequently looked over at Rhett, who was sitting with his legs splayed, to all appearances quite relaxed. When Rhett looked over at him, his mouth quirked in amusement. “What’s gotten into you?”

Link forced his jittering leg to stand still. Rhett’s hands atop his desk drew Link’s eye: long fingers, palms that were broad and strong. He felt a flush creep up his cheeks. “Uhm… just… looking forward to the weekend, is all.” 

Rhett raised his eyebrows with a grin. “Oh? Me too.” Link watched the other boy’s eyes travel slowly from his face down his neck and shoulders. Link’s nervous fidgeting resumed in earnest as Madame Collins began the lesson.

When Link got to the cafeteria that day, Rhett was already deep in another giggling conversation with Tracy. Link sat between Rhett and Randy, and Rhett turned to him with a warm, “Hey Link!” and squeezed him in a side-hug. Link met his gaze from inches away and leaned into him, smiling. “Hey Rhett.” 

Rhett released him and turned back to Tracy, and Link turned to Randy. The other boy had an odd expression on his face. “What?” Link asked.

Randy’s eyes narrowed and he seemed about to say something, then shook his head. “Nothing.” He picked at his food for a few seconds before saying, “Have you looked at the Calculus homework yet?” 

“Nah, I thought I’d take it out in study hall,” Link replied. They talked about the quiz they had taken that morning (on which Link had done rather poorly) and generally bemoaned the fact that they were unlikely to ever use this kind of math again in their lives, yet had to learn it all now. Link was only half-focused on the conversation on account of Rhett’s hand on his leg under the table, fingertips tracing lazily around Link’s kneecap. Focusing became even more difficult as Rhett’s hand moved ever so slightly further up and to the inside of his thigh. 

Link clenched his jaw in an effort not to react. The contact was all the more electrifying after Link’s morning daydreams and it made him somewhat careless. He realized too late that Randy had trailed off and was simply looking at him, then he saw the boy’s eyes travel up to Rhett’s shoulder and follow the line of his arm down to where it disappeared under the table. _Uh oh_ , Link thought, just as he heard Tracy exclaim, “Oh, gross, what the hell?” 

Link turned to see Tracy on her feet, staring at Rhett. Rhett’s wandering hand had jerked away from Link immediately, but it was too late. She had clearly seen, or thought she had seen, something incriminating. “What is going _on_ between the two of you?”

There was only a brief pause before Rhett smoothly replied, “What do you mean? We’re friends. Good friends.” 

Tracy’s face was taking on a reddish hue and her eyes were wide. “No friends _I_ know touch each other like _that_.” She sounded utterly disgusted. Link tried to keep his expression flat while his mind accelerated into a panic. He felt sick to his stomach.

The rest of the table had fallen silent and was watching the drama unfold. Behind him, Randy muttered, “It’s true. You guys have been acting weird for weeks now. Or should I say, extra weird.”  

Link turned to the other boy with an open mouth, but his brain was empty of clever things to say. Rhett filled the silence with a forced chuckle. “I’m just messing with Link. You know how ticklish this kid is?” He poked a couple fingers at Link’s ribs and Link laughed involuntarily despite his growing sense of dread. The demonstration seemed to drain a slight bit of tension out of the group, but the atmosphere remained decidedly chilly. 

“You’re always together. And you’re always… _looking_ at each other,” Tracy persisted.

Rhett’s response was dry, confident. “We do spend a lot of time together. That’s what friends do, you know. And it’s considered courteous to make eye contact with someone when you’re speaking to them, which we do fairly frequently.” 

Tracy looked around, seemingly realizing for the first time that she had drawn the attention of quite a few kids sitting around them. Her expression took on an edge of uncertainty mixed with calculation. “If you… if you say so.” She sat back down and looked around the table. “Sorry for making a scene.” 

Rhett grinned at her. “No problem, babe.” She blushed. Rhett turned sideways in his seat to face her, his back to Link, giving her his full attention. 

Link took a deep, shaky breath and turned back to Randy, who seemed unconvinced by the exchange. The boy’s eyes flicked between Link and the back of Rhett’s head as if trying to discern a hidden message there. “I think you’re hallucinating, Randy,” Link said. “Better lay off the drugs.” A few other kids laughed. 

Randy shook his head, but seemed willing to let it go for now at least. “Whatever, man,” he said, turning back to his lunch. He and Link both finished their meals in tense silence. Much to Link’s relief, everyone else moved on to normal lunchtime topics of discussion. He and Rhett kept their hands above the table until the bell rang. 

The walk to study hall felt decidedly strained. Surrounded by other students, including a few from the lunch table, he and Rhett couldn’t talk about what had happened. Nevertheless they seemed to have an unspoken agreement to walk slightly further apart, to look at each other less, to brush up against each other not at all. By the time they got to the classroom, Link was already feeling the loss of it keenly. 

Rhett turned to him but didn’t meet his eyes. “Ah, I need to work on that group project for History. I’m gonna sit over there.” He gestured toward a table that had only one empty seat.

“Oh… okay, Rhett.” Assuming it was the same project Link had been assigned, it wasn’t due until the following week. His group hadn’t even picked a topic yet. 

He watched the other boy sit down, then found his own place on the other side of the room by the window. He pulled out his Calculus homework and stared at it blindly, replaying the scene from lunch in his mind. He cringed internally at the revulsion in Tracy’s voice and at Randy’s suspicious demeanor. He recalled how paralyzed he had felt, unable to defend himself, and how Rhett had calmly stepped in to protect them both… but how freely the lies had rolled off his tongue to do it. 

Every time Rhett’s voice reached him over the noise of the classroom, Link felt his heart surge in response. _We should be sitting together. We should be talking and laughing together._ But no matter how many times he looked over, he never saw Rhett looking at him. When the bell rang, Rhett was already packed up and halfway out the door by the time Link stood up, and Link rushed after him, catching him just outside in the hall. “Wait up, man.” 

Rhett turned to him with a carefully neutral expression. “I gotta go, Link.”

“I’m sorry, I…” Link trailed off. Rhett looked impatient. _Is this the way it is now?_ Link wanted to ask, but he feared the answer. Instead he just forced a quick smile. “Okay, I’ll, uh, see you tomorrow?” 

Rhett’s lips twitched into the smallest of smiles as he nodded and turned away. “See you tomorrow.” His long strides carried him quickly down the hallway and gone.

Link faced the other direction and saw Randy standing a few doors down at a bank of lockers. The boy was looking his way but quickly turned to the wall after meeting Link’s eyes, and Link hefted the backpack on his shoulder with a sigh. 

As if things hadn’t been complicated enough.


	10. Chapter 10

The next few days were an agonizing exercise in hypervigilance.  Where it was once as natural as breathing to speak to Rhett, to stand near him and communicate as much with glances and gestures as they did with words, now they seemed to have lost the involuntary nature of it. Every interaction felt calculated, rehearsed in advance to carry no more than the appropriate amount of platonic regard.

After the other boy’s standoffishness in study hall, Link took his cues from Rhett. He let Rhett decide when it was safe to talk, to look. How paranoid they needed to be. No doubt there would be dire consequences for either of them if anyone knew what had happened –   _what was still happening?_ – between them, but Rhett seemed more invested in the social structure of the school, more concerned about his image and saving face than Link was. Link did not want to be responsible for undermining that if he could help it. 

It wasn't as though he and Rhett could stop interacting entirely; that would have been just as much an admission of guilt as if Rhett’s hand had remained under the lunch table. Their friends were used to seeing them together, so that wouldn’t change. But there was a newly established three-foot buffer zone between them; a no-man’s land that proclaimed to the world: _nope, nothing funny going on here_. Link felt the new boundary on a nonverbal level too; their smiles were less quick, less broad; their glances fewer and no longer lingering.

One positive result was a slight increase in closeness with their other friends, as if everyone were feeling guilty after the lunch accusation and eager to smooth things over. Tracy, in particular, resumed her flirtation with Rhett with renewed enthusiasm, and even occasionally deigned to include Link in their conversations as if in a peace offering. For his part, Link hung out with the other boys in the group during free time between classes. He made a special effort to be friendly with Randy and was relieved to see the other boy’s iciness gradually melting. 

As the week dragged on and Link adjusted to their new parameters, it became easier but no less pleasant. When before it had felt like a new dimension had opened up in his world, now it seemed the color had drained out of it. He told himself it was all for show, to save face, that the feelings they had only recently admitted with one ardent kiss were still there, waiting under the surface of this facade like a rushing river under a sheet of ice. He clung to this hope while sitting at the lunch table three seats away from Rhett, talking to a handful of boys about the latest videogames and trying to ignore Rhett and Tracy sitting close together.

On Thursday afternoon, Link ran into Rhett in the front entrance to the school as they were walking out to their cars. It was slightly later in the day than usual and most other students had already left, so they found themselves unexpectedly devoid of their friendly chaperones. Still, they maintained a careful distance as they walked with unmatched strides out into the bright mid-spring sunshine. 

The air was warm and smelled of damp growing things. “Spring’s finally here,” Link observed.

Rhett turned his face into the sun, smiling. “Yeah, it’s nice.”  

There were a few seconds of silence as their sneakers scuffed on the asphalt, then Link ventured, “I just want to make sure… did you still want me to sleep over tomorrow night?”

He thought he saw a slight hitch in Rhett’s step, a hesitation before he responded. “Of course, yeah.”

Link hadn’t realized how anxious he had been about the answer until he felt the relief. “Okay. Good.” 

He shot a quick look over and saw that Rhett’s eyes were on the pavement. “My parents will be home,” the other boy said, “and Sunday’s Easter so I’ve gotta do family stuff then. But yeah, come over before dinnertime tomorrow.”

 _My parents will be home_ … A warning, or simply making conversation? Either way, it meant that they would still be under scrutiny, at least until the adults went to bed. And after that… Link allowed himself a tiny bit of pleasant imagination at the thought.

They had reached Rhett’s car. “Cool,” Link said. “I’ll be there around five. Want me to bring Mortal Kombat?”

Rhett grinned at him. “Sure, it’s been a while since I kicked your ass.” 

Link grinned back, suppressing the instinct to give the other boy a playful elbowing. “Well maybe I’ve been practicing.” 

Rhett opened his car door and swung his backpack into the passenger seat, then sat down. “We’ll see about that.” 

“See you tomorrow, then.”

“See you.” Rhett gave him another smile as he pulled the door closed. Link took a deep, steadying breath as he continued to his truck. On the drive home, where no one could see him, he let himself grin in giddy anticipation. 

Friday morning dawned overcast and drizzly. The school day passed with plodding steps, Link checking the clock above each classroom door at a frequency of at least once a minute.  They didn’t mention the sleepover plans again, but Rhett seemed more cheerful than he had since Monday, and Link hoped it was because the other boy was also looking forward to the evening. He was still not entirely sure what to expect, but had decided it didn’t really matter so long as they would be spending time together, in any capacity. 

At home that afternoon, Link took the books out of his backpack and repacked it for the overnight. He had prepared for such a trip countless times before that it should have been automatic, but he gave it extra thought now. Specifically, he debated over what he should bring to sleep in — he wanted something that was nice but didn’t imply he’d put any more effort into it than usual. He settled on a white v-necked undershirt and blue plaid boxers of soft brushed cotton. He put his toothbrush in a travel case and tossed in a few Nintendo games: Mortal Kombat plus a few others he knew Rhett didn’t own. 

When he had told his mother that morning that he was planning to sleep over Rhett’s, she’d teased him a little. “Aren’t you boys getting a bit old for slumber parties?” 

Link had the fridge open to get the orange juice and he studied its contents intently, self-conscious of his expression. “Uh, yeah, I guess so.” 

She patted him on the shoulder. “Well, you’ve gotta keep up the practice if you’re going to be roommates in college I suppose.”

Link’s mind shied away from the concept of sharing a small room with Rhett and sleeping in close proximity to him every night. That sort of thing was entirely too easy for his fantasy to latch onto. “Yeah, well…” he poured himself a glass of juice. “I’ve built up an immunity to the dude’s snoring over the years, I need to keep that up.” 

She chuckled. “Good plan.” As Link drank the juice in one breath and prepared to head out the door, she told him, “Make sure you get back early enough on Saturday to get a decent night’s sleep. We’re going to Trinity early to help set up the Easter celebration.” 

“Will do.” 

The Trinity Assembly of God church was the largest in Buies Creek and the one Link’s family had attended since his earliest memories. The McLaughlins did as well, along with a number of their friends. Countless hours of Sunday school and youth group excursions had featured prominently in the foundation of their social ties. Now that the kids had grown up and were busy with college preparations, most of them were not quite as involved with the church as they once were, and no longer  attended multiple times a week. However, Easter was still the biggest holiday, and the church would no doubt be packed. 

That evening, Link checked the clock in the kitchen and inspected the contents of his backpack for the third time. It was finally late enough that if he left now, he’d get to Rhett’s house at the specified time. He hugged his mom goodbye and headed out.

He drove through a light misting rain and parked in the McLaughlins’ driveway. He went to their side door and walked through it, calling “Hello!” as he shut it behind himself. 

Rhett’s mother called a greeting from nearby in the kitchen from which delicious aromas emanated.  Link said hello to her as he passed through and on into the den where Rhett sat in front of the television, lounged on the sofa with his arm draped across the back of it. He looked up from what appeared to be a rerun of Lonesome Dove, a western drama television show they both enjoyed. “Hey Link!” he grinned. He patted the cushion next to him. “This one just started. I think they’re about to strike gold.” 

Link slung his backpack onto the floor by the couch and sat down. For a brief second Rhett’s arm was around his shoulders and the boy gave him a squeeze before moving it away. “It’s good to see you,” he said softly. 

Their knees brushed together in a way that would have appeared unintentional, but Link most definitely intended it. He smiled at his friend. “You too, Rhett.” They watched the show to its inevitable conclusion (the good guys getting in trouble but winning in the end). Link paid it little attention as he was focused on how good it felt to be sitting close enough to Rhett to feel his warmth and smell his scent again, and without anyone currently watching their every move. 

Still, they were careful to sit as they always had, leaned against opposite arms of the couch, Rhett’s legs splayed out and Link’s folded up. As the credits rolled, Rhett’s mother spoke from a few feet behind them. “Dinner’s ready, boys.” 

Rhett’s dad had just gotten home and joined them as they sat down. He came up behind Link and ruffled his hair. “Heya, how’s the Linkster doin’?” 

Link ducked away from the roughness good-naturedly. “Not bad, not bad.” 

Rhett’s brother Cole was living at his university full-time now, so it was just the four of them at the dinner table. They made comfortable small talk about basketball, college scholarships, and the upcoming Easter service. Link was struck by the thought, not for the first time, that he felt as comfortable with these people as he did with his own family. He knew they cared for him and were grateful for his friendship with Rhett. He hoped they always would be, no matter what happened.

After dinner, Rhett’s parents cajoled them into playing a game of Taboo. He and Rhett were one team and Rhett’s parents the other, and they took turns trying to get their partner to guess a word on the card without being able to say certain words that were related to it. The boys put up a good showing, but even their eleven years of friendship were no match for a couple who had been married for twenty, and the adults were victorious. 

Rhett’s mother set up an air mattress next to his bed and made it up with blankets, then she and his father bid the two boys goodnight. The realization of their sudden lack of supervision made Link’s heartbeat accelerate. However, they could still hear Rhett’s parents moving around their bedroom at the other end of the hallway. Their bedroom door was ajar, as was Rhett’s. The lack of supervision was, in some ways, an illusion. 

Link used the bathroom and brushed his teeth, then found himself alone in Rhett’s room while the other boy did the same. Link hurriedly changed into his undershirt and boxers, feeling extremely self-conscious at the prospect of Rhett walking in on him in the middle of the process. He laughed a little at himself. All the times lately he’d been thinking about being naked with the other boy — not to mention all the times they had been naked together over the years, in passing while they changed clothes, and thought nothing of it — and now it seemed like the most significant thing in the world.

He sat on the air mattress and pulled the blanket up to his waist. Rhett came back into the room and looked down at him, taking in Link’s choice of white v-neck with an appreciative quirk of his eyebrow. The boy went over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of white cotton briefs. He stood in the middle of the room, not facing Link but not particularly facing away from him either, and smoothly drew his shirt up over his head, letting it fall to the floor, then pulled off his jeans and underwear. He stepped into the briefs and slid them up. Link couldn’t help but stare at the boy’s long, lean muscles and the dark blond hair that was dense on his calves and thinned as it reached further up his thighs, then thickened again. The graceful taper of his waist just above his pelvic bone, the flexing curve of his backside, the pale skin of his torso contrasting with the more tanned arms.

Link swallowed and looked down to where his fingers twisted into the blanket on his lap. When he looked up again, Rhett had pulled on the thin powder-blue v-neck shirt he often slept in, soft and almost worn through at the seams. The boy flipped the switch by the door and the overhead light flicked off, plunging the room into semi-darkness. The curtains on the room’s two windows were open and a faint white light shone in from the streetlamps. That combined with the dim nightlight in the hallway outside the door meant Link could still see reasonably clearly, though not discern much color. 

Rhett pulled back the covers on his double bed and climbed into it. He rolled toward where Link still sat upright on the mattress, heart pounding. “Link,” he said quietly. 

“Yes, Rhett?” 

“Would you like to join me in my bed?” 

Link bit his lower lip. It surprised him that there was no pretense, no _that mattress looks uncomfortable_ or _I think you’d be warmer if_. Just an outright invitation. Of course the answer was yes, but he hesitated. “Do you think it’s… safe?”

Rhett glanced toward the open door and the shadows beyond, then looked back to meet Link’s eyes. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s safe.”

 _Is that wishful thinking?_ Link wondered. He shrugged internally, letting his desire push away his paranoia. They were Rhett’s parents, after all. If he were willing to take the risk, it was his choice. 

He stood up, walked around the bed, and climbed under the covers. He lay on his side and Rhett rolled to face him, his long legs bent slightly so as to not hang off the end. They regarded each other for a long moment, heads on pillows inches away, small smiles on their lips. Link felt suddenly shy and looked away, breaking eye contact and drawing a soft, shuddering breath.

Rhett rolled to his back and extended an offering arm. It took Link a few seconds to figure out that he intended to put it under Link’s neck, which he then accommodated. He laid his cheek on Rhett’s chest and tentatively reached his arm across the boy’s waist. Rhett stroked his hair, fingertips tracing around the edge of his ear, and Link relaxed into him.

It was comforting at first, but as Rhett’s touch moved down the side of his neck and lingered along his collarbone, it became electrifying. Link tipped his head into the warm curve of Rhett’s neck and closed his eyes, focusing on the sensation. He could smell Rhett’s skin and the clean scent of his t-shirt. His breath quickened and he spread his hand over the other boy’s ribs, feeling them rise and fall. 

Rhett reached across his body and put a fingertip under Link’s jaw, gently raising his head so their eyes could meet. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered. “I see you all the time but I’ve missed you so much.” 

Link could think of no better response than to lean forward and bring his lips to Rhett’s. The kiss was tentative at first, given the awkward angle, but Rhett rolled to face him more fully and put his arms around him, his hands caressing Link’s back and shoulders. His leg swung over to intertwine with Link’s and their bodies were suddenly in full contact. Link melted against his warmth with a soft noise. 

Weeks of anticipation and imagination, especially the most recent days of utter denial, made the kiss feel like plunging into a sauna after a month in the arctic. With his eyes closed in the semi-darkness, under the covers, Link’s consciousness was wholly focused on the soft fullness of Rhett’s lips and the sensation of the boy’s hands running up Link’s back and down to his waist, stopping just short of the waistband of his boxers. 

Rhett pushed him gently onto his back, still kissing him, and maneuvered until he was straddling him, knees to each side of Link’s hips and hands on the bed alongside Link’s shoulders. Link brought his hands around Rhett’s waist and clutched at the small of his back. Rhett’s weight pressed down on him with a raw desire that made them both gasp. 

Rhett broke off the kiss and brought his mouth to the side of Link’s neck. Link moaned softly at the feel of the boy’s hot breath and the edge of his beard teasing the skin, then the sharp sensation of teeth made his hips rock. Rhett nibbled down to his collarbone and tugged his shirt to the side, putting his mouth against the newly exposed notch of his throat. His other hand moved up to Link’s face and Link turned closed eyes into his palm, helpless under the waves of sensations. He pressed his lips together as he whined in the back of his throat, trying desperately to keep himself from making any noises that would carry outside the room.

Rhett’s mouth returned to his, more roughly this time, and their tongues intertwined. Rhett lifted a knee and placed it between Link’s thighs, nudging them apart. He brought his other knee to join the first as he ran his hands down Link’s sides. He worked his thumbs under Link’s t-shirt and pushed it up, hands hot on the bare skin, curving around Link’s ribcage as the boy writhed against him.

Link brought his calves up and around Rhett’s hips, pulling him closer. He trailed his fingers up Rhett’s spine and caressed the muscles of his shoulders. He felt them flexing under his hands and was struck again by the animalistic power coiled within them. He moved his hands down, over Rhett’s shoulder blades and past the furrows of his ribs to the smooth indentation of his waist. He lingered there, curving his fingers around the soft skin just above the waistband of the briefs, before reaching further to caress the thin cotton over his buttocks. 

Rhett groaned softly in response, pressing himself harder against Link’s body, kissing him more deeply. He brought his hands up to Link’s shoulders and leaned down onto his elbows to either side of Link’s head. He grasped the back of Link’s neck with one hand and held him tightly as his movements began to take on a more rhythmic urgency. 

Link began to find himself seriously short of breath under the combination of his mounting arousal and the other boy’s weight on his chest. He was also starting to feel as if he were holding onto the back of a runaway train, and if he didn’t let go now he was going to be dragged on a journey for which he felt wholly unprepared. 

This was confirmed by the surge of panic he felt when Rhett brought a hand down between them and hooked his fingers over the top of Link’s boxers. Link broke off the kiss, gasping, and reached for the other boy’s wrist. He managed a semi-coherent whisper. “Wait, I don’t… I can’t—“ 

Rhett kissed along his jawline and stopped underneath his ear, his hand paused at the edge of Link’s underwear. His deep whisper was rough. “What’s wrong?” 

Link fought through the fog of desire even as his hips still twitched in response to the kisses. Part of him — the visceral, physical part — wanted so much to let Rhett’s hand continue its exploration, to let his body have what it was begging for.  But a slight step up from that part, on a deep emotional level, it felt like that would represent a leap off a precipice he was not ready for. “It’s… it’s too much,” he murmured breathlessly, already feeling guilt in anticipation of Rhett’s disappointment. 

The other boy kissed his neck, leaving small bites along the curve of it and making Link shiver. Rhett’s fingertips traced just above his boxers, tickling the skin below his navel, with Link’s hand still loosely around his wrist. “Are you sure?” Rhett whispered. He shifted, moving his hips against Link’s and eliciting an involuntary whimper from him. Speechless with lust and grasping at a fading self-restraint, Link could only nod wordlessly, praying Rhett would not do more to whittle away at his fragile resolve. 

Rhett took a slow, shaking breath and withdrew his hand. He clambered off of Link and returned to his original side without another word. Link remained on his back, eyes closed, chest heaving as he tried to quell his body’s strident demands. After a few moments, he opened his eyes and turned to see Rhett also on his back staring up at the ceiling. The dim white light from the window at Link’s back illuminated his pressed lips and clenched jaw. 

“I’m sorry,” Link whispered. 

There was silence for a few seconds, then Rhett turned to look at him, pupils dilated in the darkness. He reached out and cupped the side of Link’s face, fingertips tracing wistfully along his jaw, and Link blinked slowly at the tender touch. “It’s okay, Link.” He sighed and added, “You’re probably right anyway. It might have been hard to, uh, be quiet.” 

Link grinned, relieved that Rhett didn’t seem annoyed with him. He felt the tension and need slowly drain away, replaced by a simple sense of peaceful contentment. He reached out to Rhett’s chest and the other boy clasped his hand, holding it against his sternum. “We’ll have lots more opportunities,” Link murmured. 

Rhett smiled at him. “I’m sure we will.” 

They settled back into their previous configuration with Rhett on his back, arm around Link’s shoulders, Link’s head resting on his chest. Lulled by the slow thudding of Rhett’s heart, Link started to drift off to sleep.  Just before he did so, it occurred to him that they hadn’t talked about what they were going to do regarding their friends, nor discussed anything about their future. Nestled deep within the warmth of Rhett’s embrace, it didn’t seem important right now.


	11. Chapter 11

Link came to consciousness slowly, dimly aware of being both remarkably comfortable and somewhat disoriented. He had never slept tangled up with another person before, and he found it difficult initially to know out where his body ended and Rhett's began. The other boy was still on his back and Link was sprawled half over him, head on his chest and leg hooked over his thighs. Rhett's arm remained under Link's neck and bent to wrap around his back, hand loosely holding Link's shoulder. 

Link's hand was curled lightly into a fist in front of his face. He slowly opened his fingers and laid his palm down on Rhett's chest, feeling the boy's heartbeat and slow breathing. Link kept his eyes closed and took a deep inhalation, filling his lungs with Rhett's scent, suffused with a feeling of peace that he wanted to hold on to as long as possible. 

After a few minutes, Rhett stirred and yawned. His hand on Link's shoulder grasped lightly and his legs shifted as if he, too, were taking bodily inventory. He lay still for a moment and then pressed his face into Link's hair and tightened his embrace. "Good morning," he murmured, and Link felt his voice rumble in his chest. 

"'Morning," Link replied. He opened his eyes and saw that the room was half-lit by overcast morning light. He lifted his head and raised himself up on his arm so he could see the other boy's face, and Rhett's storm-grey eyes regarded him somberly. 

Link bit his lip. As he became more awake, he was growing more conscious of all the places their bodies were in contact. "Is this real?" he whispered. 

Rhett rolled to face him, Link's leg now atop his hip. He brought his free hand up and twined his fingers into Link's hair, his expression hard to read in the shadows. "I hope so." 

Link felt a glimmer of concern at Rhett's choice of words but didn't have time to think about it for long before the boy leaned toward him and began kissing his neck. Link tilted his head back with a soft whimper, realizing the desire that had flared the night before had only been banked to embers; it was poised to engulf him again if given the slightest drop of fuel… which Rhett was enthusiastically providing.

They remained under the covers for some time, kissing, running hands along each other's shoulders and backs. Link was still in awe of the fact that the universe was allowing him to touch Rhett like this, to simply be with him and share his warmth and trust. 

Facing each other on their sides, they pressed their bodies together, breathing quickening in unison at the shared sensations. Rhett's hands moved teasingly ever lower, fingertips tracing along Link's waist and the top of his hips. His mouth traveled the curve of Link's throat and down to his collarbones, the light graze of his teeth leaving a trail of fire that made Link seriously reconsider the boundary he had only recently established the night before. 

Rhett's mother called from the foot of the stairs. "Boys, pancakes are ready!"

Her words hit them like a plunge into cold water and they both froze. Link could feel Rhett's heart pounding and he took a deep breath, trying to quell the panic twisting his own stomach. He looked at Rhett's face and saw wisps of guilt and fear there as the other boy extracted his limbs from their embrace and sat up in the bed. He yelled toward the doorway, "Okay, we'll be down in a minute!" 

Rhett climbed out of bed and flipped on the overhead light, causing them both to squint. He already had his jeans on by the time Link made it to his own pile of clothes. Rhett studied himself in the mirror over his dresser before turning to watch Link pull on his pants. When Link straightened up, Rhett drew a quick breath. "You've got marks." 

Link looked in the mirror to where Rhett was pointing and saw a few scuffs of red on the pale skin where his neck met his shoulder. He blushed, remembering Rhett's mouth on those very spots and how it had made him writhe. He also noticed that his hair was tangled and stuck straight up in the back, but at least that could be blamed on the pillow. 

Rhett handed him the blue plaid flannel he had worn to school earlier that week. Link pulled it on, smirking at how the cuffs reached his fingertips before he rolled them up. Rhett tugged the collar close to Link's neck and inspected him for a moment before declaring, "Good enough." 

Rhett led the way to the kitchen where his mother was setting the table for the two of them. "You boys sleep all right?" 

"Yep, no problems," Rhett replied. He shifted a stack of pancakes onto his plate and proceeded to drown them in syrup. Link sat down across the table from him, tugging the flannel shirt close around himself before acquiring his own breakfast. The shirt smelled distractingly of Rhett; every time he moved his head it was as if the other boy were inches away. 

And then there was the actual Rhett, sitting across from him, looking down at his plate. He may not have had any marks on him, but to Link's eye he looked rather charmingly rumpled. He was still wearing the blue t-shirt he slept in, and it clung to the curves of his shoulders and chest. _Don't stare_ , Link told himself repeatedly throughout breakfast, every time he let his eyes wander as they would and he had to rein them back in. 

Rhett's mother bustled about the kitchen cleaning up and making small talk with them as they ate. "They're predicting rain all day," she informed them. 

"That's cool, mom," Rhett replied. "Link brought over some Nintendo games." 

She beamed at both of them. "Wonderful. Just remember we have to pick up Cole from the bus station at five." Rhett's brother was coming home for Easter. 

"I'll head out before then," Link said.

They spent the day shoulder-to-shoulder on the floor in front of the couch in the living room playing videogames as the rain came down outside. Link had, in fact, been practicing Mortal Kombat and defeated Rhett more often than not. Rhett made a comeback when they switched to NBA Jam, proudly proclaiming that his real-world basketball skills made all the difference. They occasionally popped in Chrono Trigger, a cooperative game that nevertheless had them fighting over powerups and striving to get the higher score. 

Rhett's mother was frequently present, bustling through the room doing housework or delivering snacks. Despite her unintentional chaperoning, they did allow themselves the occasional warm glance or side-hug when victories in the games warranted it. A few times, when they could hear her safely on the other side of the house, they snuck fervent, lingering kisses that took Link's breath away. Each one, enjoyable in its own right, also served as a reminder to Link of the other boy's desire for him. Each one, for that reason, surprised him just a tiny bit. He was still having a hard time believing it was real.

Link departed when the McLaughlins prepared to go pick up Rhett's brother. As he was getting ready to leave, he started to take off the flannel shirt, but Rhett stopped him. "You can borrow it." 

Link felt a small flush of giddiness at the thought. "Next you'll be giving me your varsity jacket," he teased.

It took Rhett a second to understand what Link was getting at. "I don't know about that." 

Link swung his backpack onto his shoulder. "I'm just kidding, Rhett." _Because that would be silly. Right?_  

"All right, well… I'll see you at church." 

At the front door, Link stepped forward and hugged him quickly, then turned and trotted down the steps to his truck. In his rearview mirror, he saw Rhett watching from the porch until the road took him out of sight. 

Once home, Link spent the rest of the rainy evening doing homework and watching television with his mother and stepfather. He kept Rhett's overshirt on even after noticing that the marks on his neck had faded. It made him happy in an admittedly cheesy sort of way. His mother asked him about it at the dinner table. "I don't think I've seen that shirt before, is it new?" 

"It's Rhett's, I borrowed it since it was cold at his house." 

She nodded. "And then you took it home?" 

She sounded innocently curious, but he felt defensive. "Yeah, I did."

"Well, you know I like that color on you. I can get you one of your own if you want." 

"I'm going to keep this one for a while I think." 

She shrugged in acceptance and moved on to another topic of conversation, much to Link's relief.

He went to bed early, feeling strangely exhausted. He carefully hung Rhett's shirt up in his closet, all the way on one side, but not before bringing it to his face for another breath of the boy's subtle scent.  The memories it evoked were enough to weaken his knees and delay his falling asleep for quite some time. 

In the morning he dressed in khakis, a crisp white dress shirt, and a blue silk tie. He helped his mother and stepfather load the car with paper goods and hors d'oeuvres for after the service, then they all piled in and drove to the church. 

The place was already bustling with activity when they pulled into the loading zone and began bringing things into the basement recreation area.  Link saw a great many people he didn't recognize, which was unsurprising given the popular holiday. Still, everyone appeared to be in high spirits and the atmosphere was light. For an hour Link was busy moving furniture and setting up decorations, but every few minutes he paused and cast his eyes around the room for Rhett. Usually the boy was easy to pick out of a crowd, but Link didn't see him or any of his family, and a kernel of unease began to grow in his stomach as time passed. 

Eventually it was time for everyone to go upstairs and attend the service. Link and his family sat in a pew near the front and waited while the rest of the church filled to the brim. Link tried to watch the doors, but they were soon obscured by the crowds and he was forced to stop craning his neck around once his mother admonished him for fidgeting. 

It wasn't until halfway through the liturgy, when everyone stood up for the Profession of Faith, that he was able to look around while everyone was sitting back down and finally located the McLaughlins at the very back of the room. They must have arrived quite late to get one of the last available seats, possibly even after the service had begun. Link's hurried glance didn't give him much detail, but he felt a wash of relief just knowing Rhett was there.

After the final benediction, everyone filed out of the church. Some people loitered in the hallways and parking lot, taking advantage of the warmth of early spring, but most descended into the basement to enjoy the refreshments. By the time Link reached the end of the main hall the McLaughlins were no longer there, so he continued down the stairs to the lower level. 

His mother drafted him into serving punch next to her at the buffet. He stood behind the bowl with a ladle and made small talk with the people who circulated through the line. He saw a number of his friends from school, including Randy, who paused to talk to him. The boy was also wearing his Sunday best, a pale yellow dress shirt and white and yellow striped tie. It flattered his dark hair and tan complexion, and Link found himself noticing the boy's stocky build with appreciation for the first time. He hurriedly focused on the ladle in his hand, overfilling Randy's cup and having to pour some back out before handing it to him. 

Naturally, Randy asked the most obvious question. "Where's Rhett?" 

Link fought to keep his voice steady. "Uh, I don't know. I saw him earlier, but…" 

Randy raised a brow. "I figured he'd be right next to you serving the devilled eggs." 

"Well, he isn't." Link shrugged. 

Randy mirrored his shrug, studying Link's face. "No big deal." He noticed the line was bunching up behind him and began to move away. "See ya later, Link." 

"See ya," Link said to his retreating back. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. 

He scanned the room again, not expecting to see anything new, but his eyes finally found Rhett standing against the back wall by the exit. The other boy caught his eye for a moment then turned and walked out the door. There was something indefinably concerning about his body language. Link put down the ladle next to the bowl and turned to his mother. "I've gotta take a break." 

"Sure, honey."

He walked quickly along the edge of the room, avoiding eye contact with people he recognized so they wouldn't slow him down, and made it to the exit. He found Rhett outside, around the corner from the doorway, standing in the shade of the building apart from the crowds. The other boy was wearing a light blue dress shirt and a grey and blue tie with grey slacks. Their crispness contrasted with the uncharacteristic stubble on his upper lip and the sallowness of his cheeks. He was staring at the ground as Link approached, but looked up to meet his gaze, and Link saw that his eyes were rimmed in red. 

"Oh, no." Link's stomach clenched and tears pricked his eyes in instant empathy. "Oh, no, Rhett. What happened?" 

Rhett looked down at the ground again. "We picked up our mail last night after you left. There was a rejection letter…" His voice cracked. "I'm not getting the basketball scholarship." 

"Oh, man. That… sucks. That really really sucks." Lacking sufficient words of comfort, Link reached for Rhett's hands. The other boy pulled them away, taking half a step back as he did so. "Don't."

Stung, Link let his hands drop. "I'm sorry, I…" 

"I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do." Rhett rubbed a hand over his face. "I mean, basketball is my life. I don't know who I am without it." 

Link answered immediately. "You're my best friend. You're my…" he trailed off as he saw Rhett shake his head. 

"No." The boy's voice was abruptly cool and detached in a way that made Link's blood run cold. "Look, Link. I did a lot of thinking last night. I realized I let myself get distracted by… this." Rhett gestured between the two of them with a dismissive flip of his hand. 

Link felt it like a slap. "You think this is my fault?" 

"Not anything you did, but…" he shrugged. "I've got to focus on my future. I can't be messing around."

Link suddenly felt as if he were drowning, lungs filling with the icy water of Cape Fear. _Is that what we've been doing? Messing around?_

"I don't understand," Link whispered. 

Rhett shrugged, looking down, his expression closed. 

Link's chest heaved with a rising panic. "No, Rhett, please," he choked out. "Please. Can't we talk about this?" 

The other boy looked around and Link was suddenly conscious of the crowds of people milling about nearby. The closest group was about 20 feet away, and so far no one had appeared interested in their conversation, but they could be interrupted at any time. "There's nothing to talk about," Rhett hissed quietly.

Link stared at him, jaw working wordlessly. "You said that last time. Last time I asked you about this you didn't want to talk. _And then I slept over your house._ " He whispered the last sentence with heavy enunciation. He reached again for Rhett's hand and the boy spun away from him, dress shoes scraping on the wet asphalt. A few people turned to look. 

Rhett faced him with narrowed eyes. "That was a moment of weakness. That's not who I want to be, Link. I can't be… that." 

The boy's voice had taken on an edge of distaste that was disturbingly familiar. Link had heard it in Tracy's voice, and in Randy's, but he had never expected to hear it in Rhett's. It slid in between his ribs and twisted its knife-blade into his heart. Link was speechless for a long moment before he stammered, "But… you are. We— we are." 

He refused to believe that Rhett had performed a complete turnaround from only a day ago, when everything had seemed so comfortable, so perfect. Rhett must just be confused and upset about the rejection letter. It had to be that. Link fought to calm himself down, trying not to draw attention to their conversation. 

Rhett sighed and passed a hand over his face again, looking as though he wished he were anywhere else in the world. "Look, I'm sorry if I… led you on or whatever. I just think, you know, we need to be adults about this. Think about the future." 

" _Our_ future. Together, right?" Link pleaded softly.

"We'll be friends, yeah. Like always." Link's racing heart clung to this like a buoy in a raging sea. He didn't quite understand what he was losing here, but his friendship with Rhett was the foundation of his entire life. He could lose everything else and survive if he still had that. Rhett continued, "But some things we have to do on our own, man." He checked his watch. "I gotta go, we're having dinner at the house." 

Link cast about for something else to say, something that would at least leave the door open to further conversation, but Rhett was already walking away from him. To pursue him now would be to invite the scrutiny of the entire congregation. "See you tomorrow, then?" Link called softly, his voice rising into a question, or a plea.

Without breaking stride, Rhett raised a hand in a brief confirming wave. Link remained in the shadow of the building, blinking back tears, watching the other boy until he was out of sight.


	12. Chapter 12

Link made it through the rest of the afternoon on autopilot as he helped clean up the reception hall and went home for a late Easter dinner with his family. It was impossible to hide his inner turmoil from his mother, but after he told her Rhett hadn't gotten his scholarship, she accepted his distress as merely platonic concern for his friend.  The lavish meal his mother prepared tasted like dust in his mouth and his stomach soon rebelled at eating any more. He pushed the food around on his plate until the others had finished, then sprang up to help with the dishes.

That night when he put his clothes away in the closet, he tried not to look in the corner where he had put Rhett’s shirt. He turned away, starting to close the door, but looked back despite himself. He had to know it was still there, even if didn’t have the courage to touch it right now. It was. He tried very hard not to remember how he had felt when he hung it up only a day before. 

He lay awake in bed for an interminable time, tormented by conflicting memories that fought each other in his mind. It was too much, too fast; the whiplash between hope and despair made him feel out of control. When he finally fell asleep, his dreams pulled him underwater and he woke a number of times throughout the night, gasping for air. 

At school, the newly strained distance between him and Rhett made him long for the awkwardness of last week’s buffer zone. At least then they had been talking to each other, maintaining a friendship even as they insisted to the world that was all it was. Now the other boy seemed to be actively avoiding him with no concern for what the other kids might read into it. Each day, Rhett arrived late to homeroom and didn’t sit with Link. He turned to the student on his other side when it came time for paired French work. 

Rhett wasn’t giving Link the silent treatment entirely; he still said hello and responded to Link’s tentative attempts at small talk, but it was as if an invisible wall had dropped between them, blocking all air and warmth. He treated Link, at best, like a tolerable acquaintance. 

For his part, Link focused all his energy on not showing how much it hurt. He had too much self-respect to plead anymore, not after what Rhett had said at the church. No doubt their friends were very curious as to what had happened between them, but once word got out about Rhett’s scholarship, his dour mood was understandable at least. When they asked Link what was wrong, he claimed to have a cold, and they mostly left him alone. Mostly, that is, except for Randy. The boy seemed strangely invested in the state of Link’s friendship with Rhett.

Toward the end of the first week after Easter, Link had decided to eat lunch outside, both to take advantage of the nice weather and save himself another half hour of watching Rhett ignore him and flirt with Tracy. Seniors were allowed free range of the campus during open periods, including lunch, so he took his tray past the usual table and out the door without a backward glance. 

He had just sat down at an empty picnic table and pulled out his book — Dante still, but further along by now — when he heard Randy at his back. “Mind if I join you?” 

Link turned to see the boy holding a tray of chicken nuggets. “Sure.” 

Randy sat down in the seat across from him. He regarded Link with dark eyes in his square-jawed, clean-shaven face. His broad, lacrosse-player shoulders strained the fabric of his dark grey t-shirt. Link could feel the other boy watching him as he thumbed through his book. 

After a moment Randy said tentatively, “So, you and Rhett…”

Link raised an eyebrow and waited. 

“…Did you guys have a fight or something?” 

Link considered his options. Part of him desperately wanted someone to talk to, to help him figure out what was going on and what to do about it. To take the supportive role that Rhett had always occupied. But Link’s desire for this was overruled by his knowledge that telling Randy anything of substance would be tantamount to social suicide, if not worse, and it would expose things about Rhett he didn’t feel it was his place to reveal. And yet, he didn’t want to lie either. He settled for a vague, “Not exactly.” 

Randy ate a couple chicken nuggets before pressing. “Well, what happened then?” 

Link sighed and rubbed his face. “Rhett’s just… going through a lot, with the scholarship and everything.” He forced his voice to sound light. “And I think he’s only got eyes for Tracy right now.” 

Randy snorted. “That’s for sure. I’m surprised they’re not making out in the stairwells by now.” 

Link tried to hide his stomach turning at the thought. 

Randy looked around before leaning forward and saying softly, “But you don’t want him to look at you… like he looks at her… right?” 

Link stared at him as his heart leapt in sudden terror. The other boy’s expression was open, sympathetic, and surprisingly devoid of disgust. Still, Link shook his head quickly, feeling his cheeks warming. He sputtered, “What? What are you — that’s ridiculous, Randy, God. What are you even talking about?” 

It was the other boy’s turn to blush and glance away, looking as if he wanted to take back the question. 

“Sorry, Link. I didn’t mean… “ _What else could you have possibly meant?_ Link thought as Randy continued, “Look, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for jumping on you guys about being… close. It wasn’t cool of Tracy and I shouldn’t have backed her up.” 

Link let out a slow breath. Something about Randy’s demeanor now that he was away from his jock friends made him seem sincere. Link almost trusted him. Almost. “Well, thanks. It’s cool, man.” 

The other boy’s mouth quirked in relief. “You know,” he said, “I always wished I had a… a friendship like you guys have. I hope you can work out whatever it is.” 

Link pressed his lips together, swallowing an unexpected rush of emotion. “Thanks, man. I do too.” 

They ate in companionable silence for the rest of lunch period, both reading their textbooks. Occasionally Link thought he felt Randy’s eyes on him, but whenever he looked up, the boy was focused on his homework. They went their separate ways when the bell rang. 

The week crawled into the weekend and Link saw Saturday and Sunday stretch before him like an empty grey slate. He realized he was pretty much adrift without Rhett to spend time with, especially if he wasn’t going to join in group outings in which Rhett was a participant. Link was reluctant to force himself into the other boy’s presence without a direct invitation — he winced to imagine Rhett’s coldness if he tried. 

Link was holding out hope that his friend just needed some time to work through his disappointment over the scholarship and the complexity of their feelings for each other. The life they had built together was simply too big, too extraordinary to falter just as they were preparing to venture into the real world. Moreover, every time Link allowed himself to remember the way Rhett had looked at him as they lay side by side in the boy’s bed, the warmth of Rhett’s embrace and the tangle of their limbs, the wordless murmurs of passion into each other’s skin, he refused to believe it had not been genuine. He refused to think it was the last time they would be together in that way. That refusal was what kept him from slipping off the edge into an all-consuming melancholy. 

He kept to himself over the weekend, spending most of his time in his room and avoiding his mother’s concern. She knew he was having trouble with Rhett, but she gave him the same platitudes he gave himself — everything would be okay, in time.

Link arrived at school on Monday morning and parked in the closest space available, which was a few rows from the entrance. He got out of the truck and slammed the door, swinging his backpack onto his shoulder. As he turned his eyes scanned the lot and caught on Rhett’s car parked incongruously along the back line by the soccer field fence. Link squinted, shading his eyes from the morning sun, and what he saw hit him like a punch to the gut.

Rhett half-sat, half-leaned on the hood of his car with his arms around Tracy, who stood facing him. They were kissing enthusiastically, grossly, his mouth moving from her face to her ear and neck and back again. His hands ran over her lower back and grasped her slim waist. Their body language was not exploratory, first-kiss giddiness, but rather that of teenagers who had been kissing for some time and were trying out more creative ways to make each other squirm. 

Link stared in morbid fascination as his heart pounded in his ears and his breakfast threatened to come back up. The sight was enough to give his hopes for the future another shocking, staggering blow. His knees trembled with a sudden urge to run, either far away without looking back, or across the parking lot to punch Rhett in the face. 

Randy spoke suddenly from behind him, making him jump. “Hey Link, what’s—“ the boy trailed off as his eyes followed Link’s gaze and found the answer. “Oh.” 

Link buried his face in his hands and turned to his truck, trying to smooth his reaction into something more reasonable. He took a deep, shaking breath and counted to five before turning back with what he hoped was a plausibly neutral expression. 

Randy was still looking across the parking lot and either hadn’t noticed Link’s distress or was politely ignoring it. He spoke with a wry shake of his head. “Yeah, they hooked up at Charlie Laverty’s party on Saturday.” 

“Rhett went to a party at Charlie’s?” Link asked, incredulous. The boy in question had always been at odds with them ever since he had bullied Link in elementary school and Rhett punched him out. Things hadn’t gotten violent since, but he and Rhett had maintained an attitude of icy indifference toward him in the intervening years. Rhett going to his party, especially a party Link hadn’t been invited to, was in some ways a worse betrayal than Tracy. 

Randy turned, taking in Link’s expression without comment. “Yeah, his folks were out of town so a bunch of people went over. I was surprised I didn’t see you there.” 

Link scoffed. “I wasn’t invited. But I wouldn’t have gone anyway.” He let his tone convey his opinion of Charlie Laverty. 

“It got a little out of hand. Rhett and Tracy paired up for seven minutes in heaven and once they got out, well…” he gestured across the lot. “They’ve pretty much been doing that ever since.” 

Seven minutes in a dark, enclosed space. Seven minutes alone with Rhett’s scent, Rhett’s mouth, Rhett’s hands. Link swallowed, torn between wrenching jealousy and profound regret that he hadn’t somehow attended the party after all. But even if he had, what could he have done to change the outcome? It wasn’t as if he and Rhett would have played the game together. Link tried to keep his voice level. “So are they, like, official now?” 

“I don’t know if they’ve said as much, but in my opinion once you show up early to school so you can suck face in the parking lot, you’re officially something.” 

“I guess you’re right.” Link tore his eyes away from the scene with effort, hefting his backpack and turning toward the school. “They’re gonna be late for homeroom.” 

“We are too if we don’t get a move on,” Randy agreed. They walked into the school as Link tried to push the images from his mind. They clung tenaciously, uncooperative. He began to feel a creeping doubt as he thought further about the implications of Rhett hooking up with Tracy. What if it was because Link hadn’t let him… go further, that night? What if Link’s hesitation had made his friend seek satisfaction elsewhere? Or what if Link had given in too easily, and should have insisted that they talk about what was going on first, and Rhett was bored by the lack of challenge? _You’re being ridiculous,_ he told himself. _Whatever he’s got with Tracy is nothing like what the two of you had. Have._

He realized he hadn’t heard anything Randy had said to him in the past two minutes. The other boy was rambling about his mountain bike again, either oblivious to Link’s lack of response or forging ahead anyway. They arrived at homeroom and Link rubbed his eyes. “Sorry, Randy. I’ve gotta focus on this homework I didn’t do last night.” 

“Oh, okay.” The boy’s brow furrowed in curiosity or concern, but he didn’t push, and he didn’t follow as Link went further into the room to take a seat by the window. 

Link kept his eyes on his homework until the bell rang, not trusting his reaction if he saw Rhett. He never heard the boy’s voice, and when he got up to go to first period, Rhett wasn’t in sight. 

This gave Link a couple of hours to process what he had seen and come to a tenuous acceptance of it by the time third period French rolled around. He told himself it was merely another step on the journey that Rhett needed to take to figure out who he was. Whatever happened with Tracy didn’t devalue the connection Link shared with him.

Link’s serenity was sorely rocked when he got to class and saw Rhett slouched in his usual seat. The boy looked up and gave Link his now-customary neutral “Hello,” and Link saw that his lips were reddened. The edge of a faint purplish splotch was visible on the skin of his neck, at the collar of his dark blue t-shirt. Link’s stomach turned again at the evidence of Rhett’s amorous activities. 

Link sat heavily into his seat with a curt, “Hi.” He pulled out his workbook and cupped his cheek in his hand, blinking rapidly and clenching his jaw to contain his emotions. A middle-aged man introduced himself as their substitute teacher for the day and told them they’d be watching a couple of French soap operas. Link was grateful when the classroom lights switched off and he could stare at the screen, refusing to look at the boy next to him in case he saw something else that would further undermine his peace of mind. 

Nevertheless, by the end of class Link found himself seething. Not just for what Rhett had done, or was doing, but that he hadn’t even had the courtesy to tell Link about it. They were supposed to be best friends; they had always told each other everything. And now Rhett apparently had a girlfriend and it was none of Link’s business.

When the bell rang, he followed Rhett out into the hallway and called his name. When he turned, Link asked, “Can I talk to you for a second?”

Rhett raised a brow and stepped out of the flow of traffic, joining Link at a bank of lockers. “What is it?” 

Link jumped right in. “So you and Tracy… you’re going together?”

Rhett glanced around, not meeting his eyes. “Yeah, I guess you can say that.” 

“When were you planning on telling me?”

Rhett looked at him now, taken aback by his directness. “Uh, I don’t know, Link, it’s not like we exchanged rings or anything.”

“Yeah, but you spent half the weekend with your tongue down her throat.”

Rhett’s jaw was set as he looked down at Link with narrowed eyes. “Maybe it’s none of your business. You don’t own me, you know.” 

“Oh, you’ve made that very clear,” Link muttered bitterly. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Rhett’s stony gaze made him cringe internally. Link had hoped that asking about Tracy would open up a dialogue, get them talking. Instead the invisible wall between them was up in full force; if anything, it seemed to be thickening by the second. And yet, Link didn’t feel like backing down. He was hurt and confused and the source of all of it was standing right in front of him. 

He glared up at Rhett, pitching his voice low but clear. “You’ve been more than happy to take what you want, when you want it. And afterward, you don’t feel a damn bit of responsibility.”

Rhett glanced around to make sure they hadn’t caught anyone’s attention with their quiet conversation. So far, no one appeared to have picked up on the tension. His eyes narrowed further, teeth grinding. “Back off, Link.” 

Instead, Link took a step forward. He was closer to Rhett now than he’d been in a week. His chest heaved. “No, Rhett. You owe me some sort of explanation. You owe me that much.” 

Rhett brought up his hands and jabbed his fingertips into Link’s chest. “Back. _Off._ ” He punctuated his last word with a shove that sent Link stumbling back. 

Link’s hands clenched into fists and he started to take a step forward before he realized there were people watching them now. The crowds had thinned as most students arrived at their classrooms, but a few stragglers had paused to watch the unfolding scene. The substitute French teacher was standing in the doorway a few yards away with a look of concern. 

Link hitched his backpack onto his shoulder. “Whatever, man,” he practically spat. “Do whatever you want.” He turned and walked away before he could hear Rhett’s response, if the boy made one. He kept walking down the stairs and out the front entrance of the school and didn’t stop until he was in his truck.  Once inside it, after glancing to make sure no one had followed him, he closed the door and let himself collapse into shuddering sobs. 

_Why couldn’t I have let it go? Why didn’t I keep my stupid mouth shut?_ Rather than clear the air between them, the argument had made it that much worse. Things had been bad between the two of them before, but now Rhett probably wouldn’t even talk to him. And now Rhett knew how upset Link was about it, which embarrassed him. Rhett was always so stoic, so… fireproof. And Link was tinder ready to flare up at the slightest spark. 

He hugged his arms to his chest, doubled over with his head against the steering wheel, letting the tears flow until he was out of breath and choking. Fear gripped his throat in a stranglehold: fear of a future without Rhett in his life, fear of what kind of person he would be without the bedrock of their friendship under his feet. 

Eventually the tears ebbed and the panic subsided. He wiped his eyes and took deep, shuddering breaths. He considered going back into the school, but the thought of facing Rhett — or any of their friends,  for that matter — in his current state was intolerable. Instead, he started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot. He would go home and tell his mother he didn’t feel well and she would call the school and let them know.

He pulled into his driveway, parked, and checked his face in the mirror. His eyes were red and puffy and his nose was stuffed up, all things that could be conveniently blamed on a cold. As he got out of the car, he saw the mailbox flap was open due to an oversized envelope protruding from the box, which he pulled out.

It was a thick, letter-sized packet addressed to him emblazoned with the red and white logo of NC State University. He leaned against the hood of his truck and tore open the envelope, pulling out a thick stack of papers and pamphlets contained within a folder of the same red and white motif. His eyes scanned the cover letter:

_Dear Mr. Neal,  
We are pleased to announce that your application for admission in our institute has been accepted…_

He wanted to feel elated, triumphant. He wanted to jump for joy at getting into his first choice school, the one he had hoped and planned for and dreamed about. Instead, all he could think of was the one person with whom he had shared all of those hopes and plans and dreams. Would Rhett find a similar package in his mailbox this afternoon? Would he think of Link?  

Link took a deep breath, affixed a hollow-feeling smile to his face, and went inside to tell his mother the good news.


	13. Chapter 13

Link awoke to his alarm the next morning with a bone-deep exhaustion and a piercing headache. He stumbled downstairs long enough to tell his mother he was too sick to go to school, then crawled back into bed. His heavy, dreamless sleep was a welcome refuge from the impotently churning wheels of his waking mind. Every time he woke, he lay staring at the ceiling of his bedroom until he drifted off again.

At some point in the early afternoon his hunger became strong enough to force him upright and he went to the kitchen in search of a snack. His mother was sitting at the table and greeted him with concern. “Feeling any better, honey?” 

Link’s voice rasped. “I don’t know, maybe.” She stood and placed the back of her hand to his forehead. “I don’t think you have a fever. Maybe it’s a twenty-four hour bug.” 

“Yeah.” He poured himself a glass of orange juice and drank it as she continued, “I hope so, since your senior pictures are tomorrow.”

Link groaned. “Ugh, really?” Senior pictures meant a suit jacket and tie, and if he missed them, who knew what would end up in the yearbook above his name. 

She patted him on the shoulder. “Just make sure you rest up and get plenty of fluids today.” He nodded. 

He pulled out the makings of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and started assembling it as she continued, “Have you heard from Rhett about whether he got his acceptance letter yet?” 

“No mom, not yet.” 

She looked sympathetic. “Is he still unhappy about that scholarship? I imagine getting into NC State would make him feel better.” 

Link shrugged. “I guess so.” 

“Do you think you should call him and find out?” 

He put the jelly back into the fridge. “I’ll see him tomorrow, I’m sure he’ll tell me then.” 

“I was looking through the paperwork and you only have until May first to accept their offer.” That was two weeks from today. “You don’t want to sit on it too long.” 

“Okay, okay.” Link grabbed the admissions packet off the table and headed back to his room before she could badger him anymore.

He sat cross-legged on his bed and ate his sandwich while flipping through the brochures of smiling young people sitting on green lawns and in bright, colorful classrooms. He picked up a piece of paper advertising an overnight orientation the first weekend in May. Underneath it was a questionnaire labeled _Roommate Compatibility Survey_. The first question on it was, “Is there a specific student you would like to room with?” 

Link stared at it blankly for a second before shoving all the papers back into the folder and dropping the whole package onto the floor. He lay back on the bed and pulled the covers up over his head and stayed that way until his mother called him down for dinner.

The next morning he woke up before his alarm, his body having finally reached the limit of how much it could possibly sleep. He took a long shower, shaved carefully to give his van dyke a crisp edge, and spent a while styling his hair. He regarded himself in the mirror with a critical eye, but even he had to admit he didn’t look that bad. The extra sleep had reduced the shadows under his eyes and his skin was pale but mercifully clear of blemishes. 

He pulled on dark jeans, a white undershirt, and the white dress shirt his mother had ironed for him the night before. His black jacket and bowtie could stay on their hanger until it was picture time. He put some frozen waffles through the toaster and had finished eating them by the time his mother entered the kitchen. “You must be feeling better if you’re up before I am,” she remarked, giving his shoulders a squeeze.

“I’d never miss picture day!” Link exclaimed with a sarcastic grin. 

She patted his back indulgently. “That’s my boy.”

He arrived at school to a nearly empty lot and was the first student in homeroom. He worked on his homework as other kids straggled in, the boys wearing white buttoned shirts and the girls in colorful spring dresses. Randy sat down next to him with a careful, “Good morning.”

Link looked over. The boy’s skin seemed especially tan next to his crisp white collar and his dark hair was freshly cut in his usual Caesar style. “Hey Randy, how’s it going?” 

“I’m fine… how are you, though?” The boy’s ebony eyes met his with concern. 

“I’m fine too. Stayed home with a cold yesterday but I’m feeling much better.”

“That’s good.” Randy was silent for a few seconds, then continued. “Word’s going around that you and Rhett had a fight. Like an actual, physical fight.” 

Link shrugged. “He shoved me because I called him out for being a dick. And I went home. That’s pretty much it.”

“Well he hasn’t said anything about it. He was really quiet at lunch yesterday.”

Link experienced a slight bit of hope that perhaps Rhett was feeling guilty about the exchange. “Are he and Tracy still… ?”

“Sucking face, yeah.” 

Link regretted asking the question. 

The homeroom teacher handed out the schedule for the senior pictures. The photographer had set up a studio in the gym and the students would circulate through it over the course of the morning. It was alphabetical, which put him and Rhett near each other as always. They’d both be going to the studio instead of second period class. 

Rhett entered the room just as the bell rang to dismiss them. The long sleeves of his white dress shirt, which lay untucked over pale blue jeans, made him look even more lanky than normal. He scanned the room and paused when he saw Link, a tentative smile flickering onto his face. Link looked away as he stood up and shouldered his backpack, not trusting his reaction.

They met in the middle of the room as Link moved toward the door. “Hey Link.” 

Link paused and looked up, bringing Rhett’s face into focus. The boy had also styled himself meticulously for picture day, with a crisp edge to the thin beard along his jawline, but the skin around his eyes was shadowed with tiredness. His expression was careful, a soft smile with a hardness underneath, as if he were bracing for a harsh response. 

For his part, Link didn’t feel angry, just tired. He didn’t bother forcing a smile. “Hey Rhett,” he said flatly.  

“You stayed home sick yesterday?” 

“Yeah, I did.”

“Feeling better today?”

“A little.” 

“That’s good.” 

They regarded each other for a moment before Link turned away. “Gotta get to class.” 

He didn’t hear if Rhett responded. He walked to class with a tightness in his stomach, already questioning whether he should have responded more warmly. It was obvious Rhett was trying, but there was something keeping Link from letting him in. He simply didn’t trust him. 

Link struggled to focus on the lessons in Calculus and English. He talked to both teachers about what he had missed the previous day and turned in his overdue homework. In the hallways, a few students watched him with interest as he passed, but their curiosity seemed satisfied when they saw no evidence he’d been beaten up. _That’s one rumor dealt with at least_ , he thought. 

At the start of third period he stashed his backpack in his locker and reported to the gym with his suit jacket on. He checked in with the photographer’s assistant who was taking down students’ names, then joined the long line of teens waiting to get into the studio space. 

He took his black bowtie — mercifully pre-tied — and passed the back of it under his shirt collar, then tried to align the hook with the bow under his chin. What would have been a reasonably easy maneuver in front of a mirror was surprisingly difficult without one. After a few minutes he yanked the tie off of his neck and inspected the hook to make sure he understood how it worked before trying again.

Rhett’s voice came from behind him. “Want me to get that?” 

Link tensed, surprised he hadn’t seen the boy walk up. He turned and saw Rhett still wearing the same small, guarded smile.  He also had his jacket on and an unfastened bowtie draped around his neck. 

Link’s first instinct was to reject his help. It came from the same sullen, bitter part of him that wanted to reject anything Rhett offered, ever again. It only took him a few seconds to realize that was not a productive way of approaching this situation, not if he wanted their friendship to heal. “Uh, sure.” 

“Great, you can get mine after.” 

Rhett plucked the tie from his hand and stepped forward, reaching up to draw it around the back of Link’s collar. Link closed his eyes at the sudden rush of Rhett’s scent, a faint spice of cologne he must have put on just for the special occasion of playing dress-up. Warmth radiated from his fingers through the fabric of the collar. Link clenched his jaw as he opened his eyes to see Rhett focused on the bowtie, leaning over slightly to examine how the hooks were supposed to align, lips pursed in concentration.  His mouth was so close that Link couldn’t help but taste his breath. He held himself stock-still and kept his hands down by his sides, trying to think of anything else but the boy’s electric proximity. 

Rhett’s fingertips worked deftly at his throat, aligning the hooks with ease. He reached up and folded the collar back down over the tie, the backs of his thumbnails tracing unintentionally around Link’s neck as he smoothed the fabric down.  Link fought against a shiver in response as Rhett stepped back and looked at him appraisingly. “I think that works.”

Link swallowed. “Okay. Let me do yours.” 

He stood toe-to-toe with Rhett and reached up to his tie. The position brought back memories of their argument, but Rhett looked down at him with a soft smile that made Link want to forget it. He wanted to forget everything bad that had happened and put his hands on his friend’s shoulders and pull his head down… but no. He saw under the edge of Rhett’s collar the now-yellowed bruise that Tracy’s mouth had left, and felt the invisible wall between them in full force. 

He tried to hook the tie quickly, but his haste made him fumble more. He felt Rhett’s eyes on him as he floundered with it, feeling increasingly conscious of his hands under the boy’s jaw. Finally he got the hooks together and folded Rhett’s collar down over it, standing on his tiptoes to reach the back of his neck. Rhett bent down slightly to assist him and their faces were suddenly quite close together.

Link took a quick step back, turning away. “You should be all set.” 

Rhett reached a hand up and felt the tie. “Thanks, man.” 

“No problem.” 

They reached the front of the line and Rhett entered the studio first. After five minutes or so, it was Link’s turn. He gave himself a quick once-over in the photographer’s mirror, then sat for a few rather awkward portrait shots. When he emerged from the enclosure he saw by the clock on the wall that they still had a good half hour before the bell, and most students were hanging around in small clumps on the bleachers. Rhett was standing with a group of kids on the far side of the gym, his back to Link. 

Link started walking over and had made it halfway there when Rhett turned to speak to the person next to him, revealing that Tracy was standing in front of him. She had her back to Rhett but leaned against him, and his arms were around her waist, hands cupped possessively over her stomach. 

Link hesitated for only a second before changing direction and heading toward the double doors that led onto the football field. He felt desperately in need of fresh air. He shoved the doors open harder than he intended to and stumbled over the threshold into bright spring sunlight.

He looked around. There were some students out here, too, sitting at the edge of the field or walking across it. He decided one place he was unlikely to be bothered was under the bleachers on the far side of the field, so he went that way. He entered the forest of aluminum trusses and discarded candy wrappers with a deep sigh of relief, grateful to be away from the curiosity of his classmates and the sight of Rhett with his girlfriend. 

He found a horizontal steel beam at a convenient height and leaned against it, half-sitting on it. He contemplated the pavement at his feet, dappled with shadows from the sunlight filtering through the seats above his head. He realized he was feeling a heavy resentment, almost hatred, toward Tracy and told himself that wasn’t fair. It wasn’t her fault that Rhett had turned his attention to her, or that she was evidently capable of providing what Rhett… needed. Aside from the confrontation in the cafeteria she seemed like a reasonably nice girl, all things considered. He told himself she didn’t deserve to suffer from his jealousy. 

His mind wandered from there to the memory of Rhett’s hands at his throat, the boy’s gentle tugging on the bowtie to center it in place. He lost himself in the recollection of Rhett’s cologne, letting himself feel the desire it evoked, knowing he would soon have to deny himself again. 

He heard a scuff of sneakers on the pavement and jerked his head up to see Rhett approaching him. The taller boy had to duck under the trusses and his progress was slow, giving Link time to compose himself as best he could. 

“Took me a while to find you,” Rhett said.

“Yeah, well… I didn’t particularly want to be found.” 

“Why’d you leave?”

 _Because I can’t stand to look at you when you’re with her_. “Uhm. Just wanted some fresh air.” 

Rhett leaned against the same horizontal beam a few feet away, hands braced on either side for balance. They both studied the ground for a minute in silence before Rhett said, “I’m sorry I shoved you.” 

Link kept his eyes down. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Tracy.” 

“Okay.”

Rhett got up and stood in front of him. Link looked up to see his expression: guilt, worry, regret. “I’m sorry for everything, Link.” 

Link pressed his lips together as tears pricked at his eyes. After a few seconds he said softly, “Okay.” 

Rhett brought his hands together in a helpless gesture of frustration. “I want to fix things, Link. I want things to go back to the way they were.” Link watched him in silence as he continued, “I said some stupid, awful things. I was confused, I guess. I didn’t know what I wanted. But now it feels like I wrecked everything and all I want to do is take it back.”

Rhett’s throat worked and Link could see tears in his eyes. The boy went on, “I couldn’t sleep last night… When you didn’t come to school I had this awful feeling that I’d never see you again. That you’d never forgive me.” His voice was starting to crack. “I want to laugh with you again, Link. I want to plan a future with you again.” 

Link thought about this as the silence stretched on, Rhett waiting for his response. Could they go back? Could things be good between them again? 

Suddenly, despite himself, he laughed. A short, dry bark of a laugh. “It never would have occurred to me, you know.” Rhett looked at him curiously as he continued, “If you hadn’t… that night on the island… I never once in a million years would have thought that you and I would…” he trailed off.

Rhett tilted his head, brow raised. “But you kissed me.” 

Links scrunched his face in confusion. “Huh?”

“After you pulled me out of the river.” 

Link shook his head in disbelief. “Dude, that was mouth-to-mouth. I was saving your life.” 

“That was _not_ what it felt like when I came to. I’m pretty sure there was some tongue action in there.” 

Link blushed. “I didn’t know what I was doing, okay?” He replayed the scene in his mind. It had been so panicked, so desperate. It certainly had not been born of any romantic feelings on his part. Something occurred to him. “Wait… is that why you… threw up?” 

Rhett winced with the memory and hastened to answer, “Oh, no. No, I definitely swallowed a lot of that river and it needed to come out with a vengeance.” 

Link shook his head again. “So you thought, because I… you decided to return the favor and then some?”

It was Rhett’s turn to blush. He passed a hand over his face. “I honestly don’t know what came over me. I was cold, you were right there in my arms, we had almost died… I just wanted to, you know? I wanted to… to make you feel good. Because it might have been our last night on earth.”

Link’s imagination raced back to that night, leaning back against Rhett’s chest, giving himself over to the powerful sensations. He pushed the memories away and focused on the conversation with a rueful smile. “So you thought I started it, and I thought you started it… but it doesn’t really matter, does it? Because we eventually ended up in it together. And here we are in the middle of a huge mess.” 

Rhett sighed. He moved to Link’s side and leaned against the beam again, a little closer than he had been. Neither of them said anything for a minute or two, then Rhett spoke hesitantly. “Do you think we can? Go back, I mean?”

“Back to how things were before the island?”

“Yeah.”

Link looked over at his best friend, meeting the boy’s sincere gaze. The filtered sunlight caressed the planes of Rhett’s cheeks and picked out each individual golden eyelash, framing eyes that gleamed grey-blue with flecks of amber, and Link’s soul faltered at the beauty of it. He wanted to say: _No. No, I can’t go back. No, I love you._

Instead, he tilted his head up and looked toward the sun. Throughout their conversation, he had felt the invisible wall thinning. The sustaining warmth of their friendship was slowly returning. If Link pushed for more, now, would the wall come back? He would give up anything to prevent that. Even this. 

“I don’t know if we can, Rhett,” he said. “But we can try. If that’s what you want.” _Tell me that isn’t what you want._

Rhett pulled Link into a quick side-hug squeeze that was over before Link could even fully register the feeling of his arm. “Good. Let’s try.” 

He stood up and beckoned Link to follow him out onto the football field, and Link complied. He felt dazed, the wounds in his heart freshly opened despite the balm of friendship Rhett now offered. He stayed slightly behind the other boy, trying to come to terms with this sudden new arrangement. They were halfway to the gym doors when Rhett said, almost as an afterthought, “Oh, I got into NC State.” 

“Oh yeah, me too.” 

Rhett stopped and turned to him with a grin. “That’s great, Link!” He pulled Link into a hug, this time lifting him clear off the ground for a moment. He kept his arms around Link’s waist as he put him back down, and they stood together, Link’s arms at his sides, his heart suddenly pounding. 

Rhett seemed oblivious to their sudden proximity as he continued excitedly, “We should fill out that roommate questionnaire and send it in with our acceptance letters so they get everything right away.”

Link couldn’t help but smile at Rhett’s enthusiasm as emotions washed over him. This morning he hadn’t even been sure he would go to NC State, and now it seemed like he would be able to have the future they had planned for after all. Except this future now promised a college life of close yet decidedly platonic proximity to Rhett — a prospect that seemed awkward at best, agonizing at worst.  Link tried to hide his turmoil. “Yeah, let’s send that in tonight.” 

Rhett finally released him and stepped back. They turned to continue toward the doors as Rhett added, “Did you see the part about the orientation in a couple weeks?”

“The overnight?” 

“Yeah, I guess you can go and meet some professors and learn about the different majors and stay over in one of the dorms.”

“You think we should do that?”

Rhett grinned at him. “Definitely.” 

He let Rhett go ahead of him into the gym as he took a deep breath and prepared to face their friends on the other side. On the surface, he certainly felt relief and gratitude that they had finally talked and that Rhett still wanted to be his friend. A future for him with Rhett in it was beginning to take shape again. Underneath that joy, though, his heart was crumbling at the edges. Now that he had tasted the fire they were capable of kindling between them, how could he possibly let it lie unfueled forever?


	14. Chapter 14

Link hung his arm out the open window of the truck, occasionally lifting his hand to ride the air currents as they travelled down Highway 1 toward the NC State campus. The wind whipped through the cab and tousled his hair, skimming above his eyes and tangling around his ears. He looked over at Rhett, who also had his window down and his arm out, and they exchanged an excited grin. Not only were they on their way to tour the place where they’d be spending their college years, they’d get to spend some time together away from family, friends, and schoolwork. 

In the two weeks since Rhett had apologized, they’d been careful with each other. The foundation of their friendship was still there, but it took some work to clear away the debris and polish the underlying structure before they could be comfortable again. They gradually returned to their inside jokes and easy banter, their casual affection of playful nudges and shoulder grabs. If the contact lingered a split second longer than it used to, or occasionally left an eddy of electric warmth in its wake, neither boy acknowledged it.  

Rhett and Tracy were still all over each other most of the time, but when Link was present, Rhett seemed to make a special effort to subdue his affections and pay attention to his friend. For his part, Link stood by his determination to not resent Tracy’s very existence, and the two of them reached a truce of sorts. Tracy had begun openly speculating as to which of her friends would be best for Link to take to the prom, a concept which he laughed off but found secretly relieving if it meant he wouldn’t have to find a date on his own. 

Whenever Link needed a break from seeing someone else’s lips and hands on his best friend, Randy was there to provide a cheerful distraction. The boy seemed eager to hang out with him even when they didn’t have much to say, and Link appreciated the excuse to give Rhett some space. He and Randy occasionally ate lunch outside at the picnic tables and had even discussed going mountain biking together over the summer.  

When it became apparent that the ice between Link and Rhett had thawed, Randy expressed curiosity. Sitting in homeroom, Link explained that Rhett had apologized, and Randy looked dubious. “That’s all you got? An apology?” 

“Well, I was a bit of a jerk too, Randy,” Link allowed. 

“That’s not what it looked like from here.” 

Link shrugged. “I just want to move on. Look toward the future.” 

Randy looked down at his desk. “I hope you can trust him, is all.” 

“I can,” Link insisted. “We’ve been friends forever. It was just a bad spot.” 

The boy looked up at him with his brow furrowed in sincerity. “You’re such a great guy, Link. I hope he appreciates you.” 

“Okay, Randy, you’re kinda weirding me out.” 

A flush crept up Randy’s cheeks as he turned away. “Appreciates your friendship, I mean,” he muttered.

“Right, right.” The bell rang, rescuing them from any lingering awkwardness.  

Now he and Rhett were on their way to an adventure that represented an introduction to their much-anticipated college life. They had filled out their acceptance paperwork and sent it in last week, double- and triple-checking the roommate paperwork to ensure they’d end up together. They’d pored over the orientation brochure and made special note of what they wanted to see. 

Link tuned the truck’s radio to their favorite country station and they sang along with the songs, Link occasionally venturing into the harmonies and sharing a smile with Rhett when their voices twined together. He found himself wishing the half-hour drive could last longer.

They drove around the large campus, following the signs for student orientation parking. Once there, they followed even more signs to the administration building where they’d meet up with their tour guides. They had both been to campus a number of times over the years, for various high school field trips and summer day camps, but it seemed different now that it was “theirs.” Link looked around with wide eyes, taking in the manicured lawns and tall brick buildings, trying to give the impression to the crowds of college students milling around that he definitely belonged here. He looked over at Rhett walking beside him and saw the slouched posture, narrowed eyes, and casual head bob his friend adopted when trying to look cool. Their eyes met and they both grinned goofily, the illusion of sophistication broken. 

They reached the quad to find it full of kids who appeared to be roughly their age, many of whom had the same posture of being slightly overwhelmed and trying to hide it. College students in red NC State t-shirts and clipboards circulated through the crowds calling out names and herding people into groups. They heard Rhett’s name yelled a dozen yards away and eventually located a shorter, slim young man who introduced himself as Kevin the Sophomore.

Kevin had spiky brown hair with frosted tips and a neat goatee. A woven black hemp necklace with tan wooden beads sat close to his throat. After he introduced himself and crossed both their names off his list, he gave Rhett a quick once-over, craning his head way up to meet the boy’s gaze almost an entire foot above his own head. He asked the obvious question. “Coming here to play basketball?” 

Link cringed internally, but Rhett rolled with it easily. “Not sure yet, actually. I wanna keep my options open.” 

“Cool, cool.” He turned to Link with a bright smile. “And what are you planning to study?” 

Link found himself slightly tongue-tied by the intensity of the young man’s attention. “Uh. Engineering, maybe?” It sounded like a decent way to make money, at least. “What…. what’s your major?” 

“Communications. I’d like to be a DJ.” 

“Cool!” 

Kevin grinned wider. “You should tune in to the student radio when you get here in the fall. WKNC 88-1 FM, _The Revolution_. I’ll have a show weekday nights.” 

“That’s awesome, man, we’ll definitely do that.”

“Sweet. Maybe I can give you guys a tour of the studio sometime… if you’re interested.” 

“Oh, totally.” 

Kevin excused himself to continue calling out names, trying to locate the last few stragglers. Link and Rhett exchanged smiles, relieved to have found a friendly face so quickly. Eventually the incoming freshmen were all sorted into their appropriate groups by their enthusiastic tour guides, at which point the assistant dean got on a loudspeaker and made a few opening remarks and dismissed them. 

Each group headed in a different direction so they could rotate through the points of interest at staggered times. Kevin took his dozen charges to the science buildings first, pointing out various research labs and experimental facilities, then onto the humanities quad where the English, foreign languages, history, and philosophy departments were housed. They went past the dairy barns, only getting close enough to smell them, and admired the large veterinary college from a distance. The tour concluded with a swing past the football stadium and basketball arena, both huge edifices that dwarfed everything nearby. 

It was a long afternoon walking the sprawling campus. Throughout the tour, Link and Rhett stayed close, brushing shoulders in their exchange of softly-spoken observations. They passed countless lawns where students sat on blankets in the sun reading books or handwriting papers, and groups tossed frisbees and kicked around hacky sacks, generally giving off the vibe that the campus was a comfortable and active place to be.  

Link was grateful he had worn comfortable shoes, and even so his feet were killing him by the time they returned to the administration building for some academic presentations. They sat through brief and enthusiastic talks by various department heads, all of whom managed to make their subject sound more interesting than anything the boys had studied in high school. Link’s vague ideas about engineering began to take shape. 

Finally, they were released for dinner and Kevin brought them to an enormous dining hall. He guided them through the variety of food options and, once they had all found something they wanted, sat them down at a large round table in the corner of the room. By that time, Link and Rhett had gotten to know most of the other students in the group enough to make comfortable small talk with them throughout dinner, facilitated by Kevin’s icebreaking games. They even exchanged names with a few boys from neighboring Pittsboro and promised to get in touch with them again once they arrived in the fall. 

It was eight o’clock by the time dinner was over and Kevin explained where they’d be sleeping. The male students would be with him in Gold Hall, the all-boys dorm a ways down the road, while the female students would sleep in the girls’ dorm next door. Once they had directions to Gold Hall, Link and Rhett excused themselves to retrieve their sleeping bags and overnight backpacks from Link’s truck. 

They met up with the other boys in the lobby of the dorm and Kevin showed them to their rooms. A floor of one of the wings had been dedicated to the orientation students, so the group essentially had it to themselves. Still, there was evidence of college life all around them, from fliers on every wall advertising shows and student organizations to the plastic bowls in every bathroom containing an incomprehensibly vast variety of condoms. 

Their room was a large double on the corner, which gave it the shape of an L. There was a narrow single bed frame with a mattress on each side of the L, two desks, and two small wooden chairs. When he showed it to them, Kevin cautioned that they shouldn’t get used to the luxurious amount of space, since the room they’d get as freshmen would be about half the size. “Hope you guys are used to close quarters,” he joked. 

“Oh yeah,” Link replied. “This guy looks big but he folds up well.”

Rhett nudged him. “At least I don’t sleepwalk all over the place.” 

Kevin grinned at the both of them. “Well, I’m just down the hall if you need anything. Otherwise I’ll see you downstairs for breakfast at nine.” 

They said goodnight and Kevin closed the door, leaving them alone under the harsh yellow glow of the overhead light. Link surveyed the spartan room, then tossed his backpack and sleeping bag onto the bed on the right and flopped down next to them. “That was a long walk,” he groaned. 

Rhett put his stuff down on the desk on his side of the L with a grunt of agreement. “It was. My knees are killing me.” He dug through his bag for a moment, then said, “I’m gonna go brush my teeth. Back in a minute.” 

Link heard the door open and close as he stared up at the industrial white ceiling. He was feeling pretty good about the prospect of college now that he’d seen a bit more of the reality. The place was big, but he felt as though he could fit in pretty easily. It helped that things with Rhett had been warm and comfortable all day. With his best friend by his side, he truly felt as though he could take anything the world threw at him. 

Rhett came back into the room and started arranging his sleeping bag on his bed. Link stood up and did the same with his own bed, then grabbed his toothbrush and went in search of the bathroom to take care of business. 

When he got back to the room, the overhead light was off. The only illumination came from the courtyard beyond the windows. Rhett stood in front of the one on his side of the room, looking out. He had changed into cotton pajama pants and taken off his shirt and the muscles of his back were graceful, shadowed valleys.  He didn’t turn as Link took off his own shirt and changed into a similar pair of pants. 

He stirred when Link stepped up behind him, looking briefly over his shoulder with a faint smile before facing outward again. The window was cracked open and a warm breeze carried the scent of spring to them. “It’s like a whole new world, Link.” 

Link’s eyes did not want to explore the tall brick buildings and streetlights outside; they were fixated on the curve of Rhett’s shoulders in the pale light, the shadow behind his ear and the faint ripple of his spine. Now that he was close he could also smell Rhett’s skin, earthy with the day’s exertion and mingled with the scent of wildflowers on the wind. 

He reached out and put his arms lightly, tentatively around Rhett’s waist, braced for rejection and telling himself it wouldn’t be a big deal when it came. Instead, Rhett put his hands on Link’s forearms and brought them around himself further, and Link stepped closer until his hips were against Rhett’s backside, his chest and stomach in contact with the boy’s back. The vibrant warmth of skin against skin was a joyful relief, dissipating tension Link had not even known he carried. He turned his head, closed his eyes, and laid his cheek against Rhett’s shoulder blade with a contented sigh. 

They stood in silence for some time, breathing in a slow shared rhythm. Eventually temptation won out, and Link brought his mouth to Rhett’s back to satisfy his overwhelming need to taste him. He kissed the smooth, firm skin alongside Rhett’s spine and as high as he could reach on the back of his neck. He flattened his hands across Rhett’s stomach and felt the boy’s breath hitch underneath them in response to Link’s slow, deliberate kisses, each one filled with a heavy, adamant desire. 

He expected Rhett to pull his hands away, to step aside or say something in protest, but the boy stayed still and silent save for his quickening breath. As Link’s kisses lingered longer, his tongue caressing the goosebumps they raised, Rhett tilted his head back until it rested in the bend of Link’s shoulder. This brought his neck within reach and Link took great satisfaction in running first his lips and then his teeth along its curve. He slid his hands from Rhett’s stomach up the arc of his ribs to the muscles of his chest, the boy shivering in his arms. 

He nuzzled Rhett’s hairline and along his ear as the boy reached a hand up to cup the back of Link’s neck, twining his fingers in his hair and pulling him closer. Link responded to the encouragement, setting his teeth more firmly into Rhett’s neck, eliciting a gasp and a shudder. 

Rhett suddenly twisted in his arms, turning to face him, bringing their mouths together in a fierce kiss. The tension that had ratcheted up during Link’s tentative exploration exploded into fully realized, ravenous desire.  Rhett leaned on the windowsill, one hand still in Link’s hair and the other around his waist. Link pushed against him, tongue in his mouth, both of them making small wordless noises of need.

Link felt the edge of Rhett’s bed next to his leg and guided the other boy to lay back on it, not breaking off the kiss as he climbed over him and straddled his hips. Rhett’s hands ran down his back and cupped his ass, pulling him down to press their bodies together, hard. Link groaned at the feeling of his friend’s arousal through the two layers of thin cotton.

He kissed down the underside of Rhett’s chin, along his adam’s apple to the notch of his throat, then ran his tongue lightly over his collarbone. Rhett bucked underneath him, demanding more, and Link closed his teeth around the delicate skin. He was rewarded with a moan that sent waves of desire coursing through him. His only thoughts were that he had to get closer to Rhett, feel more of him, taste more of him. His chest felt tight, as if he couldn’t breathe unless it was Rhett’s breath he were inhaling. He was drunk on the boy in his arms and all he could think was _more_.  

He reached down to Rhett’s hip and hooked his fingers over the waistband of his pants, drawing them slowly downward. Rhett’s hand encircled his wrist loosely in a reluctant gesture of hesitation. Link’s voice was thick was lust as he bent to Rhett’s ear and murmured the first words he spoke since he had entered the room. “Pretend it’s our last night on earth.” 

Rhett shuddered, letting his hand fall from Link’s wrist in wordless acquiescence. He lifted his hips from the mattress to assist Link in sliding his pants down and off. He brought his hands to the small of Link’s back and sank his fingers under Link’s waistband, pushing his pants off his hips and sliding them down his thighs. Link kicked them down past his knees and feet and then they both were abruptly, deliciously naked. 

Link rested his elbows to either side of Rhett’s head and kissed him as their bodies pressed together. Rhett’s arms were around him, hands running up his back and caressing his shoulders before traveling down to explore the curves of his ass and thighs. Link shivered at the hot sensation of his touch, arching his back underneath it.

He rolled to one edge of the narrow bed, lying on his side between Rhett and the wall and putting his arm under the boy’s head. Rhett turned to him to continue the kiss, one arm underneath Link and wrapped around his back. Link trailed his hand over the boy’s chest and down his belly, tracing his fingers lightly through the curls of hair below his navel, working slowly lower as Rhett trembled in helpless anticipation.

He reached his destination and Rhett moaned, turning his face into the crook of Link’s neck and shuddering as Link caressed him. Link moved slowly, exploring, hyper-aware of Rhett’s reactions even as every gasp and twitch sparked a flare of his own arousal. Rhett curved toward him, his shoulders rounding and the muscles of his torso taut and twitching. His mouth found Link’s again and he whimpered into it, breathless and pleading. Link reveled in the boy’s vulnerability, the way his body responded to every touch as if he were an instrument tuned to the frequency of Link’s hands. 

Link nipped at Rhett’s lower lip and kissed along the edge of his short beard, drawing whines of lust from the back of the boy’s throat. Rhett’s hand traveled from Link’s hair down his spine and along the curve of his hip until it was between them and he was touching Link the same way Link was touching him. The sudden, sharp ecstasy was a lightning bolt through Link’s body and he drew a deep, shuddering gasp. 

The sensation of Rhett’s hand on him, with no underwear to interfere, was worlds above the experience on the island. There, Link had been confused and cold and it was over before he could truly comprehend what was happening. Now Rhett took his time, exploring Link’s reactions as Link was learning his, and they moved carefully but urgently through this new territory together. 

They rode the ascending spirals of pleasure in unison, each spurred on by the sight and sounds of the other’s bliss. Their bodies grew slick with sweat and a flush crept across their stomachs, chests, throats. Rhett writhed with his head tossed back, open-mouthed and panting, as Link ran his tongue over the intoxicating saltiness of the boy’s feverish skin. 

It was Rhett who crested the waterfall first, plunging into his climax with a throaty cry. His arm around Link’s back clutched the boy to him in a powerful grasp as his muscles spasmed, numbed lips forming wordless noises, the tendons of his neck standing out in stark relief. 

The animal intensity of Rhett’s pleasure pushed Link to the edge and he teetered there for a timeless, agonizing moment as his breath caught in his throat and stars burst behind his squeezed-shut eyelids. He wrapped both arms around Rhett’s shoulders and buried his face in the boy’s neck as he cried out,  helpless in the iron grip of the most powerful ecstasy he had ever known. The waves of it washed over him again and again, his chest heaving as he gulped deep lungfuls of air, reality itself shattering into pieces. 

Rhett held him as he trembled, stroking his hair and kissing his forehead. Link turned to him blindly and their lips met tenderly, reassuringly, slowly grounding them both. They clung together, legs intertwined, oblivious to the sweat and stickiness between them. They ran languid hands along each other’s arms and thighs, soothing muscles gone slack with afterglow. 

Link’s mind swam aimlessly through the ebbing sea of lust until a thought surfaced: _I will never recover from this. I will never be the same as I was before_. His soul felt flayed open, pared down to the bone by exquisitely sharp, painless blades. The only thing that saved him from being terrified was the feeling of Rhett’s arms around him, Rhett’s lips at his temple and the warm puff of his breath as they held each other close. 

After some extended stretch of time he leaned up on his elbow to see Rhett’s face in the dim white light. The boy’s eyes were closed, long eyelashes skimming the tops of cheeks that glistened with sweat. A soft smile curved his slightly parted, reddened lips. He looked like a fey creature, otherworldly, impossibly beautiful. 

Words gathered in Link’s throat and he tried to swallow them down. He leaned forward and brought his lips to Rhett’s, leaving them there in a tender kiss until the urge to speak subsided. As perfect as the moment felt, curled into his friend’s embrace and breathing his breath, he knew he had to keep the words trapped within him. They would have to stay fluttering inside his chest because of his knowledge that it wasn’t truly their last night on earth. The sun would rise and reality would piece itself together once again, and they would have to face it somehow, and the words Link wanted to say would only complicate it further.

Instead, he laid his head on Rhett’s chest and put his arm around his waist. He let the boy’s steady heartbeat and the slow rise and fall of his breathing lull him into a deep, satiated sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

Sunlight streamed in through the bare windows of the dorm room, bright behind Link’s closed eyelids. He was sprawled on his stomach with the sleeping bag tangled around his legs, his upper body uncovered. The pillow under his cheek smelled like Rhett, and he turned his face into it and inhaled deeply. He stretched, feeling a pleasant soreness in his thighs and calves. His hands explored the bare mattress underneath him and found both edges of it in short order. He was alone in the bed.

He cracked an eye open and saw Rhett sitting on one of the room’s wooden chairs facing him. The boy was slouched, legs splayed out straight, elbows resting on the chair’s arms and hands steepled under his chin. He had put his pajama pants back on and his eyes were on the hardwood floor. He raised his head when he heard Link stir.

“How long have you been awake?” Link murmured, his throat slightly raw from the sounds Rhett had torn from it the night before. 

“Since the sun started coming in.” 

Judging by the quality of the light, that was probably at least an hour ago. Link became more aware of his nakedness now that the room was no longer cloaked in shadows. “I hope you haven’t been staring at me the whole time.” 

“Uh, no.”

“What have you been doing?” 

“Thinking, I guess.”

“Uh oh.” Link meant it to sound light, but he felt a nervousness creeping in. “What about?” 

“The future.” 

Rhett’s words hung ominously in the air between them. Link waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t. The space between them began to feel painfully vast. “Can you come here?” Link asked in a small voice.

Rhett rose and came to the bed and sat down on the edge of it. Link shifted to make room, pressing his back against the wall. He curved his body around Rhett’s hips but didn’t touch him; he had learned by now that he could take nothing for granted between the two of them. For that reason, it was a wonderful relief when Rhett put an arm around him and drew his palm flat along his back in a light caress. Link snuggled into to the other boy’s body with a happy noise, the endorphins from their skin to skin contact flooding him with reassurances. 

He nuzzled the bare curve of Rhett’s waist above his pajama pants, the musky, unwashed scent of their activities the night before setting his heart pounding. Rhett’s hand was in his hair, fingertips raking tenderly through it, pushing it out of his face. Link put an arm around the boy’s waist and pulled, making a gentle request, and Rhett swung his legs onto the bed and lay down facing him. The sleeping bag was rumpled and bunched between them. 

He looked into Rhett’s eyes from inches away and saw turmoil there. Desire vied with guilt, affection with uncertainty. The boy’s arms came around him and they kissed, but Link felt the hesitancy in it even as they melted together, and after a moment he pulled away. 

They regarded each other in silence, Link reluctant to ask the questions swirling through his head for fear of the answers he’d receive. He knew they couldn’t avoid it forever, though. With what they had shared last night it felt like they had crossed a line, stepped over a threshold into a new world where the threads that bound them together glimmered with coiled steel and a razor sharp edge. If he made a wrong move they would slice him open.

He settled for the most important question. “Are we okay?” 

Rhett blinked and his arms tightened around him. “Oh god, Link, I hope so. I hope we’re okay.”

Link swallowed as the tension within him crept down a notch. “I want to be okay, Rhett.” He spoke slowly, finding his words as he went. “But I don’t know… that was a really big deal, for me. I don’t know what it means… for us.” 

Rhett’s fingertips ran up his spine, soothing and electrifying. “It was a big deal for me too, man.” He leaned forward and kissed along Link’s collarbone, his uncertainty apparently gone, and Link tilted his head back obligingly. 

He took a shaky breath and let it out in a nervous laugh. “I have this fear you’re going to ask me to go back to the way we were before, again. Like this is just… this is all I get.” He felt Rhett’s muscles tense and instantly worried he had said too much. Then the edge of the boy’s beard brushed his neck as his lips traveled along his jawline, and Link shivered. 

Rhett spoke softly, close to his ear. “I don’t think we can go back now, Link. I don’t know about you, but… I certainly want more.” He emphasized this with the tip of his tongue along the crest of Link’s ear, and Link moaned softly. His self-restraint was failing rapidly. _More…_

However, a small kernel of discomfort dug into his psyche, like the princess and the pea, keeping him from falling wholly into lust. He knew he shouldn’t say it. He knew it was a risk… but he had to know the answer, and he asked before he could stop himself. “What about Tracy?”

Rhett’s arms stiffened around him. He no longer felt the boy’s breath on his cheek. _Stupid, stupid,_ he railed at himself as Rhett pulled away from him, shifting so they were no longer in contact except for the boy’s forearms loosely around his shoulders. If the bed hadn’t been so small, he certainly would have put more space between them.  

He looked into Link’s eyes, the same guilt in his expression again, but also a challenge. “What about her?”

Link’s mouth was abruptly dry. “Um. What are you… what are you going to tell her?” 

Rhett looked for a moment as if he doesn’t understand the question, then his eyes narrowed. “Nothing. I’m not going to tell anyone anything, Link.” He raised an eyebrow in an unspoken question. _Are you?_

Link stumbled over his words. “Oh… oh, okay. I mean, yeah, that’s… that’s cool. Me neither.” He looked away from Rhett’s gaze. _Of course. Of course that’s how it will be._

Rhett let out his breath and Link could feel his muscles relaxing. “Good.” He pulled Link close to him again, caressing his back. Link’s desire fought with a formless disappointment. He wasn’t sure what he had wanted Rhett to say, just that what he had said wasn’t it. As Rhett’s hands traveled down his back to push the sleeping bag the rest of the way off of him, he decided it would be best if he stopped worrying about the question for the moment. He cuddled into Rhett’s warmth, the boy’s long legs twining around his and pulling him closer. 

“You’re my best friend, Link,” Rhett murmured near his ear. “And now we have this too.” He kissed down the side of Link’s neck. “We can share this, just the two of us. Our secret.” 

His hands at Link’s hips, thumbs teasing lazily around the protruding bones, made the idea seem extra appealing. If Rhett wanted to keep his life otherwise unchanged, was that really a problem? It simplified things quite a bit, honestly. And if going along with it meant that he could be with Rhett like this, and touch him like this, and not have to worry about the wall rising up between them again because he asked for something Rhett wasn’t willing to give him, well… this was good enough. It was honestly more than he had ever let himself hope for.

He found Rhett’s mouth and kissed him deeply, running his fingers through the short hair at the back of the boy’s head as their tongues met. He felt Rhett’s arousal stirring through his pants and pressed himself against it as they both made soft noises of desire. This continued for some time until a thought occurred to him. He pulled away just far enough to speak. “What time is it?” 

Rhett flung an arm out and rooted around blindly in his backpack beside the bed until he pulled out his watch, then squinted at it. “Eight thirty.”

Link made a soft whine. “We’ve only got half an hour to get to breakfast.” 

Rhett dropped the watch and kissed him again. “I’d rather have you for breakfast.” 

Link giggled at the cheesy line, but his desire flared anyway. He nipped at Rhett’s lower lip with a soft purr. “Kevin will probably come looking for us if we don’t show up,” he pointed out.

Rhett growled with good-natured frustration. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”  He extricated himself from their embrace and stood up from the bed, picking up his backpack and setting it on the chair to root around in it. Link sat up and looked around for a few seconds before he located his discarded pajama pants puddled under the foot of the bed. He sprawled across the bed to grab them and pulled them on as he stood up.

Rhett was watching him with a small smile on his face, towel and soap in hand. Link smiled back. “What?”

The boy looked a little self-conscious as his smile widened. “It’s nice to look at you.” 

Link felt a flush bloom across his bare chest. “If you say so.” 

“C’mere.” 

Link stepped in front of Rhett and looked up into his luminous grey-blue eyes. The boy put his arms around his waist and leaned down to kiss him as Link tilted his head up to meet him halfway.

Rhett broke the kiss off with a rueful shake of his head. “Okay, okay. I’m going to shower now.” 

“Good idea. I’ll be right behind you once I get my stuff.” 

They ran into a few other kids from the orientation weekend in the bathroom, all of them hurrying to wash up and get down to the dining hall on time. Back in the room, the boys pulled on jeans and clean T-shirts, packed their things, and headed downstairs with their backpacks and bedrolls slung over their shoulders. 

Kevin waved to them from a large round table in the corner of the hall. A few other boys sat with him with trays of food in front of them. Link thought he saw Kevin give him and Rhett a once-over as they walked up, amusement on his face, but all he said was, “Sleep well?” 

Link tried to quell his self-consciousness. “Well enough,” he said, simultaneously with Rhett’s “Yep!”

They both ate a large breakfast as Kevin explained the agenda for the day. They’d swing by the parking lot to drop off their bags, then the tour would take them through the athletic facility and health center before wrapping up at the student union. But first, they’d have to meet up with the female students who had slept in the dorm across the street. 

They were waiting outside the dorm for the girls to come out when Kevin gestured for Link and Rhett to join him a little ways apart from the group. They followed and Rhett asked, “What’s up?” 

Kevin grinned at them. “I know this is probably a little weird, but it’s kind of my job as the RA and the orientation guide to say I hope you used condoms last night.” 

It took Link a second to understand what he was getting at, at which point he felt his face get hot. He shot a panicked glance to Rhett and saw the boy’s mouth was agape. As usual, Rhett recovered first. “Uh. We didn’t do anything that would… need them?” His voice rose at the end as if asking Kevin to believe him.

The young man seemed entertained by their discomfort, but not in a malicious way. “It’s okay, dudes. Believe me, I’m the last person to judge. You make a cute couple.” 

Link finally found his voice, if only to prevent Rhett from getting more upset. “Whoa, whoa, we’re not… together.” He wasn’t sure if he was lying or not. 

“Oh? Oh, sorry!” Kevin now looked embarrassed. “The way you act toward each other, plus some of the noises coming from your end of the hall last night…” he trailed off with a shrug. “Must have been imagining things. Hope I didn’t offend you guys. A lot of the school systems around here don’t really go in for the whole sex ed thing, so I try to make sure our incoming freshmen know about things like condoms and lube. Which, by the way, you should totally help yourself to. They’re in all the bathrooms.”

Link could not believe they were having this conversation. Rhett looked equally incredulous as he replied, “Thanks, I think.” 

Link added, “Yeah, I’ll remember that if I ever actually need them.” He meant to sound self-deprecating and a touch sarcastic, but he found himself making a mental note. Maybe they _would_ come in handy after the semester started, once he and Rhett had a room to themselves… He let the thought trail off before it made him blush again.

The girls had joined the main group by now and Kevin herded everyone together for another long walk. Once everyone had spread out along the sidewalk and they had a little space to themselves, Link turned to Rhett to see how he was doing. To Link’s relief, he seemed mostly amused. “I guess we were kind of loud,” Rhett whispered, and Link giggled. “I blame you,” he whispered back.

Rhett nudged him with his elbow. “You started it.” 

Link grinned. “I guess I did, yeah.” 

They stayed close for the rest of the morning, memories of the night before drawing them to each other with soft smiles and lingering touches on the arm or back. Link marveled at the difference between the tension of denial and the tension of promise. His heart felt lighter, more free, and he could tell Rhett felt the same. 

Link’s mind occasionally wandered, thinking about what it was going to be like now that they had shared so much but could not express that in front of their family or friends. It felt like a daunting assignment. He tried not to worry about it too much now, though, and simply enjoy his memories and the beauty of the late spring day, walking a beautiful campus with his best friend by his side. 

When they got to the student union at the end of the tour, Kevin turned them loose to explore on their own. He said goodbye to all of them with a final speech about making the most of their college experience and made sure they knew how to get in touch with him if they had any more questions. 

The main room of the building was swarmed with representatives of student groups competing to get the attention of the incoming freshmen. The boys spent a few hours wandering around looking at all of the extracurricular activities available to them, and by the end of it they each had a huge list of things they wanted to get involved with in the fall.  

Eventually they had seen everything and their feet had begun to hurt once more, so they decided to call it a day. They made their way back to Link’s truck and drove through the winding campus roads to get back to Highway 1. They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, listening to the radio, until Link realized there was something he really wanted to know, and the only way to get it to stop rattling around in his head was to speak up.  

“Hey, Rhett.”

“Yes, Link?”

Link twisted his hands around the steering wheel. “I was just wondering… you can tell me it’s not my business if you want, I guess… but the stuff we did last night, have you done that with anyone else? I mean, with a girl obviously.” 

Rhett was quiet for a moment, and Link looked over at him, relieved that the other boy didn’t look annoyed at the question, just possibly a little embarrassed. “Nope.”

Link was surprised at the relief he felt. He and Rhett had shared something unique to the two of them and he clasped that to his chest like a victory medal. “We, uh… we haven’t really talked about Tracy. I don’t know what you’ve done with her.” 

Rhett chuckled. “Not much, man.” 

“But you’re all over each other!” 

“Yeah but that’s all. She’s a good girl… she’s really against anything more than kissing until marriage.” 

“Dang.”

Rhett shrugged. “I’m okay with it. Especially now that I have you.” He reached over and patted Link’s knee, then ran his hand slowly up the boy’s inner thigh, making him squirm.

“Ahh, Rhett, I’m driving here…” Rhett laughed and withdrew his hand. 

Link had more questions about Tracy and how his friend felt about her, but he squashed them down. The one he cared most about had been answered, and with a minimum of awkwardness too. He wasn’t going to push his luck. He rolled Rhett’s words around in his head. _She’s a good girl_. Thinking back to the night before, how he had so aggressively set the ball rolling into the avalanche of their passion, he had to wonder what Rhett thought of him now. _Does that make me a bad boy?_

Their conversation moved on to more mundane topics of college courses and extracurricular activities. The drive home was too short. More than ever, Link didn’t want the day to end, but soon they found themselves parked in Rhett’s driveway. The engine idled as they sat smiling at each other. 

“This was… really great,” Link said, aware of the laughable inadequacy of his words.

“It really was.” Rhett glanced toward the house. His parents were home and the driveway was visible from most of the front windows. He reached for Link’s hand and twined their fingers together on the seat between them. “’I’m glad you… I’m glad we…”

Link squeezed his hand. “Me too.” 

Rhett leaned over to pull his backpack and sleeping bag out of the space behind Link’s seat, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek on his way by. “See you tomorrow, Link.” 

“See you, Rhett.” 

He turned the radio up as he watched Rhett climb the stairs and enter his house. Bush’s “Comedown” was playing as he pulled out of the driveway and headed toward home. The song had been on constant repeat on the alternative stations over the past month, but he hadn’t really listened to the lyrics until now. 

_love and hate get it wrong_  
 _she cut me right back down to size_  
 _sleep the day let it fade_  
 _who was there to take your place_  
 _no one knows never will_  
 _mostly me but mostly you_  
 _what do you say do you do_  
 _when it all comes down_

_cause I don't want to come back down from this cloud_  
 _it's taken me all this time to find out what I need, yeah_  
 _I don't want to come back down from this cloud_  
 _it’s taken me all this all this time_


	16. Chapter 16

Link floated on a lake of bliss, buoyed by the memories of Rhett’s arms around him and their kisses in the dorm room’s darkness. He looked with breathless anticipation and a warm nervousness in his belly toward the indeterminate future time when they would next be alone together. Rhett cared for him. Rhett wanted to be with him. Rhett trusted him to share a level of intimacy that had been unimaginable only a few days ago. The evening after he got home from the orientation, he found himself smiling so much his face hurt.

Eventually the ecstatic hormones that coursed through his body in the aftermath of their night together began to fade, and they took with them his complacency regarding the arrangement Rhett had proposed. By the time he went to bed on Sunday night, he had replayed their conversation over in his head many times. Just that morning he had been eager to accept anything Rhett was willing to give him. Now he wondered if the other boy had expected him to argue, to push for him to break up with Tracy, to somehow provide enough moral backbone for the both of them. In the cold light of day, could Rhett be having his own doubts? If he were, or if Link pushed him, what choice would he make?

Link arrived at school on Monday morning after an uneasy night’s sleep to see Rhett standing with Tracy at their usual spot against his car by the back fence. This time, when Link parked, Rhett saw him and walked with Tracy over to meet him. 

Rhett looked good in his grey t-shirt and jeans. As they approached, he smiled at Link with a knowing curve to his lips that made Link feel weak at the knees despite his inner turmoil. The boy had an arm around Tracy, who beamed at Link from under her neat brown bangs, her arm around Rhett’s waist. 

“Hey Link,” Rhett said, simultaneous with Tracy’s “Hi!”

“Good morning,” Link responded, forcing a smile at them both. Tracy’s cherubic expression, clear of any knowledge of what her boyfriend was keeping from her, twisted Link’s insides. For his part, Rhett appeared superficially unruffled, but Link had known him long enough to be able to tell there was unease churning under the surface. 

“Tracy has something she’d like to ask you,” Rhett said.

“Oh?” 

The girl giggled self-consciously. “Oh, Rhett, you don’t have to make it sound so formal.” She gave him a playful jostle as she turned to Link. “You know Cassidy Marsden?” 

Link nodded. Cassidy had transferred to Harnett Central as a sophomore from another high school across the state. They’d had a number of classes together and knew each other well enough. She was on the cheerleading squad with Tracy. She was also fascinating looking, tall with magenta hair in a pixie cut, and the only girl in their class with a lip ring — all things that made her stand out from the other cheerleaders. “We’ve never, like, hung out, but I know who she is.” 

“She needs a date to the prom. Wanna take her?” 

“Uh…” he hesitated. Prom was suddenly a very complicated concept.

“Just as friends!” Tracy added hurriedly. “I’m not asking because she, like, _likes_ you or anything. I’m trying to get all the girls to go with dates so we can all hang out together and have a good time. And last I checked you didn’t have any prospects.” 

Link grinned. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“I think you guys would make a good pair,” Rhett interjected. Link looked at him and he shrugged as if to say, _Might as well._

Link mirrored the shrug. “Eh, why not. Just tell me what I need to do, you know, with the flowers or whatever.”

Tracy clapped her hands in delight and smiled up at Rhett. “It’s solved, then.” She began ticking off on her fingers. “We’ll have enough for the limo with you, me, Link and Cass, Mike and Amy, Randy and Tori, Joe and Beth.” 

“Ooh, a limo!” Link rolled his eyes good naturedly while his brain caught up with his ears. “Randy and Tori, huh?” 

“They’re going as friends too. They grew up next door neighbors or something,” Tracy explained.

“Cool. Sounds like a fun group.” 

She smiled broadly at him again, and again he felt the cold fires of guilt licking at his heels.

Rhett looked between the two of them and gestured toward the school. “Shall we?”

The two of them walked toward the doors with Link following slightly behind. When they got inside, Tracy said goodbye and tilted her head up for a kiss from Rhett, which he delivered quickly as Link looked away. The girl headed off toward her own homeroom classroom, leaving the two boys relatively alone in the hallway. As they walked, Link glanced over at Rhett, who looked ahead with a pensive expression. Link felt the threads connecting them again; he tasted the cold, sharp metal of them. “How are you doing, Rhett?” 

The corner of the boy’s mouth twisted wryly. “It’s weird, Link.”

“How so?” 

Rhett turned to him a furrowed brow. “Seeing you, thinking about the weekend… I feel so good. But I also feel really bad.” His eyes flicked back toward the direction Tracy had headed. 

Link nodded. “It doesn’t exactly feel right to me either.” 

Rhett scratched at his chin. “It’s complicated.”

“I know.” 

They reached homeroom and went inside. “Just give me some time to work it out, okay?” 

“Okay,” Link agreed, since they were coming into a crowd of students and he didn’t really have another option. But what did that mean? Give Rhett time to decide whom to choose? Or time to work it out with his conscience so he could date Tracy and have Link on the side without guilt? 

Randy had seen them come in and waved them over, and they sat down with him and chatted about their weekends. Link and Rhett talked enthusiastically about the NC State orientation and their plans for classes and activities once they started there. 

“Wow, it sounds like you guys had an amazing time there.” 

The boys exchanged quick smiles. “Yeah, we really did,” Link said. 

“That’s great.” Randy had already been accepted into Duke as an early decision months ago, so he was happily removed from the college stress most other students were suffering. 

“I heard you’re gonna be in our prom limo with Tori,” Link said.

“Oh yeah, we’re just going as friends,” Randy quickly pointed out. “I’ve known her for ages. Who’s your date?” 

“I guess I’m taking Cassidy. Also just as friends.”

“Cool, at least I’ll have someone to talk to while the girls are all dancing together,” Randy said with a smile, and Link smiled back.

“Hey, I’ll be there too,” Rhett pointed out. 

“Yeah, but you actually have a girlfriend you’ll want to spend time with,” Randy responded. “Especially if you want to be in her good graces for the afterparty.” 

Rhett’s laugh sounded forced to Link’s ear. “Well, true.”

The bell rang, saving them from any further prom night speculations. 

***

The month of May passed with warm days and sunny skies, homework and tests, and planning for prom, graduation, and the future. It also passed in trips to the riverbank, sleepovers, and long drives in Link’s truck that always seemed to end up pulled over in a deserted side street or disused scenic overlook. 

And in all of those places they would start with a conversation, a discussion of how they could not do this anymore. It wasn’t fair to Tracy and it wasn’t fair to themselves, they agreed, to make these moral compromises that tainted their consciences and made them feel muddied, cheapened. 

Then their eyes would meet, and one of them would lean forward, or reach out a hand, or catch the other’s scent on the breeze, and desire would blaze brighter than a magnesium flare. Their mouths would come together with an insatiable hunger and their hands would rove over flushed and trembling skin, always with breathless murmurs that this would be the last time. Always knowing that there could never be a last time, because the desire unsatisfied would burn them up from the inside out. 

Afterward, when they had brought each other to the height of pleasure and over into shuddering, gasping ecstasy — always in the same manner as they had in the dorm room, as if this were the one line it was acceptable to cross, because it had already been crossed — when they held each other’s sweat-slicked bodies and softly caressed each other’s trembling shoulders, that was when the cold tendrils of guilt crept back into Link’s chest. 

He knew, from looking into Rhett’s eyes during those times, that his guilt was nothing compared to what the other boy felt. Rhett was clearly wrestling with both shame and a terrible fear of the consequences of coming clean to Tracy. He cared for the girl and hated to imagine the pain it would cause her. That, combined with the imagined social and familial condemnation he’d receive for his relationship with Link, seemed to have put him in a state of paralyzed inaction. He was waiting for the universe to force his hand, and in the meantime he and Link swirled around each other and collided in frequent, inescapable explosions of desire. 

Link’s eighteenth birthday fell on the Saturday of the weekend before prom. He decided to celebrate it at Emerald Pointe, a huge water park about eighty miles to the west in Greensboro.  They’d been there a few times over the years with their parents, but this was the first time they’d be going without any “adult” supervision. 

Rhett picked him up in his Dynasty and they drove to get Tracy, then Cassidy. Randy would meet them there in his own car with most of the rest of the planned prom crew: Tori, Mike, Amy, and Beth. Beth’s boyfriend Joe was away on a church outing that weekend, much to his dismay. Aside from the one boy’s absence, Link figured it would be a good way to make sure they would all get along once they were crammed into a limo the following weekend. 

They met at the park entrance under a bright noontime sun. The day was shaping up to be quite hot and it wasn’t long before everyone had stripped to their bathing suits. The boys were all in long swim trunks that ended just above the knee; Link’s were blue and white floral print and Rhett’s were brick red. For the most part, the girls wore bikini tops over cutoff denim shorts, except for Cassidy, who had a black one-piece halter top suit and her own pair of green men’s-style board shorts. 

She and Link had been getting along well now that they were hanging out more at school. The awkwardness of being set up for the prom had diminished significantly once it had become clear that the lack of attraction was mutual, and they both just appreciated not having to go alone. She had a quick wit and dry sense of humor that made him think prom might not be so boring after all. 

Randy’s grey plaid shorts were tight around his thighs and hung low on his hips, displaying a level of definition in his tanned abs that Link had not seen outside of his stepfather’s men’s health magazines. He was trying not to stare when Rhett exclaimed, “Gee, Randy, you been working out?” 

Randy draped a beach towel around his neck with a self-conscious grin. “Yeah, actually.” 

“Lookin’ good, man!” Link said.

Randy looked over at him with a slight flush to his cheeks. “Thanks.” 

The group spent the afternoon wandering around the enormous park, hanging out in the giant wave pool when they weren’t waiting in line for the popular waterslides. For the most part, they all stayed together and the constant presence of their friends kept Link’s mind and hands off of his best friend. However, there was a point late in the afternoon when the girls decided to take a break and the boys were still in search of more adrenaline, that Link and Rhett found themselves together at the top of the biggest slide in the park, Randy and Mike ahead of them in line. 

Mike was the shortest and also the geekiest of them all, with a pale freckled face and reddish hair. He and Link had met during Link’s brief foray into the school band and remained friends after he quit. “Looks like you can go single or double on this one,” he pointed out. There were rafts that were either single inner tubes or two that were joined together like a cell in the process of dividing. 

Randy grabbed a single raft. He soon settled into it and shot off down the slide, Mike following shortly after. Rhett grinned at Link and reached for the double raft, and Link helped him maneuver it onto the slide. At the attendant’s direction, they clambered onto it, facing forward with Rhett sitting in the back, Link between his splayed legs. 

He felt Rhett’s thighs close protectively around his waist as the raft leapt forward into the chute.  He leaned back into the wet warmth of Rhett’s chest and shivered as the boy’s mouth brushed quickly along the side of his neck. As the ride picked up speed and jostled them around, they both held on to the handles on the sides of the raft and hooted with excitement.  The last few twists sent Link’s stomach into his throat and he was disoriented as they plunged through the darkness of an enclosed tunnel before splashing into a large open pool. 

As the raft rocked slowly to a stop, Rhett’s arms wrapped around his waist and gave him a gentle squeeze, his face pressed into the back of Link’s neck. Link caught sight of Randy and Mike waiting at the other end, too far away too see them clearly through the spume at the bottom of the slide, but the raft was drawing them closer. Link sat up and hopped into the water as Rhett did the same, and they delivered the raft to the collection area and met up with the other boys. 

Randy looked them over as they approached. “Did you guys go down together?” 

Link nodded. “Yep, it’s cooler that way. More weight makes you go faster.”

The other boy raised a brow. “Is that so?”

“Sure is,” Rhett said. 

“I wanna try it.” 

Link shrugged and shot a quick look at Rhett. “I can go with you if you want.” 

“Cool.” Randy headed in the direction of the end of the line. 

Rhett looked at Link for a second, then said, “Mike and I are gonna go find the girls. Meet you at the big wave pool?” 

“Sounds good.”

The line moved quickly and soon he and Randy were at the top again. Link grabbed a double raft and put it down at the top of the slide, then climbed into the back. Randy sat down in front of him, hips between Link’s thighs. He kept his posture stiffly upright, careful not to lean back, giving Link full view of the ropes of muscle under the tan skin of his shoulders. 

As the current of water caught the raft and shot them forward, Randy fell back against Link’s chest, knocking his breath out of his lungs with an “Oof!” 

“Sorry!” Randy called over the rush of the rapids, struggling to right himself, but the momentum now pushed him down heavily.

“It’s okay, just hold on!” Link yelled, startled by the heavy warmth of Randy’s body. They both grasped the handles of the raft and careened down the slide, shouting gleefully at the swooping turns and jarring drops. 

By the time they shot out of the last tunnel into the collection pool, Link realized his knees were involuntarily holding tight around the boy’s waist. He quickly relaxed them and rolled off the raft into the water, Randy following after. The other boy was grinning and his dark hair hung in wild curls on his forehead. “You’re right, that was better!” he exclaimed, leaning close to Link so he could be heard over the sound of the waves.  

Link grinned at him. “That was awesome!” he yelled, also leaning. A large wave hit him and he stumbled into the raft, flailing his hand onto Randy’s upper arm for balance. He righted himself and withdrew his hand sheepishly. “Sorry.” 

“S’okay.” The boy turned and began hauling the raft to the edge of the pool, and Link hurried to help him. Soon they were on dry land again and headed toward the wave pool to meet up with everyone else. 

On the way there, Randy seemed uncharacteristically quiet. “Everything okay?” Link asked.

The other boy shrugged. “Just thinking about how we’re all gonna go our separate ways soon. Less than a month ‘til graduation, and then – boom. Everyone’s gone.” 

“Most of us aren’t going far, though,” Link pointed out.

“Yeah, but it’ll never be the same.” Randy wiped water from his brow. “I guess I’m just thinking about things I wish I had done. Stuff I might not have the opportunity to do now.” He looked at Link and then away before the other boy could read his expression.

“That’s pretty dark talk for my birthday party, man.” 

Randy chuckled. “You’re right, I’m sorry.” 

Link patted him on the back, letting his hand rest there briefly. “It’s all right. Just think of all the opportunities you’ll have in the future, at Duke.” 

Randy looked over and held his gaze this time, but Link wasn’t sure what he read in it.  “Yeah, you’re right,” Randy said again.

They reached the wave pool and found the other teens by the edge of it. “Has everyone done everything they want to do here?” Link asked. “Ready to get some dinner?” 

Everyone nodded in agreement and they headed off toward the showers and changing facility. The girls split off to go into theirs and the boys entered the large, steam-filled room. The sound of running water and loud conversation echoed off the tiled walls and floor. The boys grabbed their clothes from the lockers they had stashed them in earlier that day and looked for available showers. 

Each stall had two sections and two curtains; the outer curtain led to a dry place to change clothes, which was separated by another curtain from the actual shower beyond. As Randy and Mike each found unoccupied stalls and entered them, Link felt Rhett’s fingers around his wrist. The boy tugged him gently into the vacant corner stall and pulled the curtain closed behind them. 

Link whispered, “Rhett, what’re you—“

Rhett’s finger on his lips. “Shhh.” His hands went to the waistband of Link’s bathing trunks. “I haven’t done _quite_ everything I want to do here.”

Link’s breath quickened. Behind him, through the curtain, he could hear all of the people moving around the sink area, talking and laughing. They sounded very close.  “I don’t, ohh…” his weak protest trailed into a soft moan as the boy’s hand slipped inside his shorts while his mouth explored the divot of Link’s collarbone. He leaned against Rhett’s chest with a shudder, speaking between short breaths. “We should… go further in… turn on the water.” 

“Okay,” Rhett murmured at his ear. He pushed Link’s shorts off of his hips and they fell to the ground. He pulled off his own and went through the second curtain, turning on the water and stepping under it. Link followed him, stumbling on legs already weak with desire, and pulled the curtain closed behind them. 

The water was hot and steaming as he turned into Rhett’s waiting embrace. It poured down Link’s back as Rhett caressed it, accentuating the sensations of their nakedness. He let his head fall languidly to the side as the other boy’s mouth traveled along his neck and chest. His hands reached between Rhett’s legs and caressed him, and the boy groaned low and eager in his throat.

Rhett leaned down to kiss him deeply and Link whimpered against his lips, knees trembling. They stood kissing and touching each other for some time before Rhett broke off the kiss and nipped along the edge of Link’s jaw. His short beard tickled Link’s earlobe as he murmured, “I wanna give you a birthday present.” 

“Oh… kay…” Link breathed, his lust-hindered mind unable to guess what Rhett intended. 

The boy’s plan became clear as he slowly sank to his knees at Link’s feet. His hands slid around Link’s ribs, fingertips tracing along the indentation of his waist and palms cupping the sharp bones of his hips. Hot water cascaded down Link’s shoulders and he closed his eyes with a shuddering gasp as he felt the overwhelming sensation of Rhett’s mouth on him. 

The boy was tentative, exploring with his soft lips and pointed tongue, reveling in Link’s reactions to the smallest of movements. He ran his hands along Link’s quivering thighs, down to the backs of his knees and up to cup his backside. His broad palms were strong, reassuring. Possessive. 

Link reached out blindly and found the metal grab bar bolted vertically to the wall nearby. He wrapped his hand around it and held on, his other hand grasping weakly at Rhett’s shoulder. He drifted on the river of ecstasy with his head leaned back against the tiles, eyes clamped shut, trying to keep his panting moans softer than the sound of the water. 

Rhett gained confidence, taking more of Link into his mouth and throat, using his hand to supplement his efforts. It felt better than Link could have ever imagined anything to feel, an all-encompassing heat that drew him rapidly toward an inexorable climax. He held his breath between gasps to keep from crying out, and a darkness darker than his closed eyelids started to swirl around the edges of his consciousness. 

All semblance of thought fled Link’s mind as the waves of pleasure crashed into him with a frightening intensity. The power of his climax buckled his knees and wrung a strangled cry from his throat. He clung to the bar as his muscles convulsed, gulping air and shuddering. 

Rhett’s arms came around him and held him firmly, supporting the majority of his weight as he slowly came back to himself. He clung to the boy’s shoulders and buried his face in his chest, whimpering softly. Rhett stroked his hair and kissed his cheek. 

“Oh, oh Rhett…” Link sighed. He blinked his eyes open and focused on the other boy’s face. Rhett looked down at him through the steam, eyes sparkling. “Happy birthday,” he whispered, and Link laughed breathlessly. 

They kissed, and the sharp, earthy taste in Rhett’s mouth made Link’s heart race anew. He melted into the boy’s embrace with a soft noise, fingertips softly raking his shoulders. Eventually Rhett pulled away with reluctance. “They’ll be wondering what happened to us,” he murmured. 

Link looked at his pruned fingers. “I guess you’re right.”

They washed quickly and dried off, then pulled on dry shorts and t-shirts. They kissed one last time, then Link drew the curtain back. He looked across the tiled floor of the bathroom, past the sinks and row of bathroom stalls, and straight into Randy’s eyes. 

The boy was standing at the entrance as if he had just come back in to look for them. His eyes flicked from Link to Rhett standing just behind him and he froze for a moment, expression unreadable, before he abruptly turned and left the building.


	17. Chapter 17

Link spun to Rhett with wide eyes. “That was Randy.”

“What?”

“Randy was at the door. He saw us.”

Rhett’s face went pale. “Shit.” He shook his head helplessly. “Shit.”

Link pushed down his rising panic, biting his lower lip. “Maybe… maybe he won’t think anything of it. It’s crowded in here, maybe he didn’t see….”

Rhett picked up their bathing trunks from the floor and handed Link’s to him. “I guess we’re gonna find out.”

They walked to the door, Link’s heart in his throat. He felt as if he were walking toward a possible execution. But as they emerged from the steam-filled building and squinted into the sunlight, there was no firing squad waiting. The four girls and Mike were standing a few yards down the path talking animatedly about prom night plans. Randy stood with them but turned away, intently studying a park sign at the edge of the walk. 

“Sorry that took so long,” Link said.

“Yeah,” Rhett added, “you guys took the last two open showers so we had to wait.” 

Cassidy quirked a brow at them. “Here I just assumed the birthday boy was spending all that time styling his hair.” 

Link ran a hand over his head with a chuckle. “Maybe that was part of it.” 

Tracy stepped up and put her arm around Rhett’s waist. He draped his arm loosely over her shoulders, pretending not to notice her unspoken request for a kiss. He looked around at the assembled group. “Where should we get dinner?” 

Mike spoke up. “What does Link want?” 

Randy turned and looked at Link for the first time. “Yeah, Link. What _do_ you want?”

Link’s mouth was dry. The boy’s expression was blank except for a slight narrowing of his eyes, and he didn’t know him well enough to read anything into his neutral tone. It certainly didn’t sound like an innocent question, though Link chose to take it as one. 

“Uh. How does everyone feel about Cracker Barrel? I think we passed one on the highway not too far back.” 

“Works for me,” Rhett said quickly.

“Me too,” Amy and Mike chimed in.

Cass shrugged. “I’ll find something I can eat there.” Link vaguely recalled her mentioning she was a vegetarian. 

Randy turned toward the parking lot. “Fine. We’ll follow you there?” 

“Yep!” Rhett called after him. 

Link sat up front in the Dynasty and Tracy and Cassidy climbed into the back. The girls kept up most of the conversation on the drive, talking about their favorite waterslides before gravitating naturally back to the topic of prom. By now they had their dresses and accessories all picked out so the only thing left to discuss was speculation and gossip about the social scene. Link mostly tuned them out and chewed the inside of his cheek. Rhett focused on the road, both hands wrapped around the wheel. 

They pulled off the highway and into the restaurant parking lot. A few seconds later, Randy’s car swung into the space to their right. Link got out and closed his door as Randy stood up from his driver’s seat and they were abruptly face to face. The other boy kept his eyes down as he turned away. 

Link reached for his arm. “Randy —“ 

The boy leaned away, avoiding his touch. “Yeah?” 

“Can you wait up for a second?” He shot a look at Rhett, who was standing on the other side of his car watching them. 

The other teens were already on their way to the entrance. “We’ll meet you guys in there,” Rhett said as he turned to follow them. 

Randy leaned against his car with his arms folded across his chest, eyebrow raised and waiting. Link took a deep breath and blew it out through pursed lips. “So…” He trailed off with a helpless gesture. 

The other boy just looked at him until it became clear Link wasn’t going to say anything else. His voice was tight. “So what were you doing taking a shower with Rhett?” 

Link winced. He had not been expecting bluntness. His racing mind made a feeble attempt at humor. “Would you believe trying to conserve water?” 

There wasn’t even a hint of a smile. “Don’t bullshit me, Link.” 

Link rubbed his eyes with his fingertips. Where to even begin? “It’s, uh, complicated.”

“No shit.”

“I mean, I guess you know, now…” He ducked his head into his shoulders and gave the boy a pleading expression. _Do I have to spell it out?_

“What is it that I know, Link?” Randy’s expression was flat, his dark eyes boring into Link’s. “I want to hear you say it.” 

The ropes of muscle standing out in the boy’s folded arms planted a visceral fear in Link’s stomach. Randy wasn’t known to be a violent guy, but the tightness in his voice made it all too easy to imagine his fist connecting with Link’s face. Adrenaline roiled around in Link’s gut and made his heart pound hard enough to send a tremor through his chest.

It seemed likely he would only get madder the longer Link danced around the truth, though. “Rhett and I, we…” he took a deep breath. What to even call it, what he and Rhett were doing? He settled for vagueness. “We’re… involved.” With the last word, he cringed further back against the Dynasty, eyes on the pavement.

“I knew it.” He looked up to see Randy’s lips pressed in a line, a small shake of his head. “I fucking _knew_ it.” 

“No one knows, Randy. Please don’t —“

“How long?”

“Uh. Since February I guess.”

“Jesus.”

Link looked back down at the ground. His skin prickled with a cold sweat.

“So you’re telling me you’re gay?” 

The word grabbed ahold of Link’s insides and twisted them up. He had not allowed himself to think of that word, not consciously. It was too big to get his head around. “God, Randy. I don’t know.”

“You don’t _know_?” He was incredulous.

“I honestly didn’t think about it, before Rhett.” He spread his fingers in a helpless gesture, trying to find the words. “Before things happened… with him. I dated girls… it went fine. I liked them well enough. It never crossed my mind to be any other way. With Rhett, though, everything feels… different.” 

Randy shook his head in disbelief. “I don’t get it. I don’t get what’s so special about him, that he’s got his hooks in you so deep.” He paused and his expression narrowed. “And what about Tracy? You’re telling me she doesn’t know?”

“She doesn’t know.”

“That is fucked up. That is _not_ cool, man.” 

“I know,” Link hung his head. “ _We_ know.” 

“When’s he planning to tell her?”

“I don’t know. I wish he would, but it’s complicated.”

“It sure is. She’s gonna find out eventually, dude. You guys have been acting really weird. You can’t hide it forever.”

Link snuck a look at Randy’s face. He didn’t look angry. If anything, there was a tiny bit of sympathy in his dark brown eyes. The horrible clenching in Link’s stomach relaxed a little. “You don’t… hate me now?”

The boy’s expression softened further. “I don’t hate you. I wish you had told me sooner. I thought we were better friends than that. But I don’t hate you.” 

“I figured you’d be grossed out.” 

Randy looked away, studying a tree on the edge of the parking lot. He spoke slowly, as if figuring out his thoughts as he went along. “I’m not grossed out by you. It doesn’t bother me if you’re… gay or whatever. I _am_ disgusted that Rhett is cheating on Tracy. She doesn’t deserve that.” 

“He’ll tell her soon. I’m sure of it.” 

“I hope so.” Randy met his eyes. “It’s not fair to you either, Link. You shouldn’t have to sneak around. You deserve… all of someone.” 

Link bit his lip. The thought of having Rhett all to himself, being with him all the time, out in the open, made his heart leap. The sudden ache of longing was almost overwhelming. “We’ll work it out. I know we will.” 

Randy held his gaze silently, as if considering what else to say. He looked like he was about to question Link’s optimism, then reconsidered with a shrug. “You’re my friend and I want you to be happy. I hope he can make you happy.” Link could hear the doubt in his voice.

“Thanks.” Link tried a small smile, and to his immense relief Randy returned it. 

The boy uncrossed his arms and stood up. “We should probably go inside. I’m starving.” 

Now that he wasn’t so nervous, Link became aware of his own hunger. “Yeah, me too.” They walked side by side toward the building. He looked over at the boy’s strong profile framed by ruffled ebony hair, the slanted afternoon sun gilding his smooth, square jaw. “I’m sorry, Randy.” 

“Mm?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was scared.”

“You don’t ever have to be scared of me, Link.”

They entered the air-conditioned lobby of the Cracker Barrel and moved past the gift shop into the restaurant proper. The other kids had gotten at a large rectangular table, leaving the head chair open for Link and the one next to it for Randy. Rhett was in the seat on the other side, with Tracy to his left, so when Randy sat down he and Rhett were across from each other. “Everything okay?” Rhett asked as Link approached, his voice pitched low.  

“Yeah, I think so,” Link answered just as quietly. He added more loudly, “Sorry, we just got to talking out there. Has everyone already ordered?”

Dinner passed with relative smoothness, the conversation constrained to the usual safe topics. Rhett told a few stories about Link’s previous birthday party adventures, making everyone laugh. At times Randy looked at Rhett and Tracy with a troubled expression, but he mostly ignored them and focused on his plate when Rhett was talking. The more time that passed since his conversation with Randy, the more Link felt able to breathe again. He had told someone his terrible secret and so far the world had not crashed down around him. 

After the waiter had brought Link his free strawberry shortcake and the table sung him Happy Birthday, they paid the bill and made their way back out to the parking lot. The group stood around behind the two cars for a while, chatting amiably as the sun slowly set. Finally Link looked around with a satisfied sigh. “I don’t know about y’all, but I’m exhausted. Shall we call it a night?” 

Rhett grinned at him. “Are you sure you’ve had enough birthday excitement?”

Link’s mind flashed back to the feel of the shower bar in his clenched hand, hot water pouring down his back. He swallowed. “I’m pretty sure, yeah.” 

Everyone said their goodbyes and piled back into the cars. Link and Randy were the last to get in, standing between their two vehicles. “Thanks for coming to my birthday thing, Randy.”

The boy gave him a quick smile, and things felt okay between the two of them. “No problem, Link.” 

The drive back to Buies Creek was quiet. The combination of a day spent in the sun plus repeated emotional upheavals had truly worn Link out, and he dozed off and on with his head between the headrest and the window. Rhett turned up the radio and hung his arm out in the evening air. They arrived in town without incident and he dropped off Cassidy, then Tracy, then turned toward Link’s house. 

Rhett turned down the radio. “So what happened?” 

Link sat upright, more alert now. “He knows. Randy knows what we’ve been doing.” 

Rhett shot him a look. “You told him?”

“He basically already guessed, Rhett.”

“Guessed what, exactly?”

“I didn’t give him specifics. But he knows we’re involved and that Tracy doesn’t know.” 

Rhett winced. “Dang.” 

“It was only a matter of time. We couldn’t keep it up forever.” 

“We could’ve, if we’d been more careful.” Rhett’s fist hit the steering wheel. “That was so stupid of me. God, what was I thinking?” 

Link looked over to see the boy’s lower lip between his teeth. The thought of Rhett regretting anything they did together was painful. He tried to sound reassuring. “I don’t think he’s gonna tell anyone.”

“You think you can trust him?”

Link thought for a moment. “I do.” 

“That’s something, at least.”

Halfway to Link’s house, Rhett pulled over onto a side street and put the car into park. The sun had set and there were no streetlights; the only illumination came from the lights on the car’s dashboard. He raised his arm in invitation and Link leaned under it, resting his cheek against the boy’s chest and putting his arm across his waist. Rhett’s arm came around his shoulders and held him close. Link took a deep breath, filling his lungs with his friend’s freshly washed and sun-warmed scent, and felt more of his tension drain away. His thoughts still churned, trying to think about the future and failing to get any purchase on its slippery surface, but Rhett’s embrace made everything seem slightly less daunting.  

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Rhett’s breath stirring his hair. Eventually, Link spoke softly. “Do you think we’ll ever be able to be open about this? How we feel about each other?”

He felt Rhett’s muscles tense. “I don’t know, Link. There are a lot of people in our lives who would react very poorly.” 

_I don’t care what they think._ “That’s probably true, but…”

Rhett’s voice was firm. “I’m not ready for that. I don’t know if I’ll ever be. I agree I need to work things out with Tracy. But being public with this? Telling my family?” He sighed. “It’s not part of the plan.” 

Rhett was always thinking about the future. He always had a plan. Link tried to imagine Rhett’s father and brother accepting their relationship and he had to admit that the boy was right. It seemed impossible they ever would. Which meant that he and Rhett would always be like this, sneaking around in shower stalls and hiding in dorm rooms, even if Tracy weren’t in the picture. They’d always be worried the wrong person would see the wrong thing and it would all be over. 

Link told himself that this would be enough for him. So what if he couldn’t hold Rhett’s hand as they strolled through a park or sat together in class? That wasn’t really an indication of how much they cared for each other, was it? He would know, even if no one else did. That’s how Rhett wanted it to be. _That has to be enough._

“As long as I’m a part of your plan,” Link whispered. He sat back slightly and tilted his head up. Rhett’s lips met his, hands tangled gently in his hair. Link projected his own yearning into the kiss, his hope that they would somehow make it through this and both get what they needed. 

He pulled away far enough to meet the other boy’s eyes. They were dilated into black pools in the near-darkness, but Link could sense the warmth in them. “I had a really great birthday.” 

“I’m glad.” Rhett kissed him again and their tongues met in a spark of desire.

A car drove slowly by, its headlights pulling them back to reality. They reluctantly parted. “We should probably go home before we get carried away,” Link said. 

Rhett shifted the car into drive. “Much as I hate to admit it, I think you’re right.” 

They shared another quick kiss in Link’s driveway, careful to stay in the shadows, then said their goodbyes. Link watched from his porch until the Dynasty disappeared into the darkness.


	18. Chapter 18

Link celebrated his birthday with his family the next day, with relatives coming in from out of town and his mother cooking an elaborate dinner. When he blew out the candles on his cake, his wish was simple: that Rhett would always be in his life. That they would always have each other, somehow. Even in the privacy of his own head, he didn’t dare to wish for more than that, lest the universe smack him down. Eventually the day wound to an end, his extended family departed, and he crawled contentedly into bed.

Back at school that week, most of the teachers were attempting to wrap up their final lessons. Not only did the impending prom take the students’ attention away from class, but the fact that graduation was only a couple of weeks after that meant most of them had mentally checked out for good. 

Link’s friendship with Randy acquired a new dimension after Link’s revelation. He had been worried the boy would be awkward or avoid him, but if anything he seemed warmer than before. He appeared to value the level of trust Link had put in him and want to demonstrate his worthiness of it. Neither of them brought up Link’s confession, but during homeroom and lunch they had long, rambling conversations about everything else in their lives. By the end of the week, Link felt he had gotten to know the boy much better than in all the years they’d been more loosely acquainted.

It felt good to have someone to lean on occasionally who was not Rhett, especially since Rhett was still paying quite a bit of attention to Tracy. In Link’s estimation, his friend continued to suffer from a heavy amount of denial, coasting along and refusing to acknowledge the brick wall he was headed toward. The couple still showed affection at every opportunity, and if Rhett initiated it less often than he used to, no one seemed to notice the shift. 

In a brief conversation on Wednesday afternoon, when Rhett and Link found themselves in a rare moment of privacy in the parking lot after school, Rhett explained his sense of obligation to make sure Tracy enjoyed the prom. “If I’m going to break her heart,” he said with a haunted look in his eye, “I want her to at least have this night she’s been looking forward to all year, first.” 

Link felt a flare of hope that instantly made him feel like a terrible person. What did it say about him that he was hoping a girl would get her heart broken so he could be a step closer to what he wanted? “I’ll make sure I give you guys space, then,” he said. He attempted to prepare himself, intellectually at least, for Rhett to be focused on Tracy during the prom. 

On Friday many of the girls left school early in order to prepare for the evening. The post-lunch classes felt strangely empty as a result. It wasn’t long before Link was headed home himself to shower and shave and spend way too long figuring out what to do with his hair (answer: the same thing he always did) before donning his rented tuxedo and shiny uncomfortable dress shoes. 

All the boys in the group had opted for black tuxes, white shirts, and colored bow ties and vests that matched their date’s dresses. Cassidy had given Link a fabric swatch of rich cobalt blue as a reference for her dress. “I know it’ll bring out your eyes,” she had told him with a wink. And it was true; after his mother helped him with the tie, he could see in the mirror how much his irises picked up the color. 

His mother drove him to Rhett’s house and they parked behind the two cars already on the street. The plan was for everyone to meet there, pose awkwardly for their parents’ cameras, then take the limo to the Hardee’s for dinner before going to the school. The tradition of going to a burger joint in formalwear was something a lot of them had enjoyed for junior prom, so it had been decided they’d do the same thing this year. 

Link and his mother found some people assembled in the McLaughlin’s back yard, including Rhett and his parents, Joe, Tracy, and Beth. He first caught sight of Rhett from behind and the neat black lines of his tux made his tall frame look elegant. The boy turned and Link saw that he was wearing a silver vest and bowtie that gave his storm-grey eyes a breathtaking depth. 

Rhett’s eyes traveled quickly over him, stopping to meet Link’s gaze with a broad grin. “Hey, Link. You look really good.”  

Link’s hands suddenly ached with the desire to reach out and touch his friend’s cheek, to tell him how beautiful he was and pull him down into a kiss. _If only we were going together,_ he thought. _If he were my date, we could…_ But the impossibility of that thought crashed into him with the sight of Tracy stepping up to Rhett’s side. 

Link stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Thanks, Rhett. You do too. Hi, Tracy.” 

“Hi Link!” Tracy exclaimed. She was perfectly made up in a shimmering silver dress with thin straps and a long, full skirt. Her hair was piled on the top of her head except for her bangs and a few corkscrew curls to either side of her face. Her expression as she hooked her arm around Rhett’s elbow was one of determined cheerfulness.

“The others should show up anytime now,” she said. “I told the girls if they were late they’d have to hitchhike to Hardee’s.” 

Link chuckled. “Let’s hope they got the memo.” 

The teens made stilted small talk with the adults for a while as they waited, topics inevitably circling around to post-high school plans. Tracy was planning to attend Wake Technical Community College in Raleigh to get trained in nursing. Joe and Beth, who had been together since freshman year, were going to take a year off before thinking about higher education and everyone assumed they were going to get married sometime in there. 

The other kids trickled in with their parents until the back yard began to feel rather crowded. Link’s mother embarrassed him a little with her excitement in meeting his “date,” but Cassidy handled it smoothly.  The girl’s sapphire dress was a sleek sheath with a slit up the side and a simple straight neckline. A few small rhinestone clips were the only concession she had made to dressing up her short magenta hair. “You look lovely,” Link told her, and meant it. 

She grinned at him and held out her arm for the corsage. “Thanks.” He took it out of the florist’s plastic box and slid it around her wrist as she added, “You’re not bad yourself.”  

Randy and Tori were the last to arrive, having driven together with both sets of parents. The short blonde girl had chosen a strapless emerald dress and the rich green of the bowtie at Randy’s throat brought out the healthy glow of his tanned skin and the whiteness of his teeth. They were clearly comfortable with each other, joking and teasing about the stiff formality of the occasion. They greeted everyone and made quick introductions with adults present. 

Everyone’s parents herded them into a number of different formations for pictures, putting the couples together at first, then doing group shots. At the end, Link’s mother insisted on a photo of just the two boys in front of the white flowering trees on the edge of the McLaughlin yard. 

Link and Rhett faced each other tentatively. It seemed too risky to pose side by side, arms around each other’s shoulders and waists, as if they were a couple. Instead they settled for a handshake, leaning in toward each other with heads turned to the camera. Link wondered if the photo would reveal the turmoil he felt with Rhett’s hand in his, the chasteness of the pose belying the electricity that traveled between their clasped hands.  

The limo pulled into the driveway, a shiny black Lincoln that was both intimidating and comical in its stuffiness. More pictures were taken of them in and around the limo, then the parents started saying their goodbyes. Link’s mom squeezed him in a hug. “Have fun, honey.” She also hugged Rhett goodbye, planting a firm kiss on his cheek. “Don’t stay out too late.” 

“We might go out afterward, if anyone’s having a party,” Link told her.

“Well, one AM’s your curfew.” 

“No problem.”

All the parents except Rhett’s finally departed and the teens climbed into the long car. The interior had bench seats in what was essentially a square along both sides of the interior and at the front and back, all facing toward the middle. Link ended up on one of the sides between Cassidy and Randy, across from Rhett, Tracy, and Tori. Joe and Beth sat up front and Mike and Amy took the rear. The center of the car was filled with the varied gemstone hues of the girls’ long skirts. 

The driver closed the door as they all settled in, shutting out the bright afternoon sunlight and plunging them briefly into twilight behind the tinted windows while their eyes adjusted. During that time Randy said conspiratorially, “Hey Link, check this out.” 

He reached over and took Link’s far hand, bringing it across them both and inside his suit jacket. Link was momentarily stunned by the sudden intimacy of touching the thin dress shirt over the boy’s warm chest, until he realized Randy’s intention was for him to feel the object in his inside breast pocket. A flat rectangle with rounded edges and a knob on top. A flask. 

Randy grinned at him from inches away, his breath smelling of wintergreen. “In case things get boring,” he said. 

Link felt a thrill of danger, a small pleasurable jolt of rebellion. He’d tasted alcohol on occasion, even at his mother’s invitation to try it, but had never exactly gotten drunk. And there was something about Randy letting him in on the secret that made him feel special. He grinned back. “Cool.” 

The boy shifted under his fingertips and Link realized his hand was lingering in what could be interpreted as an inappropriate manner. He hastily withdrew it and turned to face “forward” in the seat, which really meant facing across the limo to the seats along its other side. He saw that Rhett had been watching the two of them and now raised a questioning eyebrow.

Link gave him a smile and a quick shake of his head, an unspoken _Don’t worry about it, I’ll tell you later._ Rhett shrugged in response, seemingly nonchalant, but his eyes flicked over Randy with an appraising squint before turning to talk to Tracy. 

Soon the entire car was chatting animatedly, mostly about the novelty of the limousine experience, as they drove a few miles to the Hardee’s.  Mike informed them all that his parents were conveniently out of town, having left him under the dubious supervision of his college-aged brother, and they were all welcome to come over after the prom. The group consensus was in favor of that plan.  

Fortunately, the restaurant was well prepared for the influx of prom attendees and had them seated and served quickly. After a meal remarkable only for the paranoid way in which they had to eat it so as to not mess up their clothes, they were back in the limo and on their way to the school. 

The theme of the prom was “Tropical Paradise” which meant they entered a lobby festooned with plastic palm trees and enormous fake flowers. Before they were allowed to enter the gym, each couple was made to stand in front of a backdrop of an island scene and have even more awkwardly posed photos taken of them. The only thing that made it bearable was Cassidy’s willingness to play along with Link’s suggestion of subversive goofiness, making sure that at least one of them was doing something subtly strange in every photo. 

They fought their way through more garish decorations and finally made it into the darkened gym, which had been set up with an impressive sound and lighting system. Multiple disco balls suspended from the ceiling were in full sparkling swing. Crowds of students milled around, the girls’ bright dresses calling to mind tropical birds and butterflies, while the boys were nearly all in black with only splashes of color at the waist or throat. 

There were large round tables around the edges of the room and Link’s group claimed an unoccupied one reasonably close to the refreshments. The girls put down their tiny bejeweled purses and immediately flitted off to find their friends for mutual dress and hair evaluations. Link grabbed a glass of water with a tiny yellow umbrella in it and sat down at the table, grateful for a safe place to settle in and watch the action for a little while. 

The evening soon unfurled into a reasonably standard dance party, similar to previous ones he’d experienced at the school, only this time with everyone in more uncomfortable clothes. Perhaps the strangest part was seeing his teachers in formalwear, especially Madame Collins in a sophisticated black strapless gown. He had a feeling the male students would suddenly be paying more attention in the last week of French class than they otherwise would have. 

There were a handful of rare moments when Rhett escaped Tracy’s arm long enough to sit down next to Link, and their hands immediately sought each other in the darkness underneath the table. The gentle squeeze of Rhett’s long fingers sent a flutter of joyful nervousness through him. At one point Rhett leaned over and spoke in his ear under the cover of the loud music, “You look amazing in that tux, you know.” 

Link pulled away far enough to look at Rhett’s face and make sure the boy wasn’t mocking him, and saw sincerity in his eyes. He blushed. “Thanks. You do too.” Rhett smiled at him, and it was all he could do not to close the space between their lips in a rush, secrecy be damned. 

Eventually the DJ put on some songs that were compelling enough to get him onto the dance floor, and Link lost himself for a while in the driving beat and pounding bass. He mostly didn’t pay attention to anyone else, but whenever he focused his eyes and looked around, Rhett and Randy were both nearby in the crowd of their friends. He had to admit to himself that they each had some impressive dance moves despite having very different styles. Rhett’s long, gangly limbs were better suited to smooth and sinuous motion while Randy favored more precise, rhythmic movements, but Link found himself enjoying watching both of them.

The slow songs presented more of a challenge. Link sat them out and used the time to seek refreshments or go to the bathroom, anything to keep himself from staring at Rhett and Tracy on the dance floor. She kept insisting that Rhett join her respite his weak protests, dragging him out by the hand ever time Peter Gabriel or Sarah McLachlan or Celine Dion started playing. Seeing her slim arms around Rhett’s waist and the way she stared up into his eyes as they swayed, Link felt a dull, hollow envy. The thought of being able to embrace the person he cared about, in public, seemed like the most simple thing in the world, and he raged silently at the fact that it was currently impossible. More, the thought of it being forever impossible made his throat feel tight with a raw, churning dread he tried his best to ignore. 

After a fun set of fast songs from bands like Green Day and Smashing Pumpkins, the first strains of Shania Twain’s _From This Moment_ came on. Link groaned under his breath and started heading toward their table when Cassidy approached him. “Could we dance? I like this song.” 

It was marginally more appealing than sitting and trying not to look at the dance floor. “Sure.” He held out his arms and she stepped into them, keeping a friendly distance as she put one hand on his shoulder and clasped his hand with the other. He put his remaining arm lightly around her waist and they began to dance. In her heels, she was nearly his height. They smiled at each other in shared awkwardness as they moved slowly back and forth to the twanging melody. 

The meandering nature of the slow dance eventually rotated them so that he could see Rhett and Tracy over her shoulder a few yards away through the crowd. They were dancing much closer together, naturally, with Rhett’s arm entirely around the girl’s waist and her cheek resting against his chest. Link couldn’t help but watch them despite the building pressure in his heart, twin weights of longing and frustration pressing down on him. 

_I give my hand to you with all my heart_  
 _I can’t wait to live my life with you I can’t wait to start_  
 _You and I will never be apart_  
 _My dreams came true because of you_

Cassidy leaned in toward his ear. “Everything okay?”

He blinked and tried to school his expression into something neutral as he refocused on her face. “Yeah, sorry.” 

The two of them made small talk for the rest of the song, but Link’s mind was less than half present for it. As the final chord played and he stepped away from her, his eyes once again snagged, like a fishhook in his brain, on Rhett and Tracy standing a short distance away. They hadn’t parted at the end of the song but instead were locked in a kiss, her head tilted far back, his arms tight around her waist as he bent down to meet her. 

Link suddenly found it very difficult to breathe, as if his ribs were locked in a vise and unable to expand. The ground beneath him swayed as he wheeled around and stumbled from the dance floor, his only thought a desperate need to get away. It was too much. Too much weight to ask his heart to bear. Too many _what-ifs_ and _if-onlys_. He needed air.

Without being conscious of where he was going, he soon found himself in the hallway outside the gym. He headed in the direction of the bathrooms under the watchful eyes of the teacher chaperones, but once they were no longer paying attention to him he kept going and turned into the stairwell instead. It was dimly lit with white emergency bulbs and the streetlights through the windows; the main lights of the school had been turned off for the night.

He climbed up half a flight and stood on the landing between the two floors. He held on to the railing in front of the window with both hands as his chest heaved with deep, hitching breaths. Tears pooled in his eyes and burned as he tried to blink them back before they spilled over. He was acutely aware of how pathetic he was. _Crying at the prom. Over a boy, no less._

It wasn’t only because they couldn’t be public with their feelings for each other, he realized. On some level he had to admit, despite the conversations they’d had and the passion they’d shared, he was afraid Rhett was never planning to break up with Tracy. Maybe he would stay with her forever and string Link along with empty promises while Link burned himself up with love for a boy who didn’t love him back.

A tear escaped his eyelashes and rolled slowly down his cheek. He stared out the window and the cars in the parking lot swam in blurry, indistinct rows. From where he stood, the music from the gymnasium was muffled down to an unrecognizable booming bass. He took deep, ragged breaths as he floundered in the grip of his fear. 

The thudding music swelled briefly as the door below him opened and closed. He resisted his first instinct to wipe away his tears and present a stoic façade; instead, he thought that maybe it was time for Rhett to see how much pain he was in. Time for Link to admit to his best friend how much he needed him, how tangled up together they were and how much it hurt whenever Rhett pulled away. 

“I hoped you’d follow me,” Link said as he turned around. But instead of Rhett at the bottom of the stairs, it was Randy who looked up him. Randy, with his wide dark eyes and ebony curls above his crisp white collar and emerald-green bowtie. Randy, with his broad shoulders and tanned abs and strong, square jaw. 

It was Randy who looked up at him with his brow furrowed confusion and concern, a tentative smile on his lips as he climbed the stairs to join Link in the shadows.


	19. Chapter 19

Link swiped at his eyes and cleared his throat as Randy approached. “Oh, uh. Randy. Sorry, I thought you were…” He trailed off, then decided there was no point in pretending. “… Rhett.” 

The boy’s smile fell as his steps hesitated. “Do you want me to go get him?” 

Link thought for a second, then sighed. Judging from the muffled music, Rhett was probably ensconced in another slow dance lip-lock. “No. Definitely not. If he wants to talk to me, he can find me on his own.” He was surprised to hear the edge of bitterness in his voice. 

Randy climbed the last few steps and joined him on the landing. He stood next to Link and they leaned their backs against the railing side by side. “I saw you run out of there in a hurry,” Randy explained. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

Link’s response was automatic. “Oh sure, I’m okay.” _No need to worry about me._

Randy didn’t buy it. “Really? You don’t look it.” 

Link’s shoulders slumped as he stared at the grey industrial carpet. After a while he grudgingly admitted, “To be honest, it’s been a hard night.” 

“Rhett and Tracy?” At Link’s nod, the boy continued. “You already know my opinion on that extremely fucked-up situation.” 

“Yeah.”

“Has there been any progress?”

“He said he wanted to make sure she had a good time at the prom. I don’t know if he’s really planned beyond that, but he’s sort of implied…” 

Randy scoffed. “The dude’s gonna marry her at this rate.” He saw Link’s cringe and added hastily, “Sorry, sorry. I’m sure he’ll come clean soon, right?”

“I sure hope so,” Link muttered. 

Randy reached into his jacket and pulled out the flask. He unscrewed the top and took a pull from it before handing it to Link. “Here, this’ll take your mind off it.” 

“What is it?”

“Jack Daniels.” 

Link brought the thin metal edge of the spout to his lips and took a tentative sip. The whiskey seared his tongue and he inhaled sharply, which had the unfortunate result of sending the alcohol vapors into his lungs, and they rebelled against this with an instant coughing fit that doubled him over. 

“Oh, oops,” Randy said, patting him gently on the shoulder and leaning over to take the flask from his hand. 

Link eventually caught his breath and straightened up, red-faced and embarrassed. “You mean that’s not supposed to happen?”

Randy’s hand moved to the railing behind Link, his thumb resting casually against the small of his back. “No, see… just take a little into your mouth and swallow it without breathing in.” Link watched as the boy tilted his head back, adam’s apple moving in demonstration of the proper technique. His jawline and straight nose were sharp angles in the dim white light and long lashes lined his closed eyes.  He met Link’s admiring look with a warm smile as he handed over the flask.

Wary now, Link tried again with the smallest amount of whiskey he could manage to sip. This time he was very careful not to breathe at all until after he had swallowed. The alcohol made the sides of his tongue and the insides of his cheeks sting, kind of like using Listerine. It tasted like licking a piece of old wooden furniture. “That’s… not very pleasant, even without the choking.” 

Randy chuckled. “You get used to it.”

“If you say so.” Indeed, after they had stood there for a short while in companionable silence, Link started to feel a pleasant warmth in his abdomen. He took another careful sip, larger than the last, and it tasted slightly less objectionable. He felt the tension in his body relax somewhat and he leaned more of his weight against the railing with another sigh.

Randy took the flask back and screwed the top back on. “We should take it slowly with this stuff.” 

Link looked at him with a smile. “Yeah, I’d hate to do something I’d regret.” 

Randy returned the smile with a raised eyebrow. “Oh? Like what?” 

“Oh, you know… make a scene, storm out there and pry Rhett out of Tracy’s arms, demand he dance with me in front of everyone, that sort of thing.”

Randy looked away. “Oh. Oh, yeah. That would be bad.” 

They both contemplated the floor for a little while. Link asked, “How’s it going with Tori?”

“Great!” He answered quickly. “Tori’s great. We danced together a few times but she’s mostly been hanging out with the girls.”

“How come you guys never dated?”

“We did. Second grade, I think.” He laughed. “We held hands once. That was enough for us.”

“No spark?”

Randy looked at him with a shake of his head. “No spark.”

“That’s too bad. It’s nice when it works out conveniently like that.” 

“What do you mean?”

“When you grow up with someone, and they know all of your faults and everything terrible you’ve ever done, and they still love you despite all of that.” 

Randy didn’t reply right away and seemed to be considering the statement. Link’s gaze was still on the floor but he could sense the boy watching him as he said slowly, “Does he? Love you that way, I mean?”

Just thinking about the question made his tears threaten to start up again, and he squeezed his eyes shut until the feeling subsided. “He hasn’t said it. But when… when we…” Link took a long breath. “When we’re together, it feels like he does. I want to believe that he does. It’s just so hard, you know? To not show it. I feel like I’m wearing a straightjacket when I’m around him in public.” 

Randy unscrewed the flask and took a drink before replying. “That’s no way to live, man. That sounds awful.” 

Link took the flask from him and drank. “It is kinda awful sometimes.”

Their eyes met and Link could see the earnest sincerity in Randy’s expression as the boy said, “You really deserve better, Link. Someone who cares more about you than what society thinks. Someone who’s willing to stand up and say, this is the person I want to be with and all of you can fuck right off.” 

Link’s head was starting to feel a little fuzzy, the floor shifting subtly beneath him. “What makes you think I deserve that?”

Randy’s voice sounded slightly slurred. “Well, for one thing, everyone deserves that. It’s a basic human right. But also because you’re a good person.” He shifted on the railing and their hips brushed together. He brought his arm up and around Link’s shoulders, and after a moment’s hesitation, Link leaned gratefully into the boy’s solid presence. He closed his eyes and rested his head in the crook of Randy’s neck and felt the boy’s face turn into the top of his head. Being of a similar height, the position was quite comfortable. He smelled whiskey and wintergreen and the polyester fabric of the tuxedo as the boy continued, ”You’re kind, you’re thoughtful, you’re…” Randy trailed off. After a moment he shook his head, as if to himself, and took another pull from the flask before putting it into Link’s hand. 

Link accepted it and swallowed a large mouthful, not bothering to open his eyes. He was beginning to experience the mildly disconcerting sensation of no longer being able to feel his kneecaps. The alcohol also seemed to make the close proximity of this handsome boy less nervewracking than he otherwise would have found it. He brought his arm around Randy’s back, loosely, ready to pull away if he sensed any awkwardness, but there was none. The boy’s warm breath stirred his hair.

“That’s nice of you to say, Randy,” he mumbled into the boy’s lapel. 

Randy took the flask from him with his free hand and screwed the top back on before returning it to his breast pocket. “Well, it’s true.” 

“I just wish it wasn’t so complicated for once.”

He felt Randy shift slightly, turning more toward him, and then the boy’s fingertips were touching the side of his cheek. Link opened his eyes to see Randy looking at him from inches away, his lips curved into a soft smile. “I want to do something uncomplicated,” he whispered.

Link started to open his mouth to ask what he meant and then Randy’s lips met his and the question didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered but the boy’s warm mouth and the delicious mingling of their breath. It was a light, tentative kiss, a delicate question carefully asked, but Randy grew bolder when Link didn’t pull away. He turned further so he was standing fully in front of him, Link’s back pressed to the railing, and cupped Link’s face in his hands.

Link dimly felt as though he should be shocked, but his thoughts were like stretched taffy. Normally his mind would be racing, scrambling to analyze the situation and figure out the implications, but all of that anxiety was muffled under a thick blanket of alcohol and arousal. After denying his own desires all evening, it was such a relief to be kissed like this, with a straightforward passion that asked for nothing in return except for fuel.

He reached his hands under Randy’s jacket and around to the small of his back, kneading the firm skin there with his fingertips and pulling the boy closer to him. He parted his lips in invitation and was rewarded with a soft noise and Randy’s tongue inside his mouth. The whiskey-mint taste of him was foreign and masculine and shot weakness through Link’s knees.

They kissed for some time, languid explorations of each other’s mouths as Randy’s hands ran through his hair and lightly caressed his jaw and neck. There was no desperation in the kiss, no sense of life or death, no feeling of his heart cracking open or being sewn up in razorwire. Instead, there were only the bright flames of lust, the simple physical joy that came from touching someone who wanted to be touched, and the astonishing gratitude of finding pleasure in such an unexpected place. 

Finally Randy pulled away enough for their eyes to focus on each other, his fingers curled around the back of Link’s neck. Both of them were breathing quickly, shallowly. Randy’s eyes were wide and he was smiling. “Whoa,” he breathed.

Link grinned at him, his heart pounding. “Wow, Randy, I… I had no idea.” 

“Me neither.” He saw Link’s confusion and clarified. “I mean, I knew I wanted to do that. Just not that I was _going_ to do that.” 

Link giggled. “I blame the whiskey.”

“I blame how good you look in that tux.” 

Link blushed. He felt very disoriented; his world was literally and figuratively spinning. It had never occurred to him that Randy even liked boys, let alone liked him. “I don’t understand. You always seemed suspicious of me and Rhett… I figured the thought grossed you out and you were… just being nice when you were cool with what I told you last weekend.”

Randy looked away over Link’s shoulder into the darkness. “If society’s told you your whole life that something is disgusting, even if it’s something you want, well…” His voice sounded rough. “You’re still gonna find it disgusting, and yourself disgusting for wanting it.” 

“Oh, Randy…” It was painful to think of the boy believing that about himself. 

“Tori knows. And now you. That’s about it. I figure I’ll tell my parents after I move out.” 

“Wow.” It was hard for Link to imagine Randy’s pain growing up, dealing with this alone and never letting on what was happening inside him. Thinking about it, he realized he hadn’t been disgusted by his feelings for Rhett because they felt, well, right. It was so obvious that the two of them should be together that it was inconceivable the universe, or God, would disapprove of the way they expressed it. It was frightening to imagine trying to navigate an attraction to men without that sort of rock to cling to.

His train of thought crashed into a contradiction with enough force to make his blood run cold. If he and Rhett had this extraordinary connection, something that felt so right that it was obviously meant to be, why had kissing Randy felt so good? Why did he feel this deep, abiding devotion to Rhett that flowed like an undercurrent through every moment of his life, yet the boy in front of him made his heart race and his knees weak? 

Randy didn’t seem to notice Link’s internal conflict as he gave a quiet chuckle and shake of his head. “If I’m being honest, a lot of my suspicion was jealousy, I think. Not that I would have admitted it to myself. But it looked like Rhett had something I wanted.” 

Link felt a flash of danger at the boy’s use of the past tense. “Rhett _has_ something…” he clarified, but he heard the uncertainty in his voice.  

Randy met his eyes again as he traced his fingertips down the back of Link’s neck. “Does he? Really? He has a girlfriend. Has he made any sort of commitment to you?”

It was hard to think with the alcohol slowing his thoughts, with Randy’s hands on him and the boy’s dark eyes transfixing him with frank desire. _I love Rhett_ , he wanted to say. But he hadn’t even said it aloud to his best friend. He couldn’t, not while Rhett was holding and kissing someone else. Not when they had to sneak around. Not when it didn’t feel entirely real, no matter how strong their bond was underneath it all. 

The boy in front of him _was_ real. He was real and he wanted Link and maybe that was enough to sooth the emotional open wounds that had caused him to flee into the stairwell in the first place. He felt disconnected from his body, floating in a hazy unreality as he spread his fingers along the boy’s lower back, palms against the thin shirt over warm skin. “He hasn’t,” Link admitted. “And I haven’t made a commitment to him.” 

Randy kissed him again, harder this time, wrapping his arms around Link’s shoulders. Link let himself sink into the embrace, into the sensations of Randy’s body against his, their shared need and fundamental search for pleasure pushing away the questions that tried to surface. If there was a part of him, deep down, that noted all the ways in which the boy kissing him was not Rhett; if there was a part of him that cried out that the electricity of this kiss was like a lightbulb compared to the lightning strike of Rhett’s touch, well... Link ignored all of that for now. Light was light, after all, and he was so tired of being in the dark.


	20. Chapter 20

The muffled noise from beyond the stairwell doors faded to nothing and resumed a moment later with a different tone. The music had been replaced by someone speaking into the mic with the measured cadence of an announcement of some kind. The two boys separated reluctantly, Link’s hands lingering around Randy’s waist as they smiled at each other. 

Link didn’t want to go back into the gym. He wasn’t ready to face the new reality they had created together on the landing. There were too many additional questions piled atop the mountain of them already weighing down on him. However, it was clearly a better alternative than being discovered in the stairwell together. “We should go back,” he murmured.

Randy reached up and smoothed Link’s hair down with a gentle touch. “I’ve messed you all up.”

Link bit his lip. “You really have.”

The boy’s fingers traced his jawline. “I’m sorry. I really didn’t want to make things more complicated for you, Link. I just… I knew if I didn’t try, I would regret it.”

“I dunno what’s going to happen now, Randy.”

“That’s okay.” The other boy’s carefree tone sounded forced as he continued, “We’ll figure it out together.”

Link checked his reflection in the window and adjusted his bowtie. He ran his hands through his hair and tugged his jacket straight as Randy did the same, then the two of them descended the stairs. They emerged from the doorway after checking to make sure none of the chaperones were looking their way and managed to give the appearance of returning from the bathroom as they entered the gym.

The principal was finishing up a speech thanking everyone for coming and all of the teachers and staff who had helped the evening run smoothly. He told them there’d be one final dance before the evening was over. As the two boys arrived at the table where their friends were sitting, Rhett noticed them and raised a brow. “Where’ve you guys been?”

“I just needed some air,” Link replied, grateful for the dim lighting that hid the flush he felt on his cheeks. 

Rhett stood up and came over to him as Randy headed toward the refreshments. Link watched his friend’s approach and marveled again at the boy’s slender grace in his black and grey ensemble; recent developments with Randy had done nothing to dim Rhett’s beauty in his eyes. The boy leaned down close to Link’s ear. “You feeling okay? You don’t look too steady.” He pulled back suddenly. “What’s that smell?” 

Link’s stomach clenched as he brought his hand to his mouth. Could Rhett somehow detect Randy’s scent on him? His mind raced until he realized it must be the whiskey. “Oh, uh…” he beckoned Rhett to bend back down so he could whisper into his ear. “Randy has a flask, it’s Jack Daniels.” 

Rhett looked at him with widened eyes before whispering back, “You guys were off drinking together?”

“Just a little bit, that’s all. I feel fine.” 

“Well, geez, have a breath mint or something before you get caught.” Rhett’s hand ran down his shoulder and squeezed his forearm with gentle concern.

“I will, I will.” 

Rhett looked at him for a moment with his lips pressed in consternation. The first notes of Sarah McLachlan’s _I Will Remember You_ started playing and Tracy appeared at his side, dragging him by the hand toward the dance floor. For once Link was grateful for her interference as he sank down into the chair. His insides were churning with guilt and confusion, spurred on when Randy sat down in the chair next to him and pushed a cup of sprite in his direction. 

“Thanks.” Link took a long drink. 

“Everything okay?” Randy nodded toward the dance floor.

“So far.”

They sat next to each other holding their sodas in both hands and staring into them, watching the bubbles rise to the surface and burst. After a while Randy chuckled to himself and Link looked over.

“I wonder what would happen if we danced together,” the other boy said.

The idea was absurd. “Like, here? Now?”

Randy nodded. “What could they do to us?”

“I don’t know what _they’d_ do,” Link replied, gesturing with his cup to the teacher chaperones clustered nearby, “but I’m pretty sure we’d get our asses kicked in the parking lot.” 

Randy sighed. “I don’t know, man. I bet I could hold my own against anyone in this school. It would be worth it to me, if you wanted to.” He looked at Link with an earnest expression. 

“Really? You’d do that? … for me?”

“Like I said, Link, you deserve all of someone. That means in public too.” 

Link reached over and grasped the boy’s hand briefly before letting go. Even that amount of contact felt dangerous, though no one was watching them. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that. But I’m glad you’re willing.” Randy nodded. 

They listened to the rest of the song in silence. As the last notes faded out, a few of the fluorescent gym lights came on, eliciting cries of dismay from the crowd. Rhett came back to them with a hand shading his eyes. “That’s one way to get us out of here in a hurry,” he grumbled. “Nothing like the harsh light of day after hours of dancing and sweating.”

Link laughed as he and Randy stood up from the table. “Yeah, let’s get out of here before we get stuck in the rush.”

The other members of the group filtered back and grabbed their belongings before heading to the exit. After some difficulty finding their limo among the many similar vehicles, they piled into it. Rhett proposed that they swing by his house and pick up his car, then to Randy’s to get his car, then onto Mike’s house for the afterparty, so they’d be able to dismiss the limo at that point. Everyone was amenable and he conveyed the plan to the driver before they were on their way.

The seating in the limo was the same as the drive to the prom, with Link between Randy and Cassidy and facing Rhett and Tracy. This time Link was far more aware of Randy’s warm body next to his, their arms pressed together and their legs in contact from hip to ankle.

Cassidy smiled at him as they got moving and he was glad for the distraction. “I’m sorry we didn’t see much of each other for half the night,” she said. “I found some of my friends from my old school who had come as dates of people who go here. We spent a lot of time catching up.”

“Oh, no problem!” he assured her. “I had a good time.”

“I would have introduced you but I couldn’t find you.”

“Yeah, I was keeping a low profile.”

He felt Rhett watching them, the weight of his gaze almost as distracting as Randy’s physical presence. Link decided to avoid them both and focus on conversation with Cassidy. He asked her about her friends and her experience at her previous school and managed to keep the conversation up until they arrived at Rhett’s house. Rhett and Tracy got out and got into the Dynasty and proceeded to follow the limo to Randy’s house, where he and Amy performed a similar maneuver. It wasn’t long before they were all at Mike’s house and the limo had been set free. 

The boys all left their jackets, ties, and vests in the cars for safekeeping. Most of them untucked and unbuttoned their dress shirts, exposing white t-shirts. Randy removed his shirt entirely to reveal a sleeveless white tank top that flattered the round muscles of his shoulders. 

Mike ushered them into the home. He said hello to his older brother, a disembodied voice who seemed content to remain in his room at the far end of the house with his door ajar. “He doesn’t really care what we do so long as we don’t break anything or make a mess we can’t clean up before mom and dad get home,” Mike explained. “I invited a few other kids who’ll probably show up soon.” 

Rhett sprawled into an overstuffed couch in the living room. “Awesome.” Tracy joined him in a swirl of silver taffeta, cuddled into his chest with her arm around his stomach. The other teens filtered into the remaining available seats, with Randy in a recliner and Link sitting down on the floor in front of him. 

Mike disappeared for a minute and came back brandishing a large bottle of Southern Comfort, to the delight of the crowd. He took a hearty swig and passed it to Amy, who took a much daintier taste before passing it on. Everyone had some except for Rhett and Randy, who demurred on account of having to drive later. When it got to Link, he took an exploratory sip and was pleased to find it slightly more palatable than the whiskey had been.  The amber liquor was sweet with a medicinal edge that did nothing to cover up how strong it was.

The bottle had made it around the circle twice by the time other kids started arriving at the house. Link was feeling warm and loose, perhaps dangerously so. He slouched down against Randy’s shins and let his head fall back onto the boy’s knee, eyes mostly closed as he only half-followed the conversation in the room. For his part, Randy kept his hands circumspectly to himself, allowing Link to use him as furniture without indicating an opinion about it one way or another. 

Link was aware of Rhett talking animatedly, regaling the crowd with stories Link had heard before. Occasionally Link would raise his head and chime in with a detail his best friend had gotten wrong, and they would have a brief discussion about who was better equipped to tell the story before someone urged them to get on with it, and Rhett would pick up the thread again.

The bottle came around a few more times and he partook each time. He was vaguely aware of the room getting more crowded and people circulating through it to different areas of the house, but everything was beginning to feel indistinct and far away. He was weary, physically and emotionally. He turned his head and rested his cheek on Randy’s leg, taking comfort in the boy’s warm proximity and letting himself doze.  

He awoke to the tingling sensation of fingers stroking his neck and running up the back of his ear. He shivered and blinked his eyes open, focusing fuzzily on Randy’s face smiling down at him. He looked around the room and saw that it was quite full, but most of the kids were standing and facing away, the lights were dim, and no one was paying attention to them. Rhett and Tracy were no longer on the couch, or indeed anywhere in the room. 

There was moderately loud music and shouted conversation interfering with his sluggish thoughts. He smiled blearily up at the handsome boy and mouthed, “Hi.” 

Randy leaned down to be heard. “Hi Link. You feeling okay? You kinda conked out there.” 

Link turned and hooked an arm around Randy’s calf, snuggling further into the boy’s thigh. “Mmhmm.” 

He felt Randy’s chuckle more than he heard it. The boy’s hand worked around slowly from his ear to the side of his neck, then traveled down inside the collar of Link’s shirt. His finger traced the jutting protrusion of Link’s collarbone, following it from the notch of his throat all the way to his shoulder. By the time it got to the end and began its journey back, Link’s breath was quickening. It was all he could do not to squirm and draw attention to them. As it was, he drew his lower lip between his teeth and closed his eyes, enjoying the ticklish sensations.

Randy’s breath stirred the hair above his ear as he murmured, “Shall we go somewhere more private?”

The suggestion alone was enough to make Link’s heart pick up speed. But he hesitated as he looked up at Randy’s earnest upside-down face. “I… I can’t. I really need to talk to Rhett, first.”

The boy’s eyes narrowed. “Good luck with that. He disappeared with Tracy a little while ago. She was all over him and I heard her ask Mike where his guest room was.” 

The words hit Link like a bucket of ice water. He sat up, eyes wide. “What? Randy, are you serious?” 

Randy spread his hands helplessly. “I’m sorry, Link. That’s what I saw.”

Link pushed away from him and heaved himself to his feet, falling against the wall as his legs failed to entirely support him. His heart was suddenly pounding hard enough to shake his chest as adrenaline flooded his body. He felt as though he were standing in front of a speeding train, and if it hit him nothing would ever be the same again. 

He stumbled his way through the crowd, waving off concern from Cassidy and others he recognized less. He eventually found Mike in the kitchen making a big bowl of some kind of punch. The boy looked up at him and appeared to see something in his expression that took him aback. “Link — everything okay?” 

“Mike, did Rhett…” he paused and passed a hand over his face, aware of how odd a question he was about to ask, but goaded by his sense of emergency. “… Did Rhett and Tracy disappear somewhere?”

“Uh, yeah. I think they’re in the guestroom. Do you, uh, need something from them?” 

Link fought to control his breathing, conscious that he was coming across as completely unhinged. “I just, ah… he’s my ride, is all... I wanted to make sure he didn’t leave… without me.”

“Well, they’re up on the second floor. I’d give ‘em some privacy if I were you, though,” he said with a bemused shake of his head. 

_No, no, no._ It was all Link could do to keep himself from throwing up at the mental images that filled his brain. He spun away from Mike and headed out of the room nearly blind with panic. Without really being aware of time passing, he found himself on the darkened second floor, standing in an empty hallway staring at a closed door. He barely registered the silent tears streaming down his cheeks.

What could he possibly do? Pound on the door, interrupt God knows what, make a complete fool out of himself? And for what? So Rhett could be mad at him, Tracy would freak out, and everyone at the party would think he was a pervert? No, that wasn’t an option. And yet, he was paralyzed. He couldn’t move except for the heaving of his chest and the trembling of his knees.

“Link?” Randy approached from the top of the stairs. When he got close, he whispered, “What are you doing?”

Link’s voice cracked around the lump in his throat as he tried to speak softly. “They’re… they’re in there.”

“Oh, Link.” Randy’s voice was sympathetic as he took the boy’s hand and gently led him away from the door, down to the opposite end of the hallway past the stairs, where they could talk a little more freely. “I don’t even know what to say.”

Link stared at Randy with wild eyes in the dim light. “How can he do this to me? How can he… when I would give him anything…” A sob caught in his throat and he turned away, embarrassed. 

Randy put his arms around his shoulders. ”Shh. I don’t know. I don’t understand it either.” He held Link as the boy shuddered with quiet tears.

Link swiped at his eyes impatiently. “I feel like an idiot. Why do I care so much?”

“Because you love him.”

Randy’s voicing of the simple truth was enough to render Link speechless with despair, and he turned his face into the boy’s neck as he struggled to compose himself. Randy held him and stroked his hair for some time before he offered, “Would you like me to take you home?”

Link contemplated the offer. The idea of crawling into his bed and pretending this was all a nightmare certainly had its appeal. Not to mention the satisfaction of departing without saying goodbye, leaving Rhett to wonder what had happened… but then he sighed. Would Rhett even notice he was gone? 

His anguished mind, seeking frantically for a diversion, focused on the immediate fact of Randy’s arms around him in the near-darkness. Randy, who offered him comfort and kindness in the face of his hysteria, not judging or dismissing him as he’d have every right to do. 

Link turned his mouth into the boy’s neck and lightly kissed it. The arms around him tensed momentarily in surprise, then pulled him closer as Link kissed the same place again. His mouth traveled up the boy’s neck to his ear. “I don’t want to go home just yet.”

Randy’s face turned toward his, their breath mingling. “Maybe we should get out of the hallway.”

“I think you’re right.” 

They found a nearby bathroom and entered it together, Randy locking the door behind them. When he turned back, Link’s mouth met his with a desperate force, his hands already around the boy’s shoulders. Their kiss was salty with the taste of his tears. _Distract me. Don’t let me think._

Randy responded eagerly to his voracity, backing him into the wall and pressing their bodies together hard enough to make them both breathless. They kissed each other’s mouths and jaws until it wasn’t enough, and Randy pushed the shirt from his shoulders and they both drew their undershirts off over their heads. When they reunited in an embrace, Link immersed himself in the exhilaration of skin contact, drawing his fingertips roughly over the rippled muscles of the boy’s back.

Randy pulled one of Link’s legs up around his hips and held it there, supporting some of his weight as he pushed against him, his other arm around Link’s shoulders. Link was still quite uncoordinated on account of the alcohol, but Randy had enough balance for them both. Link let his head fall to the side as the boy explored his neck and collarbones, first with kisses, then with teeth. He gasped at the first delicate, sharp sensation and pulled the boy closer. “Please,” he whispered. “More.” 

Randy bit down slightly harder on the thin skin, making Link whimper softly and writhe against him. Link set his fingernails into the boy’s spine with a mindless insistence. “Yes, yes,” he murmured, pleading. _Make it so I can’t think at all._

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Randy whispered, his tongue flicking hot and teasing.

“It doesn’t hurt.” 

The boy’s canines raked up the side of his throat and closed on the space next to his Adam’s apple. Link’s fingers curled weakly at the back of Randy’s neck as he moaned softly, imploring him to increase the pressure further, and the boy obliged. Soon Link’s upper body was aflame with the exquisite piercing attention of Randy’s mouth, his only relief coming on occasion when the boy rose to kiss him roughly on the lips. 

As he had hoped, Link’s world narrowed down to his bodily sensations, washing away troublesome rational thoughts and the emotional agony that came along with them. He sank into the throbbing heat that arose under Randy’s teeth, wholly enveloped in the boy’s embrace, awash in their shared passion. Soon they began to move together more rhythmically, mutual ascending arousal making them both break into a sweat and drawing short, breathless noises from their throats.

All of a sudden Randy abruptly stopped. He pulled away from Link and cocked his head as if listening for something. It took Link a few seconds to surface from the waves of lust to register the change, and even longer to hear what the boy was focusing on. Someone with a high-pitched voice was yelling something undecipherable from downstairs. 

Randy gently lowered Link’s leg to the floor and reluctantly stepped away from him. He cracked the door open and then they both heard it: Tracy’s voice, yelling for — of all people — Randy. 

The two boys looked at each other in utter confusion. Link’s brain tripped as it strained to switch gears. “What’s going on?” he whispered.

Randy picked up his undershirt and pulled it over his head, then wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. “I don’t know, but I’ll go find out. Maybe you should stay here.”

Link didn’t have enough mental capacity to think of an alternative. “Okay.” He retrieved his t-shirt and dress shirt and began clumsily putting them back on after Randy departed, leaving the door ajar. When he was finished he sat on the bathroom counter and hung his head, kicking his dangling feet as he waited, striving to keep his mind blank. 

It wasn’t long before he heard Randy’s voice at the door. “Link?”

Link opened the door and stepped out. Randy stood in the dim hallway, his expression unreadable. “What’s going on, Randy?”

The boy’s voice was carefully controlled. “Tracy wants me to take her home.”

That didn’t make any sense. “Why?”

“Because we broke up.” Rhett stood in the open doorway of the guest bedroom, the light from the room showing his slumped posture and red-rimmed eyes. 

Link’s eyes darted from Rhett to Randy and back again. Emotions crashed into him: shock, worry, a sick sense of victory. “Oh! Oh God, Rhett, are you okay?” 

Rhett’s voice was a rough mixture of guilt and relief as he stared at the floor. “She wanted to go all the way. I couldn’t… it wasn’t right. She wanted to know why and I told her… I said I hadn’t been entirely faithful.” He cringed from his own words, then shook his head. “I didn’t tell her with who. She’s probably interrogating half the girls downstairs right now.”

Randy’s voice was cold. “No, she’s sitting on the front porch crying.”

Rhett recoiled from the boy’s judgment, his shoulders folding further in abject regret and self-loathing. Link moved to his friend, reaching for his hand.  As he did so, he saw Rhett’s tormented gaze fixate on his neck, newly illuminated by the guest room light. It took a few moments for the boy to focus as his eyes narrowed, taking in Link’s tousled hair and the sheen of sweat on his skin. “What…” he started to ask, and before he could help himself, Link’s eyes flicked involuntarily to Randy. 

Link watched helplessly as suspicion slowly dawned over Rhett’s expression. He stared at the two boys in the hallway with his mouth agape, and their lack of denial was enough to tell him everything he needed to know. He finished his question with quiet, seething rage. “What. The. _Fuck._ ” 

Link stumbled back a step. His hands flew to his throat as if to cover up, too late, the raw red evidence there. His lungs seized as frigid waves pulled him under. “No…” he whispered. “No, Rhett, you don’t understand…” 

Rhett’s jaw clenched. “I understand plenty, Link. I understand that while I was going through all of that so that we could be together, like I thought you wanted,” — he pointed a finger at Link’s chest — “ _You_ were off fucking around.”   

Before Link could reply, Rhett shoved past him and stormed down the stairs. Link thought of pursuing him and begging for a chance to explain himself, but the idea of that confrontation in the face of Rhett’s fury terrified him. Instead he stood motionless, unable to breathe, barely able to think as Randy came to his side. They stood together in silence, not touching, as they both tried to process what had just happened. 

Eventually Link gathered himself up enough to say quietly, “You should take Tracy home. I’ll be okay.”

Randy met his eyes and his expression was flooded with guilt. “I’m sorry, Link. I’m so sorry.” 

Link swallowed around the tightness in his throat. “It’s not your fault, Randy.” 

“I’ll take her home and come back.”

“I’ll be here.” Even though he wanted to be anywhere but here, on any night but this. 

It was only after Randy had given him one last, searching look and disappeared down the stairs that Link let himself sink slowly to his knees. Alone in the semi-darkness of the hallway, he curled himself into the smallest ball he could make, hunched around the frozen pit of despair in his gut, and held his head in his hands as he cried.


	21. Chapter 21

Link eventually ran out of tears. The immediate shock of his confrontation with Rhett subsided and he lifted his head to stare into the empty, blurry hallway as he wiped his nose with the back of his hand. He needed to stop feeling sorry for himself, he decided, and see what he could do to make things right. 

He braced his hand on the wall and clambered to his feet, his unsteadiness more the result of emotion than alcohol at this point. He went back to the bathroom he and Randy had recently emerged from and flipped on the light, wincing as his eyes adjusted. The mirror told him in no uncertain terms that he looked terrible; his eyes were squinty and puffy and his shirt was incredibly wrinkled from him sweating into it and then curling up inside it. His neck was streaked with red from where Randy’s teeth had abraded it and there were darker mouth-shaped bruises visible at the edge of his t-shirt collar.

He splashed water onto his face and combed wet fingers through his hair until it stopped sticking in all directions. He buttoned his dress shirt up to his neck, successfully hiding the majority of the marks. He smoothed the shirt down over his chest until the worst of the wrinkles had flattened, then stared at his face in the mirror for a long moment. 

He had to be honest with himself and admit he had no idea what he was going to do. Heck, he wasn’t entirely sure he knew what — or more specifically, who — he wanted anymore, romantically speaking. One thing was certain, though: he simply could not lose Rhett’s friendship. No matter what else happened as a result of this evening, giving up that fundamental pillar of his life was not acceptable. So, he’d do his best to salvage that and deal with the rest later.

Feeling slightly better for having established a rudimentary plan, he took a deep breath and descended the stairs. The party was still in full swing, with loud music and many teens in various remnants of formalwear holding plastic cups and shouting cheerfully at each other. No one seemed to give Link a second glance as he moved from room to room. He said hello to the people he recognized who had arrived since he went upstairs, all the while scanning for Rhett’s face above the crowd. He glanced at the furniture, too, in case the boy was sitting down, but there was no sign of him.

He eventually went out the front door and stood on the porch looking out at the street. The area next to the end of the driveway, where Rhett and Randy had both parked, was conspicuously empty. The Dynasty was nowhere in sight. 

Link hung his head in defeat. Of course Rhett had left. Why would he have stayed? He had clearly wanted nothing to do with Link, and it was no doubt awkward for him to be around Tracy’s friends. He must have gone home. 

“Link?” Cassidy stood at the corner of the porch with two other girls who appeared to be smoking. 

He tried to sound casual. “Oh hi, Cassidy. How’s it going?”

She came over to him with a look of concern. She had a leather bomber jacket draped over her shoulders and the cigarette between her fingers was dark in color and smelled like a pungent spice, not tobacco. “You know about Rhett and Tracy?” 

He suppressed a hysterical guffaw. Did he know? “Uh. Yeah, I know they broke up.”

“Do you know what happened? She said he cheated on her.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know the details.”

She took a drag before replying. “I think that’s a shitty thing to do.” 

“It’s probably pretty complicated. Maybe he had a good reason…” he trailed off as she peered into his face in the dim light.  

“I’d expect you to take his side,” she said. “You’ve been friends for, what, a century by now?”

His reply was quiet. “Feels that way sometimes.”

Her expression softened. “Well I hope you don’t get caught in the blast radius. She was pretty upset.” 

“I guess she asked Randy to bring her home?”

The girl nodded. “Yeah, and then when she was out here waiting for him, Rhett comes barreling out, gets into his car, slams the door and peals out of here without even saying anything.”

“Wow.” Link felt a tremor of concern. He hoped Rhett wasn’t too upset to drive carefully. He could never live with himself if… He pushed the thought away. “I guess Randy’s our ride home, then.”

“I’m gonna get a ride with Kendra.” She gestured toward one of the other girls on the porch, who waved.

“He’s my ride, then.” She nodded.

They stood in silence for a few minutes. She offered him one of her clove cigarettes and he declined. He stared up into the starry sky and let the cool night air fill his lungs. So much for talking to Rhett tonight, he thought, then something occurred to him. “Shoot.”

Cassidy raised a brow. He explained, “My tux jacket’s in Rhett’s car.” Along with his bowtie and vest and God knew what else. “I need to return that tomorrow.” 

“Uh oh,” she said. “Well, you can just get it from him tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah, I’m sure that’ll be fine.” So much for giving Rhett space even if Link wanted to; he’d have to call the boy in the morning to make arrangements for the jacket if nothing else. 

A sedan came down the street and pulled into the driveway. Randy got out and came over to them, his eyes lingering on Link. “Tracy’s home safe and sound.” 

“That’s good,” Link said. “She doing all right?”

The boy’s mouth twisted in concern. “She’s unhappy, of course. But I think she suspected something for a while. There’s some relief there too.”

Link felt fresh guilt for having contributed to the girl’s unhappiness, and avoided Randy’s eyes. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to go home now too.” 

“Nah, I don’t mind.”

“I’ve got another ride,” Cassidy told Randy. “See you guys on Monday.”

The two boys said their goodbyes to her and climbed into Randy’s car. Link leaned his head back against the headrest as soon as he closed his door. He was exhausted. He kept his eyes closed and felt the car pull out of the driveway and start down the road. 

After a few minutes of silence, Randy cleared his throat. “Link…”

Link opened his eyes and looked over at the other boy, who kept his eyes on the road. “Mmm?”

“I know you’ve got stuff to work out with Rhett, but…” He took a deep breath. “I like you a lot. I’m really glad we… connected tonight.” 

Link couldn’t help but chuckle at Randy’s choice of words. “I enjoyed ‘connecting’ with you too, Randy.”

The other boy laughed self-consciously. He appeared to be blushing.  “Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is, I’d like to do that again. Like, a lot. All the time.” They both laughed.

It made Link feel good to hear someone express interest in him so unreservedly. He remembered the sensations of Randy’s body pressing him against the wall, raising his leg up around the boy’s hip, his teeth at Link’s throat. More of that was certainly appealing. “I’d like that too.”

The boy let out a long breath. “Oh, good.” 

Link knuckled at eyes that were scratchy with dried tears. “I want to be honest with you, Randy. I have to try to talk to Rhett. He seemed so mad, I don’t know if he’ll even talk to me. But I have to try.” 

“I know,” Randy said quickly. “I’m not asking for any promises. I know you’ve got… history with him.” He looked over and met Link’s eyes for a brief moment before turning back to the road. “I’m not a fool. I know he’s your first choice.” He held up a hand to forestall Link’s protest. “If he can make you happy, I want that for you. I’d feel awful if I got in the way of that. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say I hope you decide I could make you happier.” 

Link was silent, feeling the weight of Randy’s vulnerability, unsure of how to respond. Part of him was reassured by the idea that, if things didn’t work out with Rhett, he’d have an alternative ready and waiting. The rest of him felt shitty for thinking that way about another human being. He eventually said, “Thanks for understanding, Randy.”

They turned into Link’s driveway and came to a stop. Randy ran his hands over his face and through his hair, his eyes on the steering wheel. “Just let me know what happens with him, okay? Let me know what you want to do. Whenever you figure it out. No pressure.” 

“I will.” Link felt guilty for not continuing the conversation, but they were both clearly exhausted and he wasn’t sure what else he could say. He was glad that, for the moment at least, Randy seemed to accept the situation as it stood. He opened the door and used the top edge of it to haul himself to his feet, then leaned over and looked at the boy across the car’s interior. “Thanks for the ride. And for keeping me company all night. I mean it.”

“No problem, Link. My pleasure.” Randy put on a brave face with only a hint of uncertainty in his eyes. “Try to get a good night’s sleep, okay?”

“I’ll do my best.”

Link shut the door and trudged into his house. His mother was waiting up for him, of course, and he gave her a brief and sanitized report of the evening’s fun. Fortunately, the light inside the house was dim enough that she didn’t notice the marks on his neck or the dark circles that crying had left around his eyes. He explained briefly that Randy had brought him home but he’d mistakenly left his jacket in Rhett’s car and would have to get it tomorrow. 

She allowed him to retreat upstairs when he had satisfied her curiosity about his prom experience. He brushed his teeth without looking at himself in the mirror and barely stayed awake long enough to deposit his dress pants and shirt in a pile on the floor and crawl into bed. He curled around his pillow and drifted into an uneasy sleep, his mind full of alternating memories of Randy’s mouth and Rhett’s glaring, accusatory eyes. 

He slept for a long time and awoke to late morning light with a stabbing headache and a sense of disorientation. It took a while for him to separate what had actually happened the night before from the nightmarish wanderings of his subconscious mind. Kissing Randy seemed too good — and too unlikely — to be true. Rhett breaking up with Tracy and his subsequent confrontation with Link seemed equally unreal. 

By the time Link made it down to the kitchen and found the pancakes and bacon his mother had left out for him, he had it all fairly well sorted out. He ate his breakfast and drank two glasses of orange juice and the headache subsided to a dull throb. Before he could think about it too much, he picked up the phone and dialed Rhett’s number.

Rhett’s mother answered and, once she heard who was calling, drew him into small talk about the prom for a few minutes before saying, “I suppose you want to talk to Rhett?”

“Yes, please.”

“I’ll see if he’s awake.” A clatter as she placed the receiver on the table, then a few moments of silence, then a scrape as she picked it back up. “His bedroom door’s closed. It’s not like him to sleep this late. You boys must have had quite a night!”

Link forced a laugh. “Well, there was a lot of dancing. Maybe he’s out of shape.” Rhett’s mom chuckled at the idea. With all of his basketball training, Rhett was in the best shape of his life. 

“Do you want me to have him call you when he gets up?”

“If you could, that’d be great. Actually, I left my tuxedo jacket in his car and I need to return it today. Could you tell him I need to come over and pick it up?” If Rhett knew it was more than a social call, that might increase the chances of him actually calling back. 

“Will do.”

They said their goodbyes and Link hung up. He cleaned up the kitchen, showered, and got dressed, all on autopilot. The day stretched past midday and into the afternoon as he played mindless videogames while eyeing the phone and cursing its silence. When it finally rang around three o’clock, he leapt to his feet and grabbed it before the first ring ended. 

“Hello?”

“Hi.” Rhett’s voice was flat.

Link heart raced. “Hi Rhett. How are you?”

“I’ve been better.” 

“Did your mom tell you? I left my jacket—“

“Yeah, I know.”

“Do you mind if I come get it?”

“I guess you have to.”

“Yeah, or they’ll charge me.” 

“Fine. I’ll be here.” 

“Okay, I —“ The drone of the dialtone cut Link off. He stood holding the phone to his ear for a few seconds before slowing hanging it up. That could have gone better, he told himself, but it also could have gone worse. At least Rhett was talking to him. 

He checked himself in his bedroom mirror. Even though the day was sunny and warm, he pulled on a flannel over his Nirvana t-shirt. The red scrapes on his neck had faded but the bruises around his collarbones were still visible, and the overshirt helped obscure them. He ran a comb through his hair and decided Rhett would not care about the stubble on his cheeks around his goatee. 

He left a note for his mother saying where he’d gone and got into his truck. The drive to Rhett’s house, so familiar he could probably do it with his eyes closed, seemed to carry a heavier weight this time. _Please let this not be the last time I ever make this trip._ The thought brought tears to his eyes that he quickly blinked away. He was sure that showing up on Rhett’s doorstep blubbering would not be a productive approach. 

He pulled into the McLaughlin’s driveway and parked. Rhett’s parents’ car was there, suggesting they were home. He got out and walked to the side door, then hesitated. Normally he’d walk right in, but now he didn’t feel welcome. After a few seconds’ indecision, he knocked quietly. The door opened almost immediately to reveal Rhett, who must have seen him arrive and been waiting on the other side. 

Rhett was in plaid pajama pants and his thin powder-blue v-neck. His eyes were heavy-lidded and it looked as if he hadn’t showered since before the prom. He looked Link up and down, his gaze catching at the collar of his shirt before returning to his face, his mouth a narrow line. He pointed toward the Dynasty. “Your stuff’s in there; it’s unlocked.”

The boy started to turn away, but Link called his name and he stopped and turned back with a raised brow. “Rhett, can we please… talk a little bit?”

The boy looked at him and his expression softened the slightest bit. After a second he said, “Okay. Let’s go in the back yard.” He stepped past Link and led the way to the space behind the house with the slender trees with white flowers they had taken pictures in front of the day before. It seemed like an eternity ago. 

The afternoon sunlight gave Rhett’s skin a burnished glow and made his eyelashes gleam golden as he looked down at the short grass under their feet. Link’s heart ached to take the boy in his arms and beg him to make things right, but the prospect of being rejected terrified him. Instead, he clasped his hands together in front of himself and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Rhett. I’m sorry last night was such a mess. I don’t know how I can make it up to you but I’m really hoping I can.” 

Rhett glanced at the house to make sure they were well out of earshot, then considered for a long moment before replying, “How long have you and Randy been…?” 

“Oh!” Link answered quickly. “That was just last night. I swear I had no idea he was even interested in me, or interested in guys even, until last night. I would have told you, Rhett.”

Rhett let out his breath with a nod of acceptance. “I never would have guessed he was…” 

“Me neither. And I had no idea you were gonna break up with Tracy, or I never would’ve… gone along with it.” 

Rhett raised his head and met his gaze with narrowed eyes. “But you enjoyed it.”

Link felt himself blush. “Yeah, I guess I did.” 

The other boy looked away again, his brow furrowed. “I can’t stand to think about it. I can’t look at you because it makes me think about it and I feel sick to my stomach.” 

Link felt shame at first, but a defensive anger flared up and overtook it. “C’mon, man. I had to watch you and Tracy every day. That made me sick too, but I never complained. Heck, I thought you guys were having sex at Mike’s house last night, and from the sound of it, that almost happened!” Rhett was glaring at him now, but he felt like a boulder rolling down a mountainside. Unstoppable. “I never know what you’re thinking. You never talked to me. What did you expect me to do, Rhett? Sit there and twiddle my thumbs when there was someone right there who _actually_ wanted to be with me?” 

Rhett pointed at him. “I _told_ you I was just waiting until the right time to break up with her. I wanted her to have a good prom.” He shook his head. “And I certainly fucked that one up. But whatever happened with Tracy is beside the point. You cheated on me, Link.”

Link was incredulous. “Are you serious? I didn’t do anything with Randy that you didn’t do with Tracy. I’d say we’re pretty even.”

Rhett shook his head. “We’re not even. Not as far as I’m concerned. It’s not the same.”

Link didn’t want to argue the semantics of why it wasn’t the same. But his defensiveness reminded him of what Randy had pointed out the previous night. “How could I have cheated on you? We never made a commitment to each other.”

Rhett stared at him, jaw working silently, then looked down at the ground. “I made a commitment to you, Link, every time… every time I kissed you. I didn’t think I had to say it out loud. I thought you knew. I thought I heard you saying the same thing to me.”  

Link’s heart hurt. Of course he had heard it. Of course he had said it. But he hadn’t known, not for certain, and now it was too late to take back everything that had happened with Randy. Rhett continued with a bitter shrug, “I guess I was wrong. Now I’m short a girlfriend and you’ve got, what? A boyfriend?”

“No. Randy and I haven’t really talked about that.”

“Well, what do you want him to be?”

Exactly the question Link had been avoiding because he didn’t know the answer. All day he had thought about the many-edged, labyrinthine knots that tied him to the boy in front of him, versus the refreshing clarity of Randy’s bright, open affection. He finally had to admit, “I don’t know.”

“How could you not _know_?”

Link chewed the inside of his cheek while he wrestled with the question. How could he even put it into words? “Our whole lives are mixed up together, Rhett. Our souls, even. Sometimes it’s like I don’t know where I stop and you start. It’s so complicated and heavy and… and _painful_ sometimes. And Randy’s just, like, this beacon of simplicity by comparison.”

Rhett was quiet for a long time as he contemplated Link’s words. Then his hands, by his sides, clenched into fists and relaxed. His voice was tight. “I’ll make it easy for you, then. Randy can have you.” 

Panic leapt up to grip Link’s throat. Rhett had given him an answer to the question, all right. But how could he know it was the right answer? “Wait, Rhett. Don’t.”

Rhett was blinking quickly, his eyes still on the ground. “I don’t want to fight someone else for you. You don’t want something complicated and painful, Link. Why would you? And I don’t want to go through all this for someone who isn’t sure.” 

Link swayed on his feet, swallowing a cry of despair before it could escape. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to hold it together and keep the conversation going, reminding himself there was something more fundamental at stake. “Okay. Okay, wait. Say I end up with Randy. We’ll still have our friendship, right?” His voice cracked. “Forget everything else. Our friendship, Rhett. That’s the most important thing.” His chest heaved as he fought to speak through the turmoil in his heart. “Our future together. We still have that.” 

Rhett’s eyes met his, and the pale blue-grey with flecks of amber glimmered with unshed tears. “I don’t know. I’m not sure right now. But I hope so, Link.” 

It took all of Link’s will not to reach for Rhett’s hand and cling to it, a purely physical act to keep the boy from pulling away from him in both body and spirit. He resisted the urge because that wasn’t what a friend would do, and friendship was what he focused on now. _There’ll be time to mourn the loss of the rest later._  

He tried a very small smile. “I hope so too, Rhett. There’s nothing more important to me. You know that, right?”

Rhett’s lips curved up ever so slightly as hope and sorrow combined across his face. “I know, Link. Me too.”

Link took a shaky breath. He wasn’t sure what else to say, and it seemed like anything either of them could say at this point was likely to get them both crying outright. So instead, he checked his watch. “Dang, the rental places closes in half an hour.” He looked at Rhett. “Do you want me to return yours too?”

Rhett blinked at the abrupt subject change, then appeared grateful for it. “Actually, yeah. That would be really helpful. Just let me make sure it’s all packed up.”

They both wiped their eyes as they went back into the house and up the stairs to Rhett’s room. Link hovered in the doorway, averting his eyes from the boy’s bed and the memories he knew it would evoke, while Rhett grabbed the garment bag and did a quick inventory. “Yeah, it’s all here. The paperwork’s inside.” 

They went back downstairs and out to the driveway. Link retrieved his jacket, bowtie, and vest from the Dynasty and transferred it into his own bag, which already contained the remainder of his rented clothing. Soon both bags were in his truck and the two boys were standing next to his open driver’s side door. 

“I’ll see you on Monday?” Link asked.

“Yeah.” Rhett hesitated, then stepped forward and put his arms around Link’s shoulders. Link embraced him around the waist and pressed his face into the boy’s chest. The unwashed scent of him was strong and wonderful and made him feel like he was home. Far too soon, Rhett ended the hug and stepped back, and Link let him go. 

He got into the truck, closed the door, and started it. He tried not to look at Rhett, standing at the edge of the driveway, as he backed out and turned down the road. This time, he refused to let the tears come. There was hope, he told himself. Hope for their friendship and maybe, someday, more than that. That was enough for him to cling to, to keep his head above water in this stormy sea. It had to be.


	22. Chapter 22

Link called Randy that night and told him about his conversation with Rhett. He kept to the facts, knowing he wouldn’t be able to hold it together if he started talking about the emotions underpinning it all. He summarized: Rhett didn’t forgive him for what he had done with Randy. He and Rhett were not going to be romantically involved. They were going to try to rebuild their friendship. As he spoke, he felt as if the whole situation were an arms-length away, or even happening to another person altogether. It was still too big for his heart to fully comprehend. 

Randy listened to the explanation without interruption, and when Link arrived at the end, he said, “I’m sorry that’s how it worked out.”

“But it’s good for you, right?” Link was suddenly anxious that, now that he was free to be with Randy, the boy would no longer want him.

“Oh, yeah, it’s good for me. It means you’re available now.” Link relaxed a little as Randy continued, “But I know it’s not what you wanted. Not your first choice, anyway.”

“Who knows, maybe it’s for the best.” Link tried to sound carefree. 

“Maybe.” There was silence on the line, then Randy said quietly, “Not that I want to shoot myself in the foot here or anything, Link, but are you sure you’re ready to be with me? After everything that’s happened?”

It was a fair question, and he thought it was brave of Randy to ask it. But as Link considered the idea of being alone, it terrified him. Even if he and Rhett were going to be friends now, Link knew he needed someone else to focus his attention on in order to resist the ties that bound them together. Randy was conveniently that someone. He didn’t let himself hesitate. “I’m ready. Definitely.”

“Well then… maybe we could see a movie next Saturday? And get dinner. A real classic date.”

Link laughed. “That sounds like fun.” 

They chatted for a while longer, making small talk about the remaining few weeks of school and their plans for graduation day. They relaxed into the comfortable banter they had enjoyed in the week before the prom as they had grown closer after Link’s revelation. Now, however, there was an added tinge of flirtation to their conversation that made Link smile and his stomach squirm. He couldn’t remember ever feeling such a simple thrill as this excitement of knowing he was interested in someone who liked him back, without layer upon layer of denial and worry, and he embraced it wholeheartedly. 

It was harder to hold on to that feeling of anticipation after he got off the phone, and again the next day as he passed the time with homework and television. Images of Rhett and memories of their intimacies sprang into his head at the worst of times, catching him off guard and stopping his breath until he managed to push them away. His subconscious mind was even more cruel, plaguing him with dreams of his best friend that started with warm embraces and ended in a flood of frigid water and choking gasps that awoke him in the night.  

He arrived at school on Monday morning underslept and wary. He didn’t know how he was going to feel when he saw either Rhett or Randy. On top of that, it was hard to know how much their social circle had been fractured by Rhett and Tracy’s breakup; many of her friends were dating his friends, and sides would undoubtedly need to be taken. 

The first person he saw when he pulled into the school parking lot was Randy; the boy was waiting by his car and Link parked in the empty space next to it. He got out and they exchanged tentative smiles, each searching the other’s expression for evidence that there was still attraction between them, and breaking into grins when it became clear there was. 

“Morning, handsome,” Randy murmured. Link blushed and grinned wider. “Hi Randy.” They fell into step as they walked toward the school. 

They were chatting idly in homeroom, sitting in adjacent desks, when Rhett came in. He was wearing a short sleeved polo shirt with yellow and white stripes and it combined with his light hair to make him the embodiment of summer. He approached the two of them with a studiously neutral expression, letting his gaze take both of them in without really looking at them. “How’s it goin’?”

“Pretty good,” Link said lightly. “I dropped off your tux fine. I’ve got the receipt in my truck if you need it.”

Rhett’s eyes focused on his for a brief moment. “Nah, you can throw it out. Thanks for taking care of it.”

“No problem.” Link gestured at a nearby empty chair. “Want to sit with us?” 

The boy appeared to consider the offer for a brief moment before shrugging his backpack further onto his shoulder instead. “I need to get something out of my locker. I’ll see you in French.” 

“Okay, yeah, see you there.” 

They both watched Rhett leave the room. “Do you think he’s all right?” Randy asked.

Link shook his head. “I’m not sure.”

Later that morning in French class, Rhett seemed ever so slightly warmer in the absence of Randy. They worked together for the discussion exercise, and if Rhett didn’t slide his desk quite so close to Link’s as he used to, he didn’t make a big deal out of it either. They even managed a few light jokes, easy mockery of the cheesy textbook dialogue, and by the time the bell rung Link was breathing a little easier. Rhett hadn’t put up his wall. It seemed as though their mutual efforts to be friends were working so far. 

Link arrived at the cafeteria at lunchtime to find that the loose group of kids he’d been eating with all year had been thoroughly dispersed by the breakup. Tracy’s friends from the cheerleading squad were gathered around her at a table in the far corner of the room. The remaining boys he and Rhett usually sat with were spread among a number of different tables. Their old table was empty. 

He stood at the edge of the room with his tray of food, unsure of where to go, until Randy came up beside him holding his own tray. The boy looked over their prospects and then nodded toward the door. “Outside?”

Link grinned with relief. “Sounds great.” 

They were halfway across the room when he saw Rhett emerge from the lunch line and look around the room with a similar look of indecision. “I’ll catch up with you,” he said to Randy, then turned and headed back to the other boy.

“Hey Rhett, Randy and I were gonna eat outside today, if you want to join us.”

Rhett had smiled at his approach but his face fell when he heard Link’s words. He glanced around the room and located a table with Mike and a few other guys from the basketball team. “Thanks, but I think I’ll stay in here.” 

“Oh, okay.” He gave Rhett a quick smile and headed out to join Randy at the picnic tables outside. The two of them enjoyed the warm June breeze and chatted about easy topics. They sat across from each other and leaned forward, reaching across for the occasional touch of a forearm or hand as they spoke. It felt good.

When he went back inside to deposit his tray, Rhett had already left, but they met up again in study hall. The boy was sitting at the table by the window, his homework already spread out in front of him, when Link took the seat by his side. “Hey, Rhett.”

Rhett looked over at him, squinting a little at the bright sun coming in the window over his shoulder. “Hey, Link.”

They sat next to each other quietly for the duration of the class and focused on their own books, Rhett’s presence next to him a quiet calm. He occasionally came up with funny things to say and was rewarded with the boy’s soft smile, which warmed him more thoroughly than the sun on his other side. At other times he felt Rhett’s eyes on him, but they flicked away when he looked over. 

The bell rang too soon and Link stood to pack his things as the other boy moved more slowly. Without thinking, he put a hand lightly on Rhett’s back, thumb at the base of his neck and fingers curved around his shoulder, on the outside of his polo shirt. He felt the muscles stiffen for a moment then relax as Rhett’s head dipped down. Link ran his thumb briefly over the knurls of the boy’s spine then withdrew his hand before the feeling of longing could become too much, before his heart could beat too quickly. He swallowed, tried to make his voice light. “See you tomorrow.”

Rhett nodded wordlessly. His bottom lip was between his teeth and his eyes stayed on the table. Link looked at him for another moment before shouldering his backpack and walking out of the room. On his way to Physics, he tried to be angry with himself. _That is not the way to keep things platonic._

And yet, he argued internally, before all of this happened they had enjoyed countless casual touches like that. It was part of getting things back the way they were, being able to do that sort of thing without it carrying so much weight. It was good for their friendship, he insisted, even as he remembered the charged sensation of the touch and had to admit he was only fooling himself. He also knew, without a doubt, he would not be able to stop pursuing those fleeting moments of contact so long as Rhett didn’t push him away. His will just wasn’t that strong.

The rest of the week passed in a similar fashion. He hung out with Randy in homeroom and ate lunch outside with him every day, but sat with Rhett in study hall and chatted with him in French class. He began to feel strangely comfortable with the conflict between the superficial sparks of getting to know his new romantic interest versus the pull he felt deep within himself to stay close to Rhett and to touch him as often as he could get away with. It was like he was a different person with each boy and the two people had established an uneasy truce inside of him. He walked a tightrope with the two balanced on each end of his pole, knowing that to tip to far in either direction would be to give up something unrecoverable.

For his part, Rhett continued to accept Link’s momentary caresses with the same quiet yielding he had shown to the first. It did not regain the simplicity it used to have, but neither did it have the overtly sexual charge of their encounters before the prom. It was merely a straightforward _I want to touch you_ and _You may_.  

On Friday afternoon Rhett was the one to stand up first at the study hall dismissal, and it was his hand that came down on Link’s shoulder to perform their ritual of goodbye. His broad palm encompassed Link’s shoulder blade and his fingertips lingered on the bare skin at the nap of his neck. It was the first time the boy had initiated contact since the hug in his driveway and Link’s heart leapt at it. 

Rhett’s voice was hesitant. “Are you doing anything this weekend?”

Link closed his eyes. He didn’t want to answer, didn’t want to shake this tenuous new comfort they had forged, but he knew he had to. “Yeah, I’m… I’ve got plans with Randy.”

Rhett’s hand withdrew. “Cool.” He picked up his bag and turned away. “See you Monday, then.”

“See you,” Link called softly after him. 

***

Randy showed up on Link’s doorstep the following afternoon wearing dark jeans and a short-sleeved black polo shirt that framed his neck and shoulders nicely. Link had opted for jeans, sandals, and a green t-shirt with the white-and-red logo of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. They smiled shyly at each other on Link’s porch before he called over his shoulder to his mother that he was going out, and she yelled back to wish him a good time. 

They drove half an hour east to the town of Smithfield where the movie theater was. After a brief discussion of options they ended up at Applebee’s for dinner, seated at a booth by the window. Link found himself giddy with nervousness, making silly jokes and fiddling with his silverware while Randy watched him with an admiring grin. It felt different than when they hung out at school now that there were unspoken anticipations lingering in the air between them. It was thrilling and intimidating at the same time.

They arrived at the movie theater fifteen minutes before show time. Randy had suggested they see Con Air, which had come out the previous week, and Link agreed wholeheartedly. The movie had gotten good reviews and he’d been a fan of Nicolas Cage for a while. They bought their tickets and entered the dimly-lit theater, at which point Link stopped in his tracks.

Seated toward the center of the room, about twenty feet away among a small group of teenagers, was Rhett. The boy’s tall silhouette was unmistakable, but his identity was confirmed when he turned to speak to the boy next to him and his eyes caught on Link and Randy by the entrance. He froze for a moment and Link could see the tension in his body language even across the room  before he waved them over. 

Link turned to Randy. “Rhett’s here.” 

The other boy’s brows furrowed. “We don’t have to stay. We could see something else.” 

Link shook his head. “It’s okay. He’s already seen us, it would be weird if we left now. Do you mind if we sit with them?” 

“Nah, that’s fine.” There may have been an edge of disappointment to Randy’s voice, but Link was already moving toward the crowd of boys, a half dozen or so, all former acquaintances from the lunch table. He and Randy said hello to them and took the available seats, which were in the row directly in front of where Rhett was sitting. They sat sideways to make small talk with all of them until the lights dimmed further and the previews started. 

Link twisted back around to face the screen and immediately imagined Rhett’s eyes on the back of his head, his neck, his shoulders. It made it hard for him to care about the movies that were coming soon. Even as the main film began rolling, he fancied he caught the faintest hint of Rhett’s scent, the unique combination of his skin and the deodorant he favored. Link closed his eyes and inhaled deeply in an unconscious effort to hold on to the fragrance and the memories it evoked. 

He opened his eyes as Randy leaned toward him and whispered, “You okay?”

Link forced a smile at him. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Randy smiled back and they both turned to the screen. They watched the movie, making occasional witty observations to each other and laughing. Link was conscious of Rhett’s vantage point, knowing he would see whenever he and Randy spoke, and he wondered how it made the boy feel. Halfway through the movie, when Randy reached for his hand to hold it and caress the back of it with his thumb, Link felt truly split in two. Half of him thrilled to Randy’s touch, innocent and seductive at the same time. The other half fixated on the silent presence of the boy behind him, and the pleasure and rush he felt simply being in his proximity. 

Very little of Link remained to focus on the movie, so when the credits rolled and the lights came up, he was mostly quiet as the group began discussing it. Rhett, too, was uncharacteristically reserved, only expressing his opinion when someone asked a direct question. Link was relieved when they all made it out to the parking lot and prepared to go their separate ways. Everyone exchanged quick goodbyes and got into their respective cars. He and Rhett locked eyes over the sea of vehicles for a brief moment before they both turned away. 

“That was a little weird,” Link muttered after he and Randy closed their doors. 

“Certainly unexpected, yeah,” Randy agreed, his eyes on the road as they pulled out of the parking lot. “You all right?”

Link considered. “Yeah. I mean, I have to be, right? We’re gonna keep running into each other. We go to all the same places.”

“Not to mention you’re gonna be roommates.”

Link winced. The prospect presented a level of awkward tension he wasn’t ready to face yet. “I dunno. Maybe we’ll try to switch rooms or something.”

“Is that what you want?”

“It seems like a good idea.”

“Because you think you’d fight, or…?”

Link looked at Randy’s face, but his expression was hard to read from the side. “Yeah, or… whatever. It’d probably be good to have some space.”

“Yeah, it looks that way.”

They drove a few miles in silence. Link watched the streetlights go by in a blur. After a while they started chatting about the movie and various other Nicolas Cage films and passed the time until they were off the highway and nearing Link’s house. 

Link checked the clock on the dash. He still had an hour before curfew, and he knew if he went home now and tried to sleep, he’d only obsess about Rhett. “I don’t need to be home just yet, if you want to stop somewhere,” he offered.

Randy glanced at him. “Like, stop for coffee? Or park somewhere?”

Link blushed. “Park somewhere.”

The other boy grinned. “Okay.”

They pulled into a deserted side street and parked slightly off the road. Link hadn’t been paying enough attention to know whether he and Rhett had used the same location for their trysts, but he couldn’t help but wonder. He decided there was only one way to distract himself from those memories as he turned to Randy with an open-mouthed smile. “Want to get into the back?”

Randy’s dark eyes gleamed. “Oh, yes.”

They moved into the back seat and shut the doors. Link wasted no time in swinging his leg over so he was straddling the other boy, aided by Randy’s hands on his hips. They kissed roughly, hungrily, his hands running over Randy’s neck and shoulders; Randy’s hands caressing his back and thighs. 

The boy’s strong arms wrapped around him as he arched his back, mouth seeking the warm flesh of Randy’s throat, nipping a slow line up the side of it as the boy gasped in appreciation. Randy’s warm hands explored under Link’s shirt, trailing along his ribs and palming his straining ribcage. 

Link tried hard to surrender himself to the sensations, to use them to push himself out of his conscious mind. He leaned his head back in invitation and Randy obliged with teeth on his collarbones, making him squirm and gasp. He pressed himself eagerly against the other boy, rocking his hips and grinding their bodies together.

As their mouths met again, Randy’s hands wandered further down Link’s backside, fingertips roaming under the loose waistband of his jeans. He cupped Link’s ass and pulled him forcefully into a rhythm, their breaths coming shorter and faster as the intensity rose. 

He could tell Randy was deeply gripped by lust, but Link’s pleasure felt more distant than it should — as if he were watching it happen to someone else, on a shore he was struggling to swim toward but never getting any closer to. The physical sensations were there, but some part of his mind was refusing to engage. He finally sat back in confusion and tried to catch his breath, looking down at Randy’s heavy-lidded eyes in the darkness. 

The other boy took the opportunity to circle his hands around to the front of Link’s jeans, fingertips groping for the button. It was at that point that Link’s brain hit him with the full force of his flashbacks: all of the times Rhett had enfolded him in his arms, their kisses swollen with desperate longing, their hands exploring each other’s bodies with a profound sense of wonder. The memories pulled him harshly out of his desire and left a deep sorrow in its place. He caught Randy’s hands and stilled them.

The boy looked up at him, first in disorientation, then dismay. His voice was thick. “What’s wrong?” 

“I’m sorry.” Link looked away, embarrassed. “I need to slow down.” He was already second-guessing himself, wondering if he should have allowed things to continue in the hope that his mind would eventually leave him alone. He was clear-headed enough to know that would not be fair to either of them, though.  

The other boy took a slow breath, visibly controlling himself. “Okay. That’s okay.” Link clambered awkwardly off of him and sat down on the seat as Randy asked quietly, “Did I do something wrong?”

“No!” Link took his hand and clasped it between his. “Oh no, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry,” he said again. “It’s just... I have a lot on my mind.” He shrugged helplessly. 

“Is it from seeing Rhett tonight?”

Link’s first instinct was to deny it, but he realized the answer was obvious. He hung his head. “I guess so, yeah.”

Randy was quiet, looking out the window next to him. His hand was limp in Link’s own, but he didn’t take it away. Eventually he shrugged. “It’s all right. I mean, I knew what I was signing up for, right?”

“It’ll get better,” Link insisted.

“I’m sure it will.” The boy offered him a quick smile as he opened his door. “I should probably take you home now, though.” 

Link nodded. He climbed out of the car and got back into the passenger seat as Randy moved to the front and started it up. They drove the short distance to Link’s house and pulled into its driveway in silence.

“Thanks for coming out with me,” Randy said. “I had a good time.”

“Me too. Sorry about the end.” 

“It’s fine, really.” Randy reached over and gave his knee a squeeze. 

Link gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “See you Monday.” 

He walked up the steps and opened the door, waving as Randy’s car pulled out of the driveway. He trudged up the stairs to his bedroom, stripped to his t-shirt and underwear, and crawled into bed. His mind replayed the evening in his head: the simple pleasure of the date overshadowed by Rhett’s sudden appearance, the intrusion of his flashbacks adding a layer of complication he never wanted. Randy thought he knew what he was signing up for, but did he really? Did Link even understand it himself? What if his memories of being with Rhett never lost their ability to drag him out of any newfound happiness? 

He lay staring up at the ceiling in the darkness for some time, waiting to succumb to the inevitable dreams of desire and disaster, warmth and water.


	23. Chapter 23

The week that followed was similar to the one before it, at least in terms of Link’s interactions with Rhett and Randy. Academically, however, it represented the final days leading up to the graduation ceremony on Saturday. Aside from a few presentations of final projects, most classes consisted of various forms of goofing off with movies and games, and to Link’s satisfaction the time passed quickly as a result. When time crawled slowly there was too much opportunity to think and his brain ran in circles, never making actual progress but exhausting him nonetheless.

The seniors picked up their caps and gowns on Thursday afternoon, and that’s when it all finally seemed real. The following day, the last day of high school ever, was a bizarre experience. Nearly every moment Link found himself aware of the finality of things: the last homeroom, the last French class, the last fish sticks in the cafeteria. The last study hall sitting next to Rhett at their table bathed in afternoon sun, resting his hand on the boy’s shoulder as they said goodbye. 

“It’s funny,” Link murmured as they both stood and shouldered their backpacks. “Most of me can’t wait to get out of here, but there are definitely parts I’ll miss.”

Rhett looked down at him. “Oh?”

Link gestured at the table. “It’s been nice to just sit here and work on stuff next to you. We don’t even have to talk, but… it’s nice.” 

The other boy raised a brow. “Won’t we be able to do that, like, all the time in the dorm room?” 

Link felt a rush of pleasant surprise. The subject of the dorm had not come up between them since the prom, and he’d been reluctant to bring it up himself for fear of what the other boy would say. He gave Rhett a tentative smile. “I wasn’t sure if you’d still want to do that. Live together I mean.”  

“Of course. No one else is gonna put up with me like you do.” Rhett gave him a playful elbowing. 

Link grinned at him. “Well _that’s_ definitely true.” 

The other boy looked down. “We’ll have to work out having dates over and stuff.” 

Link blinked. He couldn’t imagine bringing Randy into a tiny room he shared with Rhett, nor could he picture Rhett bringing another boy — or girl? — into their space, and watching them as he had watched him and Tracy. It seemed incredibly painful. “I guess so, yeah.” 

Rhett shrugged. “We’ve got time to figure it out.” He hefted his backpack. “See you at graduation?”

“Yep.” They passed through the doorway and went their separate ways. 

Link’s father came from out of town to attend his graduation along with a handful of other relatives who lived close enough to drive in for the day. They trickled in over the course of Saturday morning, filling his house to the brim and then some, and they all wanted to talk to him about his college and career plans. He had a hard time answering their questions now that he wasn’t as certain about how he and Rhett would fit their futures together. He was grateful when the time came for them all to drive to the school. 

It was a hot and humid late June day. He was wearing a white dress shirt and dark tie over a pair of loose cargo shorts and sandals — the compromise between formality and avoiding heat stroke that the school was willing to make, since nothing below the collar would show outside his burgundy gown anyway. His parents dropped him off at the entrance to the school and drove away to find a parking space in the overflowing lot. 

He entered the gym to see most of the other students already there. The boys’ outfits matched his and the girls mostly wore sundresses; everyone had their gowns draped over their arms and were fanning themselves with the caps in their hands. Link and a number of other students also had gold-colored mantles to wear over their gowns to signify they were graduating with honors. 

He found Randy in the milling crowd and went over to say hello to him. As expected, the white collar of the boy’s shirt was flattering against his tan skin, and his smile for Link was warm. They hugged briefly.  “How’re you doing?” the boy asked.

“Well, you know. Lots of family over right now, the house is a little hectic,” Link replied with a shrug. “Nothing too bad though.” 

“Yeah, same here.” 

The principal’s secretary came over the loudspeaker and gave them a five-minute warning to line up in preparation for the procession. The crowd began to churn into a semblance of order, everyone donning their robes and hats as they sorted themselves out alphabetically. Randy’s last name, Carson, put him far away toward the front of the line. As usual when alphabetical things were concerned, Rhett and Link had only a handful of students between them. They caught each other’s eye and came together to say hello for the few minutes until the procession began.

Rhett had given up on his thin chinstrap beard a while back and his cheeks were smooth planes over his sharply angled jaw. A wispy light brown goatee drew a line from his lower lip to just under his chin, accentuating its pointed shape. The deep red of his graduation gown and cap gave his pale complexion a healthy glow. His eyes sparkled as he smiled at Link. “Ready to officially become a high school graduate?”

He reached out and gave Rhett’s shoulder a squeeze. “You bet.”

The boy’s arms encircled him in a hug and Link returned it as best he could without knocking the brim of his cap into Rhett’s face. The awkwardness of it made them both laugh they separated and took their places in line. 

The ceremony itself went off without a hitch, save for one of the girls fainting from heat exhaustion halfway through the benediction and being carried to the back of the crowd to recover. They sat through speeches from the principal and valedictorian exhorting them to go forth and do great things in the world, after which they walked up one by one to receive their diplomas. Before Link could even get bored, it was over.

Randy caught his eye across the milling crowd and waved him over. The boy’s parents recognized Link from the pre-prom photoshoot and insisted they get pictures of the two boys together. After they had stood in a casual side-hug for the camera, Randy turned to Link. “Want to go mountain biking tomorrow?”

Link hadn’t had a chance to do any offroad biking yet that summer and the idea was quite appealing. “Sure! You know a good place?”

Randy nodded. “Legend Park in Clayton’s supposed to be good right now. Have you been?”

“Nope, never.”

“Awesome, neither have I.” Randy grinned. “We’ll explore it together. Pick me up at 10?”

“Will do.” Link squeezed him in another side-hug, mindful of their audience. “See you then.” 

He located his family to discover they had joined up with the extended McLaughlin clan. Rhett’s brother Cole was back from university for the occasion and greeted Link with a hearty handshake. Their parents shuffled the two boys into various formations with other family members for photographs, but no matter who was standing with them, Rhett and Link were always side by side. Link put his arm around the boy’s midsection and Rhett embraced his shoulder, and the mirrored curves of their hips and waists fit together as if they were carved from one piece. Without thinking about it, he found himself leaning into the other boy as naturally as breathing, and Rhett supported him without hesitation. He was sorry when the picture taking was over. 

Before they parted ways, Rhett drew him a little aside from the crowd. “I was thinking of getting the Camping Pod together for one last hurrah.”

The group of kids loosely affiliated under this title had gone camping a number of times over the years, usually on the banks of the Cape Fear River. They’d usually hike out a distance from their cars, ford the river with their camping gear held over their heads, and spend the next day and night hanging out one of the islands. Mike and Joe were in the group along with two boys named Trent and Josh. Various other boys had joined them less frequently over the years, brought along by one or another of the core group. They hadn’t had a chance to go this year yet on account of all the social entanglements and upheavals. 

In fact, while he and Rhett had spent some time on the riverbank when they had sought discreet places to fool around together in the spring, neither of them had been across to the other side since the one fateful night in February when everything had changed. Link’s immediate instinct was to say no, he never wanted to go back there again. He didn’t want to relive the trauma of Rhett’s near-drowning nor the confusing memories of what happened after. Not when things were finally getting back to normal.

Rhett must have seen the hesitation on his face because he added, “I thought we could use the practice hanging out together. As friends.” 

Link considered. With that goal in mind, it wasn’t a terrible idea, really. The river had been a touchstone of their friendship for many years and it would be nice to build a new memory there to cap off their high school experience. There was one thing, though, that was necessary if this trip were going to prove their ability to be friends under their new unspoken rules. “Is it cool if I bring Randy?” he asked. 

Rhett barely hesitated before dipping his head in a single nod. “Sure. Yeah.”

“Okay. Let’s figure out a good time to go.”

“Great.”

That decided, the two boys rejoined their families. Link’s relatives wrapped up their various conversations and congratulated him one last time before departing. He accompanied his mother and stepfather home and spent the rest of the day in front of the television and videogame console attempting to unwind after the day’s excitement.

He slept poorly that night, adrift in the middle of a bed that seemed huge and empty. He tried to conceive of himself as no longer a high school student, to imagine the label of “College Freshman” hung around his neck. The prospect of living away from home was starting to coalesce into an imminent reality and his anxiety was rising as a result. His usual method of finding calm — reminding himself that Rhett would be with him throughout it all — was fraught with its own unique concerns. 

He had set his alarm to be sure he didn’t sleep too late to meet Randy, and woke groggily the next morning to its jarring beep. He splashed water on his face and pulled on some worn denim shorts and a faded red t-shirt, crew socks and sneakers. His mother was in the kitchen when he grabbed some poptarts on his way through and he gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her his plans for the day. He gave his bike a quick once-over before lifting it into the bed of his pickup and heading to Randy’s house.

The boy was already in his driveway working on his own bike. He wore loose khaki cargo shorts slung low on his waist and a sleeveless t-shirt in a rich emerald green. The muscles in his arms and calves were tanned ridges and valleys under a thin scattering of dark hair. He flashed Link a brilliant smile as the boy parked his truck and got out. 

Link grinned in greeting. “’Morning, high school graduate.”

Randy wiped the grease off his hands with a rag and gave him a quick hug. “Good morning! I packed some water and snacks so we should be good out there for a while.” He gestured toward a small bag attached to the back of his bike. 

“Awesome.”

Together they wrestled the other bike into the truck bed and made sure everything was well secured, then climbed into the cab and started down the road. As soon as they were underway, Randy reached over and caressed Link’s bare knee. “It’s good to see you.” 

Link took the boy’s hand and held it on top of his leg, twining their fingers together. “You too.” It was good, yes, but also slightly nervewracking, the way the boy kept looking at him with the corners of his dark eyes crinkled into an admiring smile. After the disappointing anticlimax of their movie date, Link was feeling some trepidation about this encounter. He had to admit, though, the thought of those strong arms around him again was certainly appealing, if only he could get his brain to cooperate. 

They chatted idly as they followed Randy’s handwritten directions to the trailhead. They eventually found it, parked, and extracted their bikes. After some last-minute fiddling to make sure everything was working right and consulting the map at the entrance to the trail, they were off.

Randy led the way, his strong legs propelling him at a pace Link had to work hard to match. The trail was in good condition save for a few muddy patches here and there, and had a good variety of inclines and turns along with enough straight passageways to let them occasionally catch their breath. They passed a few hikers along the way but for the most part appeared to have this part of the mountain to themselves. 

The rigorous activity and fresh air filling his lungs made Link’s head feel a bit clearer. They were both sweating profusely and had mud sprayed up the backs of their calves by the time they reached the crest of the trail and a small overlook point off to one side. They pulled their bikes over and sat down on a large rock from which they could admire the gorgeous forested vista stretching out below them. Randy pulled a bottle of water out of his saddlebag and handed it to Link before getting one of his own. 

Link pulled up the collar of his t-shirt and used it to wipe the sweat from his face. The sun was high overhead and very bright; soon the sweat was back and he gave up trying to sop it up. Randy shifted closer to him on the rock, a visible sheen of moisture across his own cheeks and upper lip. He smelled pleasantly masculine as he put his arm around Link’s hip. He leaned over and kissed the side of Link’s neck, lips lingering over the flushed skin before he ran his tongue along it, gathering the beads of sweat as he went. Link shivered and turned toward him, capturing the boy’s mouth with his own and kissing him deeply.

Randy’s arms came around him, pulling him close, fingers running through his damp hair. His mouth was aggressive, hungry, pressing hard with the force of his desire. 

Link closed his eyes and yielded to the kiss, and without warning he was transported back to the last time he had kissed a boy whose lips were salty with sweat. Back to the cold night in March under the yellow lights of the school parking lot, his body bent against the curve of his truck, the fog of their shared breath and steam from the heat of their desire twining together and rising into the darkness. Back to the astonishing revelation that had brought him to his knees and lifted him higher than he’d ever been before. The first time he had kissed a boy. _Rhett_.

He lurched away from Randy and stood up, swaying dizzily until he got his bearings. The other boy was looking at him in confusion as Link stammered, “Sorry, I’m sorry. I can’t… I think we should get back on the trail. Okay?” He grabbed blindly for his bike as he shot the boy a pleading look.

Randy wiped the back of his hand across his mouth and stood up. “Sure, Link. No problem.” His eyes were downcast as he moved to his own bike and swung his leg over. 

Link knew he owed Randy an explanation, but it seemed ludicrous to put it into words. What was he going to say? _I can’t kiss you without imagining kissing someone else?_ That seemed a sure ticket to a breakup, and then he’d have no one. He wasn’t ready for that. He swallowed down further apologies and the bitter taste of his own cowardice as he got onto his bike, shoving off onto the downward path ahead of the other boy. 

He hurtled down the trail, heedless of the fact that it had narrowed past the lookout point, this area evidently seeing less usage and maintenance than the route they had ascended by. Encroaching branches whipped at his shins as the bike shuddered beneath him, suspension struggling to compensate for the rocks and fallen branches he passed over at high speed.

He heard Randy’s voice from a distance behind him but couldn’t make out what the boy was shouting. It didn’t matter, either. He wasn’t going to stop until he managed to go fast enough to outrun his own thoughts, to elude the demons dogging his heels. He sought escape in the excitement and the danger of careening down the path in front of him, pushing for the rush of adrenaline that would be enough to erase all conscious thought from his head.

For a while it seemed to be working, until he crested a minor hill and saw the path curve sharply before a steep embankment in front of him. He knew when he hit it that he was taking it too fast, but there was nothing he could do as he slammed into the dirt slope sideways and his real wheel jumped up the side of it. Even then, he might have been able to regain control if the trail hadn’t immediately curved back in the opposite direction, turning into a switchback blanketed in scree from a recent heavy rainfall washout. 

His front tire caught in the scattered rocks and jerked to the side, arresting the bike’s forward momentum but not his own. He had just enough time to attempt to catch himself with an outstretched leg and feel his ankle wrench sharply against something hard before he flew over the handlebars and the ground rushed up to meet him.


	24. Chapter 24

It was over in an instant and Link was motionless on the ground. A handful of alarming seconds passed as he struggled to catch the breath that had been knocked out of him. His diaphragm finally relaxed and he was able to take a deep inhalation and let it out in a series of shallow coughs. His left forearm, which he had flung up in front of his face and had therefore borne most of the impact, was currently numb. He lay awkwardly crumpled on his back in the underbrush and stared at the sky through the branches as he heard Randy skid to a stop at the bottom of the second curve and yell his name. 

“I’m okay!” he called, without really knowing whether that was true, but it seemed imperative to inform the boy that he was at least conscious.

Randy’s bike clattered to the ground and he dove to Link’s side with a rushed string of profanities. “Link! Oh god, oh god. Your arm…”

Link lifted his arm and looked at it in vague curiosity. There was a long gash from his elbow halfway to his wrist with smaller scrapes alongside it. The damage was somewhat obscured by all of the mud and debris smeared on it, but as they both stared, bright red blood began to seep into view. The sight of it was enough to replace the numbness with a searing pain. Link sucked air through gritted teeth as he flexed his fingers and rotated his wrist, relieved to find that everything at least seemed functional.

Randy ran back to his bike and grabbed a water bottle from his pack  as Link put his other hand on the ground and started to lever himself into a sitting position. When he did so, the ankle he had twisted on impact twinged angrily and he yelped. It was then that he started to feel lightheaded; darkness crept into the edges of his vision and his face felt cold and clammy. 

Randy returned and knelt at his side, taking his wounded arm and pouring water over it as Link whimpered. He rinsed off the worst of the dirt and then pulled his shirt off and wrapped it around the arm, holding it tightly over the injury. Much to Link’s relief, the blood did not immediately seep through the fabric. He closed his eyes and leaned against Randy’s chest, breathing shallowly as he fought to remain conscious. “I… messed up… my ankle,” he panted.

“Shit,” Randy cursed. “Do you think you can walk?” 

“Don’t know.” 

“I don’t think we’re that far from the bottom.”

“Hope not.”

After Link had caught his breath a bit more, they slowly and carefully got him to his feet. He tried putting weight on his right leg and instantly regretted it as he almost collapsed in agony. Randy held him around the waist, taking nearly all of his weight as Link put his uninjured arm around the boy’s shoulder. They left the bikes where they were and hobbled toward the trailhead. 

Link had no concept of how long it took, but he spent most of the time cursing his stupidity and apologizing to Randy for being such an idiot. For his part, as always, Randy told him not to worry about it. Accidents happen. Link worried nonetheless. 

After a while he stopped talking and focused on remaining upright. He started to feel shaky and cold, except for a warm sensation on his wrist and hand. He eventually looked down and saw blood trickling from under the makeshift bandage and down his fingers to spatter on the ground. He closed his eyes and saw stars behind his eyelids and the next thing he knew he was fully collapsed against Randy’s chest and the boy was calling his name, real panic in his voice now.

He roused himself enough to hold on to Randy’s neck as the boy carried him the last hundred yards to the truck and carefully deposited him into the passenger seat. The boy made sure Link was as comfortable as he could be before running back up the path and coming back shortly afterward with their two bikes on his shoulders. He threw them into the truck bed and climbed into the driver’s seat.

“Should we go to the hospital?” he asked.

Link struggled to think clearly. “Nah, my mom’s a nurse. She can take care of it.” 

They passed the drive to Link’s house in silence, with Randy concentrating on driving an unfamiliar vehicle and Link clutching his arm to his chest and endeavoring not to cry out as each bounce of the truck jostled his ankle. When they arrived, Randy half-carried Link to the door and opened it, at which point Link’s mother assessed the situation and quickly took it over. The boys relayed the story of the accident as she sat him down at the kitchen table and peeled back the shirt on his arm, tut-tutting in sympathy. Link tried to keep his eyes averted but couldn’t help peeking, and immediately felt a fresh wave of lightheadedness when he saw the blood still oozing out of the deepest gash. “This needs to be cleaned, which won’t be pleasant,” she said, “and you’re probably going to need stitches.”

Link groaned. Stitches meant going to the emergency room, which meant this was more serious than he wanted to admit. 

She checked his eyes to rule out signs of a concussion, then carefully removed his shoe and ran light hands over his ankle. It was already visibly swollen and red, but as she moved it gently in various directions while Link tried not to whimper, she declared it “likely not broken, but I wouldn’t mind an x-ray to be sure.” 

By now Link’s stepfather had also arrived to give his opinion. After a little discussion, he volunteered to take Randy home while Link’s mom drove him to the ER. 

Randy hesitated. “I think I’d rather go with Link and keep him company.” 

“It’ll be really boring for you, son,” Louis told him. “Lots of waiting around and not much to look at.” 

Randy frowned and put a hand on Link’s shoulder. “You gonna be okay without me?”

Link looked up at him through a fog of pain. “Yeah. It’s okay. Thanks for getting me home. And… taking care of me.”

“Let me know how you’re doing tomorrow?”

“Sure thing.”

He helped get Link back outside and into his mother’s car, then said goodbye. The trip to the ER was reasonably quick, with only a few hours’ wait before they were seen. They checked him again for a concussion, which he still didn’t have, then an uncomfortable cleaning of his arm and a quick assessment determined that stitches were indeed necessary. Link tried not to look as the doctor injected his arm with anesthetic and stitched up the wound. He didn’t feel any pain as it happened — the injection was the worst of it — but the sensation of the needle dragging through his flesh was enough to make him gag. He focused on continuing to breathe and not embarrassing himself by screaming. 

Once the stitches were in place and a large rectangle of gauze affixed over them, his mother wheeled him to the Radiology department for an x-ray of the ankle. This was far less unpleasant than the stitches, and the results came quickly as they sat in the waiting room: no broken bones, just a moderate sprain. They sent him home with crutches and treatment instructions. 

Back at home in his living room, Link sat on the couch and gingerly raised his leg to the coffee table. His mother helped him surround it with ice packs and patted him on the head. She sat with him for a while as he turned on the television and watched some mindless cop drama in an attempt to distract himself from the burning sensation along his arm and the throbbing ache in his ankle. Over the next few hours she removed the ice and replaced it at the appropriate intervals to keep the swelling down but not damage the tissues.

It was hard to focus on anything under the haze of pain, especially after the rest of his more minor bumps and bruises made themselves known. He shifted frequently, trying to find a comfortable position, and ended up half curled on his side with his cheek against the couch cushion. Exhausted by his ordeal, he drifted in and out of a light, restless sleep. 

He felt the cushion shift next to him as the weight of a person settled carefully into it. He squinted one eye open, newly aware of a stabbing headache and a stiffness in his neck from the position he’d been in. The television was off and the light in the room was dim. The ice had been removed from his ankle and it ached fiercely. 

There was only a soft twilight glow coming from the large bay window, but he’d never needed much light to recognize the person sitting next to him. Rhett.  

He jerked his head up in surprise and groaned with immediate regret as the pain increased tenfold. “Ah, Link,” Rhett whispered, “I didn’t mean to wake you, I’m sorry.” As Link blinked up at him in confusion, the boy explained, “Your mom called. She told me what happened. She had to go out and run some errands and asked if I could come keep you company.” 

Link’s eyes were watering and Rhett swam blurrily in front of him. “And you came.”

“Of course I did.” He raised his arm and put it gently around Link’s shoulders, and Link rested his head on the boy’s chest, feeling the rumble of his voice as he added softly, “Always.” 

Rhett stroked his hair gently, protectively. They sat in silence for a few minutes as Link breathed in the boy’s clean scent and slowly became aware of the fact that his pain was gone. Completely and utterly gone, replaced by a pervading sense of peace. _No_ , he thought. _Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t let yourself need him like this._

But there was no denying that leaning into Rhett’s warm body was making him feel better, and so despite his better judgment he kept doing it. It had always been this way, from when they were little kids, for both of them. One would get injured and the other would keep him company, distract him from the pain, comfort him simply by virtue of being present and caring. 

They’d even recovered from chicken pox together after they both came down with it the same day in third grade. They never knew who it was who had infected the other, and that had been fine with them, because it meant they could spend a week watching Disney movies together and laughing at each other’s spots. Growing up, everything they had suffered, even if it was something that started with one of them alone, became something they suffered together, and the weight of it became so much lighter because it was shared.

Rhett held him lightly, keeping his other hand down by his side and his body facing forward. His breath stirred Link’s hair as he asked, “So what happened?”

Link cringed internally as he remembered what had compelled him to be so reckless in his descent of the mountain. “It’s stupid,” he muttered. “I was just going too fast.”

“That’s not like you, you’re usually so careful.”

“Yeah, well…” he trailed off. He pressed his face into the boy’s chest and closed his eyes, blocking out the memories of the accident as best he could.

Rhett squeezed his shoulder. “I’m just glad you didn’t get more hurt.” 

“Me too.” Link thought for a moment. “Oh, no. I hope this doesn’t mess up our camping trip.” 

“We might have to wait a few weeks,” Rhett assured him, “but we’ll fit it in before September. We’ve got time.” 

“I’m always messing up your plans.” 

The soothing sensation of Rhett’s regular breathing was lulling Link back to sleep. Before he succumbed to it, he thought he felt Rhett’s lips brush against his hair, his chest rise as he took a deep breath, his voice a whisper. “You are.”

***

Link spent a lot of time over the next month on the couch with his foot up, watching television and playing videogames. After a few days, the bandage on his arm came off to reveal a gnarly row of black stitches. A few days after that his mother took him to a walk-in clinic to get the stitches removed. It looked as though he’d be left with a pretty badass set of scars but no lasting impairment. He followed the instructions he had been given for rehabilitating his ankle and it slowly started to improve.  

Both Rhett and Randy visited Link frequently during his recovery. Randy had a summer job slinging burgers at Hardee’s that kept him away most nights and weekends, but he stopped by in the afternoons whenever he could. When the two boys had the house to themselves, they spent some time kissing during commercial breaks, but neither of them made an attempt to escalate things further. It seemed as though the other boy had decided to let Link set the pace of things after the accident, and Link was happy to enjoy Randy’s lips and nothing more until he was more confident his memories wouldn’t betray him once again.

Rhett seemed to develop a sense of when the other boy would be there and avoided the house when that was the case, but otherwise came over quite a lot. He also picked up Link and drove him back to his house for an occasional change of scenery and different videogame options.

Surprisingly, the more time he spent with Rhett, the less Link’s mind tormented him with dreams about his best friend. It was as if his subconscious had taken pity on him and was giving him a reprieve. That didn’t prevent him from having to exercise a supreme amount of self-restraint, however, whenever Rhett sat next to him on the couch or put an arm around his shoulders. And when his ankle was throbbing after an attempt to stretch or walk on it, the only thing that made him feel better was leaning into Rhett’s embrace. 

There were a few close calls over the weeks as the two of them turned toward each other and unexpectedly found their lips inches apart, at which point they separated quickly with flushed faces. There was no denying that Rhett still desired him, no matter how good his façade was. The softness of his gaze when he thought Link wasn’t looking, the tension that rippled through his jaw when Link cuddled against him and looked up into his eyes, they betrayed him as much as it would have had he leaned in for a kiss. And yet he held himself with an iron will and Link did not push him. Their friendship was still paramount, and he felt it solidifying again under their feet.


	25. Chapter 25

Eventually Link’s ankle stopped twinging every time he put weight on it and gradually regained its strength and range of motion, and his mother deemed him well enough to go camping. After consulting with the other members of the Pod and Randy regarding the best time to go, they settled on the first weekend of August. They planned to meet up at the river that Friday afternoon and camp in the area until Sunday. 

It seemed everyone was feeling a bit out of sorts during this limbo between high school and college, and all the boys were eager to spend the weekend away from worldly concerns and enjoy the fun of a North Carolina summer on the water. They were in high spirits as they gathered on the riverbank and sorted through their gear, telling stories of their summer so far and their hopes for the upcoming freshman year.  Josh and Trent were also going to be at NC State with as-yet undetermined majors. Mike was going to UNC Chapel Hill for pre-med and Joe, as usual, was teased about his presumed plans to marry Beth during his year off. 

They hefted their gear onto their shoulders and set out along the riverbank. Rhett led them for a couple of hours of easy hiking to put some distance between themselves and civilization, after which they looked for a likely place to cross. The water was low and calm this time of year, and very warm, so it wasn’t hard to find a good passage. They packed their gear into trash bags to keep it dry and held it over their heads as they forded the river and climbed up the bank of the island on the other side. 

There was a friendly debate regarding the best place to make camp, but they eventually agreed upon a level area a dozen or so yards from the shore sheltered by dense green foliage. They pulled their tents from their packs and spread them out as the sun began to go down. As everyone set up lines and laid out poles, Link noticed a few raised eyebrows from the other boys as they realized he was planning to stay in Randy’s tent rather than Rhett’s. 

He and Rhett had been sharing a tent since the first time they camped together as children, occasionally joined by Cole or Link’s step-siblings. Since they began going out to the wilderness without their families, they always stayed together for convenience and companionship. He remembered the countless nights listening to the boy’s soft snoring and the few times they had shared a sleeping bag when it got uncomfortably cold, awkwardly back to back in order to share warmth without risking any incidental intimate contact. Link longed for that contact now, and more, as he watched the boy’s long frame bend down to hammer in the stakes of the tent they had shared. 

“Link?” Randy was looking at him, holding out a handful of yellow plastic spikes. Link took them hurriedly and shoved them through the loops on his side of the tent, shaking his head to clear it. Together they passed the flexible poles through the channels on the tent and raised it, then secured and tightened the last few ropes. 

The other three tents were up and joined Randy’s to form a rough semicircle with the open side facing the river. The boys gathered wood for a fire and arranged it on a suitable spot on the rocky shore near some larger boulders that would make good seats, then all took turns trying to light it until Mike was able to finally get it to catch. 

They built up the fire good and high and used it to cook hotdogs skewered on sticks. They ate in quiet contentment for some time, famished from the day’s exertion. It was after his fourth hotdog that Mike produced a half-empty bottle of spiced rum and passed it around. Randy also brought out his flask, newly filled with whiskey, to contribute to the festivities. 

Link hadn’t planned to drink much with his actions the night of the prom still fresh in his mind, but the cheerful and carefree feeling of the gathering made him reconsider, and it wasn’t long before the alcohol had made everyone warm and relaxed. They sat on the boulders and told stories about their high school adventures and teased each other about nearly forgotten childhood missteps, the conversation growing rowdier as the bottle and flask circulated. The sun had long since set and the only light came from the fire and the nearly full moon in the sky.

Trent, a tall and skinny boy with shoulder-length bleached blond hair, abruptly clambered to his feet and stretched. He swayed off balance and caught himself on the boulder. “I’m gonna go for a swim,” he announced, his speech slightly muddied. “Who’s with me?”

They slowly considered this idea. Rhett spoke up first. “I don’t wanna get my clothes wet, they won’t dry in the dark and I’ll have to sleep in ‘em wet.” A few other boys murmured in agreement.

Trent made a “pshhh” noise. “So take ‘em off.” There was a bit of silence as they all contemplated his outlandish suggestion. The boy scoffed again. “It’s dark, no one’s gonna be looking at yer nekkid butts.” 

Without waiting for an answer, he stepped out of the firelight and disappeared into the shadows. A moment later his shorts and underwear came flying over and landed at Link’s feet. They all stared at each other as they heard the boy splash into the river. 

A few minutes passed as Trent taunted them with yells about how great the water felt and how lame they were for not having the balls to join him. Mike finally set down the bottle of rum and stood up with a shrug. “I’m game.” He shed his clothes and walked toward the water, the firelight catching on his freckled backside as he went. Josh and Joe shortly succumbed to the mounting peer pressure and followed suit. Randy took a long swig of from his flask before putting it down and doing the same. 

It was just the two of them remaining. Link caught Rhett’s eye across the campfire and shrugged. “I guess this is a thing that’s happening now.” 

Rhett nodded, his face flushed. “I guess so.” He stood up and pushed his shorts off his hips in a smooth, decisive motion. Link’s heart thudded painfully as the firelight illuminated the boy’s graceful frame. He felt a deep yearning for when he was allowed to touch that body freely, to run his hands admiringly over its leanness and caress its long planes with his lips. He looked away and swallowed, then heard Rhett say his name.

He turned back to see the boy still standing there in the red glow. “Aren’t you going to swim?”

“Yeah… I’ll be there in a minute.”

He heard Rhett enter the water amid the self-conscious, loudly casual conversation of the boys trying not to think about their group nakedness. Link took off his own clothes and folded them in a neat pile at the edge of the light before following the sounds to where they were all swimming. He kept his eyes down and plunged quickly into the cool water up to his collarbones, letting it envelope him in a buoyant embrace, the river rocks smooth under his feet. 

There was enough moonlight that he could recognize the silhouettes of the other boys but not make out much detail. They seemed to be maintaining a careful distance between each other, everyone in his own generous bubble of personal space. 

Randy swam up behind him and put his arms around his waist. Link was very aware of the proximity of their nude bodies, the slipperiness of the boy’s knees sliding along the backs of his thighs, Randy’s palms flat and low on his belly. “Hi,” Randy whispered close to his ear, the smell of rum heavy on his breath. 

Link leaned against him, reveling in the warm silken sensation of their skin contact. Something about the night and the flowing river, combined with the alcohol no doubt, made him feel reckless. Maybe it was the sight of Rhett in the firelight or the sense that this was the last time he would be in this particular place before he went to college and everything changed, but something made him want to lose himself in the boy’s touch. He felt Randy’s arousal and his heart raced at the danger of it so close to their companions. No one was watching them in the pale moonlight as they all chattered to each other, but they could turn at any time.

He was tired of hiding, tired of always holding back from reaching for the things he wanted. What did it matter, really, if other people knew this secret of his? What could they do to him now? He tilted his head back and felt Randy’s lips on his neck, starting just at the edge of the lapping water and teasing their way up to his earlobe. He suppressed a moan as he shivered, reaching his hand up to cup the back of the boy’s head and pull him closer. 

He was facing the other boys so he saw when Trent’s blond head turned toward them, and now that their eyes had all adjusted to the moonlight, the level of visibility was more than enough. A moment of utter confusion passed over the boy’s face as alcohol-slowed gears churned in his brain. He stared, mouth agape in shocked revulsion, then splashed backwards in the water, losing his footing and sputtering, “What the fuck?”

He felt Randy straighten up and look at Trent from over his shoulder, his hands still protectively around Link’s midsection. In that moment Link felt their unspoken agreement that there would be no more denials, no more hiding. The sense of defiance sent a thrill through him and straightened his spine. Randy stayed close as the others all spun to see what Trent had shouted at, with Rhett the last to turn. He took in the situation and his eyes fixed on Link with a wide stare.

There was silence while the waves rolled against the shore, then Mike spoke up. “What’s going on?” 

Trent spat, “He was kissing him. Randy kissing Link.” 

Silence again as the others absorbed his words, then a shout of loathing from Joe and a bark of incredulous laughter from Josh. Mike shook his head in disbelief. Rhett continued to stare, motionless.

Randy pressed himself closer into Link’s back, his voice brittle with forced bravado. “Yeah? What about it?”

Link suddenly felt very vulnerable in his nakedness, in the dark, far from civilization and surrounded by boys whose tempers were loose with alcohol. The breeze across the water made him shiver. It occurred to him that denial might have been a better choice, but it was too late now. 

Joe sounded like he was about to retch. “So you’re a coupla’ fucking fags, is what.”

The word hit Link like a slap. He gritted his teeth and took a step forward, breaking from Randy’s grasp. “Don’t call us that.” 

The water sloshed as the other boy also advanced. “What’re you gonna do about it?”

Rhett’s deep voice cut through the darkness. “Everyone calm down.” 

The boys rounded in unison to face him, their body language like lions on a savannah evaluating whether the animal in front of them was a fellow predator or prey to be devoured. Mike demanded, “Did you know about this?”

Rhett’s eyes darted from him to Link and back, his face a smooth mask. “No… no, of course not.”

Josh laughed again, loud and mirthless. “You’ve been best friends with Link your entire life. You’re constantly together.”

Rhett’s eyes flicked down to the water, studying the ripples. “Well… sometimes you don’t know someone as well as you think you do. But what does it matter? It’s their business.”

Trent’s voice was high and slurred as he mocked Rhett’s words. “Oh, it’s their _fucking_ business all right.” He paused and thought for a moment, swaying in place, then spun back to face Link and Randy. “You watched us all strip naked. I should kick your fucking asses.” 

Randy sidestepped around to stand protectively in front of Link and growled, “Bring it.” The muscles in his shoulders rippled with tension.

Rhett forged across the water to put himself between Trent and Randy. He stood sideways, trying to keep everyone in sight, palms out in a placating gesture. “No one’s gonna kick anyone’s ass. How about we just call it a night?”

Trent snorted and took another step forward. Rhett drew himself up to his full height and glared down at him, outstretched palm a foot from the boy’s chest. The water only came up to Rhett’s waist and the shadows added to the intimidating appearance of his hooded eyes. His voice was a growl. “Call it a night, Trent.” 

Trent looked up at him for a long moment, rocking as the water moved around him. The other boys all waited to take their cue from him. Link held his breath. Finally Trent twisted and headed toward the shore. “Whatever.” He couldn’t resist a parting shot as he hissed over his shoulder, “How ‘bout you queers stay there until we’re all out and dressed?”

“Trust me, I have no desire to get anywhere near you,” Link muttered under his breath. Rhett remained where he was and the three of them waited as the other boys climbed out of the water and grabbed their clothes. Randy put an arm around Link’s waist and Link leaned into him with a deep, shuddering breath.

They could hear Mike and Josh talking to each other. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“I’m outta here in the morning.”

“For sure.”

Link was shivering by the time the other boys had dressed and gone into their tents, at which point he, Randy, and Rhett emerged from the water and pulled on their shorts. The three boys stood around the dying campfire in silence for some time. Link raked his mind for something to say and finally settled on, “Thanks for stepping in there.”

Rhett looked at him in the firelight, his eyes dilated and dark. He spoke in a whisper so his voice didn’t carry to the ring of tents. “I didn’t have much choice… I wasn’t going to stand there and watch them beat you up.” 

“I could have taken ‘em,” Randy muttered.

Rhett ignored him and kept his eyes on Link. “What were you _thinking_?” 

Link contemplated the question for a moment, then shrugged. “I was tired of pretending.” He met Rhett’s eyes and held them. “I want everything to be out in the open.”

Rhett shook his head and looked away. “I hope you’re prepared. As soon as they get home it’s gonna be all over town.” 

“I don’t care,” Link insisted, but he knew that wasn’t true. His stomach clenched with the thought of his mother hearing about it from someone else’s parents, the rumors that would fly around the church social hour. Of course he cared, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it right now except pretend that he didn’t.

Randy’s voice had a similar edge of false confidence as he put an arm around Link’s waist. “It’ll be fine.” They shared a tentative smile.

Rhett watched them for a moment before turning away to look toward the quiet tents. “Maybe in the morning they’ll come around.”

Link was dubious, but there was no reason to quash the boy’s optimism. “Maybe.”

Rhett kicked sand over the dying embers of the fire, dousing it. “I’m gonna go to sleep.” 

Link had an urge to go over to him and give him a hug, to say thank you and good night and reassure himself that what had just transpired hadn’t driven a new wedge between them. Before he could, though, his friend had turned away. “See you in the morning,” Link called softly, and Rhett raised a hand in response before ducking into his tent.

He and Randy entered their own tent and crawled into their sleeping bags, lying next to each other on thin sheets of foam. Link lay on his side with his head in the crook of Randy’s arm and they both listened to the other boys shifting inside their tents a few yards away. He had the paranoid thought that they might come and attack them in the middle of the night when Rhett was no longer there to intervene. The idea kept him awake long after Randy had fallen asleep. 

If he closed his eyes and focused, he thought he could make out the faint sound of Rhett’s breathing in the tent next to them, or else he imagined it well. He pictured his best friend alone in the tent they had shared, maybe on top of his sleeping bag the way he liked to do when it was warm, clad only in his boxers, his skin smooth and pale in the darkness. The image filled Link’s mind as he finally drifted into uneasy dreams. 

When he woke to the thin dawn light filtering through the nylon fabric, it took him some time to get his bearings. He was on his side and his hip and shoulder hurt from where they had pressed into the thin bedroll. He rubbed his eyes and sat up, gathering his sleeping bag around his waist and shivering a little in the cool air. It was then he looked around and realized why something hadn’t felt quite right: Randy’s sleeping bag was there, but he wasn’t in it. Link was alone.


	26. Chapter 26

Link pushed himself out of his sleeping bag and rolled to the tent doorway. He unzipped it a little and peered out at the other tents in the early morning light. They were all closed and still; there was no sign of movement or indication that anyone else had gotten up.  He heard faint snoring that suggested someone, somewhere was asleep.

He quietly unzipped the door the rest of the way and stepped outside, barefoot on the dew-soaked grass. The sky was overcast and grey and there was a cool dampness to the air, unusual for this time of year. He was slightly chilled in his t-shirt and shorts and chafed his upper arms with his hands as he stretched his legs and looked around.  Eventually his ears picked up the quick _plip-plip-plop_ of a stone skipping over water.  Half a minute later, the noise came again.

He made his way over to where the ground dipped toward the shore. When he emerged from the thick foliage that lined the riverbank, he saw Randy sitting on one of the large flat rocks that was half-submerged in the water. The boy stared out at the calm water, leaning over knees drawn up to his chest, and as Link watched he took a flat stone from a small pile of them by his hip and whipped it sideways over the surface. It skipped a number of times before disappearing into the depths. 

Link approached him cautiously, not wanting to interrupt whatever reverie he was in. When he was a few yards away he allowed his bare feet to scuff the pebbled shoreline and Randy looked over at the noise. The boy registered who was standing there and turned away, but not before Link saw his furrowed brow and pressed lips. “Hi, Link,” Randy said quietly.

Link closed the distance between them and stood at the base of the rock, putting them roughly at eye level. “Hi. I was worried when I woke up and you weren’t there.”

Randy’s jaw clenched briefly before he replied. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Is everything okay?”

The boy wrapped his arms around his knees and continued to not look at him, facing the water as he drew his lower lip between his teeth. The silence dragged on uncomfortably long as he appeared to consider the question, and a nervousness crept into Link’s stomach. Finally Randy said, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” 

Link felt the shock in a cold wave that rushed over him as groped for a rock and slowly sat down. “Oh,” was all he could think to say. For a while he didn’t speak, but it became clear Randy wasn’t going to, so he did. “I know things haven’t been all that great, but it’ll get better. Now that my ankle’s healed, we can go out and do things again…” he trailed off as Randy shook his head. 

“It’s not that.”

Link hugged his arms around himself, feeling colder now that he was exposed to the breeze across the water. A faint rumble of thunder echoed in the distance. “Is it because of last night? Because people know?” 

“No!” Randy’s answer was quick. “No, I’m not ashamed of it. I don’t care what those assholes think.”

“Then why?”

The boy finally turned and looked at him fully, and Link could see his struggle to maintain his composure behind red-rimmed eyes. “Because, Link… you were calling for him. All night. Whispering his name, crying in your sleep.”

Link’s heart clenched. “Oh, shit, Randy.” He couldn’t even imagine how that must have made the boy feel. “I’m so, so sorry. I had no idea. I swear it doesn’t mean… I mean, nothing’s happened with him since you and I… nothing’s gonna happen…”

Randy looked back out over the water, his expression still carefully controlled. “I’m not angry. Well, not at you anyway.” He gave a joyless chuckle and tossed another stone, but the angle was wrong and it sank without skipping. “Maybe I’m mad at myself for thinking it could ever be different. It’s obvious how you feel about him. It’s always been obvious. And I know I’ll never—“ he stopped to take a shaky breath. “I’ll never be what he is to you. I thought I could be okay with that. But I can’t. It hurts too much.” 

Link felt the earth spiraling away underneath him at the thought of Randy leaving him, of being left to face the world alone again. “It’ll get better,” he insisted. “I just need some time to get over him.” 

The other boy stood and slid off the boulder, coming over as Link stood up to meet him. He took Link’s hands gently in his own and met his gaze. “Do you honestly think that, Link? Do you think you can get over him?”

Link looked into Randy’s dark eyes and saw the caring, maybe even the love, that resided there. He tried to feel the same, to reflect it back in equal measure. He clutched the boy’s hands and willed himself to feel the stunning, soul-wrenching connection he felt when Rhett touched him like this. _Please_ , he begged his heart. _Please let me go. Let me have this_. But his heart was silent.

Randy read the answer in Link’s face and looked down at their hands. “I want you to be happy, Link, and I don’t think you can be happy with me. And I can’t keep living in his shadow.”

Unformed protests rose and died in Link’s throat as tears pooled in his eyes. His heart raced at the thought that there must be something he could say to make Randy stay, to give them a chance to be happy together, if only he could find the right words. But it wasn’t fair to ask him to wait forever, and Link wasn’t going to lie and say he was ready now. They both knew that wasn’t true. He whispered, “I’m sorry, Randy. I wish… I wish it was different.” 

Randy let out a long breath. “Me too.” He released Link’s hands and turned away, blinking. He faced the water, his shoulders slumped and head hanging down. Link felt a raindrop strike his forearm, then another hit his cheek. 

They watched the ripples on the water in silence for some time, then Randy ran a hand over his face. He rolled his shoulders back and straightened his spine, a new strength in his voice. “I’m gonna pack up my stuff and head out before the others get up.”

“Want any help?”

“I think I’d rather do it by myself.”

“All right.” 

Randy passed by him on the way toward the campsite and paused to look him in the eye. “I hope you can be happy, Link. You deserve it.”

Link felt the tears start to come and turned away as he whispered, “You do too, Randy.” 

When he looked back, the boy was gone. Link climbed onto the large rock Randy had been sitting on and sat hunched over his knees. The rain began to pick up, dotting the surface of the water with concentric circles and darkening the surface of the rock around him. He didn’t feel cold or warm. In fact, he realized he felt very little at all, despite the tears rolling down his cheeks and mingling with the rain.

He wasn’t aware of time passing until he heard Rhett call his name. He turned and saw his friend standing a few yards away, barefoot and breathing heavily, evidently having run from the campsite. His eyes were wide with concern as Link said, “Hi Rhett.”

The boy’s shoulders sagged with relief. “Thank God. I got up and saw Randy’s tent was gone, and I didn’t see either of you, I thought something had happened.” 

Link shook his head with a sad smile. “Something did happen, but… not what you mean.” He clambered off the rock and came over to Rhett, realizing as he did so that the back of his t-shirt was soaked through with rain. He looked up into his friend’s confused expression. “Randy and I broke up. Well, he broke up with me.”

“Oh!” He watched a succession of emotions travel across Rhett’s face, from shock to concern to something more complex and unreadable. “… Why?”

Link let his gaze run over the angles of Rhett’s face, the sharp planes of his jaw and his strong expressive brow, before coming back to rest on eyes whose color and depth matched the thunderclouds gathering above them. Randy had been right, of course. He wasn’t over this boy. He never would be.

The wind picked up around them, stirring Link’s hair and churning whitecaps on the river. He held Rhett’s gaze as he said softly, “Because he knows my heart is somewhere else.”

Rhett bit his lower lip and stared down at him, and Link saw his own yearning reflected back. “Where is it?” the boy whispered, looking as though he knew the answer but needed to hear it nonetheless. 

There was no turning back, if ever there was. “With you, Rhett. You have it. You’ve always had it.”

In response, Rhett stepped forward and gathered him in his arms. He pressed his face into Link’s hair and murmured, “Oh, Link.”

Link wrapped his arms around the boy’s waist and clung to him, inhaling deeply the scent of Rhett’s campfire smoke-tinged skin. He tipped his head up and Rhett’s lips met his with a tentative, trembling sweetness. He brought his hands around the boy’s neck and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. The rain fell harder, coursing down their faces in rivulets that parted around their joined mouths. 

For the first time in months, Link felt like he could breathe again, because it was Rhett’s breath he was breathing. He finally felt he was back where he belonged. Safe. Joy and relief intertwined and flowed through him from every place Rhett’s skin touched his. 

He had a sudden need to put it into words, again, even more clearly than what he had just said. He had to make sure that Rhett knew, without a doubt, how he felt. He broke off the kiss and looked up into grey-blue eyes framed by raindrop-studded lashes, crinkled into a smile that mirrored his own. He licked his lips, feeling extraordinarily vulnerable but plunging forward nonetheless. “Rhett, I lo—“

“Rhett!” A boy’s yell. 

They both spun to face the source of it, Rhett pulling out of Link’s embrace and stepping away as they did so. Mike stood on the higher ground in the direction of the campsite, looking down at them. Given his vantage point, Rhett had likely obscured his view of Link and what had been going on. This was confirmed by the casual way the boy trotted down to the shore and regarded them both. 

His eyes skimmed over Link, clearly still uncomfortable after the boy’s revelation the night before, but no longer openly hostile now that he was separated from the mob. He turned to Rhett. “We’re packing up to go. This looks like it’s gonna be a big storm.” Thunder rumbled in the distance to underscore his words. 

Rhett’s eyes flicked between the two of them. His hands were conspicuously by his sides, body turned away from Link as if to ensure there was no sign they’d just been in each other’s arms. “Yeah, you’re probably right. We’ll be up in a few minutes.”

Mike nodded and turned back, disappearing into the trees without a second glance. Thunder rolled again. 

When Rhett had pulled away from him upon Mike’s arrival, Link had felt a faint pain in his heart, as if a shadow had crept over it. The longer the boy stood away from him, his body language rejecting any hint of his feelings for Link, the more that shadow grew. Now that Mike was gone and Rhett moved to embrace him again, Link found the darkness lingering.

Rhett looked down at him, seemingly unaware. “What were you going to say?” 

Link swallowed and stepped back, wincing at the confusion he saw on the boy’s face. “I want to be with you, Rhett…”

He trailed off and Rhett spoke into the emptiness. “But…?”

“But I can’t hide it. I can’t be… a secret.”

Rhett raised a questioning eyebrow. 

Link continued, “I want to go places with you and hold your hand. Put my arm around you.” He smiled wryly. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to not touch you, every moment that I’m with you?” 

Rhett didn’t return the smile. He was silent as Link raced to put into words the need that burned within him. “I want people to know how I feel about you. I want people to know how _you_ feel about _me_. I want everyone to know that we’re together. I’m worried, if they don’t—“ his voice hitched—“If I have to watch you turn away from me like that, all the time…  God, if I have to watch you be with another girl, the way you were with Tracy, just so people don’t think you’re gay…” He searched Rhett’s expression, hoping the boy would deny the possibility, but his lips were pressed together, his eyes narrowed. Link pressed on, “I’m worried it won’t feel real. And I need it to be real, Rhett. I can’t be in limbo anymore. I can’t drift along in the shadows. I _can’t_. It hurts too much.”

Rhett was quiet for a long time as the rain fell. Their shirts clung to them, long since soaked through. A cold dread crept over Link with the realization of how vital it was that Rhett gave him the answer he needed, and the consequences for them both if he didn’t. 

The boy finally spoke. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you, Link. You know that, right?” He waited for Link’s nod before continuing. “But think about this for a minute. Think about how it would affect college. Heck, think about what it would do to our careers. Or our _families_.” He shook his head. “My father would kill me, or at least disown me. My brother too. It’d probably destroy my mother. Do you realize what you’re asking?” 

“I know it would be hard at first, but… we’d figure it out. They’d come around. Rhett… I wouldn’t ask if it I didn’t need it.”

Lightning flashed through the clouds in the distance, the crack of thunder coming a few seconds later. Rhett paced the shoreline with clenched fists. “But why do you need it, Link? Why can’t you just believe me that I… I care for you? Why does everyone have to know?”

 _Because if it’s a secret it’s easier for things to fall apart. Easier for you to find someone else. Easier for you to leave me. Because every day the wall comes between us is another night of nightmares._  He caught Rhett by the hand and pulled him to a stop, but the boy wouldn’t look at him as he pleaded, “Because it’s the truth. Me and you, together. It’s who we are.” 

Rhett looked down at the rocks under their feet. “My whole life, I’ve been planning for the future. What I’m gonna do when I grow up. And you’ve been a part of that ever since first grade. But Link… we can be who we are without it ruining the plan. Without ruining our whole lives.” 

Link felt a flare of stubbornness, a digging in of his heels. After everything they had gone through, he simply could not accept the thought of more half-measures, more piecemeal tastes of this two-dimensional love. Always wanting more and having to tell himself _No, wait your turn. No, wait until no one can see your shame. Your love isn’t worthy of the light of day._ The thought repulsed him and he burst out, “If you cared for me, you’d change the plan. You’d do this for me.”

Rhett’s jaw tightened as he brought his eyes back to Link’s, turmoil seething inside them. “If you cared for me, you wouldn’t ask me to do this.”

They stared at each other in silence with the rain falling around them, Link clutching Rhett’s hand as he tried to think of another way to explain how he felt. For the second time that day the world slipped away beneath him while he cast around for the right words to hold everything together.

“Rhett!” Mike shouted from the treeline. “We gotta go, man!” 

Rhett pulled his hand from Link’s and waved to the boy. “I have to go,” he said.

Despair crowded close, constricting Link’s throat. “Please, Rhett.” 

“I can’t do it, Link.”

“You can’t…”

He wouldn’t meet Link’s eyes now. “I can’t give you what you’re asking for. It’s too much.” 

Razorwire tightened around Link’s heart and the agony of it tore the truth from his mouth in a whisper. “But anything less isn’t enough.” 

“Then I guess…” Rhett struggled to speak the words, his voice breaking. “I guess that’s it, then.” 

The air left Link’s lungs in a rush. “No! No, it can’t be.” He began crying in earnest as he grabbed for Rhett’s hand again, but the boy pulled it away and took a step back as Link begged, “We can figure something out. We can try…”

Rhett’s chest heaved with his own tears as he shook his head. “We tried, Link. I’m sorry I can’t be what you want… what you need me to be. I just can’t.” 

Link’s voice was barely audible. His knees trembled and he felt as though he would fall, and keep falling, forever. “No. _Please_.”

Rhett rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and turned away to look up toward the campsite. “You should come with us,” he said in a rough voice. “Pretty soon it won’t be safe to cross the river.” 

Link looked at the water with eyes half-blinded by tears. The current moved more powerfully now, with visible rapids here and there as the rainfall raised the water level and the wind spurred it along. 

He felt like he was in a dream; nothing seemed real. It was too awful to be real. He couldn’t possibly go home now, because that was where this would truly become reality. He had screwed things up with Randy. He had screwed things up with Rhett. He’d lost so much so quickly and he couldn’t bear to face any of it yet. “I want to stay here.” 

“Are you sure?”

“I have to learn how to be on my own sometime, right? If that’s how it’s gonna be.” The bitterness in his voice surprised him and he saw Rhett recoil from it. 

“The storm…”

“I don’t care.” He felt himself crumbling and he wanted to be alone when he finally fell apart altogether, to preserve whatever dignity he still had left. “If you have to go…” he took a shuddering breath and let his eyes run over his best friend one last time before he looked away. “… then go.” 

“Link —“

“ _Go_.”

He held himself still as a statue as he faced the water. He sensed Rhett hesitate, reaching for him, then heard the scuff of rocks as the boy slowly walked away. Link was cold, as cold as if there were no air in his lungs or blood in his veins. He waited for a long time until he was sure Rhett was gone, but still felt a wrenching loss when he turned and saw he was alone on the shore.

He sank to his knees and turned his face up into the rain as the grief washed over him, succumbing to the sobs that wracked his body. He hugged himself tightly but it did nothing to slow the shattering of his soul. He rocked forward and back, a wordless keening coming from a throat choked with sorrow. 

The sky darkened and the rain fell harder, coming down in sheets now as he huddled on the rocks, mingling with the tears that coursed down his cheeks. Lightning was visible as bright bolts behind the trees, and the crack of thunder followed closely after.  Some distant part of him realized he would normally find the power of the storm frightening, but now he didn’t have the strength to care. 

Rhett was the only person aside from his mother who had never left him, and now Link had pushed him away. He was gone just as completely as if Link had never pulled him out of the river that fateful day in February. If they had not entered the icy water that day, if they had not been trapped on the island, if they had not lain down together… would it be different now? 

If all that hadn’t happened, he would still have his best friend. He would know what his future was going to be. He would still be part of Rhett’s plan. And now he had nothing. Knew nothing. Was part of nothing. 

Link stumbled to his feet, gasping for air around the fiery agony in his chest.  The water of the river roiled in a churning darkness under white-tipped waves. He took a step and his bare foot sank into the slick mud. Another step put his foot into the cold water. It swirled around his ankle, eroding the sand underneath him and tugging him gently forward. 

Another step brought the water up to his knees and the current pulled harder. It was much colder than it had been the previous night, and he found its icy touch seductive. He wanted nothing more than to escape the pain, or at least submerge it under a numbness that would allow him to breathe and think again, and that was what the cold water offered.

He took another step and his foot landed on a slick stone that turned under his weight. He tried to catch himself with his other foot and it came down on nothing — the riverbed dropped sharply here to an unknown depth and he fell suddenly, silently. The coldness seized his lungs with a distant and familiar grasp, but unlike in February, this time he felt no fear. 

Time stretched into a long moment in which he became aware of his choice: fight against the current and strive for the shore or give in to the water’s frigid embrace and let it take him where it would. He was so weary of fighting, of striving for happiness only to end up with so much less than when he started. The shore held nothing for him anymore. Perhaps the river would carry him somewhere else, away from Rhett and away from the future he could no longer imagine. Away from his shattered dreams and this terrible, inescapable love. 

He shut his eyes and allowed himself to fall, and the silence and the darkness closed around him and pulled him down.


	27. Chapter 27

Fingertips brushed his own. 

A heartbeat later, a hand closed around his wrist. 

For a moment he was suspended between its grasp and the current, both pulling equally, in purgatory once again. Then the hand pulled harder and he found himself drawn up into the light. 

When his head broke the turbulent surface, an arm came around his waist and he was lifted entirely out of the water and placed gently on the shore. It was then he heard Rhett crying his name, over and over between shuddering sobs, as he knelt over Link on the muddy riverbank and wrapped his arms around him. 

He opened his eyes and saw the raw panic on Rhett’s face change to overwhelming relief. 

“You came back,” Link breathed.

“Oh, thank god. Thank god.” Rhett lifted Link’s upper body into his lap, cradling him against his chest. “I’m sorry, Link. I’m so sorry. I never should have left you.”

Link reached a weak hand up to stroke Rhett’s cheek, his heart a maelstrom of wonder and confusion. “Why…”

Rhett ran a shaking hand through Link’s hair, pushing the dripping strands out of his face. “I got halfway there and I realized… I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t walk away.” He spoke in a broken rush, gulping air as his chest heaved with emotion. “I wanted to come back and talk more, figure something out… and then I got back here and saw you step into the water and go under…” he sobbed again as his arms tightened, pressing Link to him with a desperate strength. “I thought I’d lost you. Oh god, I thought you were gone.” 

He cupped Link’s head in his hands and leaned down to kiss him fiercely, as if to reassure himself of the reality of the boy’s presence in his arms, and the taste of his mouth gave Link hope again. Rhett pulled back, still trembling with the tears that ran down his face, and looked into Link’s eyes. “I saw what my life would be like without you and I can’t do it, Link. I can’t let you go.” 

Link stared up in bewilderment. “But your plan—“ 

“The hell with my plan.”

“Your family…”

Rhett looked down at him with his brow furrowed with determination. “If you need it to be out in the open… if you need everyone to know in order for it to feel real, then…” He paused, thinking, then nodded sharply. “I’ll do it.” His expression softened. “I want it to be real. I need you to know it’s real.” 

Link had carried the pain of his yearning for so long that it disoriented him when its razor-sharp edges began to loosen and fade. The fear and anguish that had weighed him down lifted, replaced by a bright flare of hope that burned the coldness from his chest. “Rhett,” he whispered. “Is it real?”

Rhett’s eyes were shimmering depths, awash in wild emotion. “I love you, Link.”

Link’s heart swelled with an incredible joy. “I love you, Rhett. I love you so much.”

They clung to each other and kissed as the rain washed the tears from their faces. They lay on the shore with their legs intertwined and their bodies as close as they could get them and kissed until the wounds in their hearts had completely mended. For the first time in such a long time, Link felt he was where he belonged. Back in Rhett’s arms, he was home. 

The storm clouds slowly dissipated to reveal an early afternoon sun. The temperature rose quickly and bathed them in a brilliant summer heat. They peeled off their wet shirts and spread them out on the rocks to dry, and lounged together on the sloped shore, luxuriating in the warmth on their bare skin. 

They talked for hours about everything that came to mind. Sometimes they talked about serious things, like how they were going to tell their families and what they would do if Rhett’s reacted as poorly as he feared. When that got to be too much, they switched to lighter topics for a while, college and sports and rock bands. As in the countless times over the years when they had sat together on this same riverbank, they talked about the future they would have together. 

In some ways, sitting and talking with Rhett was the same simple comfort it had always been. In addition, however, there was a new richness to their interaction, an open appreciation for each other that was evident in their soft smiles and admiring glances.  It was clear in the way they never moved more than a few feet apart, and frequently there was no space between them at all. 

Late in the afternoon, they dug through their bags and made a picnic of gatorade, powerbars, and beef jerky, never pausing in their enthusiastic stream of conversation. Eventually the sun began to dip below the horizon and Rhett asked, “Do you think we should put up the tent?” 

Link shaded his eyes and scanned the sky. There were no clouds anymore. “I think it would be fun to sleep under the stars.” 

Rhett grinned. “I like that.”

They put down a groundcloth and a couple of foam bedrolls and spread out a sleeping bag on top of them, and lay down together at the edge of the river. They faced each other on their sides and continued to talk while Link watched the vibrant hues of the sunset reflect in Rhett’s eyes. He found himself edging closer to the other boy, drawn in by his irresistible warmth, until their hips touched and their arms were around each other. 

They were giggling and reminiscing about Kevin the NC State tour guide when Link began to run his fingertips lightly down the side of Rhett’s neck, and the other boy’s laughter turned to a ticklish shiver. The sun had set and the full moon was high in the sky, illuminating Rhett’s parted lips and the desire that had kindled in his eyes in response to Link’s touch. He pulled Link to him and kissed him deeply. 

Link drew his fingertips down the boy’s back, caressing the smooth muscles alongside his spine, and Rhett moved against him with a soft noise.  The boy rolled onto his knees, putting one between Link’s thighs, and brought his mouth to Link’s neck. 

Link gasped at the light graze of Rhett’s teeth on his throat, his collarbones, his sternum. He writhed underneath him, one hand in the boy’s short-cropped hair and the other around his waist, urging him closer. The teasing nibbles sent electric goosebumps from his chest to the tips of his toes and his breath came quick and shallow. 

Rhett worked his way down Link’s torso, his tongue caressing the taut abdominal muscles. He spread his hands over Link’s chest and held him as he nuzzled the dark wisps of hair under the boy’s navel, chuckling at the squirming gasps he got in response. His hands went to the waistband of Link’s shorts and unfastened them with a deft eagerness, working them down and off.

Link reached weakly for Rhett’s own waistband, but it was too far. “Not fair,” he breathed.

The boy’s mouth was hot on the point of Link’s hip.  “Mmm?”

“I’m naked and you’re not.”

He felt Rhett’s smile against his skin. “What’re you gonna do about it?”

Link laughed and grabbed for Rhett’s wrists, pulling them up past his own head to draw the boy’s face back up to his own. Rhett grinned down at him and kissed him as the weight of his body came down, pushing the breath from Link’s lungs in an inelegant grunt.

Link ran his hands down the boy’s arms until he was grasping his shoulders, then hooked a leg around his hip and pushed him over. Rhett rolled with it until Link was over him, attempting to pin him, then he laughed and fought back. A giggling wrestling match ensued, punctuated by pauses for kissing, with each trying to distract the other by tickling sensitive areas—Link’s nudity giving him a distinct vulnerability in this regard. Throughout the lighthearted struggle, Rhett’s longer limbs gave him a reach advantage, but Link’s more compact frame allowed him to squirm out of nearly any hold, and they were closely matched in strength. 

Finally Link gained the higher position once again, straddling Rhett’s hips and holding the boy’s wrists against the ground over his head. Rhett attempted to dislodge him, but by now they were both panting with exertion and uncontrollable laughter. They stared at each other with enormous grins until Link leaned down and kissed the other boy hard. He rocked his hips and enjoyed Rhett’s faint groan. He brought his lips to the boy’s ear and nuzzled it. “Ready to cooperate?”

Rhett squirmed. “If you insist.”

He obediently left his arms up by his head as Link ran his hands down the boy’s chest and stomach, unfastening the button on his waistband and drawing down the zipper. He tugged the shorts down and off, then straddled Rhett’s thighs once again. He sat up, looking down at the boy in the moonlight. Rhett regarded him with a mischievous grin, arms still coyly raised, giving Link an unobscured view of his slim ribcage and graceful waistline. 

Link allowed his gaze to travel lower and the sight of the boy’s obvious arousal spurred his own desire. He shifted down and nudged Rhett’s legs apart to kneel between them, then bent down and caressed the soft skin of the boy’s belly with the tip of his tongue. The sweetness of Rhett’s skin mingled with the earthy taste of the river and lingering campfire smokiness to make a rich and intoxicating flavor.

Rhett’s breathless murmurs of anticipation shifted to a wordless gasp as Link moved down, his tongue exploring with tentative curiosity before taking the boy into his mouth. Rhett’s fingers ran lightly through his hair as his body tensed and shivered, straining to hold himself still and allow Link to move at his own pace. Link focused on the boy’s reactions, reveling in his soft, pleading noises and endeavoring — usually successfully — to turn them into outright moans. The joy of being able to bring such pleasure to the person he loved was matched only by the lust that Rhett’s responses ignited within him. 

After some time, he kissed his way back up Rhett’s twitching torso to his mouth, straddling him once more. The boy’s lips met his fiercely, his chest heaving and his fingers raking across Link’s shoulders. “God, Link…” he breathed, trailing into speechlessness as he drew the boy in for more kisses. His hands grasped at Link’s hips, pulling them into a rocking rhythm that made them both moan. 

Eventually Link broke off the kiss and braced his hands on the ground to hold himself up and look into Rhett’s eyes, which were dilated huge and dark in the moonlight. A sheen of sweat stood out on the boy’s brow. Link licked his lips, suddenly nervous, but tried to hide it under forced casualness. “Hey, so… do we have anything that you think would work as lube?”

Rhett’s eyes widened and Link felt himself blushing as he added, “I mean, if you wanted to…” he trailed off with the horrible feeling he’d somehow managed to ruin the mood by opening his mouth.

Rhett levered himself into a sitting position, arms around Link’s waist as the boy straddled his lap. He brushed Link’s hair out of his face and kissed him, then pulled back to look him in the eyes, and Link saw his own nervousness mirrored there. Rhett raised a brow. “Do you mean, you want me to…” 

Link swallowed, nodded. 

Rhett took a deep breath and let it out as his hands tightened on the small of Link’s back. “Did you and Randy ever…?”

“No! Definitely not,” Link assured him. “We didn’t even do the other stuff. Just kissing.”

Rhett seemed relieved by this but also slightly concerned. “Well you know I haven’t done it with anyone.”

“I know.” Link kissed him again. “I want to, with you. I want to be as close to you as I can be.” 

Rhett’s expression was a mixture of trepidation and desire, but the latter clearly won out. He clasped Link to him and kissed his throat, nuzzling as Link shivered. “If you think you’re ready,” he murmured. Link nodded.

“Hold on a sec.” Rhett gently guided Link off of his lap and twisted to reach for his backpack a few feet away. He rummaged through it and pulled out a handful of multi-colored foil packets. “Samples,” he explained, blushing. “I grabbed them from the dorm and threw them in my toiletry kit just in case we ever… wanted them.” He shrugged. “Good thing for us I never unpacked the thing.” 

Link giggled. “That’s my Rhett, always planning ahead.” 

Rhett embraced him again, grinning as he brushed Link’s nose with his. “’Your Rhett.’ I like the sound of that.” 

He put the packets down within reach and rolled the two of them over so Link was lying on his back, his legs around Rhett’s hips. Link ran his hands down the boy’s spine and cupped his backside, holding him close as they kissed. Each sensation was heightened by an electrifying anticipation, tension and lust twining together with the knowledge of what they planned to do. Rhett’s body slid against his in a teasing rhythm, their hearts pounding in unison.

He did this until they were each panting with lust, their bodies slick with sweat, then he sat back on his heels and drew Link’s legs higher around his hips. He opened one of the packets, emptied it into his hand, opened another. 

Link lay back and closed his eyes, striving to quell his nervousness and focus on his desire. He whimpered and twitched his hips as Rhett’s fingers explored him gently, the lube already warmed by the boy’s body heat. Rhett’s other hand began stroking him slowly, firmly, and Link was soon overcome by the pleasurable sensations. He writhed under the boy’s touch, gasping semi-coherent pleas, his nervousness forgotten. 

Still stroking him, Rhett used his other hand to guide himself into place, then carefully shifted his hips forward. The ecstasy of Rhett’s touch was joined by an overwhelming, burning pressure that made Link cry out, throwing his head back and gulping for air. 

Rhett froze. “Are you okay? Should I stop?”

Link struggled to process all of the powerful sensations. There was pain, but he could sense pleasure hovering around its edges, waiting. “No, it’s… okay I think,” he gasped. “Just… slow.”  

Rhett continued to touch him, and the feeling of it overlaid the pain and blunted its edges until it barely registered except as one sensation of many. It wasn’t until Rhett’s hips met his thighs that Link realized the boy was entirely inside him. At that point, Rhett leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Link’s shoulders, kissing him as he kept his hips still. “I love you,” he whispered against Link’s lips. “I love you.” 

“I love you,” Link murmured in return. As they continued kissing he felt himself slowly relax, becoming accustomed to the feeling, and eventually found he wanted more. He wrapped his legs firmly around Rhett’s waist and moved his hips, rocking, drawing soft moans from the boy in response. They moved together, still careful and unhurried, sharing the knowledge there was no need to rush this experience. 

Rhett’s mouth hovered near his, sometimes intertwining their tongues, other times caressing Link’s fevered neck and chest. Rhett’s arms encircled him and held him tenderly, one hand under his back and the other under his shoulders, hand buried in his hair. Link’s hands grasped the boy’s lower back. It did not seem possible to be closer to another person than they were at this moment, and the intensity of Link’s joy took his breath away. 

Rhett’s movements began to take on greater urgency, his arms tensing around Link and his groans becoming deeper. He kissed Link one more time and then sat up, bringing his hand down to stroke the other boy once again as he slowly rocked his hips. 

This time, the feeling of Rhett inside of him blended with the sensation of the boy’s hand to push Link to an unimaginable height of bliss. He was no longer conscious of the ground beneath him or the stars above. He was barely aware of his own ragged breathing and his high, pleading cries that followed each of Rhett’s careful thrusts. He felt his orgasm build from deep within, a searing warmth that seemed to expand from the center of his soul to encompass his entire world. It rolled over him slowly, inexorably, a rapturous flood that washed over and through him and carried him plunging over the edge in an endless series of white-capped waves. 

Rhett held Link’s hips as they bucked, Link’s back arched and twisting, his eyes squeezed shut and head thrown back. When the grip of his pleasure finally released him and he gasped for air, Rhett leaned down and kissed his open mouth. Link wrapped his arms around the boy’s shoulders and clung to him desperately, using Rhett’s body against his to ground himself back in reality. He was barely able to speak, but some words were necessary, rough and weak as they were. “I love you.”

Rhett’s response was breathless, delirious, his own tidal wave of ecstasy fast approaching. “I love you, oh god Link, I love you.” He held Link tightly around the shoulders, pulling himself against him with increasing need. The control he had exerted in order not to hurt the other boy began to crumble under his desperation and his thrusts became harder, wilder. Still floating in his own bliss, Link gave himself up to Rhett’s desire, murmuring encouragement, urging him on. It wasn’t long before Rhett tipped over the edge, pressing his face into the curve of Link’s neck and groaning low and hoarse in his throat.  Link held him as the boy shuddered helplessly, gasping, overcome and washed away by his own river of pleasure. 

When it had subsided, Rhett carefully extricated himself and collapsed onto his side, head on Link’s chest as he clutched him tightly, muscles trembling with intensity and exhaustion. Link closed his eyes and drifted as he stroked the boy’s cheek and kissed the top of his head. Rhett’s hand ran languorously over Link’s chest and stomach, a light caress of wordless adoration. 

Some time after their pounding hearts had slowed and they had returned to earth, Rhett propped himself up on his elbow to meet Link’s eyes. The full moon was bright and the silvery white glow gave Rhett’s angular features an ethereal quality. His expression was open, laid bare and vulnerable. “Was that okay?” he asked.

Link laughed, open-mouthed and giddy. “That was _amazing_.” 

Rhett grinned. “That’s for sure.” 

Link tilted his chin up and Rhett obliged with a soft and lingering kiss. They cuddled close, legs intertwined as they ran their hands over each other’s bodies, every touch a reassurance and a promise combined. Bathed in the moonlight, lying under the stars on the shore of his beloved river, Link’s heart was full and heavy with gratitude.

They soon began to feel drowsy, but before they slept they roused themselves enough for a brief cleansing swim in the river. The water had returned to the warm temperature it had been the previous night and the silken feel of it on Link’s bare skin was luxurious. He stood in the river with his arm encircling Rhett’s waist and his head against the boy’s chest, and closed his eyes and felt the water moving around them. In Rhett’s arms, he was more anchored and at peace than he ever dreamed possible. 

Exhausted now, they dragged themselves back onto the shore and dried off, then crawled on top of one sleeping bag and pulled the other over themselves. Rhett lay on his back and Link cuddled under the boy’s arm, sprawled half over him with his head on the boy’s chest. He traced his fingertips over Rhett’s pale skin, drawing spirals and waves as they listened to the river flow past their feet. 

Sleep was nearly upon him when he heard Rhett murmur, “I can’t wait.”

“Mmm?”

“I can’t wait to hold you like this every night.” 

Link tightened his arm around Rhett’s chest as he leaned his head up for a kiss, his heart spilling over with joy.  He settled his head back down and listened to the slow beat of Rhett’s heart as the boy stroked his hair. He knew, without a doubt, that there would be no nightmares tonight. “I love you, Rhett.”

“I love you, Link.”

***

They awoke to a bright rising sun and more eager kisses, each one a joyful reminder that the previous night had truly happened. After another nude swim, made longer by amorous embraces and slippery, teasing caresses, they reluctantly dressed and packed their gear. 

The knowledge of what they would face as soon as they returned to the real world made Link reluctant to leave. They had decided, given what had transpired with the other boys two nights ago, that Link would come out to his mother as soon as they got home, because she would hear the rumors soon enough regardless. From there, they would go to Rhett’s house and, with Link’s support, he would tell his family as well. 

There would be no more secrets. Whatever judgment came down on them, they would bear it together, and Link was optimistic they would survive. Perhaps it would be difficult for a while, but he was sure that in time their families would come to see how wonderful their love was for each other and what a sacred gift it had turned out to be. 

They hiked back in the vibrant golden heat of the North Carolina summer, fording the last branch of the river on the way. The current tugged lightly at Link’s ankles as if in farewell, or possibly to wish him good luck. They tossed their gear into the back of Link’s truck and climbed into the cab. Link started the engine.

He shared a broad grin with the boy in the passenger seat as they bounced down the rutted dirt road, warm wind whipping through their hair, hands held on the seat between them. In a very real way, they were leaving their childhood behind, moving forward into a wider world full of adventure and opportunity. Link was nervous, to be sure, but he was no longer frightened. With Rhett by his side, buoyed by their boundless, miraculous love, he knew they could do anything. 

 

***  
End of _The Far Shore_


End file.
